#the positives

First and foremost, I don’t think I’ve believed in Buddie canon as strongly as I do right now. I’ve rarely ever shipped a canon couple, so I always go into a new show with the expectation my ship will never be canon—Buddie included. That started changing in s7 with the pre-season press. I had some hope but was still skeptical; it’s network TV after all. Then bi Buck happened, and I was like, OH.

Fast forward to now, and I’m convinced 99.9% (bc I’m still at my core a skeptic). There was absolutely no reason for Tim to bring Eddie up the way he did when talking about Buck and Tommy’s relationship. There is also every indication that Eddie’s self-discovery arc will result in some form of queerness for Eddie. I just can’t think of any other option (if you can, drop them in my asks bc I’m curious). All roads lead to Rome or whatever, and Rome is Buddie for 9-1-1. The interview really hit that home.

I’m also excited about Bobby’s storyline because I think the Hotshots thing will be hilarious. I love a campy whimsical arc, and I adore the idea of Bobby grumpily stomping around set and lecturing people on how firefighting actually works. Bonus points if we do get some kind of meta show within a show reflection of the 118.

One unexpected one is that I'm blogging more and actually feel more established and like a part of the community on tumblr now! (After a decade lol) What is this now, a personal blog? It started as more of a fandom and academic thing but I'm sharing a lot more now and actually I think that's healthy. (Or at least, it's a place for me to scream into the void and see who, if anyone, in the void screams back!)

Just going through a few others:

I'm feeling broadly better about my body and not like I need surgery any more. (Well, apart from the ones I need to function, lol, medical condition life). I meant cosmetic surgery. I'm not saying I won't ever get some, but I've (mostly) broken the crutch/addiction impulse towards it that tells me I'm a horrible monster creature without it, and that in my book is a positive. I don't like feeling out of control or in thrall.

I've dated a bit this year, which has been healthy. It hasn't worked out, but at least I wasn't intimidated to do it OR obsessive about it and overcompensating. And, I've remembered how much I like being in a relationship. I forgot because my previous one was a nightmare with a guy who was a perpetual child in terms of maturity & responsibility.

I've connected positively with my family, specifically my sibling and a cousin. I hope we can look out for each other in the future.

I've seriously thought about a lot of serious things in life, like career, side hustles, where I want to live etc.

I've met a lot of new people and taken the lead to maximise those connections into friendship, networking etc. I love people to be about and I'm making that happen as much as I can.

I've travelled a bit (just in the UK) and taken the opportunity to take trips and see people when I can. I've been to 3? other cities, (Manchester, Camb, Inverness) not including Edinburgh, and I might make it a 4th by the end of the year. And I learned a lot about what I like AND don't like when travelling. I've got a bit better at living in the moment and spending money on me to enjoy things, rather than hoarding it like the poverty dragon I once was.

I've got a lot fitter and stronger AND I've reminded myself to not expect too much of myself due to medical reasons. Good for me and good for the average person my age aren't necessarily the same thing. I need to be kind to myself even though I'm competitive!

I've shared some of my interests with people irl and built on them. Like design and reading. I've got back into gaming a bit as well which is comforting when its just me on my own. And I've read more books this year, not just cosy crime ones - my soft entry back into reading after being too stressed too read early in the pandemic. I've been dressing more like myself too, on the street too, not just in 'safe spaces'. Next stop... try a bit at work?

And, like my life motto, or one of them anyway...

In many ways, I've MADE IT WORK.

What more can you ask out of a year on this earth?

The Craven

by Arby Jenkins

Once upon a righteous fury While I pondered in a hurry Whether I would someday be ennobled in Collegiate lore— While I wondered, nearly slumbered, suddenly there came a dumber Person even than myself, tap-tapping on my office door. “Tis some Positive,” I muttered, “tapping on my office door— Only Eric, nothing more.

Ah, distinct the recollection of that autumn resurrection Of the question of Steve Pettit’s contract, would it be renewed four more? Eagerly, demanding entry into Admin’s inner sanctum There to press for more tomorrows—for Steve’s now forsaken powers— For the banjo-playing campman whom the Fundies named Doctor. Tossed away for evermore.

Hark, the rising of our mission, sizing up the Board’s ambitious vision Filled me—willed me to fantastic glories not bethought before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating “Could it be that I could do it, take Steve’s place by coup, nor rue it, Ease myself by scheming to be President? Just do it! This I hoped and wanted more.

Presently the coup grew stronger, hesitating then no longer, “Board,” said we, “or Madmen, reformation cannot be foregone; But the fact is you have sinned, against our Pettit you have been

Harping, carping at him, now we rise up to implore, That you stop your firing plans—here I burst in through their door— Silence there and nothing more.

Could it be my powers failing, leaving me with only wailing That I should be hearkened unto as my wisdom I deployed? No one heard me, no one listened, neither Board nor ‘Ministration, Til my voice was rasping vainly with the weakest, “por favor” This I whispered, but they cackled, “No sir, not you anymore.” Ate the donuts, nothing more.

Back into the office turning, my ambition whirling, swirling, Why could I not be the person chosen for the vacant role? “It’s because you’ve not been stable, this and that, you prove unable Through the years your fundy label has not proven to be full. This they told me and it echoed deep into my soul Unproven, I had nothing more.

Quick to Facebook churning, turning, all my grievances a-burning, Soon the friends all gathered, shouting louder than before. “Surely we can overcome the sinful Board and then become them; Wielding all their former power as we wish to make our score— Let us see, then what is out there, keeping us from doing more— Let my heart relax one moment while I ponder what’s in store— ‘Tis my hubris, nothing more!

Now I open up the Answer, to discern the written dictum Of the former Chairman of the Hypocritic Board— Not the slimmest bow he made me as he left the Table gamely, Tossing at me only his disdain while leaving me insanely Gaping at the now-shut door. My ambitions on the trodden floor.

Enter Doctor Alan Benson, lately of Gen Z dissension, Begging them to choose a church ennobled with the “BJ Core,” He’ll be Acting, merely Acting, in the role I craved expecting, Nay, desiring, while expiring Pettit’s case I did implore. Overstepping, always fretting, and my welcome is no more.