#the matchmaker machine

GIRL WHO GETS BULLIED AT THE WATER PURIFICATION PLANT: please let me go. i dont know who you think you are but my parents know a lot of people

THE ONLY PERSON ON STAFF WHO LIKES MACHINE ELF GATORADE BUT SHE'S THE BOSS SO IT TAKES UP FOUR DIFFERENT SLOTS IN ALL THE VENDING MACHINES: Haha how delightfully desperately upper-middle class! we'll train that out of you. We've got a really good episode for you tonight tonight, folks, I mean with these contestants? I really couldn't ask for better. Really! Introducing first our special human guest: she's from one hectic iteration of mortal consensus reality, with the most interesting developing sexuality under her belt. she's got killer skin, she keeps it clean - literally! - and you've already heard some of her IMPERIOUS attitude (wwwhat?). It's PRINCESS Cara Giacosa!

GIRL WHO GETS AN ELECTRIC THRILL IN HER CHEST WHEN OTHER WOMEN CALL HER TITLES, BUT DOESN'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO PURSUE BDSM STUFF, SO WHEN HER LAST CUTE TGIRL FLING ASKED HER IF THEY COULD DO 'PRINCESS PLAY' SHE STARTED RUNNING WITH IT AND KEPT RUNNING WITH IT AND HONESTLY SHE'S BEEN RUNNING WITH IT IN HER HEAD EVER SINCE AND SHE DIDN'T DO BAD BUT IS IT DEMANDING TO WANT MORE??? SEEMS PRETTY NICHE IDK: oh what the fuck??? no. No no no. how did you-

GIRL WHO IS NOT OMNISCIENT BUT LETS BE REAL IT HELPS GET OUT AHEAD OF THEM WORRYING EVERY PARTNER THEY'VE EVER HAD DIVULGED ALL THE WEIRD SEX STUFF: A reminder to everyone that I AM OMNISCIENT and thats how i know everything about you! Moving right along! Our next guest graces our show for the SECOND TIME, but it's still oh-so-shy! Can our Princess pull her out of her shell? I am so happy to introduce, from the sub-dimensional echoing of all the forsaken lands that have ever been, one of my FAVOURITE ruinedmetropolitan areas and one of the CUTEST genius locii to ever grace the airwaves! CANIS CATULUS, EVERYBODY!!!

A CONDENSED WRITHING OF SPIRES AND BOOT-CRACKED STONES BEATING LIKE DESPERATE DISPARATE ALMOST-DEAD ORGAN-EQUIVALENS, REACHING, HUNGRY FOR LOVE OR REALLY ANY SENSE OF BEING FILLED AT ALL: [THE SOUND OF DYING GULLS AND THE SIGNS OF ENDING and yknow all that kinda stuff. cute with it. demurely, even]

PRINCESS OF BEARING IT. PRINCESS OF FUCKING BEARING IT IF WE'RE BEING REAL. PRINCESS OF COPING SO FUCKING WELL: I- eep! I. uh. oh my goodness. uh. I' m suppsoed to domme that???

CLOWNGIRL WHO STANDS IN FRONT OF A MIRROR FOR TWO HOURS EVERY THIRD DAY PERFECTING HER UNTRUSTWORTHIEST PRESENTER SMILES: You're supposed to get that to call you princess, sweetheart, but we can go one step at a time!~

PRINCESS OF NOT THROWING UP: It wants me to be its princess??? It's- is that a city or a person???

TRAINED PRESENTER WHO DOESNT FOLLOW THE FUCKIGN TELEPROMPTER I FUCKING HATE THIS JOB SHE JUST BULLIES AND CONDITIONS THE CUTE SWITCHY ONES: It's something BETTER than a person, sweetheart! It's something that you can govern well - or tyrannically!~ - according to your every whim!

A LIVING CITY INTERSECTING THIS WORLD CLOAKED IN A FLUID LIGHT-BENDING COVER, WHICH IS A LENS WHICH ALLOWS IT TO BE SEEN AS A LIVING THING, PULLING CLOSE NOW ON THAT BOTTLEGLASS VEIL AS COMFORT BECAUSE OH MY GOSH IT'S SHYYY [AUDIENCE COOS]: [Eardrum perforating shyness.]

GIRL WHO DIDNT KNOOOW SHE WOULD BE WORKING AT THE MOST LESBIAN WATER PURIFICATION PLANT IN THE COUNTRY: fuck! It wants to be my demense?!

[AUDIENCE COOS EVEN LOUDER!!!]

CLOWNGIRL OF REAPING WHAT SHE SOWS SO FUCKING GOOD IT'S INSANE TBH: Well, well, well! Now you're getting it!

[THE CUTE CITY FLUTTERS 80 TRAFFIC CAMERAS AND 182,000 TONS OF ROCK-HEWN APERTURE]

GIRL WHO NEVER STOPPED WANTING MORE: it wants me to demense out?

CLOWNGIRL PRESENTER WHO BRINGS IN THE BIG BUCKS: It wants you to demense out!

PRINCESS OF ALL THE WRONG QUESTIONS: um. i guess i could demense out...?

GIRL IN A TANK TOP WITH A TRIFORCE TATTOO ON HER RIGHT ARM: No. You just like hearing yourself talk.

BUSINESS CLOWNSUAL ENTITY WHO DEMANDED THE SET BE "COOL OLD OFFICE WITH NIXON TUBES" THEMED TODAY EVEN THOUGH THAT DOESN'T REALLY FIT THE CASTLE VENUE SHE STOLE AT ALL: C'mon, honey, I'm a very intelligent woman. I have so many bites of wisdom for you that could really help you not go under for 3 MEGABYTES of amphibian best friend. You don't want my bites of wisdom? You don't want to get wrapped up in my beautiful thoughts? On like, life?

GIRL SURROUNDED BY THE PARAPHERNALIA OF HER PAST, COLOURFUL, BEAT UP, IMMATURE, ALL SICKLY-SWEET NOSTALGIA STABBED STRAIGHT THROUGH THE EYES: No. I'm good. I'm focusing.

PRESENTER WHO PLANNED THE SCHEDULE AROUND TODAY'S SUBJECT RESISTING MORE THAN THIS TO BE REAL: Hahah you sure are!!! We gave 90 of your PRIZED POSSESSIONS animating will AND THE ABILITY TO SHAPE YOU, and you zeroed right in on that pretty little relic of your high-school years, huh~? I mean it's only natural! Who doesn't get hung up on an OLD FRIEND from time to time?

GIRL WHO SPENDS A LOT OF TIME CUDDLING FLUFFY THINGS IN BED BUT WHO ALWAYS FEELS LIKE HER PLUSHIES ARE WATCHING HER, JUDGING HER: it just seemed… Ffuck OFF! It was just fucking calling me! Making me feel fucking guilty! You did something! You fucking did something! What the fuck's happening to me...?

STRANGE GIRL OBSESSED WITH THE PSYCHOLOGY OF STRANGE GIRLS: Oh, don't get me wrong, there's plenty to feel guilty about! You abandoned her!

GIRL WHO CALLED HER MOTHER LAST WEEK AND FELT AN ABYSSAL EMPTINESS FOR HOURS AFTERWARD: shhhut up!

MYSTERIOUS CLOWN-LIKE HYPNOTICIST WHO'S FEELING LIKE BEING THE SIZE OF AN AVERAGE HUMAN MOTHER HELPS LESS WITH THIS ONE THAN SHE EXPECTED: Plenty for a domme to play on there, but I cannot stress enough that we DID NOT do anything to make the virtual frog a competent hypnotist! This is a realm constructed of your own whims - plus some hypnotic help from our sponsors at the Divine Carrefour - and you are STILL LOSING TO THAT THING! LOOK AT HER GO!!!

GIRL CLUTCHING A PINK PLASTIC EGG IN A DEATH-GRIP AND WHO HASN'T BLINKED IN 6 MINUTES: I'm not losing!!! I'm just… I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for forgetting her. I want her to know I'm sorry. I mean you miss a few days, and… Um… …Shouldn't I be respectful? I can stop pplaying with her at any time. Stop being weird. Pervert fucking freak-

HOST WHO'S STARTING TO THINK IMPROPER, FRUSTRATED THOUGHTS ABOUT THE GUEST: IT'S FROM 2013! IT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S REAL! …And you won't either, not for long, not at this rate! I mean look at those drooping, fluttering eyes!

[STRANGE SQUAMOUS THINGS FROM ALL MANNER OF TIMES COO IN PERVERT EXCITEMENT. THEY NEED TO SEE THIS SPINY NEET PRIED OPEN, BARED]

GIRL WHO MISSES HERSELF. GIRL WHO MISSES HER FRIENDS AND THINKING IT COULD WORK OUT AND GETTING TO DO THE DRESS SPINNY THING FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR HER SISTER BEFORE IT ALL WENT TO SHIT AND ALL OF IT. AND MAYBE A SILLY LITTLE LCD FROG CAN EMBODY ALL THAT. IN A FUCKED UP CASTLE DREAMSPACE. GET OFF HER BACK: What? No, I… What are you talking about? Fuck you. …I'm sorry SuzieFrog, i didn't mean to swear, please don't look at me like that please don't look at me like that please please

CLOWNGIRL A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED THAT THEY DIDN'T NEED THE WII-BASED ANALOG HORROR SEGMENT SHE GOT READY (100000° EVIL WEATHER): Okay be honest with me here girlie ARE you going to undress for the digital frog?

EXTREMELY FUCKABLE NEET WITH BAGGY EYES AND BAD SKIN: I mean. if she wants…

[PRESENTER LOOKS AT GUEST WITH ABJECT DISGUST. ANOMALOUS BROADCAST SWITCHES TO PAY-PER-VIEW TRACK FOR POTENTIAL EROTIC AND "MINDSNUFF" CONTENT AND IS NOT DOCUMENTED. DISAPPOINTING. ELAINE: RUN MISSING PERSON REPORTS?]

Interesting, though, so I wanted to post about it. The label had this pink textured text on it - the texture was some low-level holographic infohaz pattern and I made the executive decision to not bring Elaine in on this when I felt that. A special episode, apparently. Charybdis Casting crossover, bunch of exclamation marks.

Which is interesting. The matchmaker clowngirl is a bit of a pariah, right? She likes the attention, but then she doesn't talk to anyone I know. she skulks around playing serial killer, yanking victims into dead pocket dimensions. She's basically a divine corpsefly. Crouching in the ruined castles of failed Ascensions and shit, taking easy jobs. She avoids attention, and then plays pretend at her own significance. There was that one time with Storybreaker, and while I have no fucking idea how she's on decent terms with an intergrade angel, it wasn't exactly...

Off topic. Anyway. I put this tape in and she's, like, got this special guest we don't have on record, that I've never met before. I don't really- I don't know if this is, like, a representative of this casting company, or is the casting company some sort of font for some extradimensional or divinity, or if it's a divinity if this is the head girl or some thrall. They... I mean, the guest and the host, they actually seem pretty similar, so that's a hint. Same fucking. Sensibilities. But I can't tell what their relationship is, because even though the host talks about inviting her on and being happy to have her, they don't really explain anything and the camerawoman keeps getting knocked around and these random bursts of static or something keep breaking the props, and they're arguing and breaking stuff and it feels. amateur! and it... Well...