"Well, that was a million laughs..." (Only @morgeil will get this :D).

I had a shitty day, yesterday, involving falling, a towel rack, the bathtub and floor, and me. It got so bad that Terry and I went to the ER. I'm pretty sure I have a VERY mild concussion, but the impact fucked my stomach and back up, and I was in Vomittown for 36 hours.

But surprisingly, they treated us well (when they got to it, anyway), and I got home at 530 this morning, after only 5 hours or so in the ER. Trust me, that's stellar; it usually takes 8-12 hours to be even spoken to.

I'm okay, now. I'm home, and better, despite no longer having a towel rack. I'm posting about this, because it's going to hurt updates from me for a few days, as I'm still pretty disoriented and sore, and my head hurts after too long on the phone.

-"Kept" will resume updates on Monday.

-Fanfics will be updated. This includes "The Determined Prince", "You Fell; I Held", and... "Nestegg"!

-I'm also going to film a new vlog for my YouTube channel at some point this month; over a year and no updates - after promising monthly updates - sucks.

So I suppose I'm back again; I've been posting and checking pages, so I guess that counts.

I'm still working on getting my meds right, but hopefully it'll work soon.

I'm trying to be there, to help, to love, but I know I fail, and it kills me inside. I'm sorry for those of you I've failed; I'm going to do better.

I'm also gonna film that video this week. I'm so sorry it's taken me so damned long.

I just filmed a video (almost twenty fucking minutes) of me rambling like a moron for the first time in OVER A FUCKING YEAR. I will of course link it here once it’s fully uploaded, but damn! I waited way too long!

If any of you have any topics you’d like to see me ramble about in the future, let me know, so that I have an excuse to make more videos! :D

Feel free to skip if this doesn’t interest you; I won’t be offended.

So I first went to the geneticist for my cancer screening, and I DO qualify for yearly mammograms and MRIs regardless of my young age, due to both family history and poor health. THIS IS ACTUALLY GOOD NEWS, as it means that, because it was caught so early, I can get one step ahead of it should I eventually develop breast cancer. I DO NOT HAVE CANCER. That was not what the screening was about; rather it was about my likelihood of developing cancer that was being screened, including genetics (unlikely) or environmental (likely). Yearly mammograms and MRIs will protect me from being caught off-guard if I DO get it, and thus I’ll have a better chance of fighting it if I do. So this is good news.

Then, I went to my family doctor. Sadly, this did not go as well. The anti-inflammatory that I thought was going to solve all of my problems has actually proven to be ineffective, as I was up all night in massive pain. Thus, unfortunately, after all of my hard work, I’ve been put back on morphine for the time being. This is hopefully going to be temporary. Addiction runs in my family, like, a lot, and I’m not immune to it, unfortunately (though thankfully it has not extended to alcohol or cigarettes, which are the DOCs of those in my family addicted). I’m heartbroken, but I’m hoping that with this reprieve, I’ll finally be able to get to the bottom of what’s going on with my right side.

This means there will yet again be delays on fanfics for a little bit. I probably won’t be able to update until the weekend (I’m working on it), but this sadly means that the Valentine’s Day fic I wanted to write for today will be put on the back-burner. I’m so sorry. I know a couple of you were looking forward to that, but there’s a chance I’ll be able to get up on the weekend, at least. Better late than never?

So, all in all, one win, one loss, one neutral. It could have been much worse, I suppose, but I’m still rather upset about it. So if I’m grumpy or quiet for the rest of the day, it’s not personal. I still adore all of you. I’m just angry at being weak and sick. I wish I were stronger. I wish I were healthier.

But I’m not. So this is how it has to be.