#tas rambles

imagine you're forced in a game you aren't sure you can win where if you die you're forced to restart without any memories of previous events and not only that you have to win in this time loop specifically because one of the only people you can confidently call a friend (alot of people also see you as a friend but you're not sure if they actually love you or just use you to cope) would not exist otherwise.

among that your dad who probably got tired of constantly seeing you die so many times that he fucking hates you now is ripped into pieces, a bunch of people think they own you and are constantly trying to abduct you in the most destructive ways possible out of "love" (or again just to cope)

you and your friends aren't even in college yet and you've already fought in several different wars giving you the world record for most traumatized high schooler.

It doesn't make sense ig but i just like to think about it

kirito is obviously supposed to be the complete opposite towards the mc as he's the person as he's supposed to be a person with absolutely no links to anyone in tokyo while mc is connected to nearly everyone in tokyo.

additionally kirito (at least his knives) represent murders while mc is the amalgamation of 23 legends

one represents something gruesome, dark but something that can also be easily erased with time i think, while mc souls all have done something heroic things or actions that was a large part of that worlds history

james and lily potter are dead. everybody knows this. even deep down, somewhere, somehow, they know it. so they're really not sure how to feel when they wake up as 13-year-olds in bodies that aren't theirs and find out that their best friend, mass murderer sirius black, has escaped from prison.

lily does not know who she is, or where she is, and she definitely doesn't know why she's an only child with two parents who keep calling her hermione. but at least she's going to hogwarts, and if this has happened to her, she has no doubt that james has somehow been roped into it, too.

meanwhile, in a barely-together household somewhere far, far away (okay, not that far away, but you get the point), james wakes up with red hair and freckles and six siblings and two parents who seem to think he's a weasley, and he can't help but think that if there's one person who will be able to communicate with redheads, it's his wife. if only he knew where she was.

on september first, james finds himself being hauled down to king's cross station with four of his six-too-many siblings. he finds himself wandering through the express, unsure where to go until he's being pulled into a compartment and he looks at the girl across from him, staring him down with a critical eye. he doesn't know her, but he knows.

lily watches him without comment for a moment. then she says, "this is a strange arrangement," and they laugh themselves hoarse. they don't feel like laughing, really, but they're not sure they're capable of doing anything else.

it's a few minutes later when lily stands and leads him through the train. "you need to see, james," she says, and this time, neither of them laugh at all.

on their way, they pass by another compartment. the door is open, and a boy is leaving, and he bumps right into them. it's james's - ron's - oldest brother at hogwarts, percy. he's wearing slytherin robes and a head boy pin, and he's bidding goodbye to a group of people, but james only sees one of them. one with messy black hair and tan skin and green eyes, and a scar shaped like a lightning bolt on his forehead.

"bye, percy!" he calls happily. "good luck!"

percy smiles. it's the first time james has ever seen him do so. he scowls when he bumps into james and lily, though, and he gives a tense, "ron," before shaking his head free of whatever else he might have said and heading opposite them. lily grabs james's sleeve and forces him to keep walking, because apparently, this isn't what she wanted to show him.

no. that's at the very end, and the sight of it makes james want to throw up. lily pulls him into the compartment and intertwines their fingers, squeezing his hand.

remus is asleep. he should only be 34, if harry is james and lily (hermione and ron's) age, but he's never looked worse. his face is sunken, and he's too skinny, and he has more scars than ever. his hair is graying, and lily and james don't want to think about why.

they spend their train ride in relative silence, and when they hear a commotion down the hall, they find themselves running from a dementor being chased from their son's compartment by a patronus in the shape of a crow. percy weasley stands in the doorway, scowling, before a worried expression overtakes his face and he rushes out of sight.

remus wakes, startled to find two students watching him so intently. something about them feels familiar, but he's sure he's never met either of them before. he decides that he's just tired and tries to fall back asleep. he doesn't, and though he pretends to, he can't shake the feeling that somehow, the kids know he's lying.

on their way to the castle, james and lily find themselves startled by the fact that there are creatures pulling the carriages. as james is about to ask if lily knows what they are, he hears ron's name being called by ron's sister, ginny. she's standing with a smiling blonde girl wearing funny glasses, and james tugs lily over to them.

"i can see them, too," the girl, luna, says, and it takes a minute for james and lily to realize what she's saying. her voice is dreamy, far away, but her eyes hold much more knowledge than the eyes of someone her age should. she smiles. "don't worry. you're just as sane as me."

as james and lily sit beside remus on a carriage up to hogwarts, watching luna read a magazine upside down, they decide that this comment is not very reassuring after all.

lily and james are gryffindors. so is ginny. luna is a ravenclaw, and she bids her friends (new and old) goodbye at the entrance to the great hall before skipping off to sit between two girls, one with curly brown hair, a head girl badge, and a tired smile, and the other with straight black hair and an excited grin. they wait for harry to find them, but he never does. eventually, they find him sitting between percy weasley and a younger blonde boy who looks suspiciously like a malfoy at the slytherin table. they don't say anything. they rarely do at this point.

as dumbledore begins to speak, introducing remus as their new defense against the dark arts professor, it's all james and lily can do to keep themselves from cheering. but then dumbledore begins to speak about sirius black, and they don't need to restrain themselves at all.

"as many of you have already heard," dumbledore says, "mass murderer sirius black has escaped from azkaban."

they don't say anything to each other all evening, too busy trying to force themselves to keep down their food, but when it comes time for them to part ways and head up to their dormitories, they hug like their lives depend on it. maybe they do.

(once james gets upstairs, he's greeted with the loud laughter of a skinny black boy and a smaller sandy-haired one, alongside the shy smile of someone who looks oddly familiar. dark hair, easygoing expression... james doesn't have to look at the name on the trunk to know it's a longbottom.

"getting pretty close with ms. granger, are we?" the sandy-haired boy, seamus, asks. james rolls his eyes, playing along.

"just you wait," he tells the boys. "you haven't seen anything yet."

they howl with laughter, not noticing james leaving the room to change into his pyjamas until he comes back and closes the curtains around his bed.)

for the majority of that year, nothing happens. james and lily research whenever they can - classes aren't that hard, really, if you've already passed them once, though it is a bit jarring to find snivellus at the front of the potions room. they read all about their (harry's) story: sirius black, their secret keeper, betrayed them to voldemort, killed peter pettigrew, and was sentenced to life in azkaban. this time james really does throw up, right there in the library (much to madam pince's annoyance), because he knows they got it all wrong.

it is two weeks after that particular study session that james wakes up to find sirius standing over him. he doesn't even recognize him at first: his hair, which he used to care so much about, is tangled and matted. his clothes are ripped and dirty and look - sickeningly enough - like prison robes. his eyes are wide and crazed, his grin merciless, but he drops his knife when he looks into those eyes. those eyes that he knows so well, that azkaban can't erase from his memory... dropped into the head of a 13-year-old boy he's never met.

james does not alert the professors of this event, but he does tell lily, and she simply squeezes his hand and tells him they'll figure it out. it's not much, but they don't have anything else.

it's after class one day when remus - professor lupin - asks them to stay back. they worry they're in trouble, or maybe their cover has been blown. maybe it would be good for remus to know who they are. but he doesn't. he simply pulls an oh-so-familiar piece of parchment out of his desk, hands it to james, and says, "if you cannot return this to me by the end of the year, please give it to harry potter," before sending them on their way.

james half expects to see his own name beside lily's when he opens the map, but he won't say he's surprised when it reads hermione granger and ronald weasley right outside remus lupin's office. his eyes stray to the slytherin dormitories, where harry potter is sitting in the common room with percival weasley and marcus flint. he also reads the names draco malfoy, blaise zabini, and pansy parkinson, but they're not huddled as close to harry as the older boys are.

soon enough, that fateful night arrives. james has given the map to lily, hoping that she'll come find him if anything happens since he can't climb the girl's stairs. sure enough, he wakes up one night to her standing above him, the map being pushed into his face.

"harry, percy, and marcus just left the castle," she says. "peter's following them."

it didn't take them long to figure out that ron's rat was peter, even without the map, but by the time this was realized, he was long gone. in the forest, probably, or hogsmeade. hiding somewhere out of their reach. peter must've seen something in their eyes, too, just like sirius and remus had. lily pulls james out of bed, and they creep towards the front of the castle.

it's just their luck that the head girl herself catches them. "what are you two doing out of bed?" she demands, narrowing her eyes at james in particular, and he remembers that he's the brother of her best friend; a member of the family who made percy weasley feel like an outcast for his house. he doesn't speak as he holds up the map, pointing to harry, percy, and marcus's names so close to sirius black's. penelope clearwater curses, glancing up at the kids in front of her, and then flicks her wand and sends a fully-corpreal patronus in the form of a weasel dashing up the stairs as she follows them outside.

they watch in horror as the map displays the picture playing out in front of them. marcus flint is grabbed by a big black dog labeled sirius black, and penelope - and oliver wood, who the patronus was sent to retrieve - no longer feel like sneaking. they jump out from the shrub they're hiding behind, and james and lily watch in awe as penelope actually runs faster than oliver to get to the whomping willow. they follow close behind percy weasley and harry potter, who are dashing after their friend.

"stay here," penelope tells james and lily, and they wait for her and oliver to disappear from sight before they follow them in. stay here? james thinks. as if.

the two stumble into the scene to find sirius standing across from the group of wide-eyed teenagers. they don't dwell on how the man's eyes, slightly out of focus, stare at them for a beat too long. they watch as percy weasley keeps himself stationed in front of harry, and oliver wood holds up marcus flint, whose leg is bent at a funny angle. penelope's eyes flash with anger when she sees james and lily in the doorway to the shrieking shack, so obviously ignoring her instructions, but instead of yelling at them, she pulls them behind her.

"what do you want?" percy demands, his voice cold. harry is holding onto him like a life force. sirius struggles for a response, glancing at lily and james again as if asking for help, and when he does, percy shouts "expelliarmus!" and sends him flying backwards.

this is when remus shows up.

"you switched," he says, intently focused on sirius. "you didn't tell me you switched." he's trying for a glare, but his eyes are sad and he looks tired and he's stumbling a bit, and lily grabs james's hand and nearly breaks it when she squeezes because it's the full moon.

"yes," sirius says, eyes wide with fear and recognition and hope. james and lily didn't stop to think what it must be like for him, knowing remus was out there believing the lies. this is all my fault, james thinks, and though he knows lily knows, she doesn't tell him it's not. "i'm sorry we didn't tell you, but there was a spy, and -"

sirius does not finish before he's being tugged into a hug, and harry gasps.

"you traitor," percy all but growls, taking a step forward, out of oliver and penelope's reach. harry clings to him, but now he looks unsure. "we trusted you."

"and you can still trust me, percy," remus says gently. he's leaning on sirius now, and though it must not be obvious to the others - not even lily - james can tell when remus is hiding his pain. "i think there's been a misunderstanding."

sirius and remus explain the story - sirius, mostly, considering remus only just found out the truth himself. percy looks like he doesn't quite believe it, but he doesn't have any evidence that says they're lying, especially when the rat in the corner is dragged into the middle of the room ("is that scabbers?" percy asks, incredulous) and is forced to transform into a tiny man who simply smiles at them and runs off again as remus collapses.

"run!" james screams, as if the others aren't. penelope, after shoving james, lily, and harry out the door of the shack, has begun helping to pull marcus along. percy brings up the rear, despite harry's loud protests. remus and sirius burst out of the shack behind them, neither of them human anymore.

james and lily run, watching as percy sprints ahead of them to usher harry forward.

"percy!" penelope screams, pointing. "pettigrew!"

sirius, as padfoot, turns away from the spot where remus has run off into the forest and begins bounding towards the scruffy looking rat scampering towards it himself, but he stops when percy does, pulling out his wand. james and lily stop, and harry stops, and penelope and oliver stop, making marcus hiss in pain when his broken leg hits a stray root.

peter doesn't. not until percy, hesitating for only a moment, shouts, "imperio!" and the rat goes still.

nobody knows what to say as percy breaks the deafening silence with a shaky voice, commanding, "transform." they don't say anything as peter appears before them, staring directly at james and lily with wide, terrified eyes like he's asking for help.

as percy takes a deep breath, telling peter to "go to headmaster dumbledore and confess everything," they don't speak. they simply follow behind, james watching padfoot as he sprints into the forest in search of moony.

sirius black is not forced into hiding. peter pettigrew is taken to azkaban. percy weasley's quick thinking got him into a body bind, the daily prophet wrote.