#the kill switch

You looked up and smiled as you heard Zack yawn as he entered the kitchen, giving you a little smile as he took his seat at the table.

“Good morning,” You wandered over and gently kissed his head, “do you want some breakfast?”

He rubbed his eyes and nodded slowly as you fixed yourselves each a bowl of cereal and set them down on the table as you sat next to him.

Your mornings together were always quiet, it was a lot easier for him to get himself ready for the day that way. Having your own place together was nice, but change was always difficult for him to adjust to. At least he had you with him to help when he needed it.

Your breakfast was quick, and you always sat with him and waited for him to finish before taking your empty bowls to the sink.

“How did you sleep?” You asked him as you rinsed the bowls and placed them into the dishwasher, reaching up into the side cabinet and grabbing a glass.

“Alright…” Zack said quietly, watching as you filled the glass with water for him and grabbed his pill bottles from next to the sink.

“Just alright?” You took your place back next to him and set the glass and the bottles down in front of him. You didn’t have to say a word for him to open up the bottles and take one of each pill, taking each with a gulp of water.

He set the glass down and nodded, looking back up to you and seeing the sweet smile on your face.

Mornings were more difficult for him than he would’ve ever imagined they’d be. It was nice to be able to share your own space together, being able to lay in bed with you at night and sit at the table with you for breakfast, but it was still a big change for him. But he was getting better. It was a long, slow process, but you were just happy he was doing better than he did back at home.

“How are you feeling right now?” You asked as you reached your hand out to gently hold his at the table.

He looked at your hand in his and gently moved his thumb over the back of yours as he squeezed it,

“Four.”

“Four? Thats alright, do you remember what you need to say on days less than five?”

He nodded, but still kept his eyes on your hands at the table,

“Not every day is going to be a good one. And that’s ok. I have to try and focus on the good instead of the bad.”

“That’s right,” You reached your other hand out to hold his cheek and gently turned his head up to face you, “is there anything that will make your day better?”

He pursed his lips and shrugged.

“It’s ok to not know. Do you want to go get ready for work and think about it? I’ll make your lunch.”

He nodded and you both stood up from the table, but before he could make his way back into your bedroom you tugged at his hand, grabbing his attention once more,

“Forgetting something?”

He gave you a little smile and took a step towards you, gently kissing your lips before you let go of his hand to let him get ready for the day.

Being in a new place was good for him, you and his parents knew he needed it, but with all the added responsibilities he had now with his own place it was still a little difficult for him to adjust.

He got himself a decent job and a car to get himself from A to B. You helped him find a good therapist that he sees once a week, who was able to adjust his medication so that he had a smaller dose that was working a lot better for him. There were still tough days for him every now and then, you still had to be with him when he was shaving in the bathroom and he wasn’t allowed to use any of the sharp objects in the kitchen without your supervision, but slowly he was starting to get into the swing of a normal life.

You grabbed his lunchbox and a few things from the cabinets to make everything for him. A sandwich, a small bag of chips to snack on, an apple and a clementine so he had some fruit for the day, and you wrote a little note onto his napkin to give him a little encouragement while he was stuck at work. You had even bought him a large water bottle to make sure he was hydrated enough throughout the day.

You packed everything up and placed it onto the counter for him, smiling once more as you saw him walk back into the kitchen.

“All ready for work?”

“Yep, all ready.” He smiled to you and wrapped his arms around your waist and hugged you tight, your arms going around his neck to hold him for a moment. He tilted his head and gently kissed your cheek before loosening his grip on your waist, “Sorry i was quiet this morning. You know how i get…”

“Don’t apologize, you’ve got nothing to apologize for.” He smiled down at you and you leaned up on your tiptoes to kiss his nose, “Did you think about what might make your day better?”

“Not going to work.” He said with a smile.

“Zack, you have to go to work. I know you don’t want to but you have to.”

“I know… Maybe when i get home we can do something?”

“Absolutely! We can do anything you like.”

He thought for a moment, his arms loosening around you,

“When i get back from work can we eat dinner on the porch? And watch a movie after?”

You held his cheeks and tilted his head down to kiss his forehead, earning a sweet smile from him,

“Of course we can. And you better get to work! Don’t be late alright,” You gave him one last quick kiss and handed him his lunch box and his water jug, “make sure you drink all of that today ok? You need to stay hydrated.”

“I will,” He gave you a kiss on the cheek before grabbing his keys and making his way to the door before giving you one last, “I love you.”

“I love you.” You said to him with a smile and a wave as he shut the door to your apartment behind him.

You sighed and stood in silence for a moment, looking around the apartment for little tasks for you to do while he was gone for the day at work.

A few dishes lay in the sink, the living room definitely needed to be vacuumed, and as much as you loved Zack you knew he definitely didn’t make the bed and probably left some of his dirty clothes on the floor. But at least it gave you something to do.

The day went on as it normally did when you were home alone. Some chores got done, you caught up on a few shows, you even had time for a shower and thought about making some cookies to surprise Zack when he got home. Just as you were stepping out of your bedroom, you heard the front door shut and smiled knowing that meant Zack was finally home from work.

You ran up to the front door and greeted him with a hug and a kiss, not wanting to let go of him. He smiled and hugged you back, not even having time to set his things down before his arms wrapped so tightly around you.

You smiled as you heard the tiniest laugh escape his lips,

“How was work today handsome?”

“It was alright,” He leaned down and pressed his lips to your forehead, “it was work, nothing too special.”

“Now that you’re home, how are you feeling?”

He shrugged again before looking back down to you,

“Six.”

“Six is good! It’s better than it was this morning.”

Your arms let go of him and you walked into the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge as he started to unpack his lunchbox and set his jacket over one of the chairs at the kitchen table. You glanced over to the water bottle, now empty, that he set onto the counter,

“Thank you for drinking it all sweetheart. What were you thinking for dinner? We can have whatever you like. Takeout, i can cook, we can go out-“

“Ramen.” He said quickly, cutting you off.

“We can do ramen! Did you want to order it from somewhere?”

“Nope.” He said with a smile, giving you a quick kiss on the forehead before wandering over to the pantry and grabbing two packages of ramen, setting them down on the counter, “I just want the regular old cardboard stuff. I love it when you make it though.”

You smiled and followed him into the kitchen as Zack pulled out a pot from the cabinet and filled it from the sink, placing it onto the stove and starting the burner beneath it. You placed a kiss onto his cheek and shooed him away from the stove, grabbing the plastic packages of ramen from the counter,

“You go change, i’ll make dinner. When you’re done why don’t you get the table ready on the porch and then pick out the movie we watch, ok?”

Zack smiled and nodded, making his way back into your bedroom to change out of his work clothes into some comfier sweats, not before giving you a kiss first of course. He knew better than to forget that.

You watched the water boil in the pot and glanced out the window as you opened up the plastic packages and placed the noodles into the water. Zack had already moved the tables and chairs on the porch towards the sunset for the two of you to watch as you ate.

He grabbed the cushions for the chairs and placed them onto the seats before making his way back inside.

“Just another few minutes alright?” You called out to him as you heard the sliding door slam shut, “What movie are we watching after dinner?”

He went into the living room and looked through your shared collection of movies, wanting to pick something that he knew the both of you would enjoy. He knew that tonight was about helping him feel better but he didn’t want it to be all about him. He cared for you just as much as you cared for him.

You heard a DVD case being tossed onto the coffee table and he came back into the kitchen with a little smile on his lips,

“It’s a surprise. But you’ll like it.”

You smiled back to him and stirred the pot of noodles on the stove one last time before asking Zack to grab two bowls for you. You mixed in the seasonings and even cut up a few veggies to mix in. Carrots, broccoli, and you kept some cut up cucumbers for you both to snack on as you ate.

Zack watched with a smile as you got your bowls ready, admiring the way you made even just cooking stovetop ramen look like it was something from a restaurant.

“All done!” You said with a smile.

Zack took your bowls from the counter and you opened the fridge and grabbed two water bottles to drink, quickly opening up the back door for Zack to step out and place your bowls onto the little table on the porch. You followed him out and brought your waters and the little plate of cucumbers and set them between you two before you sat at your places across from each other.

Dinner was quiet, mainly due to Zack just wanting to relax and eat after a long day at work, but you never minded it being quiet.

Having dinner together after work was one of those occasions where you both knew it was your time to relax and decompress after a long day. Afterwards you would clean up together and finally talk about how your days were.

You both watched the slow sunset, your balcony porch having a wonderful view of it and as the sky got darker around you, you had realized you lost track of time.

Zack checked his watch and noticed that you had been outside for nearly an hour, watching the sky and just enjoying each others company, but you didn’t want to stay out there all night.

“Time to clean up?” He asked you from across the little table.

“Yeah, i guess so.” You replied with a smile, “Did you want to clean up out here or clean up the kitchen?”

“You cooked, i’ll do the kitchen.” He stood up and leaned over to you, placing a soft kiss to your forehead as he grabbed the empty bowls and half eaten plate of cucumbers from the table.

“Thank you baby.” You said to him as he walked back into your apartment, noticing the little blush on his cheeks afterwards.

He still got so flustered when you called him cute names.

You grabbed the cushions from your chairs and placed them back into the little storage closet and wiped down the table, making sure that it was clean before stepping back inside and shutting the sliding glass door behind you. Zack was at the sink, almost finished placing your dirty dishes into the dishwasher when you slowly approached him from behind.

You were so happy to be able to spend so much time with him, and you had realized how hard he was trying to really make himself better.

You were so proud of him.

Your arms snaked around his waist and your head rested against his back as you hugged him, earning a chuckle from him,

“What are you doing?”

“What? I’m not allowed to hug you anymore?” You squeezed his torso and got another giggle out of him before he quickly turned himself around and snatched you into his arms, hugging you tightly and earning an eruption of giggles from you.

He picked you up and placed you onto the counter, the wet dish gloves leaving behind water stains on your shirt, but you paid it no mind. You smiled and rested your hands at his shoulders, just admiring how he looked before you.

He had changed so much since you first started dating one another. His baby face was gone and there was a bit of stubble at his chin, he had gotten a bit bigger from eating better which in turn made him a bit stronger, and his eyes had gotten so much brighter, so full of love whenever he looked at you.

Your hands held his cheeks and pulled him towards you for a quick kiss,

“I’m so happy.”

He smiled and gave you another kiss before helping you off the counter, pulling the dish gloves off of his hands and setting them over the sink before pulling you back close to him, one arm slung around your shoulder while the other held the small of your back, your head against his chest listening to his soft heart beat,

“I’m happy too.”

Your arms squeezed around him once more before you lifted your head up from his chest, looking up at his face and seeing the sweetest smile plastered across it.

“Movie time?” He asked.

“Movie time!” You shouted back excitedly, almost forgetting about your movie from how relaxing it was on the porch, “Did you want me to make some popcorn while you put the movie in?”

“Please? I can grab us a blanket to cuddle under if you want.”

“Zack, if i ever say no to cuddling, i’m giving you permission to break up with me.” You giggled, grabbing a bag of popcorn from the pantry and placing it into the microwave as you heard Zack giggle as he walked to the hall closet and grabbed a blanket for you.

“I’ll make sure to wait until you’re out here to start it!” Zack called out to you from the living room. You were certain he was already snuggled up under the soft blanket on the couch.

Once the popcorn was finished you poured it into one of the larger bowls and quickly made your way into the living room, seeing the TV screen and Zack waiting for you under the blanket on the couch.

He had picked out Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead, an older movie, but one that always made him laugh. One of his favorites.

He moved the blanket for you after taking the bowl of popcorn from your hands and setting into his lap as you curled into his side, tossing the blanket over your legs. Zack kissed your forehead before pressing play on the remote and popping a few pieces of popcorn into his mouth, his arm snaking it’s way around your shoulder to bring you just a bit closer.

He never thought that his life would get to a point like this. Laying with his partner on the couch, a full three meals eaten every day, a place of his own and someone he could come home to. He was so grateful for you and all the sacrifices you’ve made to help him. He always knew how much he meant to you, and though he wasn’t the best at expressing it, you were the person that made it all worth it.

He wanted to get better every single day, not just for him, but for you.

You looked up to him from his shoulder and gently cupped his cheek, bringing him down to give him a soft sweet kiss. He looked at you for a moment before giving you a smile, looking deeply into your eyes, and he felt like just being able to see how you looked at him was enough to make him want to cry.

“You make me so happy (y/n)…”

The movie would eventually be long forgotten, the two of you accidentally falling asleep before it was even halfway over, but Zack always fell asleep with a smile on his face when he got to hold you. You kept him grounded. You made sure he was ok. You cared about him more than any other person in the world.

He was getting better for you. And he was so proud of himself.

A- Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they like to show affection?)

When you first got together he wasn’t very affectionate. He was scared that it was just something that wasn’t going to last very long but after you stuck around for longer than the first week, he realized he should be acting and behaving like a boyfriend to you. He’s always affectionate with you now, always wanting to hold your hand or kiss your cheek, and of course he loves it when you do the same.

B- Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

As a friend, he’d be a bit weary of you wanting to be around him, just like he would if you were in a regular relationship. He’s never had a close friend before, so he tried his hardest to not scare you away by being himself. He wouldn’t really talk much about his interests in case he got too hyper fixated on it and rambled on and on until he couldn’t talk anymore. He tried not to cling as much as he normally would, he just likes knowing that someone wants to be around him. Eventually you had to have a talk with him about how you thought he didn’t want to be your friend just because you felt like he was distancing himself, you just wanted to be his friend because you liked being around him.

C- Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He adores getting to cuddle you. And he loves to be held. It gives him a sense of security he didn’t know he needed beforehand, and every day when you’re getting ready for bed he gets so excited to lay with you again. You can never just sit with each other on the couch either, you have to be snuggling, but you’ll never complain about it. He even has a playlist made for when you snuggle so you’ve got some nice background noise to help drown out some of his not so nice thoughts.

D- Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking, cleaning, etc.)

He hasn’t thought about it before, he didn’t think much about his future because he wasn’t sure how long he was going to be around for, but as soon as you started suggesting taking bigger steps in your relationship he was so excited. Just hearing you mention wanting to get your own place with him after you were together for a while got him excited for a new chapter in his life.

E- Ending (If they had to break up with their partner how would they do it?)

Politely refusing to do this one 🥰

F- Fiancé (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Just like domesticity, it’s never been something that crossed his mind. He never even thought there would be someone that would WANT to marry him, but he knows that without you he wouldn’t be as well off as his is today. He just wants to be with you forever, wether that means you get married or not.

G- Gentle (How gentle are they? Both physically and emotionally)

He’s very gentle with you, both physically and emotionally. He’ll still ask if it’s ok to hug or kiss you, and when he reaches out to hold your hand he’s always very hesitant. Emotionally, he always asks you first if he just needs to get his feelings out because he doesn’t want to overwhelm you with some of the things he has on his mind.

H- Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He’s always likes to hug you for long periods of time, and he does it as often as he can. He’ll wrap his arms around your waist and rest his head on your shoulder and it always helps him relax when he’s not feeling right.

I- I Love You (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He wanted to say it very quickly after your relationship started, but he waited until you said it first just so he didn’t scare you off. He didn’t want you to think he was moving too fast, but being able to finally have a partner made him want to move things as quickly as possible.

J- Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

It’s not so much jealousy, more so insecurity that he feels. He knows that you’ve dated other people before him and that doesn’t bother him, but every now and then he’ll think he’s not good enough for you, that you’d be happier being back with one of them. You always make sure to give him lots of reassurance.

K- Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses always start out slow and gentle, and he always likes to put his hands on your waist when he does so. Every time you pull away and see his cheeks he always has the brightest blush, even after you’ve been together for a while.

He loves to kiss your cheeks. It’s his favorite way of showing affection other than giving you hugs, and he likes to hear you giggle as soon as his lips touch your cheek.

He loves it when you kiss his forehead, especially when you hold him. He always smiles after you kiss his forehead, and he loves it when you pet him first and move his hair out of the way.

L- Little Ones (How are they around kids?)

Not the greatest, but he’s not good around other people in general. He tries his best to get along with them but it usually doesn’t work out in his favor, he just gets too shy like he does with everyone else.

M- Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with him are always slow, but you usually manage to get him up and out of bed before 10 am. He’s not the best in the morning, especially when it comes to keeping up with his routine, but as long as you go along with him he doesn’t mind it.

N- Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights are usually much better. He’s exhausted from the day, but he knows that he gets to spend the rest of his evening with you doing whatever makes you both happy.

O- Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or do they open up slowly?)

He would open up very slowly, honestly it might take a few weeks for him to be fully open with you about his mental health, which you fully understand. He needs to be comfortable with telling you and you understand that it might take some time.

P- Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He doesn’t get angry with you over much of anything, his anger is only seen when he’s pushed past his limit. If you get into an argument he basically just shuts down emotionally and wants to be left alone so he can calm himself down before coming to you to talk things out. The last thing he wants is to lose his temper with you.

Q- Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they mention every little detail in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

He can remember mostly everything about you, but sometimes he needs some help remembering. He knows all the basics, your favorite color, your favorite genres of music and movies, and he can remember a few of your favorite dates but he always asks you if he needs help with something. After a little bit he started to keep track of everything in his phone so he can look back at it when he wants to get you your favorite flowers or bring home your favorite drink.

R- Remember (What is their favorite moment of your relationship?)

His absolute favorite part of your relationship was when you still came around the day after he told you about how bad his mental health affected him. He was so scared to tell you about everything, but he knew that in order for things to work out he needed to be honest, and he was so relieved that you still wanted to be with him after he told you.

S- Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s a bit protective of you, but nothing too severe. If he sees you talking to another guy he’ll slowly walk up and go to hold your hand, or if he knows you’re going out for a bit he’ll ask if you want to wear one of his hoodies just so you can have a little bit of him with you while you’re gone. He just likes to make sure that other people can see you’re still his.

T- Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He would always do his best to put as much effort in as he can. It gets tough for him sometimes, but he never forgets you or your relationship, and he knows that he needs to still act like a boyfriend. He’ll bring you home flowers every now and then and he’ll sometimes get you little trinkets that remind him of you. He always wants to make sure you know he still cares.

U- Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Of course his mental health and anxiety gets to him a lot of the time. He’ll shut down and he won’t eat or talk or do much of anything, but you of course will help him through it every step of the way.

V- Vanity (How concerned are they with their appearance?)

He’s not very focused on his appearance much, it’s not something he’s incredibly worried about. Unfortunately, that means that sometimes he forgets to keep up with his personal hygiene so you have to remind him to brush his teeth and shower when he needs to.

W- Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Absolutely. Without a doubt he would feel so lost without you there. You’ve been someone who’s shown that you love and care for him, and you’ve helped him a lot with getting better and he can see how much you care. Losing you would mean he loses everything.

X- Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

You’re the only person who he’ll never complain for when you ask him to take his meds. He hates having to take them, always has, but all you have to do is put the bottles in front of him and he’ll take them with no hesitation.

Y- Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

If you’re someone who physically cannot handle how he gets when his emotions get the best of him then it’s not going to work out at all. He knows that it can be a bit much, it’s a lot to handle, especially if you’ve never had much experience with someone who has issues with his emotions but if you can’t handle him when he’s at his worst then he doesn’t want to be with you.

Z- Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)