🏳️🌈Thai Wedding Ceremonies🏳️🌈
One of the prompts for Thai the Knot is “ceremony,” and this post will break down the several ceremonies that can take place during a Thai wedding. The order, duration, and even priority of certain ceremonies are up to the couple, and some traditions can be kept or excluded at the couples’ discretion. Many of these ceremonies can take place in a single day, while other couples may choose to spread these ceremonies out over several days.
Technically, same-sex weddings are not traditional weddings, so it would be up to the couple to adjust it to suit their own circumstances. Some would pick a role and stick with it for the ceremony (for example, in a sapphic wedding, one person may assign themselves as the “groom” and the other as the “bride.” A traditional wedding is not a rigid rule to follow but more like a template that you may customize to suit you if need be (if your parents are not too unreasonable). (recentadultburnout)
Additionally, there are traditions that are inspired by Western or Chinese influence, which we will discuss later in the post.
🏳️🌈Buddhist Ceremony (พิธีสงฆ์) (phithi song)
If the couple chooses to do a one-day Thai wedding, the first ceremony that happens on that day will be Phiti Song (monk ceremony-พิธีสงฆ์) (recentadultburnout). Buddhist monks are invited to bless the couple’s relationship; doing so is believed to ensure the relationship’s longevity and to encourage a long and healthy marriage. The couple will make merit by offering food to the monks; when holding the rice ladle, it is said that the person who places their hand above the other’s will have the upper hand in the relationship (Thailand Foundation). After, “when the groom receives forehead anointing to bless the marriage from the monk first and gives one to the bride himself, with the hands of the monk holding and guiding his. In some cases, forehead anointing will be done by an elder the married couple respects instead of the monk” (recentadultburnout). However, forehead anointing can happen in other parts of the wedding day or be incorporated into other ceremonies (as we see in this video where forehead anointing happens separately from the Buddhist ceremony).
🏳️🌈Khan Mak Procession (แห่ขันหมาก) (hae khanmak)
The Khan Mak Procession (or parade) is when the groom and the groom’s friends and family will walk to the bride’s house while carrying khan mak (ขันหมาก) or engagement trays. The Khan Mak procession can be two parts; the first is Khan Mak Ek (ขันหมากเอก), or the primary procession. The Khan Mak Ek tray includes betel leaves, silver bag, gold bag, auspicious grains, mung beans, black sesame, unhusked rice, puffed rice, and money envelopes (recentadultburnout). Other trays that counts as primary but has another name are the dowry for the bride (which both families agree upon prior to the ceremonies), rings for the bride and groom for the proposal ceremony, and candles and incense for accepting wai. The second part is Khan Mak Tho (ขันหมากโท) or the secondary procession, and those trays hold desserts, such as thong ek (flower egg yolk dumplings) and foi thong (shredded egg yolk threads), and other auspicious items that symbolize love, longevity, and fertility (WeddingList; recentadultburnout). The processions also require banana trees and sugar cane, which will be planted at the newlyweds’ home later.
When the groom and his family make it to the bride’s home, the groom is barred from entering until he can prove his love and stability to the bridal party and family. The bridal party will create three gates (or more) with string, and in order for the groom to pass, he must answer questions about the bride, declare his love, and/or simply pay for entrance. In this video, a groom must prove his physical capabilities in order to see his bride. In another, he’s negotiating with the bride’s family.
🏳️🌈Marriage Proposal Ceremony (สู่ขอ) (sòo kŏr) & Dowry (สินสอด) (sinsod thongman) Counting Ceremony
At the marriage proposal ceremony, the groom will ask for permission from the bride’s family to marry the bride. This is known as sòo kŏr (sookor); in the past, sòo kŏr happens prior to the wedding day. Nowadays this step is simply a play act for good fortune and to play up the happy occasion. The families act out these roles pretending to negotiate the terms of the dowry. Later, after the parents express their consent for the marriage to happen, the groom will bring the bride out into everyone's eyes, and then the Sinsod counting will begin (recentadultburnout).
Sinsod, or dowry, is usually agreed upon prior to these ceremonies, so the bride’s parents will pretend to count it, mostly to show the guests the groom’s generosity. Sinsod (สินสอด) refers to a way the money used to be packed and presented to the bride's parents (recentadultburnout). Both parents then sprinkle popped rice and flowers from the other Khan Mak trays onto the sinsod/dowry, and sometimes, the bride’s mother will “struggle” to carry or lift the dowry to imply that it’s too heavy because of the amount (again, to show the generosity of the groom) (Thailand Foundation; recentadultburnout).
Traditionally, engagement ceremonies were done separately long before the wedding day. Firstly, the groom expresses his intention to marry the bride by bringing his parents to approach the bride’s parents (ทาบทาม-approach), privately and outside of any celebratory ceremony. Once the groom's side gets an approval, the groom's side will proceed to go sòo kŏr the bride and, during the process, establish details for the dowry, pick an engagement date, etc. The couple then does an engagement ceremony on a later date, and then the preparations for a wedding can happen after that. How short or long the period between engagement and marriage is entirely up to the party involved.
More recently though, engagement ceremonies are now done on the same wedding date for ease and to adhere to the auspiciousness of their wedding day. Hence, the sòo kŏr or counting of the dowry is more performative (as described above) when the ceremonies take place on the same day. If done on the same day as the other ceremonies, the rings will be carried to the bride’s home in the Khan Mak procession. “In the process of giving the engagement ring, the groom first puts the ring on the bride, and then the bride bows down to the groom. After that, it's the bride who will put the ring on the groom” (recentadultburnout). Here is a video that shows what a ceremony could look like. With more awareness of gender equality, the groom putting the ring on his bride’s finger first is now a “symbolic act;” additionally, some couples “adjust the tradition by both performing the wai gesture to show respect towards each other” (Thailand Foundation).
After this, the couple will pay their respects to their parents and older relatives. “The meaning of this is to ask the parents and relatives of both the bride and groom to acknowledge and look after them as a new member of their partner family.”
“This step is done by bowing down without holding your hands open. 3 times for the parents and once for others. After bowing down, the couple will hand a raft of incense sticks to the elders. They will take it and then tie the bride and groom's wrists with holy thread for good fortune and as a symbol of being a member of the family, along with giving blessings and money envelopes as gifts for the newlyweds. Other valuables will also be given as a blessing and as funding for them to build a family together.” (recentadultburnout)
🏳️🌈Sai Monkhon (Joining by Thread) & Water Pouring Ceremony (รดน้ำสังข์) (rod nam sang)
“The bride and groom must sit or kneel next to each other. Their arms will rest on a small padded table and their hands must be held together in prayer position. An elder member of the family – who is considered to have a successful marriage – will place the traditional headpiece called Mong Kol on the head of both the bride and groom. This string headpiece, previously blessed by monks, must be made out of one piece of cotton. This will join the couple in ceremony, and symbolically for the rest of their lives.” (Thailand Foundation)
Following this is the water pouring ceremony (sometimes referred to the shell ceremony in other sources). “The ceremony begins with incense and candles being lit to honor the Three Jewels. The newlyweds sit on a bench, preparing to receive holy water, which is thought to be a life blessing. The honor guest (prathan: chairman, president, honor guest) will put the nuptial good luck thread on the newlyweds' heads and anoint their foreheads, and then the holy water pouring will start in the order of seniority, one by one. Most of the time, the people who get to do it are the ones who are already married, not children or teenagers. When it's over, the honor guest will remove the nuptial good luck thread, which must be taken off from both the groom and the bride at the same time, and roll it all together to put it on the groom's hand or the bride's hand, along with congratulating the pair.” (recentadultburnout)
🏳️🌈Preparing the Marital Bed & Nuptial Chamber
Unlike the previous ceremonies and receptions, preparing the marital bed and sending the bride and groom to their bedroom is considered a private tradition. When it's an auspicious time, their family will prepare rice, flowers, and other things according to the beliefs to sprinkle on the bed where the newlyweds will sleep. The bed sheet they use in the ceremony must be the newly bought one (recentadultburnout). Preparing the bed also consists of with various auspicious items that are the symbols of prosperity and fertility: “a mortar to represent solid love, an unripe squash to bring a happy marriage, the figure of a sleeping cat to show comfort at home, a symbol of a rooster to promote waking up early, and finally a cane as a symbol of long life” (TheThailandLife).
“In the ceremony, the elders, whom both sides respect, will make a bed and arrange the pillows. This is done privately by the couples’ parents and couples who were rightfully married according to tradition and have a good, long married life and also be accepted in society as ethical and good people. The purpose of this ceremony is for auspiciousness and to give a good example of a good marriage for the newlyweds.” (recentadultburnout)
🏳️🌈Western Influences/Additions
After all the ceremonies, a Thai couple can choose to have an after party or reception to further celebrate the marriage with friends and family. Guests play games, take photos with the bride and groom, give speeches, etc.
In a modern Thai wedding reception, you may find more Western influence, such as a Western wedding cake and cake cutting ceremony, a bridal bouquet toss, etc. Exchanging rings is also now part of Thai wedding ceremonies, whereas they previously were not. Style of dress and attire can also have Western influence. Some couples opt for wearing traditional Thai wedding attire (which can be quite varied depending on what region of Thailand one is in), but others may prefer a white wedding dress! Some would do both. Thai style for the morning ceremony and western style for the evening. Usually, traditional Thai weddings do not have events such as bachelor or bachelorette parties or honeymoons, but a couple can include them if they want.
🏳️🌈Chinese Influences/Additions
A common addition to a Thai wedding is a tea ceremony. “It is a Chinese tradition to pay respect to the elderly. The bride will prepare a teapot and a teacup, and the elderly relatives who are attending the ceremony will sit in order of seniority. The groom's relatives will sit on the left. The newlyweds must sit together at the start of the ceremony. They will kneel down and pour tea into a cup, place it on a tray, and lift the tray with both hands at the same time. and send it to the attendee to drink until the cup is empty. Then elder relatives will bless them and give gifts, and the newlyweds will give something in return. They can be general items like cushions, towels, or glassware. At the end of the tea ceremony The newlyweds will eat Khanom Ei and Khanom Bua Loi together to symbolize sweet love.
The tea ceremony might happen after the wedding day, like how it happens according to Chinese tradition, or it might be combined with the accept wai step as they have the same purpose.” Here is an example of a tea ceremony incorporated into a traditional Thai wedding. (recentadultburnout)
🏳️🌈 What's ThaiTheKnot2025? 🏳️🌈 Guidelines 🏳️🌈 Prompts 🏳️🌈 Discord & Carrd 🏳️🌈
