#tempomag

Dear boobs, Five different people this week asked if I, uh, had some work done or if I was with child since you have become borderline ridiculous looking. Your recent increase in size is nothing like I anticipated when I was a flat chested preteen praying for your arrival. Thanks again for deciding to literally pop up over night which was not suspicious at all. I would also like to thank my mom for naming me "Stephanie," which of course sounds nothing like "Stuffanie." Children sure are swell. Anyways, Fun bags, you were awesome.  You were large enough to fill out clothing properly but not so big that people questioned your authenticity. You were perfect so why did you decide to change? Lately, you have become practical joke big, and I am not amused. I thought you were supposed to stop growing as I got older and leave that up to my ass. (Ass, I'm kidding.  Don't get any ideas...) Listen up ladies, recently all you have been doing is preventing me from sleeping on my stomach comfortably, jumping on trampolines, and fitting into anything besides a garbage bag.  I feel like I should just go ahead and bleach the shit out of my hair and buy some lucite heels since you seem to think I am working in the wrong industry. I guess the only question is do look more like a "Destiny" or "Chastity" to you? I've tried everything to get you to lose some weight, but you don't want to oblige. Since it's apparent you don't seem to be going anywhere, I'm going to lay down a few ground rules.  Unless you return to your natural state, I think it's fair that from now on I never have to wait in line at a bar/club, will never receive another speeding ticket, nor should I have to buy any drinks ever again. I would also like to have some random guy ask me to blow on his dice for good luck in Vegas. I've seen that happen to a bunch of your friends, and well, it looks like fun. Also, I don't think a free cup of coffee or a taco or two every now and then is too much to ask. Small price to pay for the back aches and never being able to find the super cute bras in my size. You are coming out ahead here girls, then again, you always come out way ahead.

-Stephanie Harris

Whatever your stance is on tattoos, I think we can all agree: there are good tattoos, and there are bad tattoos. With the rise of websites dedicated to pictures of terrible tattoos and television shows like Spike TV’s Tattoo Nightmares, now seems as good a time as any to give a few tips to those wanting to go under the needle.

For these tips, I’ve enlisted the help of April Davis, owner of Myrtle Beach Ink, who spends a good chunk of her day talking people out of bad ink ideas and turning cheesy clichés in to works of art.

So before you make your next big decision, keep these things in mind.

Spelling- If you’re going to take the time to use spell-check for school, do the same for your skin.

Japanese- This goes for any foreign language tattoo, but due to how common they are, Japanese-style tattoos are notorious for having translation issues. Know what the symbol you want really means. That character that you thought meant “power” or “peace” might actually say: “He who lies with goats” or also translated universally as: “jackass”.  

Location, Location, Location- Know your pain tolerance. If you’re a pansy, admit it to yourself and especially the artist. Nobody wants to work on somebody who is screaming like a girl and moving all around, so make sure you can sit for what you want to get.

NO NAMES- Tattoos last longer than almost all relationships. Getting someone else’s name on you may feel like a great idea at the time, but it is almost a sure-fire road to regret. If you just have to get something to represent your relationship, try a symbol than you can skew the meaning of if things go sour.

Don’t be a cheapskate- If you’re broke, wait. There’s a saying that you’ll hear at every shop: “Cheap tattoos aren’t good, and good tattoos aren’t cheap.” Like any other work of art, you gotta pay for the good stuff.

Be picky- You test drove your car, and tried on those jeans before you left the store, so check out multiple shops. Look at artists’ portfolios, ask questions, and make sure you get good vibes from the place. You want to feel comfortable so you can have a great experience and good memories associated with your new ink.

Keep it real- Go to an actual shop, and get your work done by an actual artist. You wouldn’t go to class in somebody’s kitchen, so don’t get tattooed in one. Real shops have rules and regulations that they have to follow in regards to safety that some random guy or girl doesn’t.

Be OCD- Even if you’re not a neat freak in daily life, now is the time to be one. If cleanliness equals Godliness, then dirtiness equals infection. Make sure your artist wears gloves. Your doctor or nurse wears gloves when they use needles on you, and so should anyone else.

Follow the rules- Now that you’ve been rebellious and gotten your tattoo, it’s time to follow the rules again. The aftercare rules, that is. Aftercare is the set of instructions that you get from your artist to care for your tattoo so that it will heal properly, and look great forever. Notice the “your artist” part of this statement. Your roommate, your mom, and even another artist may tell you what they think is best for you to do, but stick to who you chose and follow their rules for the best results. They choose their specific instructions for specific reasons, so heed them for the best results. Myrtle Beach Ink is located on Seaboard Street in Myrtle Beach. Check them out on Facebook or stop in and see them for your next tattoo.

Girls who wear work out clothes all day, especially when they haven't worked out in five years. No one believes you just left the gym when the Starbucks's beverage you are carrying has more calories than a Big Mac.  Skinny people drink tea, not caramel macchiatos. People who buy expensive clothing for their children.   If you are still shitting your pants, they shouldn't be designer. The Wind Chill.  It's 17 degrees out, but with the wind chill factor it feels like -12.  Why not just say it's -12?  Don't get my hopes up thinking I only need to wear three layers and not four. Still waiting for all this global warming everyone keeps talking about... The term "Born again virgin." You gave it up, get over it. Unless you have a time machine, there is no getting it back either. You can call yourself whatever you like, but your vagina knows the truth. The fact that "A Taste for Love" from Forgetting Sarah Marshall is not real.  Why has no one gotten on this!?  It's an obvious gold mine if you asked me... People who change their Facebook profile picture back to one that is so old, it was on Myspace. You are not Benjamin Button, and you aren't fooling anyone.  Stop it. Also, people who put up pictures of their children as their profile picture. I was unaware your 6 month old has a Facebook. That's incredible! Or have you had some work done?  You look like a teenager again!  Oh wait... If you put up one of those disgusting, life-like, ultrasound pictures, I will vomit on you, and your Facebook privileges should be revoked. When it costs me at least $20 to make a salad I am actually willing to eat, while ramen is 20 cents and has more salt than any given Chicago sidewalk in January. On the bright side, I could use all that money I am saving for my Lipitor prescription.   People who think having children is life's biggest accomplishment.  Congratulations, you had sex. I've done that plenty of times, uh I mean never Mom, I've never had sex, but if I had...big woop. You forgot the necessary protection and had a child.  Having a kid is easy, raising it to not be an animal is the hard part so unless your child stays out of jail and becomes a functioning member of society, stop bragging.

Bad grammar. We all learned about heterographs in the fourth grade. You may not know what they are called, but if you don't know the difference between them (you're/your, their/they're/their, etc) by now, YOU'RE an idiot, and you need to re-evaluate YOUR life.

It can begin with an argument over laundry, being late for a date, missing that exit on the freeway, or other things that never really mattered before. Then there is a strange uncomfortable silence before the dark and stormy decision of, “is this worth it?” Before you know it you are holed up in your apartment finishing off the last of UV blue and dying your hair some obscure color they disagreed with.  Months later there is still that horrible sickening feeling every time a song comes on reminding you of them, and the rediscovery of that letter written in the beginning of the relationship. It is hard for many to figure out how to get over a loss like that. Speaking from personal experience and after reading horrible books that insisted that “sassy and single” was the way to be; I learned that you may never really fully recover, but there are ways to make it easier to cope with the loss and hurt, that don’t include eating tubs of ice cream and watching P.S I Love You until you fall asleep. While recovering from my own relationship woe, my best friend started to feel cupid repossessing her arrow too. After pulling all-nighters on Skype and pulling each other out of bed on the weekends, I realized we were on a long road to feeling whole again. The main things I have found were to keep busy and explore new interests. Take a pottery class or try to pick up rock climbing, anything to keep your mind occupied.  In my own healing process I took up surfing, mainly because my ex-boyfriend hated the beach, so I was instantly guaranteed distance from him.  Do something you have never tried before and there is always that open possibility that you find a new talent. It is also a good idea, to give yourself some alone time. Take a second to meditate and realize what you had with that person was special, but these things happen. Do not be bitter, even though you are hurt, it’s important to remember that most likely they hurting too. Make an effort to show as much sympathy as possibly toward them, even if you do want to puncture all four tires and burn every picture and teddy bear in their front lawn.  Bitterness is not a good color on anyone. Don’t let people throw you a pity party with all the trappings, this makes it seem like you are the first person on the planet to experience these feelings. You are not the first and will not be the last. Let go of all of the negativity you feel toward them and don’t condone your friends in bashing their memory. Remember you had feelings for this person and would most likely not have supported them.   It is perfectly normal to feel like your dog got ran over by a car, but it does get easier with time. This means don’t give your heart a deadline, even though all you want to know is, “when does it get better?” Some people say half the relationship is enough time or even sometimes until you meet someone new, the most important thing is waking up knowing that you are one day closer to being emotionally healthy again.  After taking time to cope with inner thoughts and struggles, socialize! It is fun meeting new people and revisiting old friendships that have fallen through the cracks. Networking can open up to so many new opportunities and experiences, just keep in mind you are healing. Walk into this one toe at a time and don’t get carried away or chances are you are back at square one, drinking yourself in to a stupor and crying yourself to sleep. Above all else, realize that break ups will hurt and you will survive. Even though it feels like your heart is the James Franco’s character in 127 Hours. But lest we forget he does walk out of that canyon of despair, and your heart will to.    Even though relationships don’t always end on good note, it may be wise to take the high road. Even if it is the road less traveled, chances are you’ll end up with your heart and limbs intact.

In an endless ruck of medical conditions both inexplicable or just downright strange, there are few to come to mind (with the exception of the one that mentally necessitates the voluntary amputation of limbs) as strange as Synesthesia. Seeming less like a problem and more like a permanent side effect of mass amounts of psychedelics, it lays as somewhat of an outlier in terms of medical issues because of a strange attachment that its hosts develop to it. These hosts are called Synesthetes. Although Synesthesia is known as a neurological problem, it is seen more as a phenomenon due to the lack of debilitation associated with it. Some may say that it is even more enriching than normalcy. As you read along with this article, your brain is fully capable of capturing it for its intrinsic value and retaining large portions (hopefully) of what is read, but are you tasting what I am saying? No? Very well then; let us carry on. When we say perception, we perceive the word in the ever-common way in which we are intended to. The word contains no value except for that of a enhancing a sentence and decorating a point. However, the very word perception will be perceived much differently by a Synesthete. Due to an altered hard-wiring of the brain, one type of sensation can easily leak over into another. Quite literally, it is thought to be a case of cross-wiring. This anomaly was haphazardly noted in 1812 by the German professor, Georg Tobias Ludwig Sachs. At the time, he was publishing a medical dissertation focusing on his own physical abnormality: Albinism. In this dissertation, he detailed daily experiences that to him seemed completely natural. He noted that when he sensed something—anything at all, whether it be words, numbers, pictures, letters, ideas or musical notes, there was an accompaniment perception of other senses. To Sachs, this additional sense seemed perfectly normal. A logical association did not seem of distant likelihood. This is commonly considered the first medical notation of Synesthesia. So you say you want in.? You want to be a part of the phenomenon? After all, it is said by most of its hosts to be a completely neutral experience, often leaning more towards the positive side of the spectrum. Synesthetes normally tend to be women, with the female population having anywhere from three to eight times more Synesthetes than men. Being left-handed also tends to be a common factor among the group. Other risk factors (such a negative wording) include complete neurological health otherwise, and a family history of such conditions. Though it is inconclusive, some researchers believe that oftentimes, Synesthetes are of a higher IQ level than average. If this were true, it is not a product or benefit of the circumstance, but solely a factor in its presence. Synesthesia comes in several varieties. Let us begin by stating the obvious: we have five different senses. Hearing, sight, touch, smell and taste are have the capability to overlap in the strangely wired minds of the Synesthete, giving us a total of twenty different permutations. That said, it is not such a black and white issue that we can break it down in such simplistic terms. We must think first that sight can be broken down into certain categories. Often times Synesthetes are stimulated by certain shapes, colors, and movement. The same can be said for any of our senses, therefore disabling us from condensing it into such uncomplicated nomenclature. So let us toy around momentarily with the possibilities of Synesthesia. We can potentially assign colors to words or letters—imagine the chromatic spectrum of reading a book. This is the most common form of Synesthesia, known as Grapheme-color Synesthesia. Then, there are the bizarre combinations such as tasting sound, or hearing touch. It is not uncommon for Synesthetes to be able to experience more than one type of these at a time, but it is rare for more than three to be of prevalence. I’m sure this all sounds relatively appealing, and one can easily understand why. There is a certain fascination with abnormalities of the mind—especially ones that pose no particular threat to one’s well-being. The effects of Synesthesia are often accredited to better memory due to the tendency to perceive what stimuli they may see with simultaneous senses. This association works cohesively with cognitive function in order to assist the brain in accessing information easier. Being that this serves as one of the only known positives of the phenomenon (I’m speaking of  beneficial elements, and not your undying need for psychedelic stimulation) we must also cover the short list of known negative aspects. Some Synesthetes complain of difficulties with numbers (speculation however, suggests artistic incentive) as well as continual confusion between right and left. If you have no qualms with looking like a fool while swearing under oath, or pledging your allegiance to the flag, or being a terrible backseat driver—then this may be the neurological abnormality for you. That’s right folks, a Synesthete label can earn you a place among the likes of David Hockney, Wassily Kandinsky, Vladimir Nabokov, Ludwig Wittgenstein or many of the other great minds of philosophy, art, or literature. They always say it takes an off-kilter mind to be great. So now as we await the non-existent forms to come around to sign up for Synesthesia, let us keep in mind the good, the bad, and the colorful.

Sports paraphernalia exhibiting Coastal Carolina University’s fighting Chanticleer exists littered across campus. Whether they are on bulletin boards, e-boards, or embroidered on every article of clothing of an incoming freshman, most are in reference to one of two teams: The Chanticleers (the baseball one) or The Chanticleers (the football one); however, there is an abundance of a strikingly different team logo adorned to the rear windows of cars in various CCU parking lots. This is, of course, the star and skull of South Carolina’s premiere women’s flat track roller derby team, the Palmetto State Rollergirls (PSRG).

The PSRG’s roster is loaded with CCU faculty, staff, students and alumni, though you wouldn’t notice by looking at their roster because they all use clever monikers called “derby names.” Roller derby names are considered an essential (but not exactly mandatory) element of the sport. Skaters take these names so seriously that an extensive effort goes into keeping records and archives, so that names are not duplicated. Some of the ones you’ll find on the PSRG’s roster are Tart of Darkness, Piranha Mama, Scream Weaver and Punk Blocker.

On June 9, 2006 the PSRG was incorporated as a non-profit organization. This non-profit status allows the team to raise operation funding, as well as benefit local charities. In October, they took part in the Surfriders Foundation’s Chili Olympics where they won best theme.   Dr. Shannon Stewart is an English professor at CCU and is one of the original skaters for the PSRGs. Sticking to her roots in the philosophy of English, her derby name is “Tart of Darkness.” A serious injury prevents her from competing, but she maintains her presence as “head referee.” She was happy to elaborate on the team’s non-profit status, commitment to community and devotion to athleticism. “Like most modern roller derby organizations, the Palmetto State Rollegirls, Inc. is a non-profit group,” Stewart said. “No one is paid to play, coach or referee. All of the skaters pay monthly dues to help cover league operation costs such as practice space rental fees and bout advertising and production charges. Everyone involved in the league is responsible for buying her own uniform, skates, safety gear, equipment and insurance.” Stewart also said being non-profit afforded them opportunities other organizations don’t have. “Because the group has non-profit status, we are allowed to focus on what the league wants to focus on: athletic training and competition, and supporting the community that supports us.” Supporting the community means working with local charities for the PSRG. “Proceeds from every PSRG bout go to a local charity,” said Stewart. “We’ve donated to Caring in Our Lifetime, the Horry County Special Olympics, the Grand Strand Chapter of the Surfriders Foundation, the Myrtle Beach American Heart Association, the NOAH program of Surfside Beach’s Ark Animal Hospital and several others.” On top of being “roll” models in the community, they are also derby pioneers for the state of South Carolina. In 2007, they organized the state’s first roller derby bout and tournament. They were also the first South Carolina derby team to play a North Carolina team. Currently, the PSRG intends to take things up a notch by hosting bouts with more teams from more areas. The PSRG follows the rules of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA). The WFTDA is a governing body that sets standards for rules, seasons, and safety for the sport on and off the track. Its main aims are to standardize the rules of the sport, promote international growth and support the roller derby community. Although the PSRG is not an official member, the organization uses WFTDA guidelines as a model. The women who skate for the PSRG are compelled to do so for varying reasons, spanning from “It keeps me from killing my kids” to “I love roller derby!!!” Whatever the reasons may be, these skaters show a rare conviction to their sport. Roller derby elicits from them an intense passion for athleticism, community and ownership. They do not merely “play” roller derby. They live roller derby. And this seems to be consistent across the board. Stewart (i.e, Tart of Darkness) said, “The PSRG is a group of amazing skaters and volunteer support staff who somehow manage to do it all—run a non-profit business, contribute to the community and absolutely tear it up on the track.”

In March 2011, the medical journal Blood published an article written by German specialists. The information in this article shook the world: HIV was removed from a terminally-ill, 48-year-old HIV and leukemia patient. In an interview with the BBC, the Noble Award winning scientist and discoverer of AIDS, Francoise Barre-Sinouss, said that HIV/AIDS treatments have “progressed beautifully,” and that on an international level, we can soon expect an “AIDS-free generation.” But, this road to the cure has been one tainted with stigma, prejudice and hysteria. And some people suggest the stigma still exists. Article: “The disease is here, protect your children! Get rid of AIDS in your town!” These words reverberate in the Captain Planet episode titled “A Formula for Hate” (1992) as a broken-voiced Ma-Ti reads the Eco-Villains’ latest fear-mongering propaganda . This was the first children’s cartoon to address the disease and the discrimination that AIDS-infected people were facing. Considering the episode aired contemporaneously to the peak of the AIDS epidemic, this cartoon was revolutionary. It can be easy to forget now, but when AIDS began to pop up in industrialized countries, it was literally viewed as the modern-day plague. People who contracted this “plague” were not treated with the sort of charity we would now expect. In fact, if you contracted the disease in the 1980s or ‘90s, you would find yourself at the mercy of a public all too eager to outcast, stereotype and blame, rather than console, understand and help. The media coverage at the time didn’t help either. From the very beginning, infected people were marginalized. The New York Times featured an article titled, “New Homosexual Disorder Worries Health Officials.” Throughout the article, the author refers to the disease not as AIDS, but rather, “gay-related immunodeficiency” or GRID, an acronym created by none other than the Center for Disease Control (CDC). Incidentally (or not) all levels of society were ready and able to redirect their fears on already marginalized groups. Instead of facing the disease with poise, our culture contained its fear by bottling it up in its already existing ones: sexual promiscuity, drug use and the third world; it was uncanny. Eventually, it wasn’t people who contracted and spread the disease, but specifically, the homosexuals, the junkies, the sluts, the Africans, etc., etc. So, all was fine. Well, not FINE. Actually horrible, really horrible, but good enough. The Western world deferred its fear for the virus on things it was already afraid of, but then something happened. “Normal” people started getting sick. Return of the repressed? The very likely inspiration for Captian Planet’s “A Formula for Hate” was a teenage hemophiliac named Ryan White who was barred from his high school when officials found out that he was infected by the virus. The prejudice and discrimination he suffered forced his family to relocate. In a state of exile, Ryan White died in 1991. Historically, his life is probably the most popular of heart-wrenching stories of AIDS discrimination, and it illustrates that it took a so-called “normal” person to fall victim of this discrimination in order to convince the public not to treat infected people like shit.

Luckily, with the help of Kwame, Wheeler, Linka, Ma-Ti and Gi—but mainly because of organizations like the World Health Organization (WHO), the Aids Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT UP), Averting Aids and HIV (AVERT) and the activist artist collective Gran Fury— the shocking bright light of truth gleamed through the dark spectre of HIV proving that the disease is, well,  just a disease. And while this fact does not diminish the OHMYGODAIDSF—INGSUCKS factor, it does remind us that, like victims of all other diseases, HIV- and AIDS-infected people should be treated with dignity and charity. Moving rapidly forward into the present day (about a decade later), a team of medical researchers from Berlin claim that by using stem cell transplantation (SCT), they can functionally cure HIV and AIDS. Pretty amazing, right? Here’s how it happened. In March 2011, the medical journal Blood published an article written by German doctors who hold a wide of array specializations regarding HIV and AIDS treatment. According to their reports, they began treating an HIV patient named Timothy Ray Brown (aka The Berlin Patient) with SCT in 2005. Brace yourself, here’s where it gets pretty scientific. Test donors carry CCR5 gene variant △32 (CCR5△32/△32), which is medically transplanted into the infected person. These receptors are naturally resistant to CCR5-tropic HIV strains. Why is this so important? Well, HIV typically infects a human by clinging on to a receptor known as CCR5; however, some people have a mutated CCR5 called △32, and because the △32 receptor’s surface is smoother than most, the virus is unable attached itself— no host, no virus. As the treatment progressed, the transplanted △32 began replacing the patient’s original CCR5, along with the virus attached to them. At the final stages of testing, samples were taken from different areas of the immune system. The test showed zero traces of the virus. In 2011, CBS San Francisco conducted an interview with the Berlin Patient during recovery. He commented that both HIV and leukemia were absent from his system. So, the Berlin Patient is officially cured, but are we out of the woods? We can’t get over excited about this case. The Berlin Patient is only one person out of  the 37 million people infected. Furthermore, the treatment is not by any means a vaccine. And people continue to contract the disease every day. In fact, approximately 2.7 million people contracted the virus in 2010 alone. So, again, what do these facts mean? They mean that although the technology for this functional cure exists, we aren’t there yet. Some might ask, “If this new cure exists, shouldn’t every infected person receive it?”  First, it’s not really a question of should we, but rather of could we. This cure is a new and experimental procedure, which means money is a factor. Even if you have health insurance, this procedure would not be covered by it. Second, the CCR5△32 is extremely rare. Less than 1 percent of Europeans carry it, so that puts the number of potential donors at well below 1 percent of the entire human population. Third, although legislation was passed in 2009 to encourage stem-cell research, SCT is still a stigmatized medical practice in the United States and around the world. So, really there’s not much we can do other than rely on prevention and pre-existing treatment options. Bummer, right? Well, wait a minute, there is one thing that everyone can do. We can all make sure that we do not proliferate the AIDS stigma. And we really should try to do so because according to AVERT, discrimination and denial are the biggest threats to the efforts of stopping the spread of AIDS. Yeah, that’s right, denial. Despite everyone’s best efforts, the stigma still exists. And due to this stigma, many people deny, or in some cases ignore, that they are infected, and thereby refuse to treat the illness. Keeping in mind the theme for Worlds AIDS Day 2011 “Getting to Zero: Zero new infections, Zero discrimination,” we should continue to keep our minds and hearts open, continue to educate people about how to prevent and treat the disease, and, most importantly, to help fight the stigma. Science in the 21st Century has given us an opening to the end of AIDS, but whether, or not, we ever get there is up to you.