#the shadowbox

Yesterday we got into Durham ("THE DIRTY D") and 1) jumped into foam pits at a trampoline gym 2) ate incomprehensible amounts of soul food/BBQ and 3) read at a really amazing arts space called The Shadowbox. There were random pieces of machines in the bathroom. The reading was hosted by Chris Vitiello & Lightsey Darst, local poetry heroes, and we read alongside two wonderful local poets, Shawn Wen and Dianne Timblin. Then we got a nightcap at a really cute bar called Surf Club, where our conversation was punctuated by an occasional booming sound from overhead.

Its the anniversary of the play I was in last year titled The Shadowbox and this was one of the songs we played during intermission. Enjoy :)

Printed by: Scott Garnett @ King Screen Shot by: David Zinser Edited by: Jason Garnett

I see what Camille was trying to do with this thread and I kind of applaud her for opening up this discussion.  And I honestly disagree with the statements that she did it for attention.  Since this turned out to be so damn long feel free to skip the stuff in italics, though the entire thing is relevant to the discussion and what I’m trying to say.  Being a fan since the days of The Dresden Dolls I have felt similar emotions—to an extent at least.  When the dolls went their “hiatus” and AFP started doing things all solo work I felt l’d lost something really fantastic, and I did. I’d only just heard of them in mid to late 2005 so it was all so new to me, but it was an instant love and connection I hadn’t really felt in such a way before.  I didn’t have the means to find out and get everything they’d done so far and got fucked out of seeing them live every time they came to Arizona. (The first time I was actually getting ready for the show when I found out I wouldn’t be able to go, which is a whole other very long story.) But through the songs that I held closer to my heart than ANYTHING at that time Punk Rock Cabaret was , and still is, a very big part me. It was something important that I lost almost before I even got a chance to really feel it (Which is why I was so damn emotional at the NYC reunion show.) I didn’t “hate” Amanda’s solo work—as a matter of fact I did like it—but I was disappointed that it didn’t resemble the dolls the way I wanted it to. It just wasn’t the same. It actually took a lot of denial and time to accept that The Dresden Dolls were over; as much as I have, because I still feel sad about it from time to time in way. I started reading her very personal blogs and loving her more and more as a person, though her new music didn’t have the same power. Eventually the solo work, along with Amanda herself, gained a love and a place in my heart of its own, separate from dolls love. I was so amazed by how connected she was and how much of herself and love she gave to her fans.  The point is I have also been a disappointed fan questioning my commitment. Finally my stars had aligned and in 2009 I got to see her with The Nervous Cabaret in Tennessee. It was actually the first concert I’d ever been to. I will admit I did wish she was still with Brian then. I’d entered a whole new world when I walked into that venue; part of a world that I longed to feel for four years. This community was home. When she popped out of the curtains before the show started I started fucking crying as soon as I saw her. It surprised the hell out of me (the crying) and hit me as suddenly as a fucking freight train. It was real this time; I didn’t get it taken from me like the times when I was gonna see the dolls before. Finally. It wasn’t the dolls, but it was Amanda, it was beautiful and I enjoyed every fucking second of it. I had no money to buy merch—I’d spent all of my money on a ticket and cigarettes—but Beth so kindly gave me a pin. That simple gesture meant so much to me as silly as that may sound (thanks, Beth!) After signing for everyone at the damn show she came outside with her uke and played creep for the little audience that decided to wait around. I was shaking so badly. Afterwards she did pictures and talked with us for a while. When it was my turn I had so many things to say, but couldn’t come out with a single thing. She took my hands, stood very close and stared into my eyes.  It was calming and I felt loved, understood and cared about. I told her it was my first ever concert it was and how happy I was to finally get a chance to see her and she was so excited to hear that. We hugged, kissed & shared more hand holding and eye-contact.  I know this has been very long, detailed and rambling, but the point is there isn’t fucking artist I’ve seen that is so dedicated, personal, loving and connected to their fans. She gives so much to us and it really does make me mad when people say “yeah, but she promised us this and never delivered!” You should be fucking grateful that she’s given you so much. Not liking her recent stuff is one thing, but attacking her for not delivering on something she planned to do, a gift that you did not earn or deserve, is something entirely different. The woman hardly has any time to rest.  THAT being said I fully understand how you feel about the gaining lack of connection. I’ve met her a few times since then & none were as personal or one-on-one as the first time I met her, but the connection is still very much there. That took a second to get past for me as well, but I know that all of that shit is icing. Things are a bit off right now, she’s taking somewhat of a well-deserved break, she doesn’t webcast anymore & the blogs aren’t as frequent or personal, she isn’t giving her entire self to us selfish fans like she used to,but to say that the connection was never fucking there to begin with, even going so far as to say that it was FUCKING FAKED is fucking wrong! (and that’s a whole lot of fucking FUCK!) Amanda is a fucking person; her own person, who owes you nothing. She can only give so much. She can only bend so many ways.  As far as the community goes, I am sad about it. I wish things were as they were before, but things change. People change, things happen. I don’t dislike her because of it. As far as her recent work goes, she’s not released an actual Amanda Palmer album since WKAP. Since then she’s done a hell of a fucking lot starting with Endless touring PLUS ninja gigs, webcasts, blogs and an ASSLOAD of other EXTRA things (and got married). -Evelyn Evelyn was a really wonderful SIDE project.  -The ukulelehead stuff was just a little EP of covers and it was great.  -Then she did Cabaret, which is something I feel so privileged to have seen.  -After that she had a clearly emotional tour with Brian.  -She wanted to go to fucking Australia, so she did. While she was there decided to write a love letter to the fucking continent and because she’s Amanda Fucking Palmer she did so in the form of a SPECIAL album and tour, which was something extra she just wanted to do. -Then the 8in8 project, which was a fun experiment.  And what’s sad is that’s not even close to everything. Those are just the main things.  You may not like any of those SIDE PROJECTS she did, and that is certainly all well and good. But keep in mind, any other artist would have disappeared maybe did some in-between time touring. Any other artist would not give their music away for free, stick around after a tiring show to sign for and meet everyone, or EVER have frequent random and intimate mini-gigs/get-togethers with their fans in a park. Any other artist would not give us the same love or respect as she has and does. And the best we can manage to do is bitch about the way she's doing it or say it's not enough!? Maybe she didn’t acknowledge you the way you’d hoped or forgot something important she may or may not have promised or isn’t AS present as you’d like, but she’s been working her ass off for us as much as herself. Don’t expect so much.  Like Len said, don’t dismiss her so quickly. Stick around, listen to her next properly done release, because she loves all of us and music evolves naturally with the person making it and those who listen. She's still Amanda. Also, Len…You make the new stuff sound very promising! And Mass Ave is a kick-ass song!