#talking helps

You must understand, I'm the kind of person that has very little triggers. Not many things disturb me. Therefore, I don't care to really sort out for stuff like explicit scenes of any kind. If something in a fic makes me uncomfy, I click off and keep on going like any other time.

But! There's this mf called miscommunication. The little street rat that bathes in sewer soup that is miscommunication. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, makes me as claustrophobic as miscommunication. And the onion smelling fuckass looking gerbil is everywhere. It's in my walls, it's in my cupboards, it's IN MY DAMN SOUP. And honestly, I know the easy answer is to just to tag it out yk, exclude and shit but the bastard is so popular it doesn't need to be tagged the damn thing is expected. I'm gonna get it back one day though, it won't even see me coming. The things I'll do to that joy eating life sucking rage baiting sad hole of a gremlin...

Don't get me started on it irl, i will talk (ie curse) for hours

"I... is it wrong to..." Piper tried and failed to really explain her thoughts, clutching her Sprite in her hands. The crappy paper cup felt like it would break from how she held it.

"To feel like she had so many choices?" Nico asked. He popped a fry into his mouth. "Luke is a cunning manipulator. Like really good at it. Or well, was," Nico shrugged, his relationship with Death having him sometimes forget to use past tense.

"I know, I know it's a lot more complicated than she had a crush," Piper rushed to defend herself. I know it's more difficult than I'm thinking of. I KNOW it's not black and white, but..."

"The part of you taught girls are silly fools who'd do anything for a boy is rearing its head," Nico said. Piper blinked at him in surprise. "You have internalized misogyny; I have internalized homophobia." The Italian chuckled.

"I feel so stupid," Piper said softly.

"Don't. We are taught to look down on girls who like make-up and girls who like boys and giggle over them. Or well, you were," Nico said. Will is making me talk to his sister who lives in Canada. She's a therapist who specializes in childhood post-traumatic stress and pediatric care. Want a session?"

Martin and himself 164 and 170:

Martin and victims of the apocalypse 163 and 178:

Martin and communicating 177:

Martin and Jon 176, 178 and 183:

These really show how important proper communication is to Martin. You understanding the person across you and them understanding you. With Basira he insisted time and again that without a proper talk they'll get nowhere and he was right. When in the Lonely he kept talking because that is how he held to his sense of self. And he does not stand to not being acknowledged and talk directly to as he did with Helen. Which is SO different from season 4 Martin who disappeared from the room so he won't be talked to. Acknowledging existence verbally is so important to him, doesn't matter if the person across him doesn't realise it.

And with Jon, with Jon he has communication down to a science. He understands the line. When Jon needs to talk and when he has a hard time. Gives him space. Allows him the benefit of explaining his decisions and behavior and actually listens and accepts his explanations. But at the same time knows when Jon is stalling and pushes him towards being clear and properly succinct.

More social interaction/ getting myself out there: This is going to be really really hard for me, as I’m super shy and tend to get uncomfortable super fast in a group of people I’m not too close with. As meeting new people in real life is not exactly possible at the moment, I can at least hide myself from awkward interaction from person to person. But I totally plan on talking to strangers on discord or writing with new people, etc even if it seems insanely scary right now. My goal isn’t even necessarily to make friends, but to just get out of my comfort zone of texting/ talking with the same few people and basically not being able to talk to strangers at all.

Open communication: Something that I already improved a whole lot the last few years, but that still needs a lot of work nevertheless. I just think that especially talking openly about emotions is so so important and that a lot of problems could be solved by communicating instead of just guessing the other persons feelings. A few years ago, I really kept everything to myself as far as really not wanting to tell others anything about my life. But I learned that voicing your concerns, talking about things you like or overthink, can be really helpful for your mental health. So people: being able to talk about your emotions to others is something you can be proud of!

Digital detox: Kinda ironic how I want to spend less time online and simultaneously starting a tumblr? But I spend so much time on Instagram mostly that could be used so much better, not even starting on how toxic Instagram actually is. I’m bombarded by so much stuff that doesn’t interest me at all, I know that and I still find myself opening Instagram waaay to often just out of habit. Definitly something I want to stop!

Getting a decent sleeping schedule: My sleeping schedule is actually not too bad to begin with but I still want to get up earlier instead of staying in bed for at least half an hour after I woke up. I’m definitely not one of those people who can get up at 5am or whatever but just not staying in bed until 5 minutes before lectures would be nice.

Spending more time doing things I love but do way to rarely

Study more concentrated and with system: The digital semester is really hard for me and the amount of procrastination not even countable anymore. But as I really don’t want to fail my classes and have to retake the exams I really need to study with more of a plan and not just try to cram everything a week before each exam. With organic chemistry and the huge biology exam coming up, I know this is not going to work again.

More consistency in general: This especially refers to my wish of knowing Korean. I’ve basically wanted to learn Korean since 2016 but I was never consistent enough to get anywhere with it. So this time I’m hoping to keep staying motivated.

Practicing the guitar and bass more planned: I own my electric guitar for two and a half years already and I feel like if I continue practicing like I do now I will never get anywhere. I basically just try to learn songs I like by looking up tabs but I never practice any technique or any theory or anything that is useful for mastering more than just playing off tabs.

Trying to leave the house once a day: With online university, not being able to really do sports and winter combined I really leave the house mostly to do grocery shopping. But it’s actually important to be at least a bit active, to move once in a while and go for a walk. So I really want to try to go out for at least a short once a day to get a bit of fresh air and clean my head from too many worries.

I actually thought of one or two more things, but they feel to unimportant to actually write them down here. But I have them written down on my handwritten note so I hope I’m not going to forget about them instantly.

I already kinda look forward to looking back on this list from time to time to see what I already improved and what I have to work on more. To my future self: I hope you’re doing great and don’t worry too much if you didn’t achieve everything on here.

I personally have not had it easy and have had my low moments.

As the UK heads into lockdown 2.0, and the US awaits the fate of its government, and for everyone everywhere else I want you all to know my inbox and messages are always open.