#tgpairup23

Today was supposed to be a quiet day. A nice quiet day to himself, Kaneki thought. On Sundays they all would go to the store to buy groceries for the week, but since they decided to go a day early due to a sale, it was basically a free day. Touka had gotten an invitation from Yoriko to spend the day together at the park with their children. Kaneki had asked her if she wanted him to tag along, but Touka said no. She said it had been a while since she and Yoriko spent time together alone. Kaneki thought it was a little weird to say it like that since they would have the kids, but he knew what she meant.

Going down the stairs of his home, Kaneki saw his pregnant wife right before she was about to leave. Yet he noticed that their daughter, Ichika, was missing from her side.

“Touka?”

“Good morning. Did I wake you?”

“No. Are you leaving?”

Touka nodded. “Yeah. I wanted to get there early so that I have some time to talk to her before she gets more occupied with the baby. You know how it is.” Touka chuckled a little as she spoke.

So did Kaneki. “Yeah I suppose so. Where’s Ichika? Is she still getting ready?”, he asked.

Touka scratched at her head. “Ah well you see about that…” Kaneki’s eyes widened just a little bit. Was something wrong? Did Ichika fall ill? “I tried to wake her up, but she wouldn’t budge. She insisted that she wanted to stay home.”

“Oh really? She insisted?”

“Well more like she gave me the biggest grumpy face ever and then hid under the blanket.” Touka sighed. “I’m sorry. Usually I would’ve been able to handle it better, but as you can see,” Touka pointed to her baby bump, “I don’t think this little one would have made it easy.”

Kaneki just laughed it off. “It’s alright. I’ll spend the day with her.”

“Are you sure? I know you were excited to have the day to yourself. Maybe you can just get her ready real quick and then we’ll be on our way.”

“No no. It’s fine. I’m her father after all. It’s my job to take care of her.”

Touka’s eyes softened. “Kaneki… I”, yet before she could finish, she had a look at the clock and gasped. “Ah shoot! I’m late! So sorry, but I have to get going. I’ll see you guys later, okay”, Touka said as she already put one foot out the door.

Kaneki waved to her as she left. “Yes. We’ll see you later.”

As the door shut, leaving Kaneki all alone in the living room, the man pondered. Now what? His plans for relaxing were out the window now. Ichika was a pretty active kid and always kept everybody on their toes. Kaneki decided that it would be best to just wake her and go from there. Before he could take a step, he heard little footsteps coming downstairs. Yet when he turned his head around there was no one there. Now he heard the steps coming from the kitchen.

Perhaps she’s trying to hide from me, Kaneki thought.

Going into the kitchen, Kaneki spotted Ichika pulling a chair towards the pantry. He almost wanted to laugh at the little grunts she was making. Poor thing. The chair must be so heavy for her.

“What are you doing?”

“Hungry.”

“You’re hungry? Okay. What do you want to eat?”

“I’ll do it!”

“Do you want me to get it for you?” As he took a step closer to her, Ichika let go of the chair and began pushing Kaneki away.

“No no! I’m gonna do it! No!”

“Alright alright”, Kaneki said as she kept pushing him. Looks like she was in a mood. It reminded him of Touka and, oddly enough, Hide. Once she got him out of the kitchen, Ichika went back and started pulling the chair again. When Kaneki went to look at what she was doing again, Ichika got mad.

“Papa no! Go!”

“Oh? I can’t watch?”

“No!”

“Okay okay”, Kaneki said as he put his hands up. He pretended to walk further away when he turned the corner. Once he heard her moving again, he figured it would be a good time to spy on her. Peeking into the kitchen, Kaneki saw that Ichika had climbed the chair to grab a bag of flour from the pantry. However, the bag she was grabbing was too heavy for her small arms so it quickly fell onto her, creating a cloud of flour.

“Ichika!” Kaneki swiftly made his way towards his daughter checking if she had any injuries. “Are you okay?” He saw her nod, but heard her trying to hold back little whimpers. “Look at that”, he said pointing to the top of her head. Her dark roots were covered by the flour. “You look just like me.” Kaneki smiled when Ichika laughed. She seemed to be just fine. After all, Ichika was always quick to bounce back.

After dusting her off Kaneki went to go get the broom and dustpan. Coming back, he saw Ichika trying to get something from the pantry again.

“What are you getting now?”

“Eggs.”

“Eggs? What for?”

“Pancakes. I wanna make pancakes like from the cafe.”

“Oh.” Kaneki remembered the cafe they would all go to. Ever since Ichika was a toddler, she loved eating the fluffy pancakes from there. Before he swept up the flour on the floor, Kaneki picked up the bag and placed it onto the counter.

“The eggs are in the refrigerator. They’re too high for you to get so I’ll help get them.”

Ichika was now watching Kaneki as he swept.

“Papa knows how to make pancakes?”

“Yes.”

“But papa can’t eat food like me.”

“Just because I can’t eat it, doesn’t mean I can’t cook.” Ichika seemed so stunned at the information, Kaneki couldn’t help but chuckle. As soon as the floor was clean, he put on an apron.

“Get ready Ichika because you’re about to witness a cooking papa!”

Seeing her normally mild mannered father have so much confidence made Ichika giddy with excitement.

Approaching the pantry, Kaneki pulled out a small box of baking soda.

“Go put this next to the flour.”

“Okay!” The small child nearly leapt off from the chair as she went to go do as she was told.

“And once you do that, go grab your little stool.”

“Yes!” As she ran off, Kaneki took this time to get the remaining ingredients.

Bringing back the stool was no problem for her. It was a lot lighter than the big chairs they had. When Ichika came back, she saw an array of ingredients on the counter. She quickly set the stool down in place and stood on it to get a better look.

“Are you ready?” Kaneki asked.

“Yes papa.”

“Alright.” Kaneki reached over and rolled up Ichika’s sleeves before doing the same for himself. “This is so we don’t get dirty.” He saw her nod and try to roll them up even more.

“Okay. First, let’s combine our dry ingredients.”

Ichika looked puzzled. Kaneki wondered why, but then it dawned on him that she was five. She didn’t really understand what dry ingredients were yet. “Oh. Um, we have to put these into a bowl.” Kaneki then pointed to the flour, salt, sugar, baking powder and baking soda.

“Oh okay.” Ichika grabbed the bag of flour and tipped it over so that it could go into the bowl. Kaneki was able to stop it from falling again, but some still spilled out.

“Not that much. We only need two cups.”

“But I can’t reach the cups.”

“Not those ones.” Rummaging through one of the drawers, he pulled out some measuring cups and spoons. “Use this one. Remember. Only two.” Kaneki watched Ichika as she counted while collecting and pouring the flour.

“Good job! Now use this one for the sugar.” He then gave her a smaller cup.

“How many?” Ichika asked, nervous that she was going to mess up.

“Just one”, Kaneki said as he put a finger up.

Once she had finished that, he decided that he should handle the measuring spoons since they were so little. Ichika didn’t really like that idea so she tried to take the spoons from Kaneki’s hand. She was unsuccessful and only managed to spill some of the powder.

“Alright. Let’s stir the bowl.” Giving her a whisk, Kaneki told her to do it gently. “We don’t want it flying out.”

Now that the dry ingredients were all mixed, it was time for the wet ingredients and Kaneki was a bit nervous to say the least. Cleaning up powder was one thing. This, however, could end in catastrophe. He had already melted the butter. All she had to do was put it in the bowl.

“Here’s the other bowl. Put the butter in here.” Doing as she was told, Ichika noticed her father was starting to pour milk into one of the measuring cups.

“I wanna do it!”

Before he could stop her, it was already too late. The way she had lunged for the cup made his grip on the milk slip so it fell. Over half of it had spilled out getting all over the counter and dripping onto the floor. Luckily, he had already gotten the amount he needed.

“Sorry…” Ichika had a guilty look on her face. The look that would make everyone melt.

“It’s alright. We’ll clean it up before mama gets home”, said Kaneki. Him and Touka were used to the messes. “Here. Help me with the vanilla.”

“Ice cream?”

“No no. It’s a mixture. We’re gonna put it in the bowl.” He handed Ichika one of the measuring spoons. “I’ll pour and you put it in.” Ichika nodded happily. Once they had done it twice, Kaneki grabbed the one egg and cracked it into the bowl. Ichika didn’t make a fuss about it. He supposed that she knew cracking eggs would be too hard for her to do by herself.

“Okay. Now mix this one too.” Kaneki had forgotten to tell her to do it gently, but he saw that he didn’t need to. Ichika was being careful. It made him feel a bit of pride seeing that she remembered.

She really has grown up, Kaneki thought. It seemed like just yesterday when she could barely hold a spoon.

“Do we make pancakes now?” Asked Ichika.

Kaneki smiled. “Not just yet. We have to combine the bowls now.” He then poured the bowl full of the wet ingredients into the bowl with the dry ingredients. “Now we have to mix it again. Make sure it’s mixed together really well.”

“Okay.” When Ichika started mixing, she noticed it was a bit harder than the previous times. So she began to use more force as she stirred. And when that didn’t feel like enough, she put even more force into it. At that point, her sleeves had unrolled themselves. Pretty soon, there was batter splashing out. Kaneki decided to not say anything. She was still a child. Let her have fun and get a little messy. He only stopped her when the stool beneath her started to shake.

“Ha ha! Look papa!” Ichika raised the bowl to show him. “I did it! I mixed it!”

“Fantastic job Ichika!” Kaneki clapped as Ichika did a little dance with the bowl. “Okay. Now we can make the pancakes.” He grabbed the bowl from her and set it down. Grabbing a pan, Kaneki looked over at Ichika. “I have to do this part because it involves the stove. How about you go wash your hands?”

Ichika nodded and left the room. Kaneki looked over at the mess that was made. He sighed.

When Ichika came back she decided to grab a fork before sitting down to wait. She watched her father intently as he began flipping the pancakes.

“Some of these will be for mama so remember to leave some for her.”

“Yes papa.”

Once he was done, Kaneki stacked some on a plate and gave it to an eager Ichika. As he was doing so, he could’ve sworn he could hear a faint ‘pancakes! pancakes! pancakes!’ coming from her.

He watched as she took a bite. “So how is it?” He asked.

Ichika smiled brightly. “So yummy! Even though they aren’t fluffy.”

Kaneki felt like there was glass shattering. She had asked for fluffy pancakes. They just made regular ones. His face became so gloomy that Ichika started to panic.

“Papa no! They’re very good! I like them a lot! Can I have more?”

“It’s alright Ichika.” Kaneki said with a defeated smile. “I’ll learn how to make it for you.”

The end

All were cold in their own way— Noro was tall and silent, roaming the halls like a zombie. Accompanying him at all times was Eto, a childish— thus dangerous— mystery who always seemed to be watching Kaneki when he wasn’t looking. There was Naki, the new White Suits leader, who was overly emotional and unstable. And then Tatara always glared at Kaneki when he spoke up, as though he knew Kaneki’s true purpose, despite that being impossible.

In a way, it was good. Kaneki truly felt nothing towards these ghouls— these monsters— and counted to himself the days until their demise. He would consume them once they became useless, and he would climb on their corpses to the pinnacle of strength, upon which he would finally be able to protect what mattered to him.

But then there was Ayato. Touka’s younger brother, and a roaring fire amidst the cold. He was a lot like his sister, much as he likely didn’t want to admit: strong-willed, and a face full of swears and glares for anyone disagreeable. It should be easy to hate someone like that; those were the types that pushed people away and ended up all alone because of it.

If that were true, then it must have been the burden of nostalgia on Kaneki’s shoulders, because he found himself hesitating. Bringing down Aogiri meant confronting Ayato again, meant grappling with the choice he’d made in the 11th ward. It meant questioning his actions in that checkerboarded room, and rendering them meaningless.

And then it happened. Kaneki hadn’t been sent out to exterminate ghouls for a while, and he felt the pangs of hunger clawing at the walls of his stomach. The monster inside him craved sustenance, but his sense of justice and heroism demanded only one type of food— villains. And yet, the powers that be demanded he bide his time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. He had to feign loyalty to Aogiri lest they catch onto his plan, and a true predator knew when to keep his claws beneath his cloak.

In a show of what must have been amused pity, Eto had suggested to Tatara that Kaneki accompany Ayato’s squad to a 15th ward raid. However, there were no ghouls, like Kaneki anticipated— they were going to attack a Dove’s nest.

Humans.

He knew this day would come eventually; it was just the consequence of working with ghouls. Humans would be attacked. Humans would be killed. But Kaneki, a former human, hunting his old kind— it stilled him. He knew how fragile they could be, how much easier they crumbled compared to ghouls. That was what Yamori had taught him.

Yet, when Ayato recklessly charged ahead and got stabbed by two hooks of a strange quinque, Kaneki almost thought he was just another human. The way Ayato crumbled when his ribs shattered like glass— Kaneki acted before he realized it. His kagune, grafted onto him like a broken branch onto a foreign tree, spilled forth wilder than anything before.

Two appendages around Ayato, and two through the Dove that did it.

Blood, human blood, spilled over Kaneki’s implanted organ, and the intoxicating smell of raw meat. He had always resisted the temptation, and the heat of battle always made it difficult. But Ayato needed attention now, and Kaneki used that to push him forward.

He ran as fast and as far as he could, far behind the front lines. It went against all of his logic, all of his choices, all of his resolve. If he had woven a tapestry in which he styled himself the hero, this slashed a knife through it and turned it into scraps on the floor.

He could feel the confusion from the others; the Eyepatch hadn’t established a habit of retreating, and Ayato hadn’t established a habit of being protected. But battle was battle, and there wasn’t enough time to consider it.

A few buildings later, once the screams of combat were silent memories, Ayato stirred. “Shit…” he muttered. “Take me back, half-ass.”

“You’re injured.”

“Yeah, obviously!” As he said it, he hissed in pain. “Shit…! Look, if you let me feed, I won’t be injured!”

“How will you feed if you can barely stand?” Kaneki countered.

“You don’t know shit, half-ass. I need to eat.”

“You need rest. I’ll figure something out.”

“And what do you know about what I need, huh?!” With a forceful shove, Ayato tumbled out of Kaneki’s grip and clambered to his feet. He clutched his wound, but neither his words nor his scowl were any less vicious for it. “Prancin’ about and actin’ like you’re better than anyone, just cuz you beat Yamori or whatever…!”

Kaneki stood at a distance, watching Ayato struggle with the injury he was ignoring. He’d been observing Ayato’s feeding habits, and it was clear he didn’t cannibalize. He was floundering about in the world of ghouls, yet he refused to steal from them. That was what they were built to do, after all. But if he didn’t eat something soon, then—

“Why’re you even here, anyway?” There was a wall for Ayato to sink down against. “You kill shitty Doves, but you only eat when it’s other ghouls… It’s stupid; they taste disgusting.”

Kaneki said nothing. It was true, to an extent, but there was a limit to one’s base instincts. He had to overcome them, ascend past the sheep and become a shepherd, so that he might pick the ones most suitable for slaughter.

“You ain’t in Fantasy Caféland anymore,” Ayato continued. “We’re ghouls, Eyepatch. We eat humans, not each other.”

Kaneki stepped toward him, deciding to entertain the boy. “If you’re picky about what you eat, you’ll never become strong; those you care about will slip through your fingers like sand.”

“And who said I cared about anyone?” Ayato fired back. “I only need me, myself, and I… That’s how ghouls operate, you bastard. We can only count on ourselves.”

“What about Touka, then?” Kaneki squatted down to his level.

He clicked his tongue. “What about her?”

“You could have killed her back in Anteiku or in the 11th ward, yet you didn’t. You let her live.”

When Ayato didn’t respond, Kaneki knew he hit the nail on the head.

“You’re protecting someone, just like I am. Killing Doves en masse won’t solve anything; battle experience only gets you so far. You must be able to expand your limits, too. And to do that, you must eat. You must feed.”

He grabbed Ayato by the shirt collar.

“Like this.”

In one swift motion, he lunged forth and sunk his teeth into Ayato’s shoulder. Ayato hissed. “What the fuck are you doing?!” he yelled.

“Teaching you a lesson.” Kaneki stood up, wiping the blood off his mouth. The taste was still the same, like spoiled goods that no chef could salvage. It was the foulest trash one could consume. “You said you needed to eat, and if you don’t, you’ll die. So show me your resolve.”

Ayato clutched his shoulder, glaring. “Bastard…”

“Calling me names won’t fill your belly.” Kaneki balled up his fists and shifted into a fighting stance. “Now feed, Kirishima.”

“I’ll do more than that…” Ayato struggled to his feet, crouching low. He suddenly smirked. “I’ll wipe the goddamn floor with your fucking guts.”

Kaneki didn’t notice his own smirk. “Come and try.”

Ayato lunged first, driven by hunger and newfound frustration. Kaneki didn’t expect the sudden speed, and felt Ayato’s nails scrape his cheek as he dodged to the side. He aimed a fist at Ayato’s cheek, but the boy turned, and his kagune, though shrunken by lack of sustenance, burst out of his open back, lining Kaneki’s hand and arm with small shards.

Kaneki jumped back to try and reorient himself, but he underestimated a ghoul’s hunger. He’d never been on the receiving end like this; Ayato chased him down and grabbed him by the arm, his fingernails sinking into the flesh so as to not let go. Kaneki winced slightly at the sensation, but that wasn’t the worst part.

The worst part was when Ayato’s teeth sank into Kaneki’s shoulder, far deeper than expected. It was as if he wanted the wound to never heal, and wanted to leave lasting proof that it was by his power that Kaneki suffered it. Ayato’s power, and no one else’s, simultaneously claiming victory and possession both.

Yet, for some reason, it was a familiar— thus comforting— sensation. Not familiar in the sense that Kaneki had been bitten like this, but familiar in the way that he had been held with the same intent before. The way Ayato’s hands clung to his shirt and arm, combined with the searing pain of his flesh being torn— it was like being held in both affection and contempt, love and disgust.

But were those not two sides of the same coin? By coveting that which we hate, desiring that which we despise, do we not also love them? Crave them? Need them?

Despite himself, Kaneki felt himself clinging to the sensation as Ayato fed on him, took from him. He clung to it like it was the only thing that mattered, far beyond kings or weeds or bad coffee beans; this current, familiar, foreign moment was all that mattered.

He enjoyed it.

He despised it.

Ayato’s hair was a shaggy, bloody mess, unkempt and uncared for. He needed to wash it, Kaneki thought. Did he even know how to wash it? Was that something a ghoul like him, so entrenched in that world, knew how to do? Would Kaneki have to—

“You taste weird,” Ayato said, getting off and wiping the blood dripping from his mouth.

Kaneki stayed still on the floor, bordering on rigid. “So I’ve been told,” he responded, feeling his shoulder struggle to put itself back together. “You were hungry.”

“N-No shit I was hungry!” Ayato shouted back, stuffing his hands into his pockets. There was a new color in his cheeks: a reddish and healthy hue. “Still… Still am…”

And that was why Kaneki continued to hesitate. Ayato, every so often, displayed behavior that was so much more… human than the other executives. Unlike Tatara, Eto, Noro, or even Naki, Ayato knew things. Knew the joy of peace, the sorrow of loss, and the painstaking existence of never having both as a ghoul.

However, Kaneki simply nodded, stowing away such thoughts for his greater purpose. “The raid must be over by now.”

“Hmph, no thanks to you.” Ayato rolled his shoulders. “The others are probably lookin’ for us. C’mon.”

Kaneki rolled to his feet, calming himself. He was not here to… frolic with the company he kept now; he was on a mission, and not even Ayato would stand in his way. “Alright.”

Despite that, Kaneki stared at his new wound, surrounded by torn fabric. It was closing, as it always did, but something was different. Instead of a bare patch of skin, Kaneki saw a scar in the shape of Ayato’s teeth. Almost like a brand, marking one’s territory, one’s property.