#tahlran

First, I wake in the mornings and it is an unfamiliar ceiling. Not a bad one, just a foreign one. Where I slept in the barracks I knew every centimetre of that space like it was a part of me. It was perfectly cozy even if it was a bit small by most people's standards. It was more than enough for me. It stayed pleasantly warm in the chill of a desert night and delightfully cool in the heat of the day thanks to the fact that all of the living spaces were nothing more than hollowed out compartments in the rock walls of the caverns.

And so every night I went to bed seeing the same patterns in the ancient sandstone and woke to it every morning; the enchantment that made the lighting mimic the patterns of the sun outside eased me into the day. It was not quite the same here at first. At all. The sun had a habit of being more of a sudden, piercing lance of light than the gentle (if technically artificial) brightening I was used to. I have now mitigated this problem through the use of curtains. I never imagined I would ever shop for window dressings. The woman at the shop where I purchased them was very amused at my confusion. Did you know there are all these measurements and other considerations to keep in mind? Patterns? Material? How about simply wanting something to keep the light from searing the eyes out of my skull in the morning? Is that an option? I would not say that I am ever bored here as there is always this and that to do but sometimes I feel very out of sorts. I feel too idle and it makes me restless. I feel like I should be doing something even if there is nothing to be done. I could return and take on more work but that seems very unfair since Rosefica invited me to stay with her. I should at least make some effort to make use of the space and spend time with her. I fear she is distinctly uncomfortable with me after the conversation we had once not too long ago and I am trying to ease that as I can. I have met a lot of people and had a lot of what technically passes for relationships over the years but I would be lying to say that it has made me any sort of expert on how to deal with these things. So I am left with quite a bit of time for myself. And I am not sure what to do with it. I haven't had time to myself since I was a child and childhood back in those days was incredibly brief. I have considered asking Rosefica or Vittani about what to do about that but I imagine I will receive very different answers from the both of them. They are very different women, of course. Vittani made the decision to settle and she seems very happy with her decision but she has always been very good at living quietly and being the kind, attentive mother when she was afforded the opportunities. I considered that lifestyle once but of course.. that was not to be. Rosefica on the other hand has seen little of the world based on what she has told me. Now she also has young children to mind and seems settled in her own way. If she has ever experienced a sense of wanderlust I suppose I've never asked. I'm not judging those who do not or those who choose to stay in one place regardless I just have difficulties wrapping my mind around it personally. And Silvermoon is a vastly different place. Sometimes I don't know if I should be impressed or angry at these people. Many seem to have forgotten their own history or have cast it out as if it is completely irrelevant. Others quite literally romanticize it. I've seen the books. I am fairly certain the keeper of that particular book shop had no real interest in the impossibilities of any of those situations actually occurring in the midst of a war zone. Did you know there are some novels in which people are paired with trolls? TROLLS. They are actually engaging in--*scribbled out thoroughly*.

I will stop writing about that now as I am beginning to feel my dinner starting to sit unpleasantly just at the thought.. I.. am not sure where I am going with this but it seems to help to get the thoughts from my mind and onto paper sometimes. I never had time for that before either. Someone suggested it to me while I was out the other day. Not just writing letters but to write as regularly as possible. I am open-minded and so here I am. But I do feel like someone's grandmother so I do not know how often I will actually engage in it. I think a ride might do better at this point. I've been putting it off since I've wanted to give Kio a break from work. The feed around here is different than what one could buy in Tanaris for a comparable price and it was difficult to keep weight on her at first but I think now she would appreciate a short hack before nightfall.