#tdor2015

I delivered this speech to a group in Fayetville AR. For the annual Transgender Day Of Rememberance. “TDOR” Is once a year on November the 20th. To honor and remember the lives lost to Anti Transgender violence, and suicide.

I wanted to stand with you tonight. And I wanted to talk about a few things That really stike into my heart. Now I know as a Transgender Individual, that for all of us in the Transgender Community. We do not need some one to stand up. And tell us of this Epidemic, we are facing. We face it every day  when we log onto our Social Media Accounts. And we read the names of the people who were victims. You see. We are such a tight knit community. That we are united. When ever some one attacks one of us. It effects EVERY one of us. We all morn the lose of each life. We all feel a deep little piece of the fear. Because that fear is very real for alot of us. Some of us here in this room tonight have faced it personaly. All of us face a One in Twelve chance, of being murdered. Or for a Transgender Person of Color. They face a One in Eight percent chance of being murdered. Now for alot of peole that is just a number. But when I tell you that for the ordinary average person walking around on the street. There odds of being murdered are roughly One in Sixteen Thousand. Now that is an astounding difference. Those two numbers are not even close. What are the chances that you will walk passed Sixteen Thousand people today? Now what are the chances that you will walk passed twelve. I bet you will interact with at least eight people today. You see I don't have to stand up here and tell the statistics to the Transgender Community. Because we all know these things. We are living in this.

Now when I look at the murders this year. I think about the people who's names are not on that list. The people who were misgendered by the, media. Or the police. Or even there own family. We will not hear there story. Or know who they where. They won't be able to tell us that they were murdered because they were Transgender. That is because we still live in a society. That needs to be educated, on transgeder individuals. And now is the time that we are coming together to do this. We are doing this right now, here in this room. By coming together. And telling the world our truth. Telling them that we are alive. And that we are your brothers, your sisters, your sons, your, daughters, we are mothers, and fathers. We are full of love. And we deserve love. We deserve all of the same rights and dignitys. As everybody else. That each one of us has a story. And it should be heard. And tonight we are gathered here to tell the stories of the lives that were taken from us. And we are here to tell the world how deeply this impacts us and our families.

When I was asked to stand up here and speak to all of you tonight. I was hesitant. I have never been the voice of anybody. I have never been a person to stand and give speeches to anyone before. I used to live a quiet and shy life. And keep to myself. But when I see a chance like this. I see an opportunity to speak for those who cannot. Which is why I wanted to talk about two topics tonight. I wanted to talk about the Violence, and the Suicides. I have survived both of these. A few weeks ago I came across an article about a young woman who had ended her own life. Her name was Ashley Hallstrom. I was reading about this woman. And I came across her Suicide Letter. She posted on Facebook. Right before ending her life. Ashley wrote about some things. That really struck me in my heart. As I was reading Ashleys, letter. It was very surreal to me. Because I could have sat down that night. Or any other night. And written that same letter. Word for word. That gave me a chill. I started looking into the Suicides. And found that there were more than twenty peole who ended there own lives here in the United States this year. Most of them were young. Most of them were, dealing with rejection from family. And friends. Some of them were targets of Cyber Bullying. Sexual assaults. Or other forms of violence. You see, when I came out as Transgender I was 32 years old. Most of my family, and friends have known I was fighting with this as early back as the age of 13. That is when I first told my mother. This was back in 1995. With no resources about transgender people back then. None of us had a clue what was going on. Nobody wanted to talk about it. So it just became a family secret. I continued on my path with nobody to talk too, nobody to tell this ''secret'' too. In shame. fighting depression, and occasional drug use. My family members watching me go in and out of facilities. For mulitple suicide attempts. I was in a constant downward spiral. With this going on my family was also not the most supportive of the L.G.B.T. community. So coming to terms with my identity ment that I would have to address them and face rejection. Which is the worst possible feeling you could have. The fear of being rejected by your parents. In 1995 it would have not even been something they would talk to me about. But, in 2014 I had there attention. Finally they knew what was motiviating me to be so unhappy in life. And though I still dont think they all understood it. They were all tired of worrying about me. And it seemed to be a relief to them. That I was finally able to tell them this. In fact some of my family is here in the room with us tonight. And I am proud of them for standing with us tonight. And standing with me tonight. To me it is proof that, people can grow. And come together. But this is not the case for every Transgender Person. Some of us loose our family. And the ones that we love. And that is a hard reality we face. Now, after coming out to my friends and my family. And begining the steps to Transition. A few months later, I was assaulted. By my coworkers. I went into the hospital. With a fractured eye socket. A broken nose, chipped teeth and a face that did not even look like my own anymore. That was my second close call. And it really opened my eyes. After surviving that, the dangers were all to real for me. You see before, I had the power. I knew I was transgender. And my depression made me dangerous for myself. But after coming out as Transgender, I lost that depression. I walked around with a smile on my face that nobody had ever seen before. My posture changed. My mood changed. My health improved when I started doing the right things. It was like living in a world of black and white for 32 years. And finally being able to see the colors. For the first time in my life. I looked into the mirror. And I loved the person I saw looking back at me. And I was excited to be becoming the person I had hidden away for so long. And that got me beaten. By the same people I had seen six days a week. For the last four years. And it could have ended alot worse for me. And, I am grateful that I was able to live through it. And what I realized. Was that before I was unhappy. And I could have ended my own life. But I chose to fight, I chose to show the world who I really am. And that if I lost my life, that it was going to be at the hands of some one else. I have a greater purpose in this life. We all have a greater purpose in this life.I hope that maybe me standing up here with you tonight. Somebody will hear my voice, hear some of my story. And know that things do get better. You do not have to end your life. We will get through this together. And together we stand and ask that. People stop bullying us, and they stop killing us! 

Here are a few pictures from TDoR 2015 in Asheville.