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vs. ME
Look, we’ve both watched JoJo’s we know how this is going. I’ll summon my stand, named after some über-obscure German or Russian band but renamed to prevent copyright issues. You’ll summon your stand, which at one point was named something amazing, but which is now known inexplicably as Cheeseburger Ranger. It is an epic fight, and there’s a lot of posing.Â
I seem to have the upper hand, but then an enormous guinea pig comes out of nowhere and crushes me to death.
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ted vs leia organa
Look, we KNOW that Leia Organa could absolutely kick my ass. The question is, would she WANT to? I clearly have more common sense and less drama than most of the people in her life, I think she would be thrilled to take a moment to have tea or something. And THEN she kicks my ass
Ted vs viago
I’m sorry Viago, but this just isn’t your lucky day. He could overpower me with brute strength, but I spill wine on his favorite couch ON PURPOSE and it’s just too much for him to handle. While he wonders why I betrayed him, I take out a sunlamp and that’s it.Â
for the Ted vs. [X] two occurred to me at the same time: Ted vs. Dorian Gray and Ted vs. Dana Scully
Dorian Gray: Look, I’m sorry, but Dorian’s main mode of expressing his emotions is to throw himself dramatically at divans. Could he destroy my reputation? Almost certainly. But when it comes to the actual nitty-gritty, I’m punching that pretty face until…well it probably stays pretty due to dark magic, but you GET THE IDEA
Dana Scully: This is a woman who can sprint in high heels. She takes no nonsense. She’s proven that she has a gun and will actually use it. The sheer force of her facial expressions is enough to take me down, I don’t stand a chance.
Oscar Wilde
I’m going down HARD. There are numerous anecdotes of Oscar Wilde beating the absolute snot out of people for reasons such as their not liking poetry, I don’t stand a CHANCE. My only hope is that he likes my puns enough to take mercy on me.
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eldritchlunch said: Just pretend you have food to lure it in and lower its guard, then punt it into low orbit (hope you haven’t been skipping leg day)
VERY good ideas. That duck doesn’t stand a chance
Ted vs Margot
Margot is a highly trained highly skilled mercenary who will go all out to complete her assignment.
She would annihilate me, though it would probably be entertaining to watch considering how short we both are.
eckses said: Until I’m sobbing on the ground, surrounded by broken nibs and plastic pen-caps, wishing I hadn’t believed the salesman who said that they were… (wait for it)… ~mightier than the sword~!
Your puns are a final blow, a last resort. They do not stop me on their own...rather I scream in fury, dislodging a rock from the ceiling, which falls on me and knocks me unconscious.
