#the grumpy panda

the grumpy Panda his head God cavitate

So my Jerky XP box arrived, and here's my critique unsolicited. First, I'll say two things. One being a little FYI. I didn't notice at first, but I now know that Jerky XP also sells dog treats! So if you have a pooch or are friends with someone who does, they can join in on the jerky fun, too! Secondly, I had to contact customer service, as three days after placing the order I hadn't received any confirmation or updates on my order. I wasn't mad, just curious. Zach, the owner of Jerky XP, e-mailed me back himself and explained the delay. It was a pleasant, and at times humorous, e-mail exchange. He seems like a cool guy and it was nice he took a hands on approach to my inquiry. As a result of the delay, he even threw in some extra jerky for free. I explained that wasn't necessary, but he insisted. So Jerky XP gets points for that, right from the start. I ordered the Variety Pack, and it comes with seven (!) different jerkies (not including the extras they threw in) and some beef and cheese sticks. Each bag (except the beef sticks) is also resealable (!) and on top has a little bar that indicates its level of spiciness. To let you know, I am only reviewing five jerkies and the beef sticks for this e-mail. Opting to hold off on the ones labelled as extremely spicy. I may have mentioned before that I'm not a fan of overly hot or spicy things. I don't mind tasting some spicy flavors, but I really don't like when it sticks around and just burns, if that makes sense. It just ruins the flavor when all you can feel is fire in your throat and on your tongue. So the two mega hot ones will wait until later. With an online coupon code I found, the total order was around fifty five bucks. So pretty comparable to retail prices if you were to buy a bunch of jerky at once from a grocery store or something. Now, onto the jerky itself. Here we go... 1. Beef And Cheese Sticks. These are a solid stick, meaning they have weight to them when you hold one. About half as long as a Slim Jim, but twice as thick. Tastes like a kielbasa sausage with a cheap nacho cheese running down its middle. It's okay. If the cheese inside were of a better quality, it would get a higher ranking. I like it, but am not wholly excited by it. 2. Maple Brown Sugar Bacon Jerky. Immediately when you bite into this one, you can feel the grittiness of the brown sugar. It's not unpleasant, just noticeable. Following that you can taste the artificial smoke flavoring, which I'm not a fan of. It's not wholly overpowering on this, but it does take away from the actual bacon and bacon flavor. Overall, though, this is decent bacon jerky. It's not greasy like others have been, which helps it a lot. I just wish the artificial smoke wasn't the foremost taste. 3. Honey Barbecue. A very, very sweet smell to this one. Although sugar and ketchup is what the smell is comprised of. Very tender pieces of jerky. It's good, but too sweet, and it really tastes like they just dipped jerky into a very low grade ketchup. I don't get any kind of barbecue flavor at all. Just overly sweet ketchup. Did I mention ketchup yet? It's acceptable, but not the best jerky effort. 4. Teriyaki. Ah, the staple jerky flavor. Everyone makes a teriyaki jerky. The bag smells of old soy sauce. Could be a good or bad thing, depending on how old and greasy you like you Chinese fast food carry outs to be. Again, tender pieces of jerky. Very salty in flavor. No real teriyaki or soy sauce flavor, just a salty piece of jerky. I'm not liking this one too much. 5. Sweet and Spicy Barbecue. Again with the ketchup smell. I understand many barbecue sauces use tomato paste as a prime component, but this company just seems to use straight up cheap ketchup and call it barbecue. Another tender piece of meat. Biting into it, there is no ketchup taste, which is surprising given the smell. There is a definite spicy kick, and it is very close to being too much for my palate, but its right under the bar. I don't taste any barbecue, either. Just an indeterminate spice. It's not bad. Good if you just want a spicy piece of tender jerky. Not sure why they call it barbecue too, though. 6. Spicy Beef Jerky. That's it, it's just called Spicy. The bag has a peppery smell, but I presume (without reading the ingredients) that there's more to it than that. Decently tender again. And... it really tastes of just a peppered piece of jerky. It's not spicy or hot. I'm not sure who does the labelling for this company, but they may want to re-do them. This one is good. Simple, to the point. So there you have it. Unless you fell asleep eight paragraphs ago! :)