also i think part of why shauna wants power so badly is for that control. she hasn't had any control over anything since coming to the wilderness, and she's finally starting to find her voice and power and wants to live in that. she was voiceless for a long time, but she is the butcher and she has suffered, and she wants that to be recognized.
but she also is driven by this thought of...if she were in charge then her baby will stop being used. she has to sit by and listen as people talk about this sacrifice, this loss that she had that is being touted as a good thing. as something that has helped all of them. but it is crushing to her; she will never get to meet her baby boy. her hallucination was of him, of trying to get to him, and she never will.
she still doesn't trust any of them because she passed out. she holds ben accountable for walking away, leaving her vulnerable (and I have a lot of empathy for him in that moment, but shauna doesn't have to! none of the girls do! he was the adult figure, and in that moment, they were all scared teenage girls looking to him for help, and he did fail them! he couldn't; he wasn't capable, but they don't need to understand that when they had to help shauna through birth on their own. where travis and others called to the wilderness for help, and shauna got through it after, why could they ever trust that ben has their backs? he was their coach, and he let them down). and then her baby got turned into some martyr and proof of the religion. of course she's angry. of course she can't be around them.
and if she gets to lead them, she can make it so they never use her baby's name this way again.
