#tcwm

It didn’t take long to figure it out. The doors were held open already but in walked four boys in their year, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin and James Potter. Clearly trying to ignore the fact that everyone was watching them enter the room. Mainly most were watching one Sirius Black walk across the hall, soon whispered erupted when they sat down at the Gryffindor table.

“Maybe he is telling you who your new husband is.” Isabella smirked at you, causing a laugh to slip across your lips coldly.

“I didn’t even think of that!” You told her before her smile faded. Sirius and you were planned to be engaged for as long as you could remember. The perfect pair. Your parents made sure that you were friends and got along with your future husband, explaining it was the least they could do within the restrictions that they had put upon themselves. Despite Sirius going on a rogue path your parents believed he was still a good match for yourself. His parents even believed that you could bring him back to them, which is why over the years they were actually friends. But something happened over winter vacation, Sirius Black ran away from home and got himself disowned. He was officially a blood traitor and that means he was no longer an option. You couldn’t help feeling sad at the thought, with Sirius she wouldn’t have to hide your thoughts and would have been able to be who you really were. There were already countless days and nights spent around each other growing to become a couple that generally liked each other. With him you could find happiness but now that had gone out the window. You couldn’t even think about how much generally liked Sirius, you wouldn’t say loved but you could easily see yourself growing to love him. But all that didn’t matter anymore.

“Oh yes the lovely ‘talk’.” Vivian said rolling her eyes at her breakfast with disgust.

All the girls went silent for a moment while looked at each other, the talk was an awful conversation that once you turned sixteen you sat down with your parents and got your job and husband choices. Being pure-blooded women, they didn’t have as much freedom that they liked to pretend to have at Hogwarts. Everything was watched and planned out for them from the day they were born and you were just told what to do and where to go. Sometimes your parents did take things you wanted and liked into account, which is nice of them to do but wasn’t really seen anymore. Carolyn’s parents were one of them that always wanted her to be at least happy with her life and would protect her at all cost.

“Yes and no. Mum and Dad asked what I wanted to do; they had no problem with me going to be a healer after graduation. But we really didn’t talk about the husband part yet. I guess we will see.” Carolyn said looking down at her plate. The girls sat in silence for a minute longer before Carolyn smiled at the three of them not wanting to be stuck in a serious conversation.

“No use getting upset about it. Isabella! You still haven’t told us how the winter party ended with Micheal.” Carolyn smirked at her friend, the Slytherin girls’ attention turning to the blush on their friends cheeks waiting for the story.

. *. ˚✧˚. *

The morning was spent going to classes and hoping the weather outside would calm down as the Fifth year Slytherins had Herbology after lunch. And they were not looking forward to making their way across the grounds in the weather. You left your homework in the dorm for transfiguration and had to quickly run down to your room causing to be late for class. As luck would have it as you turned the corner Sirius, who also seemed to be running late, ran smacked into you. He opened his mouth before closing it again as he still stared at you unsure what he was supposed to say. It was odd, Sirius Black almost never shut up most of the time. And here the two of you were, friends for years but unable to say anything to each other.

“I’m sorry.” Sirius said quietly but you gave him a grin as you looked at her friend, he would always be your friend, no matter where they were in life.

“You didn’t mean it, no harm.”

“That’s not what I’m sorry for. I mean.. I am but…I’m so sorry. I couldn’t do it anymore.” Sirius explained shaking his head, his face showing how sorry he actually was. Reaching a hand up running your thumb across his cheek, the bruise that he was trying to hide by magic creams was starting to show itself. You had found it for him a few years ago and made sure he always had some when he came back from home knowing how bad he had it on home.

“I don’t blame you. I am quite capable of taking care of myself. You needed to take care of yourself.” Trying to shrug it off, putting your hand down to your side not wanting anyone to walk into the hallway and get any ideas that something was going on between the two of them. You couldn’t actually be seen with Sirius anymore without being seen as a blood traitor yourself. They stood in silence between them, knowing this was the last time they would ever be able to speak with each other.

“If you ever want out love, I’ll be here. No matter when.” Sirius told her. “I know you don’t have it like I do, well did.. but I know you don’t follow what your parents’ beliefs. You can get away if you really want to, only if you do.” He explained to her. Though you had never actually said the words there were too many summers days of the two of you choosing to wander around muggle London, for someone who truly felt disgusted by muggles. Too many nights furious at the state of the world right now, for someone who would believe in her parent’s world. You had never needed to speak it but Sirius understood you, it was the best part of being friends since you were babies.

Not like that mattered anymore.

“I’ll be okay. I can handle some pure-blood ways. My parents will make sure I am loved and happy.” You shook your head at him but gave him a smile trying to comfort him.

Sirius shook his head as he frowned at you, with a look a pity of his eyes. “But you’ll have no real freedom.”

“I have a lot more than other of people.” Your voice cold as you defended your parents, you wer never going to have a whole lot of freedom but that was the way you were raised. Looking at your friends, you had plenty of choices that you had been able to make, a little thing such as a husband really shouldn’t matter, just to make your parents proud.

“Just because you are treated better than some others the outcome will still be the same.” Sirius rebutted.

“It was planned to marry you. I didn’t hate that idea. It would have been nice to marry you but even that was never our choice. Who says I can’t find that with someone else again?” You told him shaking your head. Sirius wasn’t the only guy in the world that you could fall for, you had barely met anyone yet. And your parents would find someone to match you in ways that will leave you happy. You had to trust that.

The two of you turned as they heard footsteps coming down one of the side hallways making the friends separate further. You looked around waiting for the person to come by, to know if she had to be worried or not but they seemed to go down another hallway. Pulling your bag up on your shoulder you realized what a position you were in.

“We can’t talk again.” You spoke softly, almost in a whisper. “This has to be goodbye.”

“I know.” A smile across his face despite the situation they were in, he could always smile. “You know, I knew I could be different thanks to you.” Sirius wrapped his arms around you in a hug, for the last time between you. You felt the sting of tear behind your eyes that you knew you would never let fall. Sirius pulling away he kissed your cheek and turned around and started to walk away.

“Sirius…class is this way.” You told him raising an eyebrow at him, pointing down the hall towards the classroom in the opposite direction.

“Ehh not going.” He yelled back giving her a wave as he turned around the corner.

Shaking your head, you fixed herself and headed to class, you were not going to be skipping. Also hoping that transfiguration would be a good distraction for you. Your feelings were hurt, you had to lose your first friend but yet you were happy for him. He did never fit into his role, though running away wasn’t something you could’ve seen coming from him. You were glad that he would be able to find happiness even if you had to lose him. Getting to the classroom, you gave Professor McGonagall a small smile when you slipped into your seat besides Vivian, your friend giving her notes to look over without saying a word. She could tell something was wrong but knew it wasn’t the time to speak now. She would question you later about it, and understand it.

. *. ˚✧˚. *

The winter storm blew on for days, almost no one got owls within the last week and soon you had forgotten all about the letter your father was supposed to send. Classes were back again taking over your life and with your O.W.L.S coming up you spent your days and nights studying for them. It wasn’t until a week later that the snow had settled and they could finally see the sun and receive the letters from their parents. For the first couple of days, you didn’t even get letters besides from your mother asking how she was doing. But as the days dragged on, she noticed some odd behavior from some of the Slytherin boys, mainly Amycus Carrow and Sewlyn Jugson were giving her attention. Your best guess was now that you weren’t promised they were showing their interest in you but your parents would never allow a marriage with them. Amycus was always sadistic, even as a child and he never grew out of it. He enjoyed picking on the smaller students and the way he went about it, some of the kids were found shaking and crying and wouldn’t speak for a week. Of course, everyone knew who did it but they were all scared to speak up. And Sewlyn was just an idiot. His family was lucky he had an older brother to carry on the family because Sewlyn wouldn’t be going anywhere in life. He followed Amycus everywhere and where Amycus came up with all the grim idea, Sewlyn would be the one to follow through with them. They made a disgusting pair.

They had been leaving her flowers or jewelry every morning, something the girls found extremely funny. Your mornings were spent thanking them and coming up with pleasant excuses to not wear the gaudy jewelry. Throwing the bracelet at Adelina laughing head she ran to the bathroom to be the first into the shower.

The fifth-year girls were smiling at Vivians story when they walked into the great hall until they saw they were behind the Marauders. Things were still tense between the Slytherin house and the Marauders in general, a couple days after the talk with Sirius there was a huge fight between the four of them and a couple of Slytherins, curses were thrown and in the end half of the fifth year had detention for the next three months.

“Blood traitors” Isabella muttered under her breath when we walked past them, causing the group to glare at her but they wouldn’t start anything. Even to Potter and Sirius, three months worth of detentions were more than what they wanted. You looked down at your feet in shame trying not to look at the boys.

“What do we have for classes today again?” You asked, trying to change the direction the conversation could have gone.

“Well we have Herbology first thing. Oh and Professor Turner apparently warmed up part of the grounds for whatever we need to do today. I guess the greenhouses weren’t big enough. Then we have Defense Against the Dark Arts, then lunch and a free afternoon.” Vivian let her know as she passed the eggs around the girls. “Which means studying all afternoon.” She complained, rolling her eyes at the idea.

“I mean you don’t really have to study.” Isabella spoke up giving her a wink, unlike the other girls Isabella wasn’t expected to get good grades her only goal was to become a good pure-blooded wife. The only reason Isabella studied and tried in school was her own version of defiance against her parents. These were the small acts of freedom that the girls could commit too without being disowned and left in this world.

“If I want to be a healer, I don’t have a choice. N.E.W.T.S are going to kill me.” You groaned at the idea of it, slightly regretting your decision with all the work you are having to do.  

Just then the morning owls came in, included your fathers brown barn owl Milo. Sighing, you took the letter off of him and gave him some of the breakfast while you opened the letter.

Hello dear,

               Sorry it has been a while, work has been busy and has kept me distracted. I will probably be busy for the next couple weeks, so I will try my hardest to be able to write to you. How has the start of term been treating you? I know you are working hard for your O.W.L.S but do try to remember to have a little bit of fun. You are only at Hogwarts for so long. Your mother says hello and that she is planning to send you a package next week so any treats you would like?

One of the reasons I needed to write to you, other than just checking in, is the discussion of your future husband. I’m sorry I couldn’t talk to you in person, a letter isn’t very personal or how I wanted to tell you about it but I would like you to start making a choice. Considering the state of things and what had happened recently, Black is no longer an option I have figure some other options for you. I have three for you, two seventh years an Antonin Dolohov and Thorfinn Rowle and a Rodolphus LeStrange who just graduated last year. Now the two boys in Hogwarts you can get to know in the meantime and Rodolphus we will meet up in the summer but please feel free to write to him. He will be sending you an owl sometime soon.

 I think all of these men show wonderful promise in the world and will be able to take care of you. Though you are more than capable of taking care of yourself. I do worry being your father. I am certain you will be able to find love with one of them. They all seem to be bright young boys with values like ours.

I must go, I am sorry once again for dropping this on you like this and would love to be able to talk to you in person about these arrangements. Maybe I could take an hour of your time next Hogsmeade trip if you wouldn’t mind wasting it on me. But as always, I love you and study well darling.

                                                                                                                                                      Dad.

Your blood ran cold when reading the letter, the names on the list were not good people in the slightest. They made Sewlyn and Amycus look like perfect saints against them. Your friends noticed the dread that had fallen over you. Silently handing over the note for the girls to read, soon as they were done they sat in silence unsure what to say.

“Do you want to talk or do you need a bit?” Vivian asked quietly, handing back the letter to you, taking your silence as an answer.

Why would her father do this? You just felt numb, you wanted to remain neutral in this war. You needed too. You weren’t brave enough to fight and you didn’t even believe in the pure-blood side to fight with them but could never go against your parents either. You loved them, it wasn’t like they were bad parents. They were the best, loving and kind and gave her anything and everything you could have asked for. Why did this happen.

The girls had led out into yard, it wasn’t long of walk through the cold that they found themselves taking off their gloves and jackets. It was like stepping into a reverse snow globe. A huge part of the courtyard was warmed enough that all the snow had melted, green grass was showing though and even flowers were blossoming. On the left a section seemed to be roped off for class filled with these giant plants, but everywhere else students seemed to be lingering around enjoying the warmth. Looking across the yard ahead you could see Dolohov and Rowle hanging out with a group of older students. They seemed so normal and harmless laughing at whatever they were, but you knew better and no faster did you have that thought you watched them cast a curse on a smaller student causing the group to laugh even harder.

You wondered why again her father would pick them, they were going to be Death Eaters or at least support His side of the war. Rumors were already spreading about how during winter holidays they went to a muggle town and decided to explore their untraced magic by torturing a muggle family. Sure, they were just rumors but they could always have some truth to it. You wouldn’t be surprised about it honestly the way they even bragged and made some comments about it in the Slytherin Common room. They were so different than who you thought your parents would pick for her, people so cruel.

What was going on? Your breath getting stuck in your throat, hearing your heartbeat in your ears.  You don’t want to be a death eaters wife, it was never something you had to think you would be.

A loud laugh broke through your thoughts, in the roped off class was Sirius with his friends. Potter was laughing at something Evans and Lupin were telling him, Sirius arm was thrown over Peter grinning at his friends as they were sitting down at the base of one of the trees. McKinnon, Longbottom, MacDonald and Fortescue were sitting around them laughing at the story. It was such a difference between the two groups, one was just joy and the other were laughing because they were harming someone.

The differences were as night and day, You knew that your father wouldn’t have known how Sirius would turn out but he had hope and assumed he would turn out like him. But that didn’t make much sense, the more that you thought about it. Sure your father was loving and kind but wasn’t he only that way to people he saw as equal to him? You couldn’t think of a single time that anyone muggleborn had ever been invited to the house parties, he never associated with anyone other than purebloods. Where would her father be standing in this courtyard? Wouldn’t he be over with Rowle and Dolohov? After all wasn’t he doing exactly what they are doing just on a grander scale. You never actually thought about it before choosing to stand away from it all but the facts were always there just hidden behind the happy memories of him.

He was a Death Eater. He was going around torturing and killing innocent people that only fault was being born. And if you continued on the path you were in, you would end up being on the Darks Lord side. There wasn’t a way to know that you would be able to stay neutral. Any of your husbands wouldn’t be and what would happen when you refused? You wouldn’t take an innocent person’s life. You wouldn’t stand beside your father in this war.

 You didn’t realize that you were staring between the two groups, almost unaware of your actions. While you weren’t aware others were, Adelina was looking over at you while Vivian and Isabella were talking about something. Slowly Adelina moved closer to her friend taking you hand as she stood next to you, her lips moved but you couldn’t process what she was saying. Your body felt warm as your eyes stared at her closest friend, unable to take anything in.

“I don’t want this.” You whispered quietly to Adelina. “I don’t want to make this choice.”  You hissed. It didn’t even seem to be a choice between husband anymore, it was a choice between what side you wanted to stand on. And you didn’t want to be in this war but going with your father’s options you would be picking a side to stand on. Who were you joking?  You would have always been expected to follow your parent’s side, it was only in your head that you thought you would be able to avoid this war. You never had any real freedom.

Yours eyes turned to Adelina, their hand still wrapped together while your best friend looked at you softly. Adelina wasn’t a person she knew from birth, they met on the Hogwarts Express first year when Adelina asked to sit with them. She understood how they were raised but she also understood you  more than anyone in the world. If you would be picking a side, it would mean losing Adelina in the process. The girl who could understand you better than you could understand yourself, who you never had to explain yourself too. You would have to move to one of the set-up dorms that Professor Dumbledore had made because of the ongoing war. It wouldn’t be safe to walk into the Slytherin dorms anymore.

“You have too. I’ll be okay.” Adelina spoke, almost like she could read your mind of course. The two looked over at Sirius who was still sitting by the tree but his full attention was on them. Like he could hear your brain screaming out. His eyebrows raised in a questionable way. His friends were watching him confused about what was going on, when Vivian and Isabella still were cluelessly talking beside them.

You gave Adelina hand  a squeeze and gave her a smile, you didn’t have to tell your friend goodbye. After everything between them, goodbye could have been left unspoken and Adelina would understand. You wouldn’t have been able to find the words to speak anyway. Turning to Vivian and Isabella, you broke up their conversation easily.

“You know I love you guys. I know soon you won’t be able to talk to me or even want too but just know you guys are amazing friends and that I love you. And no matter what, I’m going to be on your side rooting for you. Just be happy, alright?” You spoke to them but walked away while they were stuttering over words trying to figure out what they missed. You could hear them calling out to you but you couldn’t stop or you would lose her courage.

Turning towards Sirius’ group of friends, you put on a mask that was taught as a child. Honestly, you were terrified of what you was doing, you felt as if your stomach was in your throat with each step closer. Your hands were shaking as you tightly gripped them trying to get them to stop. This was your choice, a choice to be on the right side of this war and not allow anyone to take that from you. The rose-tinted glasses were off, it took less than a day for everything to snap into place and you could see the world the way it truly was.

 Maybe it wasn’t a day. Maybe this day was always coming and that was why you and Sirius and you had always got along. Always on the same page. Because it was always there bubbling just under the surface just waiting for something to break it open. Maybe this was always your path.

 Sirius stood up from his spot taking a step forward almost wary of being the one to come closer as if he was misunderstanding the situation. You had a ringing in your ears, and it seemed like everyone was staring at you,  when almost no one actually was but it wouldn’t take long for the Hogwarts gossip to spread. You would have to write to your parents before they ended up hearing about your choice from someone else.

After it seemed like forever, you finally made it to Sirius, standing before him neither spoke up at first just watching each other. “I need help.” You eventually spoke up, unsure how to explain it any better to him. And he knew exactly what you meant, there was only one reason you would be so openly willing to talk to him.

“I told you I’m here.” Sirius told her placing his hands on either side of your face, your hands reaching up to rest on his waist when they looked at each other. Leaning forward Sirius moved his lips hovering over yours making sure you was okay with it, nodding your head slightly Sirius closed the distance pulling you closer. Despite the fact Sirius and you had been promised to be together since they were children, they had never taken this step with each other. Late nights curled up together were as far as they allowed, wanting it to be a choice instead of them being forced.

Sirius felt safe. His warmth was surrounding you as they moved together, your arms wrapping around Sirius, pulling him close against your body. You weren’t sure that you were picking Sirius himself, but you wanted to give whatever they had between them a shot though. With no rules or boundaries. You knew that Sirius would help you in any way that you needed in order to get through the biggest change of your life, even if you choose to be alone he wouldn’t leave her alone in this.

“I’ve been wanting to do that forever.” Sirius told you before his face going stern. “We will do whatever we need to do to keep you safe. I promised to help you and I will. You picked the correct side, clearly me.” He told you, cockily a smirk on his face causing you to break out in a smile,  releasing some of the fear in your body.

“It wasn’t just for you.” You countered his statement, fighting the urge to roll your eyes at his fake cockiness.

“My ego. You wound me, love.”