a long bumper reply post in which i just awkwardly babble at and thank you all <3
*hugs* Headcanons are life. Do you have anything about Lux that isn't in SR canon?
@guileandgall replied to your post “[[MOR] -shrivels- jfc well that’s a giant confidence killer, and...”
I feel the same way about headcanons sometimes. But thanks to wonderful people like you, I know that there are people interested in my characters. And so many of us adore Lux. You're totally not forcing something unwanted on anyone. Hell the one you posted earlier inspired me. So I personally, and quite selfishly, would say, keep 'em coming. They are so much fun and so adorable.
@block-of-writers replied to your post “[[MOR] -shrivels- jfc well that’s a giant confidence killer, and...”
It's not selfish to share your thoughts. It's not selfish in the slightest. You are allowed to share whatever you want.
@obsessedwiththeworld replied to your post “[[MOR] -shrivels- jfc well that’s a giant confidence killer, and...”
Share away! I love hearing about other people's thoughts and headcanons- in my opinion in a fandom like this, there's no where near enough out there! Don't feel bad about it please!
@mmmescaline replied to your post “[[MOR] -shrivels- jfc well that’s a giant confidence killer, and...”
i promise you're not being selfish!! for what it's worth, i absolutely adore seeing your headcanons, and your art is wonderful. you are brilliant & creative & inspiring. i totally understand thay it's hard for us artists to see that in ourselves sometimes, but i promise, you're amazing.
@digitalpoltergeist replied to your post “[[MOR] -shrivels- jfc well that’s a giant confidence killer, and...”
Aw hun *hugs* For what it matters, I know -I- love hearing about Lux and all your other SR headcanons.
@tevintter replied to your post “[[MOR] -shrivels- jfc well that’s a giant confidence killer, and...”
you are the least selfish person i have ever known, seriously. you are talented and worth SO MUCH and you are creative and passionate and so many of us look up to you okay? ♥
I really, really appreciate the support guys, and I can’t thank you all enough for continuing to bother with me when I’ve been letting this stuff swallow me up so much. <3 I know logically it’s not selfish, I adore reading about all of your characters and headcanons after all, and I know this is how a fandom grows and bonds together. I know I used to make posts left right and center once
but since everything went south early last year it’s messed with my head and my self worth so, so badly and set me back a good five years of progress. More often than not I can’t even form an idea to share anymore unless it’s a specific topic or scenario that’s being directly prompted of me, like that anon the other day. It’s like trying to pull teeth. I can hear two distinct opinions from that same time any time I try - that everything I come up with is out of character drivel that’s ruining the fandom, and that I’m a bore who outlived their usefulness and needs to be replaced with something better.
I want to get back to where I was so badly, I want to be unabashedly enthusiastic again and make bullshit nonsense posts and ficlets with bad grammar and not worry about it and not feel stepped on and self-silenced anymore but I don’t know where to start. I’m on my own and I don’t know where to begin building my confidence back up, I’ve never been very good at self care. I used to have regular RPs and I used to have headcanon sessions and as much as I desperately want those things again, whenever anyone has even hinted at maybe wanting to do that with me I panic because as much as I miss it and pine for it I’m near paralysed with the fear of boring them to death or doing it wrong or otherwise just alienating them. And then I feel sick and stilted and so frustrated with myself, because even as I’m hoping it doesn’t eventuate, which it never has, it’s all I actually want. To feel like I’m good enough, that maybe someone would find my presence not terrible and want to actually share a small piece of their worlds with me.
Ugh, it’s pathetic. That I’ve let someone’s treatment of me get to me this badly and taint the few things I had left, but it fed on years of abuse-related trauma and self worth issues and depression and snowballed out of control and I’m sorry guys, this is getting heavier than any of you signed up for.
I don’t know where to start to get better and tbh I’m not sure I can at this point, but I appreciate the support all the same and I just really want to thank you all again for reaching out <3 this site isn’t great for this kind of stuff, posts get lost, it’s socially draining on a lot of us, so I just really, really appreciate that you were here. <3
