#tanochn

I’m sending this mail as I’m on the train to practice.

My head is so full with all the things I have to remember for the practice sessions because I’m always reading scripts and watching videos, but...

This is the last day to send mobame. 

Thank you for everything so far. Well, I still have handshake events, but I feel like I really departed from AKB48 after my graduation stage. 

No matter how many months or years will pass, I will always look back at the graduation performance and feel happy! I tried to make an unexpected performance. 

And then it felt really awesome to me!

It was really a lot of fun, but it’s over and I don’t regret how it happened, so I know I won’t return. 

This one last time was really fun.  So everyone... thank you.

I got a letter from the girls in my generation and my mum. Mum’s letter was so worrisome, was it not?! Lol

It’s been quite a while since I last cried and my chest really hurt...

Of course only my mum, who sees me all the time, could have written such a heartfelt letter. 

She shared some facts that I have never shared with anyone; not with fans, other members, friends or even really spoke about to my family but my mum noticed how haughty I am. 

But I was very thankful for the opportunities I got in AKB and the friends I made, so my mentality improved. 

I know that the only reason why I can do these things now is because I have been part of AKB. 

So thank you for that. 

But sometimes I caused troubles.  I let go of everyone’s kindness.  I hurt people. Some people hurt me.  I started hating some people.  For a long time I used to believe these things.  Entertainment industry? Being an idol? There were times when I thought I’m definitely not made to be part of either of those things. 

But I really truly love all the fans who supported me until now. 

Everyone is my pride. 

This mail service has always been really important to me.

It is a place where I was always able to speak my true feelings if I needed to get something off my chest. 

It’s a tool that not just anyone can find by searching my name, like twitter or instagram. 

I spoke frankly and sometimes that caused troubles. 

But please stay with me on twitter! I can still write my thoughts that I want to share with everyone there. 

Thank you for having been registered for so long!

This is the last mail now because I don’t think I’ll find any time to write another one after practice.