#text:damon

Penny: At what point were you gonna call me and be like 'Oh hey Pen, got my ass kicked, not dead but I totally could have been aha'

Penny: I had to find out via your girlfriend, who by the way totally fucking hates me because I compared her to a fluffy bunny and now she might fire me but what the fuck Damon??

chester: where the hell have you been?!

chester: i haven't seen you in forever. are you okay?

chester: i can't find stefan. tell me he's with you, man.

Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT.

[ text: damon 😈 ]: I’m sorry about Pearl, okay? I had no idea that you two had history. I never would have touched her if I had. Surly you know that. I’m not that kind of person. 

[ text: damon 😈 ]: Just don’t be upset with me anymore. You’re one of my best, and only, friends. I don’t want this to be the end of our friendship. Please.

Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.

[ text: damon 😈 ]: Why do we have nipples? 

[ text: damon 😈 ]: Men, I mean.

[ text: damon 😈 ]: It scientifically doesn’t make sense. They don’t do anything. 

[ text: damon 😈 ]: Do you think they’re going to evolve off? 

[ text: damon 😈 ]: Will men in 50,000 years be nipple-less? 

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

[ text: damon 😈 ]: Are you busy? 

[ text: damon 😈 ]: Because I would really appreciate it if you could come over and tell me what the fuck is wrong with my printer. It won’t stop printing. 

Bonnie:...Damon

Bonnie: Are you awake?

[2 minutes later]

Bonnie: Hey..

Bonnie: Wanna come over?

Bonnie: Not now, but when Enzo drops me back off.

Bonnie: HEY!!!!!!!!!!!

Bonnie: Hi damin I miss yur fac e

Bonnie: You should co me ovr I have wine coolers and and and vodka!

Damon: who are you and what did you do to Daphne?? anyway, do me a favor and finish her off, she’s a pain in the ass

Daphne: So rude, dude.

Daphne: I'm like, ur fave. u can't kill me, we have so many adventures to go on.