#teannawhitlock

1.) I was on a rampage, looking for anyone that could make me feel something for more than 45 minutes and an awkward good bye that I barely recall in the morning, but if I would've known that you were what I was going to find I would've stopped dead in my tracks. 2.) It was supposed to be something casual, and I should've known I was in trouble when you pulled me into you tighter that night and I didn't want push you away. 3.) I remember thinking, "It'll fuck me up, but it feels good." And as if to confirm my suspicions, all of a sudden I was up late scribbling things down about you and not him anymore. 4.) You're smooth where I'm rough and ragged. 5.) You're always one step behind me or right by my side and to others it seems we move in sync. So why do I feel like you're so untouchable? 6.) We fuck like it means something but it was never supposed to be that. 7.) That one night. I had done a mixture of drugs and I was drinking. I was having a melt down. I don't remember what triggered it, but an old friend of mine was trying to calm me down in a back room of the house. You knocked on the door, and I refused to see you. I told her not to let you in, and you heard. You barged in and just held me while I cried. You sat there and stroked my hair while I profusely apologized. You just kept saying, "It's okay." I believed you. 8.) I love the way you have to have your pizza half pepperoni and sausage and the other half extra cheesy, And the way you have to have your fingers twirling your hair whenever you're high or self conscious. But you always like smoking more than me, and I don't love you. 9.) The night you left my house and didn't come back was only a foreshadowing of events yet to come. 10.) "You're only as sick as your secrets," well I don't tell anyone about you because I want to keep you my little get away, but you don't tell anyone about me because you don't want anyone to know. 11.) I can't tell if I love or hate how you always want to touch me when you're high. It's so different for me because I want to feel you. 12.) I could always tell there were songs you didn't play when I was in the car. I wanted to ask you why, but 13.) I don't know if you're the reason why I am sad like this again, or if you came along and reminded me that I was never really happy 14.) I know you have your issues, I know the fact that you can't see your dad bothers you, and that you isolate yourself from others but I still feel like it's my fault. 15.) Do you remember the night of my birthday? We did so many lines I lost count, we talked in your car and played that one album on repeat? You told me that you don't know how to care about anyone right now, that you didn't want to. I can't stop listening to that album. 16.) You don't hold people that you don't care about the way you held me the day after I lost my mind and you saw how much I wanted to end it all. Like you were trying to hold my pieces together. Or was it pity? 17.) It's so unsettling how I can feel like I'm going insane, have visions of razor blades against my skin, but lay my head on your chest and it all goes away. I don't want you to have that power. 18.) I'm going to have to become accustomed to clinging to my body pillow at night rather than you. Instead of listening to the low drum of your heartbeat I'm listening to my tv talk about how the worlds falling apart. Believe me, I know. 19.) My goodbyes have always been abrupt and fast like ripping off a Band-Aid but I've been trying to walk away from you since we met. 20.) You'll never be what I want you to be and I'll never be what you need. 21.) I'm trying my hardest to leave before you do.