#takpod

Gather round, kids, and let’s talk about some of the necessary evils that exist in this world. Sometimes, especially, in times such as these, you find yourself watching a bad movie*.

Exhibit A:

This movie is astonishing in its badness. The writing is not great. The plot is high key equal parts distressing and laughable, and low key fully bonkers. It’s quite alarming in places! The direction, such that it is, feels lazy. The performances vary so wildly it feels like different people are playing the same parts. The sex faces are mesmerisingly odd. The prosthetic peen is... the wrong color. The whole movie is a gaping plot hole. 365 Dni/365 Days is without question, one of the worst things currently streaming on Netflix.

It also stars Michele Morrone.

This is Michele Morrone. 👇🏾

Anyway. We can’t wait for the sequel. 👀 

This episode is all about the low stakes calamity of having a very hot man in a very bad film. Moreso when this is one of the rare occasions where the man in very hot! Case in point, Brad Pitt in Troy. This gif isn’t even doing him any justice. 

Brad Pitt in Troy is a top five entry in ‘cinematic thigh meat” (he’ll NEVER catch up to Winston Duke, bless). His bottom lip has never been poutier, his skin never more bronzed, his war skirt never littler. And yet. Troy is inexplicably bad, and it pains us, because it contains other excellent thirst-worthy candidates, like Eric Bana as Hector (a tortured man, who knew war, and never wanted to know it again!); Orlando Bloom as Paris (a fool! a beautiful fool!); and a tender performance by an elderly Peter O’Toole... Its parts are so much greater than its sum. But we’ll watch it every time it’s on TV to see dem thighs. 

Lookit:

We also discussed Djimon Hounsou, who has been hot for... most of our lives now? It’s kind of ridiculous how beautiful he is, and has been. But... the roles? They leave much to be desired. In particular, we were thinking of the Tarzan reboot from a few years back. Remember? You may have blocked it out. Let’s refresh your memory:

Yeah.

Look at him when he’s not co-starring in a story that we have described as irredeemably “racist, colonialist claptrap that no retelling can save”:

Plush. Luxe. Resplendent.

Thanks, anyway, man. You too, Alexander Skarsgård.

Fanfic Wars is back this week, and we went down very different paths with our drabbles. 😂 Feel free to tell your your fave on here on on our Twitter. You can listen to the whole episode RIGHT HERE (more ways to listen are listed below).

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Here’s the thing — we have been in-un-da-ted with all sorts of messages, tweets, tags etc asking us if we were we thought about Fleabag’s Hot Priest. Even before we announced we were coming back, thirst-buckets parked themselves in our Twitter mentions and this here humble Tumblr Ask box and just. kept. asking. if we were going to cover him.

Come. The. Fuck. On.

Anyway. It’s time.

We decided not only to lust out loud about Hot Priest (Andrew Scott), but to also take a look at another man of the cloth who was making things a little bit cloudy in the foof: Sexy Vicar aka crime solvin’ crimes, heart breakin’ and smokey jazz listenin’ Sidney Chambers (James Norton) from Grantchester. Look at this shit, FFS:

Bitch.

So! Time to peel back some cassocks and reveal the beating heart of what makes these clergy dudes so flippin’ attractive. 

Here are some thoughts:

These muhfuggahs LISTEN. Not just to the women they love, but to women in general. Do you know how hot it is when your person looks at you and actually absorbs what you are saying and responds in kind? Ugh. PS: After we recorded this ep, Fleabag creator and star Phoebe Waller-Bridge hosted Saturday Night Live and in her monologue mentioned how Hot Priest’s listening skills were the hottest thing about him (see what we mean when we say we are thirst scholars? 🏆)

Um, they’re literally off-limits. And like, practically betrothed to God (in Hot Priest’s case). Nothing — absolutely nothing — hotter.

Kindness kink! A kind man — whether he be tortured or a little cocksure — is hot as hell, OK?

Both Sidney and Hot Priest see the women they love. Like, they have a laser focus that is incredibly alluring when viewed up close. Oh, to be the focus of their loving gazes! 

God loves a well-dressed man, and these men wear thee fuck out of both their churchy garments, and also their regular clothes. 

Hot Priest — does he have a drinking problem? Or nah? Sidney definitely has one. It does... something to us.

In Sidney’s case — he loves a bit of jazz, and in postwar Britain, is not averse to a little sexual indiscretion. We’ll take it! 

These dudes are wrestling with some big existential crises, you know? They’re doing a lot of drinking and they’re pondering their allegiance to God and the institution they have committed to, and it’s because of the love of a good woman. Are you KIDDING me? Guys... ISSA WRAP!

There’s a lot to love, you see, and even more to thirst after, and we delved as deep as we could go in our allotted time to bring you all those nuances...

Plus! We had a little time to do a litle rundown of other sexy clergyfolk of our youth — and beyond. Folks like the dude out of The Thorn Birds; that one time Lee Pace dressed as a priest in Pushing Daisies (💦); lady church folk like Pastor Grace from Greenleaf, and Geraldine from The Vicar of Dibley. We also did a corker edition fanfic Wars, by turns steamy hot and softly sweet. We hope you love it!

You can listen to the whole episode RIGHT HERE (more ways to listen are listed below).

SOME STUFF TO WATCH AND READ, IF YOU LIKE! (sorry it’s a bit Hot priest-heavy... 👀)

Here’s PWB bigging up Andrew Scott on the Emmys red carpet

Are you done with Grantchester now that he’s done with Sexy Vicar? Watch Happy Valley and see James Norton in a completely terrifying new light...

This precious baby is so overwhelmed by all this attention, we are smitten!

And here is Andrew Scott being thoughtful about the Catholic church on Colbert.

Relive the ‘Kneel’ scene with Andrew, won’t you?

TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW

Subscribe to get new episodes delivered to your device automatically every Thursday. We’re on Apple | Stitcher | Podbean | Google Play | Overcast | Spotify or you can search ‘Thirst Aid Kit’ wherever you get your podcasts.

                                                          —–

We’re on Twitter at @bimadew and @tnwhiskeywoman; the show is on Twitter at @thirstaidkit. Send us your (short! please!) drabbles at [email protected]. Rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, please, because we’re asking nicely and we were told politeness counts? Thanks!

Michael B. Jordan has an important question for you. 👇🏾

🗣IT’S RHETORICAL.

Who else was it was going to be? Of course it was supposed to be Pacey! And if we’re talking Pacey and his tousled curls then we must be talking about Joshua Jackson. He’s had a grip on our hearts and [REDACTED] for literal decades. That’s power.

It might feel difficult to separate “Joshua Jackson the actor” from “Pacey Witter the character,” but we managed it in this episode! And it was because of this: Joshua has been a BUSY bee for a real long time, and has built a career that has seem him traverse both big and little screen as well as stage, over the course of years, in a variety of genres and roles. Real bae behaviour!

Naturally, though, we began with the most iconic. Pacey Witter aka a deeply thoughtful, emotionally intelligent, and arrestingly charming character in age-defining teen show Dawson’s Creek. Statistically, we know not everyone on earth has watched that show, and yet… haven’t they? We place a solid 50% of its impact on young Joshua. What did he do? What didn’t he do?

Pacey Witter:

“remembered everything”— ✅

bought Joey a wall — ✅

showcased an emotional maturity that imprinted on us viewers in a way that would go on to potentially ruin us for all other men — ✅and ✅

Sigh 🤧

Teen (and beyond) heart capture aside, we were also interested in what Joshua’s been up to since Capeside. So we spent a little time on his role as Blaine in another late 90s banger, Cruel Intentions, and then we thought about his years-long stint on Fringe. Did you all watch Fringe? As Peter Bishop, Joshua served up some of the most affecting work of his career, as a man who was learning to reconnect with a father who had been by turns absent, distant, loving, neglectful, and confusing. Plus he and Anna Torv had this… chemistry. It was a role in which he didn’t get to play as “big” or showy as many of his co-stars and yet it was his quiet, effective and utterly naturalistic acting that made him stand out all the more. Just… if you haven’t already, go watch Fringe. OK? 

We alighted on his sexy, rough-edged time as Cole Lockhart on The Affair, which confirmed a few things for us, and planted the seed the others. 👀

The thing about Joshua (not Josh!) is that he has the range. Boy can act! Both os us went to see him on Broadway in the revival of Children of a Lesser God, and met (and chatted briefly with!) him at stage door and well, achievement unlocked. Everything he did on that stage was grounded in his utter ease — he is such a natural, quiet performer that the fireworks are internal, escaping in his physicality, his tone, his expressions. Whew, what a cocktail. Bless you, Joshua Jackson, for bringing a preternaturally mature persona into the cinematic arts and the thirst arena at large. You make our eyes shine and our [REDACTED] tingle. 😛

We also did the usual Fanfic Wars, (which you can vote for over ob our Twitter poll). Listen to the whole episode RIGHT HERE (more ways to listen are listed below).

SOME STUFF TO WATCH AND READ, IF YOU LIKE!

This is a great outfit on Conan. Joshua gets clothes.

“You’re off the hook.”

This 2016 interview, in which he talked about dating after 10 years off the market and wore this:

TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW

Subscribe to get new episodes delivered to your device automatically every Thursday. We’re on Apple | Stitcher | Podbean | Google Play | Overcast | Spotifyor you can search ‘Thirst Aid Kit’ wherever you get your podcasts.

                                                    —–

We’re on Twitter at @bimadew and @tnwhiskeywoman; the show is on Twitter at @thirstaidkit. Send us your (short! please!) drabbles at [email protected]. Feel free to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, if you have some time, thanks!

Anyway, COME ON THE SHOW, JOSHUA!

Look, we claim no superiority when we say we never fancied Zack Morris. But grown up Mark-Paul Gosselaar? Yeah, we have lots of thoughts on what he can do these days and also how he can go about that business... 👀

LOOK AT THIS SHIT 👇🏾

From NYPD Blue to Franklin and Bash via Pitch (MORE ON THIS LATER) to The Passage, we explore what makes MPG the MVP... Hint: the thick, shapely beard he sometimes sports is a big part of it. (Nichole once did the necessary investigative journalism and sought answers. 🙏🏿)

Also part of it? Dem thighs. It gives his whole vibe a strong whiff of what we called “big ol’ turkey leg” appeal. We know we’re not wrong, okay? LOOK AT HIM.

Which brings us neatly to Pitch (RIP). In the annals of ‘gone too soon’ television, there is a special place for Pitch, because it was a veritable unicorn: black woman lead, with actual present black family members and friends, good writing, and of course, stunning chemistry with the co-lead, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, playing a veteran baseball catcher. If you don’t know about Mike Lawson, YOU BETTER ASK SOMEBODY (it’s us. we have the answers in this episode, and the whole season is on Hulu, US thirst-buckets). 

And here’s another thirst-inducer for us: MPG has lowkey been playing opposite black women and girls his whole career (Saved By The Bell, F&B, The Passage, Pitch, and now Mixed-ish) and while that means 🗣nothing in the Grand Scheme (after all, it’s not like he’s the casting director), it still means... Something™.

Plus! We had the usual [REDACTED] and a nicely varied Fanfic Wars. Basically, we watered our thirst, exposed it to sunlight, and then it grew into something that became this episode — don’t you just love when thirst flowers and blooms? Bless you, MPG. The real thirst MVP.

You can listen to the whole episode RIGHT HERE (more ways to listen are listed below).

SOME STUFF TO WATCH AND READ, IF YOU LIKE!

A REAL TREAT FOR YA: Sweet, Sweet Fantasy, an M-rated fic written by writer extraordinaire @lovedmoviesb (read her Richonne fics!) with stunning art from the superlatively talented @mdgart (Bim has a Michonne print of hers in her apartment!). YOU’RE WELCOME.

MPG on Fallon, talking about his mother

Shoutout to homoerotic subtext in Franklin & Bash!

Look at our double dutch KING.

Here’s a truly arousing clip from Weeds that we discussed that didn’t make it to the final edit.

TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW

Subscribe to get new episodes delivered to your device automatically every Thursday. We’re on Apple | Stitcher | Podbean | Google Play | Overcast | Spotify or you can search ‘Thirst Aid Kit’ wherever you get your podcasts.

                                                         —–

We’re on Twitter at @bimadew and @tnwhiskeywoman; the show is on Twitter at @thirstaidkit. Send us your (short! please!) drabbles at [email protected]. Rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, please, because we’re asking nicely and we were told politeness counts? Thanks!

Sorry this was late but thankfully thirst recognizes no clock... DRINK UP. Wait, have one last Mike Lawson gif: