#thatsreal

Years went by & I realized it was my fault.. always was & always will be my fault. I probably always realized it was but never put 2 2 together. I was selfish & careless about your feelings & should’ve took it to consideration. I fell in love with my soulmate when I was 18, and I blame her for everything knowing it was my fault. Me looking back at all the shit I did was embarrassing but it was all my fault. I could be a Man today & tell you back then I really didn’t deserved you. I only cared about myself & wanted to crash out with the devil in the streets. I always thought you never loved me but you really did, I never seen the signs… Almost 10 years later we still talk.. we still hang out, we still laugh & we still vibe.. just like you said we had to live separate lives for a bit to realize we needed each other in the long run. It’s crazy how I’m still obsessed with you, anything you need I’ll give it to you in a heartbeat. I know money doesn’t impress you or anything, but all the shit I put you thru doesn’t have a price if that makes sense? I stayed single for years & told every female that came in my way I was taken.. she just ain’t mine right now, because she is doing her own thang but when she done she knows I’ll be waiting. I was waiting for so long I got tired of being alone, I forgot how to love how to do little things. I’m only in a relationship now to coupe from the lost pain I had for you in years. Sometimes I wish I stayed single a little longer, stayed in my shell & waited for you because I always knew you was going to come back… I knew you was going to hit me up at both our lowest, both hug it out & kiss it & make up for lost time.. I sometimes wonder why am I still here & not married to you already? Till this day I still cry when I watch movies like Love & Basketball, Jason’s Lyric, Poetic Justice, Love Don’t Cost a Thing, True To The Game, any love movie I cry to & be like dam this was me & you Reina. It was always me & that’s sad. If I would’ve just hold all my emotions in then I would’ve married you so young because all I wanted in life was you. I love everything about you & it still hasn’t changed. I told my Mom about you.. I told my sisters about you. I told my homies I was posted on the blocc hitting licks with about you. You are my lifeline & if you die today I probably would kill myself. I’m still waiting on your move & say lets run away. And when you do I promise we will leave.. but that’s just fairy talk right? Lol I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore smh.. it’s crazy I called myself ColdHeartedMook because of you, I post nothing but blue hearts not red because you made me coldhearted. I use to say morning & not goodmorning but nothing was good about my mornings without you. I use to be mad at everyone & the world because my Pops was gone & you left me. But I understand now.. because it was always me & I’m sorry for putting you thru all that…. I always told myself after I’m 21 I don’t think I would ever ever get married. Because when I was 18, 19 I only seen one person as my Wife & who I was going to spend my whole life with.. and it was you Reina.. it was you, but it’s my fault it was always my fault it was always me. Now this friendship we have shouldn’t even be a friendship but it’s cool.. like you said Time Will Tell right? The famous line you always told me smh. It’s crazy too I told myself a longtime ago, I would stop writing & making music because you were my motivation when it came to it now look at me now writing my heart on my sleeve. Still waiting for you fuck up what I have so we can be what we dreamed about since we were kids. ❤️