the thing i've learned about self-autonomy, since i've gone so long with very little of it (and trying to get better at it), is that i kinda have to take my time building it, i gotta be patient with myself, but most importantly, i need to pay attention to ways i'm prioritizing others that i might not have ever considered before. sometimes this may look like i'm being "kind" or "considerate" but none of this matters if its causing me genuine distress...
its also a lot of work asking myself "do i want this or is this another case of me doing whats expected" over and over. so much of my life is set up to be this way and its been a lot digging and finding myself continuing to put myself in those situations so i can change. there are many things i can't do anything about which sucks but i gotta play with the cards i've been dealt. the least i can do is stop adding to my own pain and take down the barriers ive put up over the years to avoid seeing myself on the other end.
