I feel like I need to explain myself.  For why I left.  I knew you for a year, I loved your company, our chats, saying nothing, and everything.  I liked how you taught me things.  I liked to challenge you, even though I wasn't smart enough.  But I couldn't stay.  And I am so, so sorry.  I want to, I love you guys, you're amazing, incredible, funny, charming.  But... I felt like you were getting bored of me.  Omsoc got annoyed at me more often(Or so I believed)  I didn't want to be the one who was left.  The one who was longing for you to return.  I can't... I can't deal with things like that.  Even After I left, It was horrible. I cried, I felt a massive wave of depression, I isolated myself from my other friends.  I didn't want them.  I wanted you.  But I couldn't have you, because I would ruin you.  I didn't want you to be ruined, because you are so amazing.  For me, I just felt myself caring more, and more about you.  And this could only end badly.  People told me what I did was wrong, and that I hurt Omsoc. And you know what?  I don't believe it.  I don't think he actually cares.  He said he did. But I don't believe him.  He says that there is no benefit of me leaving, but there is.  There is.  It means you don't have to put up with my bullshit.  Me "pretending to care about things I don't care about"  Me being annoying.  And besides.  Lets say... What if I died?  Who would tell you?  Would Aleks? Who would tell her?  I'm just too ruined, and broken to be able to be good for you.  And, I'm so, so sorry.  I don't expect you to forgive me, I just want you to know, You are amazing.  And I hope you aren't ruined too.Â
