#tdcmarcus

"I kinda... need to talk to you..."

Openly:

Secretly:

I feel bad for anyone that has to deal with that bitch on a daily basis. Is he a masochistic? Is she just amazing in bed? The literal fuck was he thinking when he signed up for the biggest pile of bullshit? At least she’s hot.

[Trigger warning]

It was another night where Simon hadn't left his apartment, but with a slight difference. He had been crying for hours and thought that staying by himself would make any difference and magically make him feel better for being himself. But truth is, he'd been lying to himself. 

He felt stupid. He despised himself for throwing good chances away just for having fun. He despised himself for having hurt all the people he had hurt and all the people that will follow if he'd still around. That was what he did. Harm them, scar them for life and then pushing them away, because truth be told, he, himself, was terrified of getting hurt. Of feeling pain just like he had when his mother passed away. He had shut himself down from feeling anything at all. He had been living from physical things ever since and it had worked good for him so far. But something had changed. It was too good to be true. His heart had become numb but for how long until it grumbled for some care and attention? For some love. 

Perhaps being around of his father woke his feelings back up. Marcus, father. Forgive me for leaving you. Sorry for being the way I was. I could have been a better son. I know it'll be hard for you, but don't let this put you down. Don't be sad after this. Don't let Ella see you down. He wrote down on that piece of paper.

Perhaps Astrid coming back and reminding him the kind of man he was woke his feelings back up. Astrid, I know you'll be better this way. You won't have to think about me anymore. I just wanted to say... that... I loved you. I love you still. Thanks for giving me a chance in life. A tear rolled down his face hitting the paper.

Perhaps Chess... his broken expression that was still printed into Simon's memories. In all my life, I haven't met a worse troublemaker than me. And I'm glad I did because you gave me something to care about. Something to worry, you brought me back. You showed me what wanting to be with just one and only person was. I'm sorry I was such a coward for not saying this and just writing it now that is too late. I'm sorry, kitten. Simon bit his lip trying to control his sobs but it was too much to handle. He let the pain drop and allowed himself to cry for a whole minute.

Maybe it was Shenzi. The one and only person he had connected so well with in his life. He was throwing that chance away because of his fears. He was letting that go, too. The person that could do him right, Simon would let her go, too, so she wouldn't get hurt. She didn't deserve that. Who knows how those scars were made, but it surely was a bad story, one full of pain and disappointment and all he knew was that she didn't deserve anything like that. I'm not saying I'm sorry for doing this, because I'm sure you'll be better if you don't get to know me better. I just want to say thank you, because ever since you walked into my life, from that very first kiss, all I had in mind was you. But I can't let myself be that selfish and get what I want since all I've done is wrong. I don't deserve such thing as you. And maybe leaving you is one of the toughest things I ever had to do, but please, understand you wouldn't be okay with me either. 

No one would be. This is for my friends, the people who ever cared about me, the people who ever tried to love me. Thank you. I appreciate it way too much. Don't think your attempts were in vain. I just can't go on hurting people, making them break. I can't go on with this.

This is it. This is all I've got. This is all I'll ever get.

Goodnight, everyone.

He finished writing and once more, he let himself cry as hard as he could before walking to the bathroom and gather enough pills on his fist, leftovers from the lion incident, mostly. He went back to the living room where he had stayed all day and one by one, he swallowed all the pills until he started to lost every single feeling in his body. He smiled with tears running down his cheeks. His arms and fingers feeling completely numb. His legs wouldn't move and suddenly, all he could do was stare at the nothing blankly. Someone opened the door right before his eyelids stopped functioning.

Simba slowly walked into the lion tent, it was open and not closed as his father had told him it would be, which would probably mean he was inside. Simon hated these sessions Marcus insisted him to take, but that morning he didn't even complained about going. For some reason he wanted to go. He wanted to be with him at least for a day.