I wish I could take back all I said and all I did but I know I can’t and all I can do is pray to God you can forgive me someday. the first time I seen you at the airport. Hell the first phone call you made to me maybe I should not have answered that cal. I fell in love with you in that moment, in a heartbeat, I should’ve known I would not be OK. because the issues I have had in my past were so ungodly unfair. that they never leave me even when I prayed for peace and serenity. every day I am suspicious, but that was never a fault of your own. I just been hurt by everyone else in my life that I brought it into our new life together and it has cost me all of it. I keep my mouth shut now Because everything coming out feels malicious and you don’t deserve it. at this point I feel like I’m only breaking you down. I don’t really know how to love right, I guess I never really learned it as a kid, so I never let any of my scars heal. Maybe we are not right for each other or perhaps I just suck at being your lover. It is eating me inside, knowing I can’t love you the way you deserve. it is eating me inside, knowing I can’t love you right. I try to show you ways that I am trying to write all my wrongs. What is wrong with me? I hope one day I can recover. perhaps I secretly like when I suffer most. I think I project all my pain onto you. All of my thoughts they run everywhere, tainting all that they touch, they tell me I am not enough, I am and nobody, and no one loves me. I really want to call you but I don’t want to put you down more than you already feel. You don’t want my touch, because my baggage is so heavy that your beautiful heart will be crushed. 
