#thalia_ilace

I always liked to dance but I was never good at it. I liked to listen to music a lot and I had a CD player. Since I shared a room, I wasn't allowed to do this or that, so I'd stand on my bed (which was my space) and listen to my mom's old Queen CD, The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack or the mixed CD of a bunch of old songs my grandpa had made me and stand on my bed and dance. I wasn't allowed to do that anymore after some time because my brother was bothered by it, but I felt very happy.

My mom's uncle was Japanese so my mom grew up watching anime from going to his house and was somewhat familiar with the language from hearing him speak/yell it.

My oldest brother is 8 years older than me, so by the time I came around my house was full of anime. We all watched anime together - Mobile Suit Gundam, Ghost in the Shell, .hack, Eureka 7, Inuyasha, Bleach, Rurouni Kenshin, etc.

My favorite parts were the songs. I had a little cassette player so I'd make everyone be quiet and I'd sit by the speakers while the themes played and record them. They were my favorites~ TM Revolution, Siam Shade, Do As Infinity, Every Little Thing, Home Made Kazoku, I loved their music.

I was not allowed on the internet, but one day a friend of mine who knew I liked Japanese music, told me of a site called animelyrics.com! I asked my mom if I could use it so she checked it and gave me the okay. Everyday I'd browse through it and listen to the songs. I'd print them out the lyrics and sing them.

At 12 years old, I found a music video and it had a dance shot (choreography only), version. I learned it quickly and got up in my room (which was my own by then) and sang it while doing the choreography, pretending I was performing for a crowd. For the first time I felt "This is what I was meant to do."

I started singing online and posting covers on Youtube, I met my best friends through that! (My current group mates Milky & Misha - as well as my audio mixer for my debut, fairytune!)

I made friends, had fun and found a lot of people who shared this newfound dream of mine - to debut.

I always had pitch problems, I really struggled. Some said I was tone deaf. I was bullied for my voice - told that I was faking it, so I'd try to sing and speak deeper. I was told I was an alto so I was given low lines. My pitch worsened and my throat was constantly in pain.

As I got older I decided to take singing lessons. I told her I was an alto and when we did our warmups on the piano she kept smiling at me and asked, "Would you mind if we tried to go just a little bit higher?" and I'd say "Okay!" It started to get easier and easier and at the end she turned to me and said "You're not an alto, you're a high soprano." and I said "Everyone's told me I'm an alto, I don't sing well." and she said "You're having a hard time down here because this isn't in your range. Your low is all the way up here!" So she helped me stretch my range and as I worked I slipped back into my natural voice. My vocal damage still needed to be repaired and it took a long time but eventually I was able to sing healthy again~

I was in so many groups preparing for debut that fell apart. I wrote lyrics and hired a composer and a topliner with money I had from my birthday. (I am disabled I cannot work). The composer delivered the song that was not at all what I had wanted or asked for. I didn't like it, but I had no choice but to accept it. The topliner sent us the work and my lyrics were rushed, he sang it too low and it was not possible for me to sing. So my money was gone and I had a song I couldn't sing or use. I had worked on an album independently and it was scrapped, I was scouted by a company and then they decided not to take me. My dream was in my hand and like water it trickled out, no matter how hard I tried to grab it and hold on. I was already in my mid 20s. I'd aged out of auditions. I gave up on my dream.

After facing a lot of bullying and harassment these past few years, I've struggled. I've been unable to relieve my stress, had frequent breakdowns and meltdowns and dangerous thoughts. My therapist and my family didn't know what to do, none of the 'supports' were helping, none of the relaxation tools were helping, nothing was working.

I thought about the last time I felt my happiest. It was when I was pursuing my dream, singing and dancing. I started to write lyrics. It was something I always thought was so crazy how people could write and create a song, certainly it was not something I could ever do professionally. Even the song I created way back when, was not 'good'. Even the song that I had written and composed myself were not 'good'. But, I thought "These are okay for my age."

I had no interest in composing, but writing lyrics felt good, so I tried that. For the first time, my stress started to be relieved. So I wrote and wrote and wrote. People told me "These are really good!" My therapist was also impressed.

A friend then turned me to Suno ai. I'd always been against AI but after reading on Suno, I felt it was a good ai to use. So I tried it and I cried. Hearing my words to a song, was crazy and something I never thought I'd ever have happen to me. I sat and just created and created and my stress was finally relieving. I felt "I want to debut" and I was able to face my dream again.

My parents lent me money. I was able to purchase Suno's license and after some conversation, they gave me the rights for the songs that I had made prior. I learned to arrange, I learned to edit songs, and add my own flares and adjustments.

I hired an artist for my single cover with the rest of it and was finally, at age 29, able to achieve my dream of debuting. I felt, "Finally I have found room for myself in this world."

And I made my first sale <3

My life that was stuck in a box because of my disability, because of what others told me I was allowed and was not allowed to achieve, but now my life has opened up and a future came into view.

This year I was able to debut, I was able to make my first sale, and I was able to make my first income writing lyrics for someone else.

I'm not the best and I have a lot of shortcomings, but that's okay because now I am free to create, and I am capable now of making a name for myself in the way that I feel like I was meant to. I've learned that I'm good at writing lyrics, I'm good at producing and I'm good at A&R directing. Maybe I'm not a good singer, but that's okay, I don't have to be. I can be Thalia Ilace, no matter what.