okay so let's talk about being the firstborn girl for a second.

because nobody really talks about how heavy that is. you don't just get to be a kid, you get to be an example. responsible, composed, perfect. and if you're not? disappointing.

i was never the straight A student. my younger ones were. my brother was. and for the longest time i carried that like something was fundamentally wrong with me.

then i got to university, did a course i didn't even want, struggled through it, took an extra year. and somewhere in all of that confusion i realized, i just want to cook. like actually cook. build something in a kitchen. make that my life.

you can imagine how that went down.

"what do you mean you want to be a chef?" said everyone, everywhere, all at once.

but i went anyway. culinary school, the whole thing. it hasn't always been easy and my business has its rough days but it's mine and i built it and that matters.

somewhere around now, almost twenty five, i just got tired of shrinking.

tired of avoiding bold colors. tired of friends who subtly made me feel like too much. tired of looking at my own body and finding problems.

so i started doing small things just for me. nails. lashes. burgundy lips. red everything. monthly pedicures just because they make me happy.

and then i got my first tattoo in March.

then a few weeks later, another one. i have five now. and here's the thing nobody tells you about tattoos when you have body confidence struggles, i put them exactly where i used to be most insecure. my thighs. my sternum. my lower back.

and now? i can't stop loving those parts of me.

it's a weird thing. decorating the parts you used to hide and suddenly not wanting to hide them anymore.

i'm not saying tattoos are for everyone. i'm saying find your thing. the thing that makes you look at yourself differently.

but also, and i mean this gently, decenter your parents. decenter your siblings. decenter the general consensus.

you are allowed to want things they don't understand. you are allowed to take the long way. you are allowed to arrive at yourself slowly.