Up a Creek without a Paddle
You know how they say grab life by the horns or dive in feet first? Don’t experience life in the rear view mirror or however those quotes go that white girl tattoo on themselves? I’ve been doing just that since moving from the safe comfort of a typical Midwest life to that of the Wild West. I’ve hiked, I’ve splunked, I’ve Moscow Muled (not bad ass per say, but a far cry from Nattie Ice in red Solo Cups). I’ve started a new job, I’ve climbed mountains, and now I can add white water tubing.
Wait, what? Yes. It was tubing and was far too dangerous for any of us to have attempted, but Carpe Diem, no? Who cares if someone died in that exact river a month ago and we didn’t have a guide and I technically got separated and didn’t know where to go? If my mother wanted a wussy for a daughter she would have named me Doctor Quinn Medicine Woman. Also the water was really cold, like literally snow off the mountain cold.
Maybe that’s what inspired me to hop in and start well before everyone else jumped in. And maybe that’s why I didn’t notice I was alone until I was out of everyone’s sight. Maybe. The worst part is when I hit a fork and intuitively knew I went the wrong way, but was trapped. Wait, no, the worst part was that movie moment when I looked in the distance and realized a waterfall was ahead. Literally, a waterfall. Height doesn’t matter, danger was imminently on the horizon and fear was in my soul.
It was a scene from a Lindsay Lohan movie pre- drugs, pre-arrests, and pre-rehab. Right before Mean Girls and long after Parent Trap (we miss you Lindsay!). All the fixings of a family friendly movie with the appropriate level of slapstick humor and of course a freckly heroine (minus the ginger locks). Add in the occasional squealing in fear and f bombs to rethink the PG rating and there I was tubing down a river to doom. There was even a goofy, but lovable guy who tries to save the day but couldn’t because said heroine’s actions were too entrenched to dig out.
Short story? I grabbed onto branches and trees in a futile attempt to save myself, which only lead to scratches across my face. Even as I went closer and closer to danger, I had a crowd attempting to verbally save me. However, I didn’t need words, I needed a rope. That said, I did fall down the waterfall, tipped over hard, and now have MASSIVE bruises grazing my legs. The goofy, but lovable guy? Dislocated his shoulder and probably dismantled his pride. Sorry!
