#techno journal

Also, Idk of the universe is trying to send me a sign but...

Pulled this out of my dura (and randomly opened to a page that said 'a business's first goal is to make profit...unless its a non-profit!)

THIS came up in my youtube feed:

And I found this outside by a lamppost:

Within a span of of couple hours, so....

I was at least 1k short of being 'on track' iirc, and I wasn't hitting 400+ pieces per day I was there (hard to do when what you're getting in is junk, but logic isn't allowed), so how could they *not* let me go this time?

More like negative % ass tbh.

I'm over a grand below where I should be to be 'on track'.

I have no fucks to give.

I honestly don't know which would be more disappointing at this point - being let go, or being told I scraped by again.

It's hard to be dealing with two very opposite ideas in my head - 1) that I shouldn't give up, that I should keep trying all the way to the end and put my all into it , so I can fully say that I didn't quit

and 2) that there's no point in trying, I'm already pretty sure that I'm out so why should I break myself to make just a bit more money for a company that literally doesn't give a fuck?

Manager who gave me my numbers today said 'you've got this'. I don't FEEL like I got this. I feel like I'm just keeping the proverbial chair warm for the next schmuck they'll lie to.

Don't wanna be here. Don't care anymore. Tired of always having my feet to the fire, y'know? It's exhausting, being a yo-yo.

And if I *do* make it, how long till I'm *right* back here again?

There was a blue shirt in the donations that said ' I don't work here' - I joked with my coworker that I should get it and keep it in my bag for the inevitable moment (either they fire me or I quit). Just pull it out of my bag right in front of them ans put it on before I walk out.

Like ffs! I hope that when I see my neuro on the 7th maybe they can figure out The Vitamin so I'm able to (try to) function. Or idk, get it 'officially' classed as my diability or something tho I don't even know how that works and I know the whole process is a pain in the ass.

In other news, my one coworker was super pissed at another worker because he was wandering around doing literally nothing for an extended period of time (and *our* production job relies heavily on his 'getting shit out on the floor so it can sell' job), and went to talk to a manager about it. Said manager was like "oh... well...he has medical issues" and this like 5 foot nothing 60 yr old lady bellowed "SO DOES TECHNO!! >:(" like she was gandalf facing down the balrog 😆. She's been there for 10 yrs so she's seen the place go downhill so it adds to her irritation but also yay, work friends~.

Yeah tho, I'm a bigmouth and always talk about my 'do better' meetings because why not? It's apparently highlighting a lot of double standards, like with who gets called in and warned about things and who doesn't and why.

I know in my heart that they really in truly want to get me for my attendance but they *can't* because it's medical/disability related and it would be a BAD look for them to get dragged/sued for it. Like, look y'all, I would ALSO like to not be experiencing my head exploding several times a month.

I know my migraines are more than likely caused by a variety of factors, a lot of which are hard to avoid (fluorescent lights, weather, stress) but goddamn

Got another 'do better' meeting today, but at least it was with a manager who actually listens.

Got offered sales floor but I was honest about not being able to do it health wise. I'm already having trouble with the fluorescent lights and general volume in the back, and the front is Lights! Loud! People! Anxiety! Not to mention the difference in temperature between back and front. And my transportation schedule.

It's kinda whatever. This was more of a 'when' rather than 'if' because I think I'm really just at the limit of how fast my hands, brain and eyes can work together.

They're already beyond scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as applicants, so if they're *sooooo* convinced they can get someone faster than me (both the people they hired after me for apparel were gone in like 3 months so...), then go ahead I guess.

This place is gonna turn me into the fuckin' joker