https://archiveofourown.org/works/13305900/chapters/56752597?view_adult=true

Death do us part

Chapter 2

Eren found himself sitting across Dr. Zoe the next day, paint staining his fingers that laid sprawled out across his cheek. He looked blankly at the doctor, his eyes blinking occasionally. Hanji stared back at Eren, blinking more often than the dual eyed man before her. Her eyes squinting slightly as she leaned forward a bit, eyes dancing across Eren’s face silently assessing the man. It always freaked Eren out when she did it, it made it seem like she was seeing right threw him. Knew everything he was thinking, everything he was feeling or planned on doing.

“So Eren, I gotta say. That was rude of you last night, I expect that from my friend Levi but not from my cinnamon roll. You hurt my feelings.” Dr. Hanji had finally said, a pout taking over her lips and her arms crossed loosely over her chest. Eren rolled his eyes though, stretching his arms above his head and arching his back in a way that it made him look like a cat. “I sense that you’re not gonna apologize so I guess we’ll move on from that.” She sighed and leaned forward a bit more, almost falling out of her seat. “How are you feeling today Eren? Any thoughts of suicide?” Dr. Zoe’s eyes danced over Eren’s face again as she leaned back into her rolling chair, picking up her notepad and pen.

“I feel just as I felt the last time I was here Dr. Zoe, fine. And to settle your mind even more, no thoughts of suicide.” Came Eren’s blank reply, he was unsurprisingly tired. The bags under his eyes even more prominent than yesterday. “Though I can go for a cup of coffee. What do you say Dr. Zoe, let’s call this session short and go get one?” He watched as Dr. Zoe pursed her lips before she spontaneously stood up, her lips now stretched with a wide grin.

“Sure, why not? And Eren, its Hanji.” It was unorthodox to leave a session early, especially for a cup of coffee with her patient. But she wouldn’t be Hanji if she followed by the rules. She then grabbed Eren’s hand and pulled him up off the couch. Eren grunted in surprise, frowning up at the crazy haired women before him. “But don’t think we’re not talking just because we’re going for coffee. Though it will be a light conversation, nothing heavy or anything you don’t want to talk about.” She beamed down at him, throwing her arm over his shoulder and lead them out of her office. Eren nodded, crossing his arms over his chest and letting Hanji lead them to wherever she pleases for coffee. They made their way to the elevator at the end of the hallway that was in the office building Hanji worked in. It held all kinds of doctor’s though this level was mainly filled with therapist’s and psychologist’s. Hanji happened to be not only a psychologist but the co-owner of the building, her Husband Erwin Smith was the CEO and owner of the building. But Hanji was also a biophysicist which was the study between the various systems of a cell, DNA, RNA, and protein biosynthesis, and their interactions using physical science to study biological systems. She was also an anthropologist which Eren already knew. Hanji scared him more than he let on, her degree in so many different fields of science. It reminded him of his father, but he trusted Hanji which his mind always supplied to him that he was crazy for doing so.

They came upon a small café not too far from the building, the inside of the shop supposedly gave off a homey feeling but it left Eren uncomfortable for some reason. Maybe it remined him of his childhood home, the way his mom always had something baking in the oven when he came home from school. That was probably it. It made him feel sick, but he wouldn’t point it out because he knew if he let it slip than it would be brought up in their next session and Eren didn’t want to talk about his mom again. Hanji shooed him off to find a table as she placed their order and Eren happily complied. Finding a nice table at back of the café in a corner so he could watch the doors and not worry about someone was sneaking up behind him. The small table made him a bit more comfortable in the café, he watched as Hanji pulled her wallet out and paid the barista behind the counter that had the most fake grin it hurt to stare at it too long.

Soon Hanji made her way to him, sitting across from him with a grin that rivalled the Cheshire cat and left Eren on edge. Her hands were crossed on top of the table, her leaning so far over it that she was practically laying on top of it. Eren’s eyebrow rose so far up it disappeared into his hairline, him leaning back as far as he could in the corner he put himself in.

“What is it Hanji?” That only had her grinning even wider, it probably must have been that he actually used her name but it could also be because she was crazy. Eren could never tell with the eccentric crazy eyed brunette. “You are seriously freaking me out, you nutjob. Back it up, haven’t you ever heard of personal space. Jesus woman.” Fortunately, Hanji pulled away leaving at least the table between them and Eren could breathe easily then. “Are you going to tell me why you’re being a weirdo more so than usual?” She sighed but that grin never left her lips, which now had him fidgeting in his chair. His eyes scooping out an escape route just in case. Hanji went to open her mouth to finally say what was on her mind to only be irrupted by the barista bringing them their coffees. A cup of the sugary shit was placed in front of him, having him grimace and glare over at Hanji for ordering him such an absurd drink. Hanji looked confusedly at him until a plain black coffee was placed in front of her, so black that had her nose scrunching up in disgust. She quickly looked up at the barista to find her gone and then back down at the tar in front of her then over to Eren’s drink to see him glaring at it. At that it clicked that the barista just happened to mix up the drinks and Hanji’s hands moved quickly to fix the mistake. Now Eren had his preferred drink in front of him his glare dissipated and his was left with a ghost of a smile.

Hanji inhaled half her drink before she looked back up at Eren. “So how was last night, I never got my answers since you rudely hung up on me. Though I must thank you, you left Levi laughing his ass off at my expense.” She grinned over at the other brunet, her hands wrapped securely around her sugary coffee cup and watched the brunet sip at his own cup of joe.

“Last night was interesting, met a few new people. Mikasa, one of the new ones, and I clicked just as quick like I had with Armin.” Hanji was still all cackles and smiles but a flash of recognition flashed in the brunettes’ brown eyes that had Eren narrowing his own. “Do you know Mikasa?” Hanji pursed her lips and nodded her head, then taking another gulp of her coffee. “How do you know her? Is she a patient of yours?” Eren knew if she was Hanji wouldn’t say so, patient confidentiality and all that jazz. But Hanji shook her head, a grin replacing the pursed lips and now Hanji looked normal again.

“No, she’s not a patient of mine, but she is Levi’s younger cousin.” Ah Levi, this is her second time mentioning him. He was the man he heard over the phone last night, the man that had pleasant and unpleasant shivers up his spine. The man who had a voice that he has heard before but for some reason can’t place. Eren shook that thought away and glanced down at his coffee, nodding his head. “So, anything else happen last night?” Eren shook his head, nothing else really happened last night, not enough to have him mention to the crazy broad across from him. Telling Hanji about Mikasa number didn’t make that list, she would blow it way out of proportion when it was just because she wanted him to have if he needed her or whatever.

—o—o—o—o—o—o—

The rest of his day was spent in front of an empty canvas that sat unfavorably on the art easel in front of his bedroom windows. He couldn’t think of anything to paint and it was grating on his nerves, his jaw set tight and his knuckles white where they were clutched on the stool. He couldn’t stand it, he’s been sitting in front of this damn thing for hours and still could conjure something up for the damn project. He gave up, standing up abruptly and storming out of his room with his trench coat on. Slamming the front door behind him and taking the stair by two before he took off in fast run. His tennis shoes barely touching the floor before lifting back up for another step, his breathing slow and even as he ran down the road. Eren’s hands where in tight fist as he tried to clear his mind, not in the mood to take his medication just yet and the only other way to help his wondering mind was running. The wind nipped at his face the faster he pushed himself to run, only slowing down when the streets begin to fill with people. His brisk pace slowing down to a slow trot, Eren’s eyes skimming all around him and then when he cleared the crowd he took off once again. His heart hammering and endorphins pouring out of him in waves. He was more on edge then usual and it seemed like this run wasn’t doing anything for him so, he caved. Stopping suddenly and running his shaking hands through his windswept hair. Eren needed something strong, he needed to feel numb and it was crazy all this is happening because he couldn’t complete his art project, let alone start it. Eren knew deep down it wasn’t that. It was the fact that date is just around the corner and Eren is feeling depressed. Sick to his stomach and wanting to close his eyes and never open them again.

There was nothing he could do about it but numb his brain and the only way he could do that was by taking something stronger than he was prescribed, though the Vicodin wasn’t exactly prescribed but no one needed to know that but Eren. He found himself walking towards where his dealer lived, his feet carrying him like he was on autopilot and his eyes even more dazed than usual. The buildings, big and small passed him by, just as the people did, in a blur. Eren wasn’t feeling himself, even when it was hard to pinpoint who himself was at any other time but right now he felt so out of place, like he was floating outside his body and looking down at him. Eren’s feet pattered against the concrete until he stopped in front of a tan stoned house in the nicer parts of New York, Eren sweating even in this cold. His knuckles rapped against the light brown wooden door, Eren peering in through window and watching as a six-foot-tall bulky blonde man smiling like a fool walked towards the door. The blonde man pulls the door open and just as quick yanking him into a bone crushing hug, Eren’s face being smooshed into the big man’s chest. He could never get out of these hugs, no matter how uncomfortable and how many times he told the big lug.

“Jesus, Reiner let me go!” And just like that the blonde releases him, taking a large step back to let Eren step in the house. Though Reiner was confused, it was just last week he gave the kid half a bottle Vicodin and knew he shouldn’t be back for more so soon. “No I don’t need more, I just need something stronger. Just this one time.” Eren relented as soon as the door was closed behind him, following Reiner into the living room off the main entrance and taking a seat on the couch closest to the door. Reiner walked out of the room and disappeared around the corner but coming back a second later with a taller male behind him looking too nervous for his own good. Though as soon as the tall brunet saw who it was he seemed to calm considerably, which was kind of funny because Eren isn’t as sweet as he looks. But if they didn’t know that then it wasn’t his fault.

“H-hey Eren, Reiner said you wanted s-something stronger than your usual?” Eren sank back into the couch a bit, his eyes flicking up and down the taller brunet but nodding a quick curt nod. “Ah okay, well-ll the c-c-company I’m wor-king with asss of l-late is uh approach-oaching the f-final s-stages of this ne-new t-type of pa-pa-painkiller.” The brunet licks at his dry lips and shifts his gaze away from Eren for a second and then right back at him, his hands feeling a bit clammy. “It’s te-n t-times s-stronger than V-V-Vicodin, t-they’re ca-calling it Z-Zohydro. I-I just h-happened to g-get my h-h-hands on a-a f-few of them-em.” Bert grins down nervously at Eren, his hand going to the back of his neck as his other hand digs into his pocket and pulls out a little baggy filled with white pills. “Tho-ugh I-I i-insist y-you on-on-only take tw-o, I know-ow y-you nor-mally t-take up to fo-fo-ur pillsss of Vi-Vi-Vicodin in o-one s-sitting b-but as I s-said be-fore. Th-is p-pill is te-n t-t-times s-stronger and-and I wo-would ra-ra-rather yo-u not o-overdose on a-a d-drug th-at i-isn’t ev-even on the m-market y-yet or o-o-overdose per-iod.” Eren shrugs and pushes himself off the couch, slowly making his way over to the pair. His eyes never leaving the baggy in Bert’s hands.

“Okay, then I’ll only take two. How much?” Eren’s eyes shift from the bag and up to the blonde, his eyebrow raised and his hands deep in his pockets. Reiner signed something to Bert, a grin on his face all the while as he looked down at Eren. “Well?” Bert sighed, pulling out the two white pills and silently asking Eren for his hand. He complied a little to eagerly which had Reiner laughing silently by Bert’s side, the skin by his eye wrinkling up.

“20 a pill.” Bert dropped both pills in Eren’s hand as he said this, Eren using his other hand to dig out his wallet from his sweats. “Sincee its s-stronger an-d not e-e-even on mar-ket t-they’ll cost m-more, m-m-more than-an wh-what w-we’re sell-ing it to y-you for. But y-you’re Rei-ner’s fav-favorite so you-you get a d-discount.” Reiner winks down at him as Eren stashes the pills before pulling two twenties from his wallet. Though Bert was trying to sound fine with the fact that Reiner had a favorite buyer Eren could hear the undertones of anger and jealously. It made him smirk and him send a wink at Bertie and then Reiner. He placed the twenties in Bert’s open hand and then patted the man’s bicep as he turned on his heels.

“Thanks. I’ll text you later Reiner.” Eren quickly made his way through the living room, practically running out the front door and down the steps and onto the sidewalk. Eren than began his trek back towards his apartment, itching to take the pills in his pocket just then instead of waiting to get home. It was a stupid thought but Eren wanted to be so numb now, right now but he had to wait and so he started running again.

—o—o—o—o—o—o—

It was a few days later after he went to Bert and Reiner’s place. A few days closer to November 18th. He hated that date, he hated so much his depression normally turned into anger the closer that day got and talking to Hanji doesn’t make it any better. The walk to the office building she works in is not too far away from where he works which was good, because Eren’s feet are aching for working a longer shift than usual. But that was how it was, he over exerted himself when it came to the month of November. He pushed himself so far from the breaking point it would scare him if he wasn’t used to it. Eren walked into the building with his head down and his shoulders slumped even they were tensed at the same time, he normally was more alert and paid a lot more attention to his surroundings but was way too tired to do so. So, when he bumped into someone he shouldn’t have been surprised and really wasn’t, not until his eyes traveled up the man he ended up bumping into. His gunmetal eyes are what he remembered first, his heart clenching in his chest the more he took in the man that was glaring down at him. He could never forget that face, the way he pulled him from the ocean and ran his hand through his hair before he walked away. As much as he tried to blank out that day, the day he should have ended it all but didn’t because this man’s word for some reason got to him. He quickly recovered though, masking his surprised and gave this man a blank look, walking around him without apologizing. He’s the reason Eren was still alive and Eren blamed him for that.

“Fucking shitty brats.” He heard him say as he followed behind him. “Don’t even have the decency to apologize for not only bumping into me but also for spilling my tea all over my dress shirt.” Eren’s eyes wondered to the not so clean pressed white shirt and grimaced. He didn’t want to be in the same elevator as the man but he clearly had no choice he didn’t have enough energy to walk up the stairs. “And it doesn’t help that you look like you’re going to drop dead at any second.” At that Eren looked back up at him, darkly glaring up in those gunmetal eyes. “Oh, did I hit a nerve?” The raven raised an elegant eyebrow a smirk on his lips and if Eren wasn’t already glaring at him he would have been now. Everything in Eren wanted to punch this man in the fucking face. But he was glad the man didn’t recognize him like he recognized the man. It settled his hammering heart a bit. Eren rolled his eyes and quickly stepped off the elevator when the doors open, flicking the man off as the doors closed. Eren could smirk when a hint of surprised flashed through those smoky eyes.

Eren could breath now, his heart slowing down to its normal pace as he walked closer to the crazy doctor and could sink back into that dull state again. He knocked on the door three times before opening it and closing it behind him. Hanji’s eyes sparkled as she looked at Eren, though when she saw the state he was in a frown took over that eccentric grin she had on her face.

“Eren, are you okay? You don’t look all that well. Do you want to lay down?” Eren shook his head as he sat down on the couch across from Hanji, his head swimming with all kinds emotions and he didn’t want to say anything about it.

“I’m good Dr. Zoe, just a little tired. I worked a double shift so.” He shrugged, trying his hardest to push away her concern for something she couldn’t fix. Though this whole thing was supposed to help him, let him talk about his feelings and what’s bothering him without criticism. Eren could take advantage of that and maybe doing so he’ll feel better. “I’m good, really.” Hanji only sighed and leaned back in her rolling chair, picking up that damn notepad and pen. Her glasses sat on the tip of her nose as she looked over them at him, looking like all those therapists he was sent to when his dad died. He hated that.

“Okay Eren, let’s get started today. I know that your mother’s anniversary is coming up. How are you feeling?” Eren held back the need to roll his eyes, he knew this was going to be brought up but it didn’t mean he would want to hear the question regardless. Eren’s mouth was set in a thin line, his eyes downcast to his black work shoes and his hands wrung tight in his lap.

“You remember when I told you about that day six years ago that I tried to kill myself? And only reason why I’m alive today was because some man grabbed me by the waist and pulled me out of the ocean?” He knew he was deflecting the question, he knew Hanji knew he was too but he didn’t want to talk about his mother’s death, it brought back a lot worse memories than that day he tried to kill himself. He looked up to see Hanji nod her head as she wrote something down in her notepad. “Well,” He chuckles, humorless and all, his eyes falling to his shoes again to hide the pain that were in them. “I saw him today.” Eren heard Hanji gasp but he didn’t look up from his shoes. “I identified him as soon as my eyes met mine. I could never forget those sharp gray eyes even if I wanted too. He didn’t recognize me thank goodness. But it just dredged up memories, that I have buried.” Eren then looks up, Hanji’s eyes trained on him like he’ll disappear she looked away. It set him on edge.

“And what were these memories that he dredged up?” Eren shook his head, that was all he was sharing and by the look that crossed her eyes she knew he wasn’t going to open up anymore. “Well, that’s okay. We can save that for another session. I’m proud of you Eren. You talked a lot more today about your past. I think you’re progressing wonderfully.” Hanji gave a bright proud smile at him and closed her notepad, setting it on the desk next to her. Eren didn’t think he was progressing even if he did open up some today, if he was honest it made him want to sink down into the ground and disappear forever and completely. He was tire and talking about his feelings just made that worse. “We can cut this session short. I think you need to get home and get some rest. We will be touching base with these memories that man has dredged up and about your mom next time, okay?” Eren just nodded, knowing he wasn’t going to talk about either but agreed otherwise. He stood and Hanji did as well, pulling the short brunet into a crushing hug. She kissed the top of his head before pulling away, ruffling up his hair a bit to Eren’s utter disdain.