#tedvmikels

Directed by Herb Robins.

With: Herb Robins, Lindsay Armstrong Black, Joseph Sacket, Robert Garrison, Mike Garrison, Carla, Barry Hostetler, David McGrath, Claudette Wells, Cynthia Negri, Terry Smulen, Fred C. Dobbs, Shelly Golden, Emmett McGuire, Cliff O'Connell, Frank Perrin, Tim Young, Patricia Alkaitis, Brad Peterson. (World Video Pictures/Cinema Features, Inc.; Ted V. Mikels)

Schlockmeister Ted V. Mikels (The Corpse Grinders) produced this dreadful gross-out comedy featuring lots of bad actors consuming live worms onscreen. After the bouncy title rendition of "Nobody likes me / Everybody hates me / Guess I'll go eat worms," we meet Herman Umgar (Robins, who directed and wrote from Nancy Kapner's story), a worm-breeder with a club foot and a German accent. Umgar sneaks a worm-filled cake into a little girl's birthday party, causing the grossed-out guests to run around in speeded-up comic style.

Umgar's father drowned in 1939 when the mayor's father - his partner - killed him. What Umgar doesn't know is that he owns half the town, and the mayor is determined to have the worm-breeder committed and take the town for himself. That's all the plot there is, as most of the film consists of Umgar tickling and talking to his slimy annelid pals. Incidentally, the first worm is eaten in a plate of spaghetti by a woman named Heidi, and I personally found the lipstick which she got on her spaghetti far more revolting than the worms. Maybe it's just me.

Anyway, Heidi proceeds to turn into a half-worm mutant from the waist down for no apparent reason. Umgar feeds some obnoxious weirdos camping out in the woods, slipping worms into every meal. Naturally, he has a whole mess of mutants on his hands before too long, whom he keeps in a wire pen where they makes sounds like gobbling turkeys. The local lake turns red, and then three fishermen show up in Umgar's bedroom, explaining that they are part-worm and "live in peace under the red tide." They came to find mutant worm-women, and Umgar promises to make mates for them while attempting to maintain his land claim. Do you really want to know any more? By the time Umgar is force-fed a whole mouthful of worms and the mutants lead an attack on the mayor, the joke has worn off.