#taystela

She needed to find Estela. To talk to her. Taylor had noticed Estela had slipped downstairs slightly after everyone else regrouped. God, she’d looked haunted. It was small wonder…. There was no question of Estela being okay, not when she’d just come face to face with the man who’d murdered her mother, but Taylor wanted to be there for her… to offer something, even if just to make sure Estela knew she wasn’t alone as she surely felt. More selfishly, Taylor longed for that strong, capable presence. Something that would keep herself from falling apart when she couldn’t stop seeing Diego’s face as he let her hand go….

Why, oh, why didn’t she stop him? She could have let go of Estela’s hand, let herself be taken too. What kind of a friend would just let him be taken?

No. She couldn’t wallow. Not while there was still a chance. She’d let her best friend down once, and she wouldn’t let it happen again.

So, Taylor retreated to her suite to freshen up.

She couldn’t help but see Diego everywhere; guilt, she was sure. Then as she tiptoed around the glass on the floor, she found herself back down there… Estela bleeding to death in her arms. It was no damn wonder her head was spinning-- even by La Huerta standards, what had gone down was a fucking roller coaster, and it was only just now the dust had settled enough for her to process it.

Deep breaths. In… and out.

Taylor splashed water on her face, and found the simple act did a lot to make her feel more herself, more stable. After a full strip-down and wash, she was more in control, and bristling with determination. She’d fix this. Resolutely, she told herself that if the Watchers wanted the whole group captured, then keeping their hostage alive would have been there best bet. Diego was alive out there-- he had to be-- and Taylor was coming for him. And she had Estela on her side. Estela, who’d survived the jungles alone for days, who’d saved Taylor from succumbing from snakebite, who’d taken down that monster crab by her side, who’d taught her to fight…. All of them were together in this now, but no one else made Taylor feel so indomitable.

She picked out a new outfit, finding herself wanting to make an impression on Estela. It was silly, sure, but even through all the turmoil, that stupid giddy excitement of new romance couldn’t be stoppered.

Taylor’s eye lingered over her old favourite ‘Crown and the Flame’ shirt, but it was just too painful a reminder of Diego, of all the binge sessions they’d shared huddled up under blankets in his college apartment. Of the way he’d teased her when she got all het up over the fact that Dom was clearly not badass enough for Sei, that Sei should’ve ended up with Kenna. And then Diego would bemoan the lack of development of Dom’s scraps of a romance with Jackson. And the two of them would inevitably conclude that same-sex pairings always got the raw deal. Taylor wondered if Estela had ever seen ‘The Crown and the Flame’… whether it ever even aired in San Trobida. There was so much about Estela’s life that she didn’t have the first clue of….

She settled on a nice pale blue top to go with her Hartfeld jacket. School solidarity and all that. At least it didn’t give her a stabbing pain in her chest to see it in the mirror. Next; to find Estela.

______________________

When she got down to the atrium, it appeared everyone was still scattered, looking for clues. Only Grace and Aleister remained down there.

“Hey, have either of you seen--?” But she was cut off.

“Heavens, tell me you’re not seeking out that maniac?” Aleister cried, aghast. “I thought you had a modicum of sense about you at least--”

“I’m looking for Estela, if that’s what you mean,” Taylor retorted. She turned hopefully to Grace, surely she wouldn’t be so fast to turn against one of their own….

“Taylor, I really think you should be careful.”

Taylor's heart sank. Even after everything, Estela was still on the outer. The group had become tighter while she’d been away-- no small thanks to Raj-- and even when she had been around, Estela’s focus had been elsewhere. It was only since coming back from the observatory…. But shouldn’t that have been enough? So, she was aloof, but she was clearly a friend. Or at least… it was clear to Taylor.

“Come on, guys!” she snapped. “Estela’s our friend. She’s saved my hide several times over, and I know I’m not the only one who can say that.”

Grace looked ashamed, and Taylor knew she'd at least reached her, even if Aleister was a harder sell. “You’re right, Taylor. I certainly owe her my life. I guess I’m just shocked… what she did to Mr Rourke….”

Fair enough, honestly. But if they knew the half it, how could they blame her? “I know it was a lot, but she had her reasons. She doesn’t suddenly stop being the person who’s had our backs all this time.”

“Are we to pretend we didn’t see her file?" Aleister blustered, unmoved. "‘Do Not Approach’? I don’t see eye-to-eye with my father on a great many things, but I might just have to give him that one.”

Taylor felt herself bristle. The anguish she’d seen in Estela’s face when Rourke looked her in the face and spoke to her…. Estela wasn’t the true danger here. “A broken nose is the least he deserves.”

“I despise the man myself, and you don’t see me trying to kick his face in! The woman’s unhinged.”

“Al! I don’t think that’s fair. We don’t know much about Estela, but she’s always struck me as very level-headed; she must have had a good reason to respond so violently.”

If you only knew. It was Estela’s business, and there was not a chance in hell Taylor would divulge a thing. All the same, she could have kissed Grace. It wasn’t as if Aleister would truly listen to anyone else.

“Thanks, Grace,” Taylor said, keeping a lid on her frustration. The last thing they needed when Diego’s life was on the line was fractures within the group. “If there’s any hope at all of bringing Diego back alive, we’ve gotta pull together more than ever. We can’t just go out into the jungle not trusting one another-- it’d be a death sentence. And we’re not losing anyone else.”

_________________________

Frustrated, she carried on through to the lobby, where she ran into Quinn, headed for the beach.

“I’m guessing you’re looking for Estela? I think she was headed to the security office.”

A little taken aback, Taylor felt herself flushing. Of course Quinn had noticed her taking Estela up to her room the night before. For all the playful flirtations-- even a couple of chaste kisses-- she and Quinn had shared during the first few days on the island, she might have expected to hear bitterness… but Quinn just didn’t seem capable of that. It made Taylor feel worse.

“Thanks! She’s really not the easiest person in the world to keep track of.”

Quinn chuckled. “I’ll say! But it seems like you’re managing to get to know her just fine.”

Oof. “Getting to know her is worth the effort,” Taylor admitted, “I just hope everyone else will give her that chance. But, now I’ve run into you-- how are you doing? That was a pretty serious nosebleed….”

“God, Taylor, you’re as bad as Michelle!”

Double oof. Taylor brought her hand to her heart, feigning injury, and to her relief, Quinn laughed.

“It was just a bloody nose,” Quinn assured. “I know that you’re worried, and I appreciate that you care, but… it’s so much more important that everyone focuses on rescuing Diego. Just, trust me, okay? It’s not worth worrying about.”

Taylor couldn’t argue. Quinn had drawn the line, and there was no crossing it. “Okay. No more worrying. May I interest you in a hug, though?”

“Oh, Taylor! Always!”

In Taylor’s arms, Quinn felt different than before. Her pale, freckled arms felt weak around her shoulders… her skin was clammy. Just a bloody nose…? But when Taylor remembered everything they’d gone through, surely it wasn’t that strange for someone to come out of it all feeling ill? Maybe it was just anxiety?

“It’s fine, you know,” Quinn said as they came apart. “I’m fine, about you and Estela.”

There was that goddamn blushing again.

“It… happened really suddenly,” was all Taylor knew to say. “I guess after the mission to the observatory, something was just… there.”

“I noticed. Once you got back, something was different. It really is okay; we always said we were just having some fun, taking each day as it came. You maybe finding something more serious doesn’t take away what we’ve shared.”

“No. I wouldn’t want it to. I don’t know how I’d have coped with all this crazy, and all those clashing personalities if I hadn’t had you somehow making everything better. You’re pretty amazing, Quinn.”

She cared about Quinn so much. She loved her. But it was so different. It wasn’t the stirring in her soul that she felt when her eyes locked with Estela’s… that deep knowing that went right to her bones. And none of that made the bond she’d forged with Quinn matter any less.

“Estela seems like she needs someone… and if that person is you, well, that makes her really very lucky.” Quinn smiled at Taylor, and it was genuine, even as a touch of sadness lingered behind her eyes. “It doesn’t stop you from being special to me.”

“And it doesn’t stop you from being special to me.”

Taylor hugged Quinn again, tighter. Don’t you dare not be okay…. Not now.

They really had to get their asses into gear. It was only a matter of time before the Watchers returned here for them… and however Quinn might deny it, Taylor knew she was vulnerable. And it was terrifying.

She headed down to the security office. If anyone could give her some sense of direction, it would be Estela. It didn’t matter, not a damn bit, what anyone else felt; Taylor knew it deep in her bones… that there was not a single person in this resort whom she trusted more.

________________________________

Grinding her hips up against Estela’s, Taylor couldn’t hold back a moan, swallowed in an instant by another searing kiss. Estela’s body held her down in the office chair, her hands roamed her body as if she could not feel enough of her. And Taylor was kissing her… kissing her….

“I absolutely cannot stand being helpless. That’s just something you’ve gotta know about me.”

“I’m here for you, Estela.”

“You’re the one who makes me feel helpless, Taylor. Around you, I can’t control how I feel. Not after last night. But… but you made me think that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world… to be helpless with you.”

“Then be helpless with me.”

What the hell was happening on this island, Taylor couldn’t have a clue, but she had certainty in this. She and Estela were facing it all together. Diego would be safe because right now, with Estela’s hands on her, lips pressed hard against her own in frantic kisses one after another… Taylor was totally unstoppable. Not a damn thing could stand in her way when she felt like this.

“Hey! You guys are gonna wanna see this!”

The sound of Zahra’s voice had Estela jump up as if zapped with an electric shock. She paced around the small room, eyes wild.

“You okay?”

Estela was panting. “Sorry. I just gotta… calm down or something. Jesus, you get me riled up.”

“Let’s go see what Zahra found. We can pick this up later.”

A smile came to Estela’s face-- the first Taylor had seen there since they were together in the honeymoon suite, tangled up in bed.

“Is that a promise?”

How could Taylor not grin back? “You bet it is.”

Taylor got herself to her feet, finding quickly that her legs had gone to jelly. Dammit, girl. You’re gonna have to pull yourself together. ‘Helpless’? Turned out, Estela had a point there. But it wasn’t the worst thing… in fact, it was rather wonderful.

Then Estela grasped her hand, tight.

“Taylor.” She spoke urgently. “I can’t leave Rourke living. I froze up before… but it changes nothing. I have to do this.”

“I know.”

Estela nodded meaningfully, her serious gaze never leaving Taylor’s face. “If he has information that could bring Diego back safe, I’ll hold back-- for now. I want you to know that. He means a lot to you….”

“Everything. It terrifies me to think what he might be going through-- if he’s even still alive. I should’ve let myself be taken with him-- I should’ve….”

Taylor found herself wrapped in a hug, so gentle and tender. Estela cradled her face, kissed her forehead. And in her eyes… the tragic understanding of someone who knew that terror all too well.