I think I’ll make the intention of this post to be a concise and descriptive and also not overly long. I’m a pint into a delightful grapefruit radler at my favourite taphouse-cafe here, it’s about the perfect headspace and environment I can think of to be finally (kinda, been thinking about it for the last near week-ish?) writing this post.

So yes! This post. Subject matter, signs/ indicators of mood (direction ) changes for me, in particular re: what I like to listen to. (sidenote: giving myself 20 min to finish this post.  Till 10:12 : )  (edit : to 10:16 after a phone call home lol)

I’ve noticed esp in recent years a pattern re: what I am drawn to listening to throughout my mood cycle.  Essentially, the less low/ depressed / grey inside I am, the more I feel like listening to music, and the less I feel like listening to talking ( ie news radio, podcasts.)

I have a sort of theory re: the depressive tendency towards talking / voices / podcasts, and it is that when I am low, depressed / grey in the soul, in-person, direct, in-my-face human interaction is stressful for me (lacking real-time, acute, decisive feelings makes interpersonal stuff a bit dodgy-feeling for my grey self : s ).

However, I am still fundamentally human, and not particularly high on the sociopathy / psychopathy spectrum, so even with the extreme aversion to human interaction, I have a deep-seated, fundamental need for human connection.  That is truly one of the most profound parts of the depressive/ dysthymic experience for me - the horribly ironic conflict between the aversion to social interaction, and the incredibly dully painful deep aching solitude.

Anyways, so I think that podcasts, my public radio app and all my go-to programs with familiar hosts and engaging enough content, they all provide me with the much needed dose of human connection, at a level I can handle.  No real-time interaction requiring a real-time response from me to another actual in-person sentient being, but a real human voice talking about real things nonetheless.

I think I’ll leave it there.  It is 10:08, but I think I’ve expressed what I wanted in a way I hoped <3 Will publish now, re-read tomorrow at some point.