#the throwback

2016//2021

"It's 4AM, do you know where your #japril is? On set."

Of the two, she's the one who realises it first.

At first, it’s subtle little twitches she feels in her heart when he enters the room. She smiles usually when this happens. A small, genuine grin that makes the corner of her lips lift a little and bring a subtle flicker of light in her eyes. It's quick for she usually catches herself and turns it in something cheeky and immature -- her best poker face.

She loves Daniel Jackson.

At the beginning, she thought it was mere sexual attraction but days passed by. Months… and the number of times she’d thought she would never see him again made it so that she's become unable to ignore the relief and utter glee she feels whenever she gets to meet his eyes.

But, he can't know. Or rather, she's not ready to tell him yet because she's been in love once. Briefly. And then a Goa’uld entered her life and she lost that love. She smiles and jokes and mocks and annoys… it makes it easier to deal with the pain that still blossoms in her heart whenever she closes her eyes at night.

She's scared.

She wouldn’t dare admitting it to anyone, not even herself, but ignoring it doesn't mean it doesn’t exist.

So, he can't know.

Months pass by. A year even and they've been working together for too long. He’s so close yet so far. She misses him when he locks himself in with his books. She longs for him when he’s within arm’s reach. She doesn't know how to deal with it. She never did.

She tries to spend more time with him. She tries to be less annoying… It's a defence mechanism but it drives him mad and she can't have him mad.

Of the two, she's the one who realises it first but the kiss --it comes from him after a particularly difficult mission that ended with her in the infirmary at Stargate Command and it shakes her to the core.

She’s stunned. Speechless. She can only watch him with big blue eyes, mouth agape. He’s smiling. She's terrified. It feels too much like a trick -- a cruel joke from the universe, a dream. A tear drops onto her hand before she even realises that she's crying and his fingers are grazing her cheek almost instantly. She chokes on her happy laughter.

“I should almost die more often,” she jokes and he looks at her with a disapproving glare, ready to scold.

Her lips are on his, shutting him up before words can even start forming in his brain. She wraps her arms around his neck, bringing him close. She needs it, she needs him close. She needs him to never part from her.

“Mind you,” he whispers against her lips, “if this isn't serious for you…”

She shakes her head with a genuine smile.

“This isn't a game. This isn't boredom. This is…