#tech support problems

So there’s this caller that I just especially dislike... let’s call her... Kathy. Kathy is just... remember Ben Stein in those Clear Eyes commercials? That extremely slow monotone drawl? Throw in a “UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM” about every 7 words. That’s how she talks. 

Anyway, Kathy is stupid. Like, has no grasp of troubleshooting or basic understanding of how anything technological works, doesn’t understand why she shouldn’t write down passwords on Post-It notes and stick them to her monitor (no, seriously) stupid. And she calls in and asks dumb questions, all the fucking time, and gets pissed when she doesn’t get the answer that she wants. As 90 percent of the time its’ “okay, that’s not how that works’ and not “OMG THIS IS A HUGE ISSUE”

Anyway, Kathy calls in this morning and says that her Outlook is frequently going not responding. Said it’s been doing it since yesterday. Not a huge deal, probably a simple fix, but it takes like 5 minutes for her to get that out, as she talks so drawn out and slow with 8000s UHHHHS thrown in, and always always throws in pointless irrelevant information that she refuses to stop giving. I’ll cut her off with “I don’t actually need to know that” and she’ll just ignore me and keep talking for another few minutes

So Kathy asks what causes Outlook to go not responding. I told her that there’s not one definitive reason, that it’s a symptom of a number of issues, and without taking a look at her computer I can’t say for sure. But said it could be that she hasn’t logged off and restarted in a while (most likely culprit), that she has too much open, her Internet connection, that her mailbox is too large, the server she’s on is having issues, could be a settings issue, etc.

Kathy hears “Internet” and “server” and goes:

Kathy: OH. So I have Internet connection and server connection issues?! Me: No. That’s not what I said. I said it could be those things. Those are possible issues, but likely not the cause. Kathy: *point blank ignoring what I just said* Okay okay. So it’s the Internet connection... Me: No. Most likely not. Kathy: *again, still ignoring me* AND the server... hm, well I guess I can tell my manager that that’s what’s going on Me: Kathy. That’s not necessarily the issue Kathy: *still not listening* It’s just I can’t work like this! *goes on a rant about the ‘Internet and server issues’ (that she probably doesn’t have) Me: Kathy, it could be other things. I can try and-- Kathy: *cuts me off* I’ve had to deal with this for two days Me: Okay, so it’s probably not the server. And since no one else is complaining it’s probably not the Internet Kathy: And the server and internet--

So we’re having some issues with some of the virtual servers at work. Waaaay above my head, so I have to send it up to tier 3. Now, there’s 3 servers that users have been having severe slowness and freezing on. I’ve been on 2 of the 3 servers and can personally attest that that’s what’s going on. So, I reach out to tier 2 (because we’re supposed to go to them first), like 5 times before someone finally get’s back to me and says send it up to tier 3 and have them reboot the servers. No shit, but whatever.

So I call it into tier 3, tell them to reboot the servers. Conversation goes like this:

Me: Users on servers [insert server names 1-3] are having some extreme slowness and freezing. I’ve been on [insert 2 server names] myself, and can attest that this is an actual issue. Just sending a 5 word IM took me 2 minutes, and everything keeps freezing. Tier 3 tech: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Me: .... so anyway, I spoke to the local techs (tier 2) who asked me to have you guys reboot the servers (because they have the fucking servers). Tier 3: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... well fuck

literally, says ‘well fuck’

Okay. W/E

Not a specific interaction but this happens frequently enough to be annoying

I literally get people who will complain about me solving their issue “too quickly”. Literally. They’ll call in with a simple problem they thing is a big issue. It’s not. I solve it in a few moments and go about my day. A while later we get a complaint that I solved the problem too quickly and often “made them feel stupid” aka “It was a dumb problem and by you fixing it you made me feel dumb”.

Had a lady a little bit ago with just some minor Outlook settings she  needed changed. About a 2 minute issue tops. Remoted in with her, fixed everything, and she proceeded to get increasingly agitated that ‘that was it’. “That’s it? That’s all you did? Just change this and click that?” “Yep” “So you didn’t do anything else on your end?” “No.” “So you fixed this issue that quickly???”

Or “I need you to remote in with me immediatly!! BLAH BLAH BLAH EVERYTHING IS BROKEN AND BLAH BLAH BLAH” *remotes in* “Oh, this isn’t an issue. It’s just a message letting you know that XYZ (some minor pointless thing).” *Hits OK* “You’re all set?” “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M ALL SET MY COMPUTER IS BROKEN?” “No it’s not.” “SO YOU FIXED IT THAT QUICKLY??”

... yes. What the fuck are you mad about??? Would you have preferred I spent hours and hours working on your computer? I will never understand this. Why get angry at someone for helping you out too efficiently? I guess if you wanted to have an excuse to waste time and not work, maybe? But most calls start off with “I CAN’T WORK AND I’M GONNA GET IN TROUBLE AND ... oh wait... you fixed it already? WELL THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE YOU HAD TO HAVE DONE SOMETHING ELSE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T HAVE FIXED IT THAT QUICKLY!!!”

So, Marie (from this and this) calls back in. I guess she’s feeling embarrassed about her litany of stupid calls because she gets super awkward when she realizes it’s me.

Anyway, call goes something like this Me: *generic greeting* Marie: I’m trying to print these labels, but when I go to options there’s no labels

?????? Me: ...trying to print them from where? Marie: What? Me: Where are you trying to print the labels from? Marie: I’m trying to print filing labels. Me: Okay, I got that. Where are you trying to print them from? What program? Word, Outlook? Are they PDFs..? Marie: *Not listening* I”m trying to print filing labels and when I go to options there’s no labels

FFS

So I remote in with her. She’s in Word. SHE’S ON THE MENU TO PRINT LABELS IT SAYS “LABELS” ON IT YOU FUCKING TWAT

Me: ... so you’re trying to print labels. Marie: Yeah, and there’s no option for labels. Me: *circles my mouse around the big “LABELS” tab she’s currently clicked on* You’re on the option to select labels Marie; Well, it normally says like... Avery 5266 or-- Me: *notices Marie is clicked on the “Microsoft” labels list, not the Avery ones* Me: *clicks on “Avery”* Marie: *clearly not listening or looking at her screen* *continues rambling* Everything is different and now the option to print labels is gone.. Me: No, it’s-- Marie: *cutting me off* *continues bitching* Me: MARIE. It’s right here. Marie: Oh... it looks different. Me: Do you know the size of the label you’re trying to print? Marie: No. Me:... can you look at the labels? It should say on the box, maybe on the back of the labels Marie: .... Marie: *CLICKS AWAY FROM THE AVERY LIST TO A TOTALLY DIFFERENT LIST* See!! This normally says AVERY! Me: ... you literally clicked away from the Avery list Marie: ... well... it normally says Avery Me: It did. There’s numerous Avery sizes. *clicks back on Avery* Which one are you trying to print on? Marie: *again, not listening, continues bitching* 

At this point, I just take my headset off for a little bit, click around in flight rising, so I have no idea what she actually says

Me: *repeats myself* Marie: ... I guess I can try... but there’s normally a 5266 Me: *clicks on 5266. IT’S RIGHT THERE. RIGHT IN HER FUCKING FACE* This one? Marie: *Let me see* *SCROLLS PAST 5266, GETS DOWN INTO THE LIKE 5400S* I’m not sure... Me: You scrolled away from 5266. What size label-- Marie: *not listening* I guess I’ll just have to try these...

There’s like 500 different sizes

Me: If you look at the labels themselves, it should have a size on ... Marie: *starts bitching again*

Me to me: Fuck it. Not my problem at this point.

So there’s this guy that always calls in because he never fucking saves or closes out of his documents. He’ll work on a document for days and just leave it open the entire time, without actually saving it once. Then, he’ll shut down or log off, or Word crashes or whatever, and of course the document closes.

Now, often we’re able to find auto recoveries or auto saves of the files if he calls in soon enough. But today, he called in about a document he’d worked on a fucking month ago, and admitted he hadn’t saved when he’d closed out of it, and asked me if I could find it for him. Call goes kinda like this.

Him: So I need help recovering some changes I made to a document. Me: Ok.  Is-- Him: Like, a month ago. Me: ... Me: A month ago? You haven’t opened it or anything sense? Him:  No. I’m pretty sure I didn’t save it when I closed out of it. Can you recover the changes Me: To be frank, it’s a long shot, but I’ll look

For some reason, he’s super reluctant to tell me any info about the document, the document number, title, etc. So I have to drag it out of him by reminding him “I can’t find a document if I don’t know what it is”. And I do find a record of the document on his computer, along with dozens and dozens of auto recovery files (aka he’s been crashing Word without closing out of docs), buuuut it doesn’t have any of his changes. Him: Well, this doesn’t have my changes Because you didn’t fucking save them you twit

Me: Well, unfortunately this is the only copy of the document on your system. Since you closed out of the document, and it didn’t crash, Word didn’t generate any auto recoveries, and it’s been a month, so your temp folders have cleared. Him: Well, can’t you just get it from my auto saves Me: It’s not there. Him: Well... this one doesn’t have my changes! Normally when I call in the person I speak to (me, it’s always fucking  me) can find my changes!!

BECAUSE NORMALLY YOU DON’T WAIT A FUCKING MONTH AND KNOWINGLY CLOSE OUT OF A DOCUMENT WITHOUT SAVING IT

Me: I get that. But, it’s been a month, and you didn’t save it. Him: Well, where else can you look? Me: No where. I literally did a search of your entire system, there’s no copies of it anywhere, except for this one Him: BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE MY CHANGES!!! Me: Uh huh. Him: Well. Can you escalate this and have someone do a more thorough search? Me: Sure. I’m not sure where else they could search, since I did a search of your entire system, but I can absolutely send it up. But, frankly, the odds of them finding anything, since you didn’t save the document or check it back in, and waited a month, are pretty nil Him: *angry huffing*

Me to me: Yeaaaah, this is a whole lotta not my fucking problem at this point.

Me: Sure. I’ll send it up.  Him: I just don’t understand why you can’t find it

BECAUSE YOU CLOSED OUT OF IT A FUCKING MONTH AGO AND DIDN’T SAVE IT AND YOU KNOW YOU DIDN’T SAVE IT.

Me: K. Have a great day.

Long post.

Okay, so we use Outlook and a document management system called Filesite at my job, right? And both are fairly customizable view wise. There’s the base/default way it comes, but virtually everybody adjusts it; changes font size, color, column/row placement reading pane, etc. So, no two people’s are necessarily alike, and there’s no set way to arrange the view.

But people seem to have a MASSIVE amount of difficulty understanding this. On occasion, since we’re virtual, something will change on the server side, causing users to lose their customized Outlook settings. We have no way of retrieving this, and no way of knowing exactly how things were previously set up.

So, I get a mind numbing amount of frustrating calls that are virtually me explaining “No, I’m not aware of how you personally customized your Outlook, the Outlook that I don’t have any access to unless I’m remoted in with you.”

Example: Caller: My outlook is broken Me: What’s wrong with it Caller: It doesn’t look right Me: Okay, what doesn’t look right about it? Caller: It doesn’t look how it normally looks Me: How does it normally look? Customer: *angry confused ranting*

So, I get a call from this woman named Barbara. Barbara is old and the embodiment of “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. She can’t adapt to any sort of change, if something isn’t 100% exactly where it was, she can’t figure out how to do it. She’s also “If I don’t understand it, it must be wrong” (I once spent 45 minutes explaining Outlook’s recall feature to her, which she didn’t seem to grasp that once an email left our servers, we cannot go into another company’s servers and retrieve it, especially if they aren’t using Outlook. I even pulled up the Microsoft KB that point blank explains this, but she was still insistent that I didn’t know what I was talking about).

Like, the office building I’m in does regular fire drills and testing, but we’re not allowed to get off the phones and participate. In fact, we’ve never done a fire drill, so, tbh if there is an actual fire, I have no idea where we’re supposed to go or meet up. One time, there wasn’t a drill, the actual alarm was going off (turned out to not be an actual fire, just something was malfunctioning, but we didn’t know that at the time) and we still weren’t allowed to get off the phones and evacuate.