This is NOT meant to be offensive, it is just a question I've always wondered and would like for it to be answered by a trans person, not just from questionable internet sources. If I were to tell you that I would have never guessed you were transgendered unless you'd told me, would you find that offensive or a compliment, or neither, would you simply be neutral to a comment like that? Sorry if you've answered this before. Thanks! :)
Well, I understand that when people say that they usually mean it as a compliment and they are coming from a good place, so I try not to get too upset, but it does rub me the wrong way. First of all, transgender people look all sorts of different ways so it doesn't make a lot of sense to say that you would be able to guess how a trans person does or doesn't look. Also, there are tons of us who are absolutely gorgeous by any standard (like Jenna Talackova, Kim Petras, Nomi Ruiz, Janet Mock, Alicia Liu, Sarah McBride and Harmony Santana) so I'm perfectly happy to look like a trans woman. When someone compliments me by saying that they would never guess I was trans, it feels like they are saying that they think most trans people are ugly or undesirable but I'm an exception. Or it sounds like they think that being trans is something I should be ashamed of, and that I should be happy that I don't look trans. Do you see how that can be offensive? I know that most people don't mean it to be offensive, but there's a lot that goes into that statement that isn't just commenting on me, but on all trans women, so I would recommend just not using that phrase.
