#tdceva

The night was putting a layer of darkness on the circus, one Douglas hadn't seen before. The lights were mainly turned off or broken. He didn't know the reason; maybe it was just for some dramatic, horrible act, maybe it was just to save some money.

Taking deep breaths Douglas let the cold air invade his lung. He had been sitting on top of the apartment building for a couple of hours now. He had watched the world around him change; how the sun slowly set, how the people came from work to go home, how friends and family met to spend time with each other. There was surprisingly much happiness in the circus and then there was him, Douglas Murray.

He had spent half a year in here. He had met people and saw them leave again. He had laughed, he had cried, he had struggled, he had played, he had kissed, he had discussed, he had given compliments and he had tried to cheer people up. This was a huge part of his life and yet, while he stared down on it, he didn't feel right in this place.

This feeling had been deeply burried inside his chest for weeks, maybe even months. As much as he wanted it, as much as he begged for it, he wasn't happy anymore. Especially not with the latest changes. His heart couldn't bear this feeling anymore and he knew, in the moment the sun disappeared in the horizon and the darkness swallowed him, that his time here was over.

He didn't plan on telling anyone good bye. He wouldn't go to anyone, knock on their door and try to tell them that he would leave. Douglas wasn't the kind of person who would do that, and since his brother had already agreed to come with him, there was no one else as important anymore. If he went to anyone else personally, it wouldn't only make it hard for him to leave, but for the others to let him go.

There were letters written though. Since a few days they were written and placed on the desk in his room. Each one in an envelope with a name on it. One for Eva, one for Sarah and one for the ringmasters. There were more people he could think of; more people who deserved a good bye, but he didn't know what he should tell them. They all deserved a thank you. They all deserved to hear that he was so very glad that they had been a part of his life for this time. Vanessa, Shira, Beth, Sarah, Brooke, Ella, FreyaFarrah, Bianca, Penelope; there were so many that had helped him or had made him smile, and he couldn't be more grateful for it. Only the time was over now.

The older twin pushed himself up and jumped down from the small building. Slowly he was walking through the circus and looked from one place to the other. A soft smile was playing on his lips as he let the memories run through his mind. 

The time he set a car on fire - so thoughtless that he was standing far too close - and Eva had to pull him away. It was the first time he had seen her after something that seemed like years. The time he had ran into a tent completely naked and met the so adorably blushing Penelope again. The time his day had been brightened up by Shira in her Chewbacca costume. The day he met Hiccup and the while later when he decided to take him home. The moment he started dancing with Brooke in the middle of a tent, only because they could. The many times he had helped Oz, his old Oz, when she was upset. 

There was so much Douglas remembered as he walked through the tents. Not only his memories, but others as well. He remembered how the pretty girl, Vivian Xavier told him about her boyfriend. Timon, who was such an amazingly warm hearted person, that he would even jump off a platfform, trying to catch a trapez only to make her laugh, who asked to fake a proposal only to annoy her older brother, who dealed with exactly this brother who acted like the devil, only because he loved her so much. She had never been so happy before in her life and Douglas knew, after meeting her again a day before, that she still loved him with her entire heart and missed him every second. So did she miss her brothers, her so seemingly cold hearted big brother, the one she had looked up to her entire life, her beloved Scarlie, and her little one, her baby, she tried to keep care of as good as only possible, Kovu.

Then Zachariah Lupos. The strange, only leather wearing bad wolf, who enjoyed being alone so very much. Douglas knew that Zachariah had decided to leave as well, only had the lone wolf done it like he always had: Quietly and without telling anyone. They would find his apartment empty, without a note, without anything in it. Almost as if he had never been here. And the reason? Zachariah had never really told Douglas, but the twin could imagine. By the many times he had found Zach hiding in the forest, staring at different apartments and taking care of a special performance tent, Douglas knew very well what happened to his friend. Zachariah's heart was still divided. Bursted by the women who entered it and turned his entire life apart. Nani who made him feel in the first place and of course his Nala, who took in his complete heart, so that he still didn't know how to get it back. 

Claudius Frollo, who was only there to annoy people and set everything aright; in the way he wanted it of course. Oscar Cybug, or Turbo or whatever, who tried his very best to get everyone on his side and was while doing so, so creepy and annoying, and yet in some way funny. Brian Peters, who was the nicest and most charming man Douglas had ever met and who so innocently started to fall in love with Candice. Horst Schröder, who was the most horrible coworker one could ever have, the yelling chef who would only by his yelling get a chicken to loose its feathers. Austin Graves, who had barely been in this place and yet wasn't forgotten due to his silent, mysterious and maybe even a little dangerous kind of character. Who else if not someone with a deep problem like Austin could be a friend of Hook? And at last Ralph Yeboah, the somewhat strange and yet everything knowing old man. 

Douglas could see them all in the circus. Wherever he walked he could see one of them standing, yelling, crying, arguing, laughing, smiling, bitching, explaining... Then, when Douglas stood at the entrance of the circus and took his final step out of it, their spirits followed him and they seemed to die within the circus' walls, he seemed to die, because the one person that was keeping them all alive was disappearing. 

I love you. I love you so very much words can not describe my feelings for you. You're the person that makes me happy, the one that makes me smile and the one that is the only one for me.

My heart bleeds in pain by the decision I made, and it was hard. Much harder than I would've thought and much harder than the decision of leaving all this, my life behind. It is the worst time to leave, I know that, and the weight on my shoulders is heavy because I don't and will not know what happened to you. If you're hurt or even gone.

I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay and wait for you, care for you and always be with you, but my heart and mind couldn't bear the waiting anymore. I love you, I love you endlessly and forever.

My hopes are high that you will not hate me and yet I hope you do. I hope you hate me so very much that you can not be sad about my leaving. I would rather like you to hate me than you having a heavy heart because of me.

Don't miss me! Please, don't miss me! There's no need to miss me. I will come back to you. I don't know when or how - if in a year or two or even ten, but at some point I will come back to you. I need you more than you can imagine.

If you found someone else you love, I will be happy that you are happy. That is the most important thing; your happiness. If you didn't, I'm planning on winning your heart back. No matter how long it will take, no matter what I will have to do for it, I will try my very best to make you trust me again.

When I can think straight again, when my feelings won't start affecting other people and when the storm in my chest stops roaring, then I will come back to you. I can't tell you if it will be in the next weeks, months or even years, but I will come back.

Of course time will change things, but I will always love you. My heart is beating for you, and if I only could, I would spend my entire life with you. The day will come in which we see each other again and you will have never seen me so happy before.

The thought of you keeps me going. The way your bright eyes look directly on my soul, the way your smile shoos any cloud, any dark thoughts away from me, the way your beauty makes me see you everywhere, the way your presence makes me happier than anything, the way your voice makes my heart beat faster, the way every little inch of you inside and outside makes me each second fall deeper and deeper in love with you. 

I will be seeing you again, I promise. I love you, my Eva.

"Why would I mind if she kissed someone else? It’s only a kiss. I have kissed lots of people in my life. I don’t care if she kisses someone else. She can do everything she wants to do, if she keeps coming back to me. I trust my Eva."

Married Life - a quick romantic drabble about your character and mine, from the moment they meet, till the day one of them dies

There was this face, this expression people had whenever they asked Douglas on how he had met his Eva. The slight frown, the little shock in their eyes and the short unsure look they shared with his wife. They expected to hear something romantic, a story that was filled with so much adorableness and cliché that it could be taken right out of a novel. And most definitely they didn’t expect him to shrug his shoulder and say that he didn’t remember.

Maybe he said the truth, maybe he lied to see the amusing reactions of the others. No one really knew. Not even Eva was completely sure about it, but she didn’t care. It didn’t matter to her if he exactly remembered their first conversation, and especially not when he kept on talking. When he said the words that always would make her smile; no matter how much she tried to hide it. It feels like I’ve known her forever. It was melting her heart. Not only the words, but as well in the way how he spoke it. The little chuckle in his voice, the dreamy smile on his face and the soft look he was eventually giving her.

Yes, with that gesture he definitely was twisting her around his little finger; each time. In fact, he always could easily do it. She was his, she knew that, but whenever they shared a look, whenever they were close to each other, whenever they talked about the other one it was clear that he was just as much hers. It almost seemed like nothing could come between them, nothing could seed the evil between them and nothing could seperate them.

It was just a matter of time until they would get married; and after a few years Douglas asked her. His proposal was simple. He had talked a lot with his brother the days before; he had spent days in his twin’s apartment and Eva had already imagined that something important was happening. But she had to admit, when he kneeled down in front of her and asked her to forever be with him, she hadn’t expected that.

Their wedding was small and yet not even half as small as they imagined it to be. Much more people were coming than they had expected but in the end they didn’t really mind who all were watching them. The only person that mattered was the other. Douglas would never forget how she entered the room in her beautiful wedding dress and everyone’s eyes were just on her. He could not not smile a bright smile at her, and a few weeks later his brother told him that he had barely ever seen his twin so happy.

After their honeymoon moving together was a though question. Of course, none of them minded to live with the other. Each time they had spent with the other before was making them happy and it felt just like the right thing to do. And yet Douglas felt some kind of sorrow when he had to pack his things and leave his former apartment. The apartment he had shared with his twin. His beloved brother he had basically lived with for all his life and now for the first time would actually leave voluntarily.

Eva quickly took his sorrow and he didn’t even regret it for a second that he moved with her in their own little house. It made him happy to be with her; happy to wake up next to her; happy to spend at least a few hours of every day with her. It made him happy that they had a future together and over the time they more and more imagined how their lives would proceed.

They often joked about how beautiful their children would be, how Douglas would have to lock the girls in a tower to keep them away from intrusive men, how the boys would turn into actually nice and charming men and how loved their children would be; loved like no one else ever was loved… But it all was just that; jokes, and it never became reality. 

Both of them had their own little problem with having a child. Douglas was scared; terribly scared, that he could end up like his own father. He didn’t want anyone to go through the things he had gone through and he definitely didn’t want to stand on the other side this time. Eva was scared of the responsibilty. A new born, a toddler, a child wasn’t something you could just neglect for a while. She had to care for them and even though Douglas was now by her side she didn’t want to risk it. 

But they were just as happy alone. They were fine only with each other and whenever the loneliness took over, their nieces and nephews came to visit. There were no words that could describe how much the two of them loved Kieran’s children. Douglas’s eyes would lit up whenever he saw something of the twins in his brother’s children, a smile would spread over Eva’s lips whenever they started to braid Douglas’s hair, the corners of Douglas’s mouth would curl up whenever they told their aunt how beautiful she was and Eva would let out an angelic laugh as soon as they started running through the house and playing their games. They truly were adorable and yet the childless couple was at least a tiny little bit released when the kids would leave.

It seemed to make their relationship stronger and stronger and stronger to have the time alone with each other. It was their own happy world they lived in and even though only a few years ago Douglas would never have expected to say that about anyone, he honestly trusted her as much as his brother. He always would tell her everything, no matter what happened, no matter how jealous other people’s wives would be, he told her about everything. She knew that nothing of this mattered. She knew that he would never love anyone as much as he loved her and that the only competition she would ever have was her husband’s twin.

All the years they spent together seemed to be the same, filled with the same feelings; endless love and happiness, and yet each day was special, each day was a day to remember and they would remember. Each little adventure was etched in their memory, each little family visit, each friend that was coming over, each year their nieces and nephews grew older, each time they visited Kieran and his wife, each laugh they shared, each smile, each look and each I love you. They wanted to remember everything and they did until their very last moment together.

"If Harry Potter can live in a wardrobe, I bet we could live in an apartment for two people.”