#talesfromtheconsole

“Hey Gnash,” I said as I passed my supervisor. “How’s shift?”

He harumphed a giant sized harumph my direction. I might have felt the whole of the comm center building tremble a little.

 “That bad, huh?”

“It’s a full moon. What more is there to say?” The center trembled a little more from his grousing as he keyed up his crystal. “Units 956 and 947, copy a transfiguration with injuries.”

That was my cue to sashay with a bit more haste to my console. A long shift could make Gnash an ogre in any situation. I mean. He is one. But full moons are a whole other stalk of beans. 

Sinking into my chair at my favorite console, I took a long sip of my coffee for a fleeting moment of zen. It passed all too quickly. 

Every other report crystal was lit up at the consoles around me, and the faint chime sound meant there were more calls holding, too. Time to plug in. I set my mug on the warming stone and swiped my spell chip over the headset dongle.

As if calls waiting weren’t enough to ruin my moment of zen, my partner Luna was bound to. The tip of her conical hat waggled behind her scroll screens, clearly frustrated. Her quill scratched out a transcription that was surely of a caller who hadn’t taken a breath since the fall of Rome.

“Ma’am! Ma’am! MAAA’AM!” Luna practically shouted into her mic. A couple heavy thumps meant she was banging on her desk in exasperation at her caller. “Ma’am, I need you to listen to me. Is the effigy changing color? Ma’am?” She huffed and the thumping sound came again. 

“Hung up on you?” I asked.

“Of course. Nothing like calling Tilde-Star-Star and then hanging up on the crone trying to help you.”

“Another goblin screaming ‘just get them here’?” 

“Mmmmmhm.” Her annoyance could have curdled butterbeer. The sparkling gem twirling above her scroll twirled faster as she hit voicemail on redial. “Well of course.” The gem suspended above her workspace winked out as she flicked the scroll over to Gnash. 

“You’re killing me!” The room rumbled with the boss’s displeasure as he stared at the new scroll. 

“Nope. That’s why they pay you the big ingots!” Luna shot back his direction, winking at me. I hid my chuckle behind another sip of coffee.

Luna’s wide-brimmed headwear popped up over her scroll as she bounced forward to squint at me. “Hey, aren’t you off tonight?”

“I was.” I sighed heavily. “But Jakub called out at dusk. Full moon.”

“Ohhhh, bummer.” She didn’t sound disappointed for me, though. In fact I would stake my first wand on the bet that she was glad she wouldn’t be the only one on calltaking tonight. I didn’t mind. I’d prefer to work with Luna than some of the night walkers I could have been stuck with.

“Yep.”

She wrinkled her nose thoughtfully. “You’d think he’d take the potion for–”

“Iiiii know. But you know how New Age werebeasts are. Anyway, I don’t mind padding my coin purse and it’s supposed to be mostly cloudy tonight.”

“Mmmmmmhm”. Her response brimmed with skepticism. 

My crystal shot out a beam of scarlet light accompanied by soft chimes. “So it begins.” I groaned and tapped the crystal, now blinking furiously. “Tilde-Star-Star, where is your emergency?” My quill floated up, scratching out the start of a new call for service.

A distinctly thick accent sputtered in my ear. “Forbidden Forest, Grove Seventy Seven.”

“Okay, and what’s going on there?” Nothing good, I would bet. The Forbidden Forest is dicey to visit at the middle of the month, let alone the end. 

The translator critter on it’s pedestal protested as I gave it a little nudge and raised my eyebrow. It’s feathered antennae twitched some wordless backtalk at me. Translating critters were notoriously dodgy in the twilight hours. Who could blame them though, really? 

The voice coming through my headset coughed nervously, but was clearer this time. “So, uh… my friend and I were totally not doing anything illegal but my friend has Witches Cough and I’ve been feeling pretty ill myself.”

I sat up a little straighter. “How long has your friend been sick?”

“I dunno, maybe… a couple hours?” Gnomes. Always can trust them to wait until it’s too late to call. “Not to worry, we’ll get some healers headed your way,” I reassured the voice. “Are there any spells or hazards we need to know about?”

The answer tumbled out in a barely intelligible rush, despite my critter’s efforts. “Well I think we might have set off some tricky charms here, because one of my other friends here is running from a really, really mad pixie right now, and I think she’s summoning her family.”

GAH! GNOMES! 

I wanted to punt the crystal. My fingers itched to pound my desk like Luna had only moments before, but I managed to remain still. Why does no one lead with the most important details?!

Barely containing my irritation at the caller, I flicked the scroll flying away to Gnash with more force than strictly necessary. He rumbled again. 

“It’s gonna be one of the nights, Gnash!” I called as he started to key up his crystal.

“What did I tell ya!” The floor shook a little harder.

That’s when I really started to regret coming in. All the console gems started to spin and pulse colors at once. 

“Looks like the clouds cleared up,” Luna cackled.

 I swore a half-uttered curse under my breath. “Just my luck!” 

Reluctantly I tapped my crystal and recoiled as screams of a banshee hit my ear. 

“Ma’am!” I started, biting back another curse. As the wailing continued I made a mental note to come down with potion poisoning on the next full moon. A little case of Mutation Sickness could be easily faked. 

More crystals chiming interrupted the thought. Banshee or no, I was sure of one thing.