#textmefirst

What if?

               What if you are the one to text me first? What if the next time I see you I just ask?  What are we doing? Are we hanging out with a greater goal or just because it’s fun to hang around with you?  I think it will be fine either way.  I mean, I’ll tell myself, I’ll be fine either way.  But really, I just need to know.  Because I’m needy and slowly, I mean, rapidly sprinting towards a near and distant future that includes you.  Because I’m slowly and completely losing it when it comes to you.  I’ll accidentally fall in love with you and you won’t even realize what you’ve done.  

               What if it’s actually everything?  That eight hours of just talking about nothing could actually be everything? Everything that I wanted and needed and hoped for. And also, everything that I didn’t realize was even a possibility.  But first, I need you to do it.  Something. Anything.  Reach a little.  Let me know. Because I’ve tried more with you than with anyone.  But I won’t, I mean can’t, I mean, I’ve never wanted to look like a fool.  For you though, maybe it’ll be worth it.  No, no, no.  You won’t make yourself a fool.  You can’t push so hard for something that doesn’t exist. But, what if? What if it is currently existing?  What if it’s just different than you imagined?  Because there’s no way for you to know.  You just don’t know.