#technically chapter 1

The plan was simple. That day Scout Harding would leave for The Hissing Wastes with five scouts under her command, making the journey to their destination with fewer supplies and thus in less time than the Inquisitor and her party. Olivianna and her small party would leave the next day, taking with them more supplies for the camp while undoubtedly getting sidetracked along the way, as Olivianna was by now well known, if not as the Inquisitor then as the Hero of Thedas. Harding and her people would then arrive in The Hissing Wastes days before the Inquisitor’s party and so would scout the area, having a report ready upon the Inquisitor’s arrival. With any luck Harding would also learn about Venatori movement, making it possible for Olivianna to approach the group as soon as possible, thus completing her mission and returning home.

As long as no complications arose the entire trip would take Olivianna and her group less than a month, but as Cullen had learned, there was no such thing as a mission “without complications”.

Now he had one more day with the one he loved before she would be gone again, spending Maker only knew how many days away and finding what he could only hope amounted to nothing. Cullen was well aware that what he wanted was selfish, but he couldn’t help it, he had become spoiled by Olivianna’s constant company since Corypheus’ defeat. Every time he had told himself not to become accustomed to her staying she had simply stayed longer, the need for her presence outside of Skyhold becoming less pressing as the large threats across the land lessened. Then Blackwall had stepped in, taking away even more of her responsibilities, and before he knew it Olivianna had been by his side and in their bed for weeks instead of days and he had succumbed to his feelings of never wanting her to leave his side again.

Cullen’s hand squeezed Olivianna’s shoulder, the thoughts of her leaving making him anxious. “Are you really sure?” He asked, voice dropping even lower. He was sure he was becoming quite annoying with all his worrying.

“Yes.” Olivianna stressed, turning her head so she could meet his eyes with her own. “Maker Cullen, I understand you worry but you do remember that this was what I do?” With a slight shrug of her shoulders she pushed herself up onto her tip-toes, “Or did, if you want to get mightily specific.” Leaning her chest against the man’s side Olivianna pressed her lips to his cheek, lingering for a moment before pulling back just enough to see him smile. “You worry too much, you know.”

Cullen smiled as Livi kissed him, turning his face to look at her when she pulled away. As she spoke she lifted a hand to his cheek, and as he leaned into her palm she began to rub her thumb along his stubble. “I know.” He nearly whispered, raising his gloved hand to hers before moving it to his mouth, lips ghosting the tops of her bare fingers. “But I can’t help it. You know you have spoiled me.”

With a chuckle Olivianna shifted her feet, moving so her body could stand flush with the front of his armor. “Oh yes. You have been simply spoiled rotten, being forced to listen to all my complaining.” Her smile broadened as Cullen smirked, wrapping his now free arm around her lower back, “Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t come up a reason for me to leave sooner. I’m sure all this attention I have been giving you has just been suffocating.”

“Quite.” Cullen spoke through a laugh, pulling Olivanna as close as his armor would allow before dipping her back subtly, enjoying the way she moved with him effortlessly. “But I think I can last one day longer.”

“Good, because I have plans for tonight.” Livi’s fingers wormed their way into the fur at Cullen’s collar, pulling him down until their lips were almost touching. “Plans I don’t think you want to miss.”

“Hmmmm, you are probably right.” Cullen spoke softly, pulling his love closer as her fingers tightened in the fur lining of his coat, and as their lips touched--

“Bleck! Get a room!”

Sighing Cullen pulled back just enough to hang his head while Olivianna looked over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow at the disturbance below. “You know Sera, if you’re really that jealous you could--”

“No.” Both Sera and Cullen declared, looking at each other briefly as Olivianna laughed, standing straight and pulling herself away from Cullen before standing at his side once more.

“Well then, there go those plans.” She teased, giving Cullen a sideways smile before breaking out in more laughter as he rolled his eyes and began poking at her side.

“You know wearing armor around Skyhold also protects you from such attacks.” He retorted, ignoring Sera while trying to get back the conversation she had interrupted, but as Cullen’s fingers drew out more laughter from his love Sera coughed obnoxiously, which earned her a glare from the Commander as he stopped his assault. “What, elf?” He growled from behind clenched teeth.

“Jeeze, no need to get all growly, Cully.” Cullen’s eyes only narrowed further as Sera continued, “You’re in the courtyard, yeah? You really think everyone wants to see ya smackin’ lips and whatever?”

Olivianna watched as Cullen’s cheeks turned a slight pink, his golden eyes roaming over the grounds as he attempted to ignore the woman below. “I suppose...you have a point.” He mumbled, lifting a hand to rub at the back of his neck as he lifted his gaze towards the sky.

“See? Not so crazy now, yeah?” Sera asked, placing a hand on her hip as she turned her attention to her friend, the other resting behind her back. “Now Inquizzy-butt, if you’re done playing kissy-face with your Cully Wully, I’ve got somethin’ for you.”

“Oh? And what’s that?” Olivianna asked, crossing her arms over her chest as she rose an eyebrow, genuinely curious.

“This!” In one smooth motion Sera’s arm lifted from behind her back, and as it arched over her head Olivianna noticed something red in the woman’s hand just before it was released at her face.

Twisting her hips so that her upper body shifted to the side and out of the way, the Inquisitor watched as a tomato flew by, narrowly missing her nose before splattering into the wall just beyond. With a bored looked Olivianna turned back towards her friend, who looked none to happy. “Okay, and why that?” She asked.

“You’re leaving this damn Sky-hell and ain’t takin’ me with you?” The elf yelled. “That’s just wrong, innit? Friendship cookies and all that, yeah? You’re a bloody traitor, all kissy-face with your Jackboot and your--”

“Sera, do you like deserts?” Olivianna cut the woman off, watching as she stopped mid-insult to give her a suspicious look.

“Not really.”

“Do you like sand?’

“No.” She spoke the word slowly, still unsure of the Inquisitor’s motives.

“And how do you feel about the heat?”

“Right stupid, innit? Already get hot enough running around stabbing things.”

“Then why are you so disappointed that I’m not taking you to The Hissing Wastes?”

“That’s where you’re goin’?” Sera shouted, spinning around immediately before storming off towards the tavern. “When I find that Quan-what’s-it I’ll stick him with the song-lady’s music bit!”

“What in the Maker’s name was that all about?” Cullen asked with a tired sigh, rubbing at his temples with a hand before smiling weakly. “Was that Sera being jealous, of all things?”

Olivianna laughed, watching long enough to see Sera slam her way into the tavern before turning to the man beside her. “I suppose so, though I suspect Bull now has a new problem on his hands.”

Cullen laughed with her for a moment longer before sighing again, looking down towards his feet as silence fell over them. After a few seconds he reached out, taking Olivianna’s hands in his own before lifting them to his lips, placing a firm kiss on each one before speaking. “I believe this is where I must leave you for the day.” He spoke softly, holding her gaze as she squeezed his fingers in return. “I hate to say this, but I worry that--”

“Cullen.” Livi interrupted, giving him a knowing look that caused him to smirk softly.

“I worry that my men will not pack you with certain...necessities for your trip. Such as those sweets you so enjoy.”

With a role of her eyes Olivianna wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, standing again on her toes as she pressed her lips fully to his. After a few seconds she pulled away, resting her forehead against his. “If any one is spoiled here, it’s me.” She whispered, closing her eyes as Cullen wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tight against him. “What would I do without you, Commander?”

Cullen sucked in a deep, slow breath, tightening his hold on his love as he nuzzled her hair softly. “Let us hope,” he whispered, a strange feeling of unease washing over him, “that you never find out.”

-----

It had taken all day but eventually the Inquisitor and her party were ready to set off the following morning. Her chosen companions for the trip, Dorian, Bull and Cole, were all making their own personal preparations as Olivianna made final adjustments to the keep, making sure that if anything happened during her absence that it would be taken care of. She ran through guard patrols with Cullen, through spy placements with Leliana and listened while Josephine reassured her everything would be fine with the nobles. (Cullen and Leliana agreed to help keep Sera's pranks under control while she was away, which was a relief.)

As if she hadn't already prepared enough the woman continued to check on the Inquisition’s people throughout the day, making sure everything was stocked and that everyone could do their jobs while she was gone. She also made a point of asking if anyone wanted anything from her travels and so before long had quite the list of trinkets, books, food and different spirits stuffed into her pocket. She also had a secret list full of small gift ideas for her companions and advisors, which left her almost giddy with anticipation.

Finally Olivianna stood on the ramparts overlooking the Inquisition camps that lined the frozen river, the sun setting behind her warming her back against the mountain chill. As she continued to gaze over the mountain landscape a slight breeze ruffled her short blonde hair, causing her long bangs to brush against her eyes and nose. Scrunching her face at the unwanted caress, the woman lifted a hand to move the strands away and as she did so heard heavy footsteps approach from behind her. Turning her head so she could glance over her shoulder the woman smiled when she saw her love approaching.

"Commander, so nice of you to join me." She spoke happily, turning around so she was facing him completely. She leaned back, resting her weight on her hands as she pressed them against the cool stone. "I was beginning to think I would be alone for the evening."

"Forgive me," Cullen responded breathlessly, giving the impression that he had hurried to meet her, "there was an incident in the barracks, but it has been taken care of." He stopped an inch before her, hands reaching out to rest on her hips. "Please don't ask, it was quite simple a matter, but also rather...scaring." He shivered lightly for added affect, lips curling into a smile when Olivianna chuckled.

"Another one of those, was it?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow as her smile broadened.

"Let's just say I saw," he paused briefly, "and heard much more of two recruits than I would have liked."

"I doubt they will have much free time now." She said through a giggle.

"They have latrine duties for the next month at least."

Olivianna laughed heartily at that, her body shaking in fits as she leaned into her Commander and wrapped her hands in the fur around his neck. Cullen eventually joined in her amusement, the two intertwined and laughing on the ramparts until a few guards walked by, trying a little too hard pretending they didn’t notice their laughter.

"Well then," Olivianna spoke up, pulling lightly on the material in her hands until Cullen's face was only a breath away from her own. "I think I rather like your soldiers’ ideas of passing time. Maybe we should speak more of such techniques over dinner, Commander?"

Cullen's lips curled into a devilish smirk, "If you believe such techniques would better the Inquisition, then I can not decline, Inquisitor."

"Good. Then we shall get started immediately."

----

The night had gone by too quickly. Olivianna and Cullen had spent the evening together, talking over dinner before the night had lead to other activities. They explored each others bodies for some time, drawing out their usual intimacy into the early hours of the morning, the knowledge that they would be apart fueling their already deep passion. Eventually the two lay in bed beneath the covers in silence, Olivianna resting her body against Cullen’s as she laid her head on his chest, his arm around her shoulders and holding her close. Soon Cullen fell into rest, and even though she felt drained and exhausted herself, Olivianna could not follow.

Unable to sleep the woman instead tossed and turned, the anxiety she had been hiding bubbling to the surface. Some time later she had finally had enough and decided to walk the grounds, but as she sat up and threw her legs over the edge of the bed Cullen stirred behind her. She had tried not to wake him, but when she felt warm fingers along her back knew it was too late.

"Love? Is everything alright?" He asked softly, voice thick with sleep. Cullen rustled the covers as he moved closer, laying his palm flat on her bare back to comfort her. Olivianna did not normally rise in the middle of the night (bathroom trips excluded), and being familiar with restless nights himself Cullen knew the look of someone who was unwillingly being deprived of sleep.

"I'm fine." She whispered, voice sounding more fragile then she had meant. Clearing her throat softly Olivianna turned to look over her shoulder, smiling at Cullen behind her. "Really, I am, I'm just...tired." Her smile wavered as Cullen starred, his sleepy gaze cutting through her to her core, making her feel more exposed than her naked body every could. "Really, Cullen..."

"You don't have to tell me what's wrong," Cullen cut her off, rubbing his hand up and down her back as he pulled up next to her on the edge of the bed, "but do not try and pretend you're fine." He smiled, "You're about as bad at lying as I am."

Olivianna's lips curled slightly at his words, but she knew it wasn't enough to convince him. Letting out another sigh she laid her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes against the dark room. "Sorry, but it's nothing you need to worry yourself over." She told him, pressing her body to his when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I'm just...anxious, I suppose?"

"You're not sure?" Cullen asked, raising an eyebrow as he stifled a yawn.

"Well no. I guess I don't know what to call it."

"Then tell me about it. Maybe I can help."

She laughed dryly. "Unless you can accompany me on this journey I doubt you can do much."

Cullen perked up at that, his heart fluttering lightly in his chest as he glanced to the women pressed against him. He could see the curves of her naked form even in the dark of their room, but what caught his eye were her hands in her lap; constantly moving, fingers running over her calloused hands again and again in an attempt to distract herself. Trying to lighten to the mood he pulled her closer, placing a hot kiss to her temple. “Don’t tell me you’re worried about my duties here at Skyhold. I can assure you that I will do just fine while you are away.”

“That’s...not it.” Olivianna whispered, his affections unsuccessful in pulling her out of her emotional funk. “I’m going to--” She trailed off, her words turning to barely a whisper as her fingers began pulling at each other, anxiety increasing.

Cullen could see her cheeks darken as subtle as it was in the moonlight, and couldn’t help but smile as he began to piece together her words. “You’re going to what, love? I’m afraid I missed that last part.”

“Ugh, you know!” She spat, looking to him with a slightly irritated expression. “It’s stupid and selfish but I don’t want to leave because...” she chewed on her lip, averting her gaze to the windows across the room. “What if something happens while I’m away?” She whispered.

Cullen watched her carefully, her face distorting into a look of irritation to disguise her embarrassment as the deep color began to fade from her cheeks. He tried to hold it back but before he could stop himself started laughing, that expression of cute defiance always being too much for him to handle quietly. When Olivianna’s eyes narrowed he raised a hand in apology, attempting to quell the laughter before she assaulted him. “I’m sorry love, but you do understand how ridiculous that sounds?” When her stare became deadlier the man rested his hands on her shoulder, drawing her attention once again. “Do you really think anyone is going to attack Skyhold while your army is stationed here? Even if you are away?”

After a few seconds Olivianna sighed again, eyes closing as her shoulders slumped forward. “No, I don’t.”

The room fell into silence then, Cullen holding her close as Olivianna mulled over what to say. She wasn’t always the best at voicing her feelings but Cullen was always patient, knowing too well the struggle between mind and mouth. So he waited, running a hand over her arm as the morning drew on. Eventually his eyes began to grow heavy, his arm stopping it’s comforting motion as his head began to lull forward in teasing bursts of sleep.

“I’m going to miss you.”

“Hmm?” Cullen’s tired eyes turned to look at her, trying to focus on her words as she spoke.

“I hate admitting it, but I’ve become rather accustomed to all this.” She extended an arm and swept it out in front of her before bringing it to rest on Cullen’s chest. “And while I have enjoyed months of relative ease after Corypheus’ defeat I have enjoyed our constant time together more.”

The man smiled at that, the last remnants of sleep leaving him momentarily as he placed a hand over hers, forcing her to feel his heartbeat as it quickened slightly. “As have I, love.”

“I just...I don’t want that to end.” Olivianna whispered, eyes dropping to stare at the bed, the floor, anything other than Cullen’s face. She felt vulnerable and foolish in that moment and even as her cheeks flared with color she forced herself to continue. “I’m more afraid now then ever before.”

“Of what?”

“Of failing,” she whispered, “and of losing you.”

Cullen lifted his hand from his chest to the woman’s chin, tilting her head so she was looking at him. At the sight of her eyes sparkling with tears he couldn’t help but smile more, his expression soft and loving as he placed a gentle kiss to her lips. “You will be fine, love.” He whispered in return, resting his forehead against hers.

“How can you be so sure?” She asked, the first waves of sleep finally crashing against her mind.

“Because not only are you the Inquisitor, the woman who defeated Corypheus and survived a physical journey through the Fade, the woman who commands an army to rival all of Thedas, the woman who has defeated eleven blighted Dragons, you are also the woman whom I love.”

Olivianna scoffed and rolled her eyes with an amused smile on her lips, though the smile faded when Cullen did not return the gesture. His eyes were stern and steady, golden yellow iris’ aflame and locked on hers. Olivianna suddenly felt like hundreds of butterflies had been set loose in her stomach while lightning coursed through her skin, and as her breath caught in her throat she felt as though she could cry, knowing everything Cullen said about her he truly believed. How was it possible this man loved her so much?

“No matter the odds you face, no matter the danger you come upon, I know you will defeat it.” Reaching out Cullen took her hands in his, eyes never breaking their stare as his warm fingers squeezed hers. “And if anything hurts you,” he paused, his grip becoming almost painful, “if anything keeps you from me; I will find them, I will find you, and Maker will I make them pay.” Realizing just how hard he was squeezing Cullen loosened his grip, releasing a shaky breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. “Whenever you feel afraid, remember I will always be there to protect you, no matter how far from Skyhold you travel. You have my word as sure as you have my sword. This, my love, I swear.”

When Cullen finished all Olivianna could do was stare in wonder, the tears that pooled in her eyes earlier flowing freely as she pressed herself against him, hands pressed to his bare chest as he reached out to hold her close. Eventually the two back in bed, bodies close and intertwined for the few hours they had left, and this time when Cullen fell asleep Olivianna was not far behind.

----------

The Inquisition was to leave early in the day, the Inquisitor herself beating the sun to rise as she began the final overview for their trip. She first started with her team and as was always the case had trouble rousing Dorian at such an early hour. Iron Bull, having been easy to find since he and Dorian had taken to sleeping together, was awake before she even arrived (or maybe he awoke as she arrived, she could never tell.) and helped with his Tevinter lover, who refused to rise even as Bull carried him from bed. Cole was ready before even Olivianna herself, which was not unusual, and popped in and out of her line of site as the morning hours stretched on, presumably helping where he could.

Few of her remaining companions woke to see them off, though Olivianna could not blame them; it was by far the earliest even Cullen had had to wake in months. As the group readied their mounts the slightest bits of color began to paint the skies, illuminating the mountains and their snow capped peaks in a radiance Olivianna rarely saw elsewhere. Add it to the list of things I'm going to miss. She thought somberly as she fastened the last strap of her saddle, tugging lightly to make sure it didn't move or slide around. As she did so her horse nickered lightly, pounding his hooves on the ground in what the woman guessed was excitement. "Don't worry boy, we'll be off soon." She replied, rubbing a hand on his umber colored neck.

In response the giant horse nudged his rider playfully, knocking her back and almost off her feet. With a loud curse the Inquisitor stumbled back, boots scrambling for purchase as her body teetered dangerously backward, but before she could fall two strong hands gripped her upper arms and halted her.

"Auguhst is as ornery as ever, I see." Cullen spoke, his voice laced with humor.

"Yes, little shit." Olivianna replied, standing straight with Cullen's help as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Making a noise that sounded suspiciously like a laugh the large beast shook his head, causing his black mane to whip about.

With a playful scowl Olivianna turned her back to her riding companion, smiling up at her Commander as her arms fell from her chest to her sides. "So Commander, how do we look? Well stocked and ready for travel, I hope."

"So it would seem.” He replied, resting his hands on the hilt of his sword as his smile faded and his eyes drifted to the gates. “I have found nothing that requires mention, Inquisitor. You and your party are free to depart.”

Olivianna watched him, raising an eyebrow as a mischievous look spread across her face. “Hmmm...are you sure there isn’t something you would like to mention?” She asked, locking her hands behind her back as she took a step forward, closing most of the distance between them.

Cullen noticed the move immediately and cast his stare down almost too quickly, eyes narrowing at the woman’s knowing smile. She knew how he hated being put on the spot in front of her people, their people, especially when it was over something intimate, but she also knew he would make the first move. Eventually. They were both rather stubborn, after all, though on this particular morning he didn’t quite feel like messing around.

With one quick motion the Commander reached out and wrapped an arm around his Inquisitor’s waist, pulling her close as the other hand rested against the back of her head, guiding her so their lips met before she had time to even consider what had happened. He may have been the one comforting her last night, but Cullen would not let his love go without another reminder of his passion.

Completely taken aback by Cullen’s brazen move Olivianna put up no defense, letting out a gasp as he nearly yanked her head forward for a kiss. Her mouth was then already open when their lips touched, letting Cullen expertly use the opportunity to slip his tongue inside, and in an almost desperate reaction Olivianna took the invitation to deepen the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stood up as tall as her body would allow, and as Cullen’s arm tightened around her waist Livi wound her fingers in his perfect blond hair, the two holding on to each other like they would never meet again.

Their kiss went on for a few seconds before a loud whooping sounded from amongst the small crowd, lron Bull leading the charge. Dorian sat upon his mount, feinting disgusted disinterest while sitting behind him Cole just smiled at all the happiness.

Pulling away just enough so their foreheads could rest together the Commander and Inquisitor laughed, both of their faces covered in a radiant red. “That was...well, that was nice.” Olivianna said with a wink, laughing harder when Cullen rolled his eyes and pinched her side softly.

“I’m glad you liked it, I’m sure I will be hearing about it for some time.”

“What was it you said to me after our first kiss?” Livi asked, standing flat on her feet once again. “That you would feel bad if people had nothing to talk about?”

Cullen chuckled at that, rubbing the back of his neck in his signature way. “Yes, well... I suppose this should sustain all the gossip mongers for a while. At least until your return.”

Olivianna’s smile softened, her hands falling to rest between them as Cullen met them with his own. “I will be back before you know it.” She almost whispered, squeezing his hands as their fingers interlaced, but her eyes faltered in their strength for a moment and Cullen knew she was saying it for herself as much as for him.

“Promise?” He asked, flashing her a childish smile.

“I promise.” She giggled, standing on her toes to steal one last kiss. “I’ll write you when we arrive. Have the birds ready.”

“We will.” Cullen replied, a slight tremor in his voice as he spoke. “Be safe.”

“I always am.”

With a final squeeze of her hands Cullen pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Olivianna replied, forcing down the tears that threatened to surface as they pulled apart.

Knowing it was now or never Olivianna took a few steps back, breaking eye contact with her love only when her back pressed against Auguhst’s back end. At the horse’s impatient whiny she turned, rubbing his side for a moment before lifting herself into the saddle with one swift movement. Once she was settled the Inquisitor looked over her shoulder to her Commander one last time, smiling an unspoken promise of her safe return, and when he returned it with his own she knew she was ready.

“Inquisition!” She shouted, heals lightly tapping Auguhst’s side before the horse trotted to the gates, stopping as they began to grind and lift, opening to them their next journey. “Let’s move!” With one final command the group set off, and as they left everything behind one more time Olivianna began to feel something she couldn’t explain.