#por

Duang and Qin are sat opposite each other with two large servings of their garlic shrimp dish in front of them.

Their first official date.

The two dig in as they talk about their days, a satisfied smile on Duang’s face as he watches the pleased look on Qin’s face. Between his bites, he asks questions and works on digging to find out more about what the omega but where there was once a lack of interest on Qin’s part, there was now a returned curiousity.

“Have you always wanted to study music?” Duang asks.

Qin nods and hums a confirmation. “I’ve been playing instruments since I was a child.”

He laughs softly at the impressed look on Duang’s face as he asks about what instruments he plays. After a brief list, Qin takes another bite of the food, but holds his fork up to signal he has something to say. Duang waits patiently of course.

“Have you always been interested in art?” Qin asks, and Duang can’t resist the wide smile that breaks out at Qin’s apparent curiosity about him. He nods enthusiastically, beginning to talk about how him and his friends’ art classes in high school and the decision to study art seriously. Qin occasionally interjects to ask additional questions and Duang is quick to answer.

Conversation flows naturally until the two fell into a comfortable silence as they eat.

Then, Duang watches as some of the sauce on Qin’s fork falls and lands perfectly on the cushion of the white headphones around his neck.

The omega sighs before he grabs a napkin and wipes it away. When he looks up as he begins to remove the headphones from his neck, he finds Duang wearing a look of curiosity.

Realizing he’s been caught staring, Duang flushes slightly, coughing and looking away for a moment. After recollecting himself, he asks Qin what was on his mind.

“Why do you always have those headphones on?”

Qin takes another large fork full of the dish, holding it up to his mouth. “They help me focus.” he says, then takes his bite.

Duang hums in thought. “Doesn’t listening to music make it harder to focus on your music for school?” he asks.

Qin laughs, which causes him to choke a little on his food. Duang is quick to hold a water out for him which he takes gratefully. He watches warily for a moment with bated breaths as he waits for Qin to be okay.

When he’s finally stopped coughing, he looks up at Duang’s concerned face and holds up a finger, signaling him to wait for a moment as he regains his breath. Qin pulls his phone out of his pocket as he reaches to switch his headphones on, swiping over to his music.

He looks up at Duang for a moment, analyzing the boy’s face. Duang feels his skin prickling a little under Qin’s watchful gaze. Then, he grabs his headphones from where he had just set them and leans over, pushing them onto Duang’s head and adjusting them so they sit snuggly on his ears. The proximity causes Duang’s heartbeat to pick up, the sound amplified by the noise cancelling headphones.

Their eyes lock for a moment and Duang is, once again, in awe at how beautiful the omega is, even this close. The thumping in his ears is loud as their eyes stay locked, and Duang is so enraptured that he doesn’t even notice the way Qin reaches up, pressing a button on the headphones.

His heart beat is promptly drowned out by a thick noise.

Qin sits back in his seat to watch and Duang’s head tilts as he listens.

The sound is overwhelming at first, but as it plays, he can feel the way it bleeds into and over his thoughts. He feels totally blank, like a reset has just occurred in his mind.

It should be stressful, the pitch verging on unpleasant, but the way it blankets his thoughts is almost calming. He can feel the tension in his mind settle a little with the sound.

After a few more seconds, Qin leans forward again and pushes the headphones off his ears, tugging them so they settle around his neck. The return of the sound around them is stifling, and Duang is tempted to pull the headphones back on, but he’s stopped by Qin’s voice.

“It’s a frequency audio. It’s what I usually listen to when I’m trying to study or focus.”

“A frequency audio?” Duang asks, head tilted in confusion.

Qin hums, going for another forkful of shrimp. “Yeah. Eight hundred fifty-two hertz. It’s supposed to help because it affect’s your brains auditory pacing.”

Duang nods and makes a noise of understanding, but he honestly doesn’t really get it. It appears Qin is well aware of that as he smiles slightly with a full mouth.

He swallows his food down slowly before he re-explains. “It’s just supposed to quiet your mind. It might be placebo, but it works for me so I listen to it a lot.”

Duang is quick to shake his head. “No, no. I don’t think it’s placebo. It worked on me and I didn’t know what it was supposed to do!” He pulls the headphones back over his ears and the audio is luckily still playing.

He points at his covered ear as he says “It’s like my brain doesn’t have room to think. I like it! I think I’m gonna get some headphones and listen to this too!”

Duang is unaware of his vocal volume increase, but he wouldn’t have cared anyways. Qin’s responding wide smile is worth every second of embarrassing himself.

-

A week later, Duang is really, really, really, bored.

Qin had sent him a message on instagram earlier in the day to tell him he wouldn’t be coming to school and now he was stuck with his old routine.

No morning greetings, no walking the omega to class, no lunch together. Just his two best friends and the boring day-to-day he had left behind.

He sighs deeply as him and Pae walk over to a table in the corner of the mostly empty cafeteria. He sits with another deep sigh.

“Geez, no need to look so thrilled to have lunch with us. Maybe I should tell Jamie to hurry with whatever he’s doing since you want to see him so bad” Pae says with a snort as he sits down next to Duang.

Duang looks at his friend with a dramatic pout and the omega laughs, patting his head.

The two begin to dig in, but after only a few minutes, Pae clears his throat. “You know, I’ve been meaning to ask. When are you going to tell Qin about the whole…” he leans in close to whisper, “alpha thing?”

Duang groans loudly. He had been weighing this problem for the past several weeks. He and Qin had surely gotten much closer. It was obvious in the way they had little routines together now, the way they messaged each other often, and the way Qin never turned him down if he wasn’t already busy with something else.

Which meant Duang’s guilty conscience was getting heavier and heavier by the day.

He had no clue how to bring it up, and as much as he wanted to act like it wasn’t true, part of him knew he would continue to hold the truth from Qin as long as possible. It was foolish, he was aware. But they had reached a point now where it was clearly too late for him to bring up without making having to explain the whole situation.

Sure, he knew that Qin was rationale, he knew it was very likely the omega would understand if he told him, but he also knew that sometimes what you believe someone may think may not be true...

He leaned his head on Pae’s shoulder, burying his face in the crook of his best friend’s shoulder as he speaks. “I know I need to, but I’m scared. I really like Qin, and I’m scared of how he’ll react.”

Pae sighs. “Duang. Qin is a good guy. I highly doubt he’ll make a big deal out of it.”

Duang shakes his head, face still buried. “I thought that last time too and look what happened. Also, I already know Qin doesn’t like alphas.”

Pae’s bottom lip becomes irritated as he chews at it in thought and a silence settles between the two of them, Duang pulls his head back to look at his best friend. Pae is only partially shocked to find a level of wetness to his eyes and a plumpness to his bottom lip where he bit at it.

Pae can only smile sadly at him.

Duang scans his friends face for a moment. “I’m scared I’ll lose him Pae. This is bigger this time. The way I feel about him is so much bigger than it ever was for anyone else and now I have to face the reality that my real identity may rip him away from me.” He chokes up a bit. “I wish I would have just told him from the beginning…”

Pae brings his hand back up to pet at his head. “I know Duang. I know. But he can’t blame you for being scared.”

The collecting tears threaten to fall and Duang pulls the edge of his sleeve up to absorb them. Pae looks around to make sure no one is looking their way. Luckily, it appears the emotional scene hasn’t caught anyone’s attention.

Duang picks at his nails as he responds. “I know… But I still should have told the truth. That way I could at least have gotten the rejection up front… I should have never let my stupid insecurities from high school cause me to be untruthful. I was being stupid.”

Pae grabs at Duang’s shoulders somewhat aggressively, forcing the alpha to look at him. “Hey! You are not being stupid Duang. I may not agree with your insecurity itself, but that doesn’t make your feelings and your decision invalid. You have your reasons and anyone who can’t accept that doesn’t deserve you, whether you think they’re the perfect omega or not. Okay?”

Duang’s bottom lip wobbles like a sad child and he buries himself back into Pae’s shoulder once again, trying his best to hold in the emotions.

“Woah, what’s going on here?”

The sound of Jamie’s voice pulls him back out of the crook of Pae’s neck.

When he looks up at his friend, he’s surprised to see the alpha isn’t alone. Duang is quick to wipe at his eyes, hopeful that there is not any residual wetness, then he smiles at Jamie and the person by his side.

His awkward smile quickly turns mischievous as he begins to recognize the second person. It was the fashion student they had been introduced to before.

Fast enough to cause whiplash, his emotional scene takes a total backseat as his need to tease Jamie takes over.

“What’s going on over here? Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” he says, gesturing between the two standing figures.

Jamie reaches forward to swat at him, but Duang quickly ducks from it causing Jamie’s hand to catch Pae’s shoulder instead.

The omega yells out and reaches to tug at Jamie, but fails to do so.

“Yah! I didn’t introduce my friend to you so you could steal him away!” Pae yells at the alpha, then he turns to the other omega. “Marvis. He’s awful, trust me. You don’t have to put up with him. I won’t blame you, I swear.”

Pae looks dead serious when he says it, save for the small quirk of his lips afterward, and Duang watches as his two best friends swat at each other and fight as Marvis watches in amusement.

Duang couldn’t have been happier about the change of topic.

-

Qin was running on empty.

Dara’s fever had finally gone down and she was starting to sound a bit better, but after two whole days and nights locked in the apartment as he tried to nurse her back to health, Qin was exhausted. Which is exactly how he ended up running so far behind today.

He had woken up several times during the night to check on Dara’s temperature, making sure the fever did not spike back up as she slept, and he was pleased to see it remained near normal. This meant she should be able to attend day care as normal, so long as it didn’t rise back up before drop off.

At one point, after waking to another bihourly ‘temp check’ alarm, he had checked his phone and found a surprisingly early instagram message from Duang.

“podduanngg sent you a message: qin! good morning! will you be back today?”

He smiled tiredly at the message and he had intended to message him back, then rest for only a short amount of time, setting another alarm for 30 minutes later to begin getting himself and his daughter ready for the da. However, his tired mind allowed him to subconsciously swipe over to his feed after replying, and before he could set another alarm, he had passed out completely.

It was much later when his body allowed him to finally wake naturally, almost a full hour after he would wake on a normal day, let alone on a day where he had to worry about additional care steps for his sick child.

He woke up in a panic, body able to tell he was late before his mind had any time to catch up, and he ran over to his daughter’s room.

He felt at least a small bit of relief when he found that her temperature was still normal, just as it had been when he last checked. So he picked her up quickly, waking her to brush her teeth and get dressed as fast as possible.

The little girl was still feeling groggy, body heavy from exhaustion after her little body spent over twenty-four hours battling sickness, and she clung to her father as they prepped for the day.

Qin packed her a light lunch, not yet wanting her to have any of the heavier foods they usually had at the daycare. They had a rushed breakfast of microwaveable oatmeal and miraculously slipped out the door only ten minutes later than planned.

While the drive to the daycare was pretty uneventful, Dara still too sleepy to really care what Qin was doing, drop off proved to be much more difficult.

The little girl wept in the crook of her father’s neck, not wanting to be separated after having his undivided attention for a full two days, and she called for him sadly at every attempt to separate.

Qin had to resist his internal desire to turn them around and go right back home. The small girl’s tiny bottom lip was poking out in a way that rivaled a cartoon character, and her eyes were welled up with tears as she called for him.

“Daddy! No leave! Daddy no leave! Dara go home!” she cried out as he passed her backpack to the teacher. Qin’s own eyes welled up in guilt and sympathy for his baby. He wanted to take her home, he really did, but she was back to health now and he needed to get back to his classes.

He spent a few more minutes trying to coax her into going with the teacher, smiling sadly when she finally agreed. He squeezed his daughter tight, giving her a big kiss on the cheek and promising to be back for her before she even knew it. Then he waved at her sadly as he started to back up toward the exit, not fully leaving until he saw the teachers guide her inside to play.

He let out a sigh of relief when he she was finally out of sight and checked the time on his watch. Confirming it was far too late to make it on time for his first class, he decided to let exhaustion win the battle, he would just take his time and be late. It’s not like he had a reason to rush.

-

Duang, after getting the confirmation from Qin earlier in the day that he would be coming to school, waited patiently at the front of the building where the omega’s first class was.

He kept himself busy with games on his phone as he waited, watching as several students came and went from their first classes. But he doesn’t see Qin, even as the start time of his first class comes and then goes.

For a moment he thinks he may have read Qin’s message wrong, but when he opens the message, he confirms the boy did say he would be there.

Duang then thought that he may have mixed up Qin’s schedule. Since he himself didn’t have a morning class that day of the week, he usually he wouldn’t be on campus yet. He had only woken up a little earlier to check on Qin, worried about the omega due to his absence. Plus he had something he wanted to show him.

So it was very possible he misremembered and was too early, or perhaps he was too late, or even in the wrong place completely.

Duang paced across the top of the stairs for a while, continuing to scan the arriving students, but has no luck. That is until a full twenty-two minutes past what he believed to be the start time of Qin’s first class, when he spots the omega walking up the sidewalk. Despite his tardiness, Qin seemed to lack any urgency, instead walking at a leisurely pace with his head down and his headphones snuggly over his ears.

Because of this, Duang doesn’t bother yelling for him. Instead, he runs down the stairs and over to Qin, stopping just in front of him and beginning to walk backwards.

When Qin looks up from the feet awkwardly shuffling in front of him, Duang is surprised by how tired the omega looked. He scans around the building and lawn for a moment. When he spots what he’s looking for, he taps at his own ear, signaling for Qin to pull the headphones off.

When he does, Duang smiles.

“Wait here a moment. I’ll be right back with something!”

The omega sighs, checking the time on his watch. Duang watched as his nose scrunched and his lip pulled inward, the omega presumably debating the tardiness to his class.

He ultimately decides to give in as he steps to the side, out of the way of other students, and nods for Duang to go.

Duang is quick to run off and when he returns, he’s got a canned coffee, which he holds out proudly. Qin lets out a relieved sigh, glad to have some caffeine to fight against his drowsiness. He quickly takes the drink, popping it open and chugging it down.

Finishing it in mere seconds, Qin throws a quiet “Thanks.” over his shoulder as he walks to the nearby trashcan to toss the empty can, then he begins walking toward his class. Duang wastes no time in starting up a conversation as they walk.

However, as much as Qin enjoyed talking to Duang nowadays, his exhaustion had peeked and his tolerance was wearing thin.

He began to tune out Duang’s voice entirely, not on purpose, but his brain decided to shut out external sounds for a while. He hears absolutely nothing, until a hand waves excitedly in his peripheral vision. He turns to look.

“See! They’re even the same brand as yours!” Duang points proudly at the black headphones around his neck and Qin just gives a dismissive hum, if only to show he heard him, but Duang isn’t deterred.

Duang continues to rattle off as they walk. “And I’ve been listening to that thing that you said you listen to! The frequency? It’s been helping me a lot with getting some of my assignments done. Especially for my non-major classes.”

Another lackluster hum.

“I never knew that something like this existed. I feel like I have a hack for my brain now!”

One more hum.

“And this one even has a headphone jack so I realized that if I plugged it into my laptop, I can actually-”

“Duang, can you please just!” Qin raises his open palms up in a jerky motion as he slows to a stop, eyes squeezed shut tightly.

He doesn’t have to finish the sentence for the meaning to reach Duang.

When Qin opens his eyes, he sees Duang standing a few feet behind him. He looks akin to a kicked puppy, and Qin feels guilty, but he was at his wit’s end. He was running on minimal sleep and hadn’t had a single moment of peace for the past two days. What he needed right now was quiet, and Duang was unlikely to give it unprompted.

He closes his eyes again, huffing out so the puff of air makes his hair fly for a moment.

“I just need a bit of space right now. I’ll text you when my class is done, but for now, please just go do something else.” Qin says, eyes still closed. He refuses to look at Duang right now, afraid to see the boy’s sad expression. He needed this right now, even if it made him seem a bit mean.

He hears an awkward cough and a soft “Uh, yeah. I’ll just- I’ll go now. Text me, if you… Uh. If you want,” then the sound of Duang’s retreating steps. Qin sighs to himself one more time before turning to continue making his way to class.

-

Duang sat on the outdoor stairs of the art building, picking at the skin of his thumb.

He felt terrible.

Not because of Qin, well actually, yes, because of Qin, but not because of what he said.

He felt horrible for not being able to read the situation better. He could clearly see the omega was exhausted. Whatever he had been dealing with for the past two days had clearly drained him of all of his energy.

And yet, Duang still went on and on about the stupid headphones. He felt like a fool. The shame started to build, and with a tsunami of piling self-doubt, Duang could tell he was starting to spiral. He was so glad most of the art student’s chose later classes so he didn’t have to worry about peeping eyes as he sat with his body pulled in a tight ball.

His headphones were pulled snug over his ears and his eyes were closed tightly.

Blasting in his ears was the same frequency he had just been going on about, but unlike before, the frequency wasn’t doing anything to quiet his thoughts.

He swallowed harshly as a wave of anxiety came crashing in.

This was a prime example of why he lived the way he did, lying about his true identity and trying to fit neatly into the less expectant role of being a beta.

He had always been told he was unalpha like, whatever that meant. He had heard it time and time again after presenting, and it’s exactly what made him scared of his own identity.

He had been told we was too boisterous, too clueless, and too unbefitting to be an alpha. That he lacked the tact and composure expected of an alpha, lacked the situational awareness that he should have in order to keep his future omega happy.

And now, here he was, proving every single critique right.

He could no longer tell if the ringing he was hearing was coming from the headphones or his own brain.

He felt useless. How could he ever be a good alpha to Qin? How could he keep him happy when he couldn’t even read the obvious signs and adapt to the omega’s needs.

It may have seemed like he was blowing this all out of proportion, but he had faced this before. He had learned the hard way that there was no under-reacting to a problem like this.

As a beta, his flaws could be overlooked. He wasn’t expected to be this perfect symbol of strength and composure who knew exactly how to comfort and support. His passionate attempts to be there were enough.

But when he reveals he’s not a beta? When he comes clean about being an alpha?

Suddenly he becomes useless. He’s no longer just the average beta. He’s a substandard alpha, someone who doesn’t know how to play their expected role.

It’s exactly why his last relationship had ended. Fortunately, it hadn’t been super serious, but it had taken his already weak self-confidence and tanked it completely.

He had to consider the potential outcome every time he wanted to tell someone about his true self, had to weigh the possibilities like a scientist that couldn’t afford to make another mistake.

But he was ready to push past that for Qin. He had been ready from the beginning. He knew he’d be ready to do what it takes to live up to whatever Qin needed from him.

Now, he wasn’t so sure. He wasn’t sure he could be good for him, even if he tried his hardest.

What if he Qin decides he can’t stand being with him when he finds out? Qin already hates alphas, one can only guess how he’d feel about an alpha that isn’t even any good at being an alpha.

Duang was spiraling just at the prospect of Qin’s rejection, but more than that, he was thinking about how terrible he felt that Qin would have to deal with a useless alpha like himself. He would never be able be the alpha he wants to be for Qin. He would always be this sub par man, trying to fit into a role he was born for but could never quite fulfill.

He felt like his head was underwater, even as the frequency rang sharply in his ears.

With his eyes shut tightly, he could hardly remember where he was. His breathing was beginning to become labored, and his heart was picking up in pace.

Then, like a sudden shock to the system, he’s broken out of it by five sharp buzzes from the phone clenched tightly in his hand. He wipes at his eyes before lifting the phone up.

There, he sees a set of new notifications that feel like a splash of freezing cold water.

“qinch_ sent you a message: hey”

“qinch_ sent you a message: could i ask a favor of you?”

“qinch_ sent you a message: i need something from my car but this prof is kinda stickler about leaving”

“qinch_ sent you a message: i’m sorry to ask this of you after i just sent you away, but i could really use your help.”

“qinch_ sent you a message: let me know.”

Duang choked out a laugh as he read through them.

He needed to collect himself. He wanted to prove himself to Qin, even if it felt impossible.

If he wanted to be good to Qin, he couldn’t spend his time losing himself on these stairs. He needed to be there for him.

Wiping at his eyes one more time, Duang let out a deep breath and wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. It was time to begin proving to both Qin and himself that he could be the one for him. Qin was extending him the olive branch, whether he knew it or not, and he would be a fool not to take it.

He had already made enough of a fool of himself today, it was time to turn this around.

He stood without another second of hesitation and rushed to make his way to the building he had just left, sending a quick reply to say he was on the way.

-

Qin let out a quiet sigh of relief when he read Duang’s message.

His exhausted mind had completely failed him and he forgot to grab the materials from his car for his assignment, which just so happened to be worth twenty-five percent of his grade.

And also due by the end of class.

He felt guilty messaging Duang after turning him away like he had, but he had no choice. He only trusted so many people, and two of them were sat on either side of him, so they could hardly help in this situation.

Thus, he had to message Duang and ask for his help.

His leg shook as he waited for the message from Duang saying he was here. There was only about 25 minutes left of class and it would take a good 10 minutes just for Duang to make the trip there and back.

After what felt like an eternity, but was probably less than a full minute later, the notification popped up on his phone.

“podduanngg sent you a message: im in the building, which floor are you on?”

Right. Qin had forgotten that this was not a class Duang was usually on campus for. The knowledge that Duang had come early for him caused another prick of guilt to settle in Qin’s chest.

He quickly sent a message back with the floor and class number, then pocketed his phone, letting out a deep breath.

It’s then, as he looks around, that he realizes he needed to think up a way to get out into the hallway to explain the situation and hand over his car key.

He looks around his belongings when he spots the near empty water bottle tucked in his bag. He thinks for a moment, debating whether his idea would work, but knowing he had limited options, he decides to go for it.

He sucks in a sharp breath and promptly starts coughing exaggeratedly, as he does, he leans forward to grab both his car key and the bottle from his bag. Acting as though he was trying to get water to soothe the cough with one hand, he sneaks the key into his pocket with the other.

When he looks up, he sees the professor looking at him in partial annoyance and partial concern. Qin does his best to continue the act despite the embarrassment settling over him.

He lifts the bottle up as he continues to cough into the elbow, and motions toward the door.

The professor seems to understand enough and nods, gesturing for him to go. Qin doesn’t waste another second before exiting.

Unsurprisingly, when he closes the door behind him, he comes face to face with Duang, who looks at him in concern because of his coughing.

Qin immediately stops, smiling at Duang sheepishly.

“Fake cough, needed an excuse to meet you out here,” says the omega.

He scans Duang’s face and notices the slight wetness in his eyes. Guilt pangs in his chest again as he assumes it’s because of him. He smiles sadly at Duang, but decides he needs to focus on the task at hand. He would make it up to him later.

“There should be a black folder in the backseat of my car. It has the sheet music for an assignment that’s due today. Could you please grab it and bring it back? The class is over in like twenty minutes and I don’t think he’ll accept it after.”

Duang nods quickly and Qin sighs in relief. He holds his key out and waits for Duang to take it.

“Just text me when you’re back, I’ll make another excuse to come out.” Qin says.

Duang replies cheerfully and gives a loose salute. “You got it! I’ll go as fast as possible!”

Then, Qin does something that surprises them both. He smiles softly at Duang, looks around for anyone else looking their direction. When he finds no one, he leans forward and lands a quick kiss on his cheek.

Before either can react, Qin is quick to turn around and walk back into the lecture room.

-

Duang smiled happily to himself as he walked toward the parking lot, feeling much giddier than he knew how to put in words.

No one around him would have ever known that, only minutes ago, he was mere seconds away from an anxiety attack.

Make no mistake, Duang was still feeling uncertain.

His already brittle confidence was shaken, but he was determined to not break. He had made a promise to Qin to pursue him wholeheartedly and he was going to do just that.

He was going to show that he could do it. He could be the perfect man for Qin, and he was starting with this simple favor.

This simple favor that showed that Qin trusted him. Trusted him enough to ask for his help, trusted him enough to hand over his key, and trusted him enough to have him retrieve something important for him.

All he had to do was make it to the car, find the folder, and bring it back. Simple.

Duang picked up his pace a little as Qin’s car came in view.

He jogs right up to the backseat and pulls up the small key fob in his hand, clicking the unlock button.

When he opens the car door, he spots it immediately.

Sat right in the middle of the backseat is the black folder, curiously tucked up right against something Duang was surprised to see.

A car seat.

first of all, shout out to the anon ask on tumblr that asked for scene separators. i’ve been using a blank line between paragraphs as i write and i had no clue it wasn’t copying over when i paste it into ao3 and tumblr… i was listening to 852 hz while writing this and that’s how this chapter title was decided. also, please don’t be upset with qin’s lack of patience in this chapter, reminder that he is a single father to a small toddler, which is realistically no easy feat, especially when children are sick! as always, thank you for all the love and support! hope you enjoy, feedback is always appreciated!