This disease is called: make them into villagers.
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This disease is called: make them into villagers.

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-They're made out of meat.
Meat?
-Meat. They're made out of meat.
Meat?
-There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat.
That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?
-They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines.
So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact.
-They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines.
That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat?
-I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat.
Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage.
-Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?
Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside.
-Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through.
No brain?
-Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat!
So... what does the thinking?
-You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat.
Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!?
-Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?
OMG. You're serious then? They're made out of meat?
-Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years.
So what does the meat have in mind?
-First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual.
We're supposed to talk to meat?
-That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing.
They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?
-Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat.
I thought you just told me they used radio.
-They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat.
OMG. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?
-Officially or unofficially?
Both.
-Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing.
I was hoping you would say that.
-It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?
I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?`Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?
-Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact.
So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe?
-That's it.
Cruel, but you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?
-They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them.
A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream.
-And we can mark this sector unoccupied.
Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?
-Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotation ago, wants to be friendly again.
They always come around.
-And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone.
—THEY’RE MADE OUT OF MEAT, by Terry Bisson, 1991
They're Made Out of Meat by Terry Bisson
One of my favourite short stories. A quick read, 5 minutes or so of your time
Cousin Eerie guest starring in "Thundering Terror!" Creepy #17, October 1967, written by Clark Dimond and Terry Bisson, art by John Severin
All of us at Tachyon are saddened by the news of the sensational Terry Bisson’s death. Activist, editor, and writer Terry Bisson was the awa
Fuck, I just found out that Terry Bisson passed away yesterday. He was an incredible writer with a sublimely weird sensibility. Just those short "future history" snippets he wrote for Locus were utterly magnificent. But all of his writing was mind-blowing, and he had an incisive mind and clever wit.
Terry was incredibly generous to me when I was starting out as a baby SFF writer, and welcomed so many new people into the field. I was privileged to publish a few of his short pieces in a magazine I worked on back in the day. SF won't be the same without him.

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Science fiction writer Terry Bisson has shed his mortal coil. If you've never read his, 'Bears Discover Fire' I advise that you do so now. The video here is an interpretation of another short story called 'They're Made Out of Meat', made back in 2005 (how Tom Noonan got involved in a student thesis film is anyone's guess). Bisson described himself as a part of the "New Left" and was an active member of the John Brown anti-Klan Committee. If you dig alternative history stories, I suggest you give 'Fire on the Mountain' a read. I don't have much else to say given that I didn't know the man. I dug his work. I will add the obvious, Bisson is no longer made of meat. Hopefully he's now a sentient light being traveling amongst the stars like a firefly.
Have you read "They're Made Out of Meat" by Terry Bisson?
Yes
No
I've never heard of it
Activist, editor, and writer Terry Bisson was the award-winning author of over 40 novels, numerous short stories, comic book adventures, and