IT WASN'T EASY OUT THERE FOR ANY OF THEM, but that was the choice they'd made with this life, one way or another.   when it was good, it was GOOD, and that feeling spread through the club like a virus, infected everyone with a shiny veneer of hope and dedication.   but the good didn't ever last as long as dutch wanted it to and then they were back to digging through the dregs of their stores, searching for any scrap of light they might still have hidden away.

      john, with his neck still sore from sleeping on the couch wrong again, knew all too well how little light was left.

      "you feelin' lonely, javier?"   the question wasn't nearly as barbed or as funny as he'd intended it to be once it hit the warm night air and it fell flat between them, too much of something real tied up in those words.   it wasn't that javier was WRONG, but john didn't know what he expected to do about it when things were so steadily fragmenting already.   feeling alone was just...part of the job.   part of life, now.   they weren't the ones in charge, and they definitely weren't the ones making decisions for the group that seemed to put them deeper in debt instead of ever paying out.