#talkativekitty

Some Days are Easy, Some are Hard, Some days everything can be going wrong but you’re okay and others you may crumble along with everything else. Life is just filled with anything and everything, you just gotta accept it as it is and keep on with the keeping on. I recently have had a friend request that I text him 1 thing that has made me happy each and every day, I think this is very healing to look back over your day and pick something that made you happy and tell someone else. Even on the days we think nothing can go right or that the world is ending, we still have happiness and we just need to find it and use that to pull us through. This also brings to mind how sometimes we over dramatize our problems, there is happiness and love all around us, we just have to choose to look for it or see it as it is and accept it into our daily lives. It’s when we don’t that the weight of the world becomes unbearable.

Ignoring the happiness or joy in my daily life isn’t healthy, it just helps to make the depression and sadness easier to accept. Once I accept those as my life then thats what it is, it burdens me and there is no relief. Find Relief, Find the happiness, Find the Joy! If you just open your eyes its All Around You. 

It’s a new year, hence new starts, it gives people the chance to wipe the slate clean; Or so they say. You know why so many resolutions never work out? It’s simply because of the fact that just because it is a new year doesn’t make your laziness or whatever has been holding you back go away. It’ s still there, it doesn’t go away over night or disappear with words on a paper. That’s why its the same thing each year at a gym - TONS of people sign up, I know, My gym was PACKED tonight goodness and more people joining. The sad part is that about a few weeks are going to go by and those people are gonna thin out, and a month or two from now it’ll be back to normal. See the thing is people always get so hyped over New Year New Me; but sad part is a day won't change who you are, or who you’ve been for the past year or years. 

That’s why so many resolutions fail, because you try and cut cold turkey from yourself basically. Some people yes work well with cold turkey and they are able to handle it, but its not like that for majority of people. It’s like a drug addiction, when you start having withdraws it becomes really tough and we usually think hey a little bit won't hurt us or I can handle it this time; Well You Cant and BAM! There you are right back to where you started and can’t find the motivation to stick to the changes you need to make, because you no longer want to make them. 

Here is where there is hope - Yourself - theres hope in yourself, you just gotta be willing to accept it. See so many things fail because deep down its not something we really think we can do or want to do. To change you really have to want it and strive to be the person you are going to be, if you don’t believe it then it won't happen because subconsciously you’ll never let yourself get there. WE Sabotage our own self, our own happiness, our own lives. It’s only when you accept who you are or what you deal with and you truly wanna change that you will put in the hard work to become it, but only cause you want to. 

So here’s the question...

What happens in the loneliness, the empty space, the pauses, the breaks.. Where do I go? What do I feel? For majority of it I’m fine, but then the end of the day comes and I feel everything all at once. It’s like a wave that comes crashing over me sweeping me under and I’m left gasping for breath as I try to find the surface. And all I can think is how I should’ve never gone swimming in the first place, if I had just stayed on land, done something different with the day, I wouldn’t be feeling this. But time and time again I go swimming, and it’s the same process, everything is good and relaxing and peaceful... till its not.

I kinda do it to myself I guess, I know better than to wait for the misery. I don’t know maybe I’m thinking it will be different this time around.. It never is. But I keep falling into the empty loneliness. Today is still the same but strangely different still, it’s like I feel like I’ve done nothing and I feel the empty lonely part but it doesn’t hurt so bad. I want someone to talk to and I thought about going back to the sites, the apps, the places where I could talk to a complete stranger to fill the void of not being alone. I just want someone to talk to me. That’s all I’ve ever wanted and that’s why I went to the places I did, nothing attached, no one knew me I could have a pleasant conversation with someone who didn’t know me or I would ever have to explain myself to again. But all that has ever done was made my life more complicated, I realized that now, I don’t wanna go back, I wanna find something real!