#taeveler

idk how to explain but i was nervous after posting my thoughts under sad machines because i thought what if you got weirded out by me spilling all those extremely personally thoughts. i was like "ah you stupid, why did you go so overboard with your thoughts?? what if em thinks you`re just plain weird?" i was just very very nervous.

BUT after seeing how you were happy reading whatever the fuck i wrote (god, it`s still embarrassing, that`s like me confessing my love for sad machines) i`m glad i wrote it, nonetheless, i hope that made you happy. that`s all that matters.

also, you`re amazing, em! i hope you & your best friend had a good laugh. i hope you`re doing well these days? please stay safe & make sure to stay hydrated! you`re extremely precious & deserve all the happiness in the world.

i love love love love you & your brain & your hands which writes these amazing stories, em. take care.

~koyel

happy birthday, lovely cheyyyyy!!! you're finally 21 (although i'm still myself not sure how this age feels like even though i've been 21 since this march 😔) BUT nevertheless, i appreciate your presence so much on my dashboard, love. thank you so much for being born, for existing, for continuing to live on even though life can be a terrible thing to face every morning. i'm so so PROUD of you, chey!

hope you have a good time! i love you. 💞

~koyel

p.s i've never actually met a scorpio sun in my whole life (i think?) considering i always wondered what the sun counterpart is like to my scorpio moon. but then i saw u & realised 'ah yes, now i know why chey is such a relatable person every single time on my dashboard 🥲'

thank you koyel!! 🥰 ily so much thank you for your kind words 🥺 i hope college gets better for you soon!! you deserve a good break

―sure my backpack is heavy with all my vlogging stuff but do you know what else is heavier than that? my heart filled with love for you.

gukie’s cheeks were the highlight of the last run ep aside from the acting tbh. deserves all the smooches and squishes :( and oofffffffff don’t get me started on mr kim..... all he does is give me a hard time

okay so basically elder noritoshi kamo wasn`t actually the evil one(?) he became the evil sorcerer ONLY because his body was taken over by kenjaku. like i might be wrong but from what i`m seeing during the time when he was the evil sorcerer & took part in the curse womb experiment he bore stiches on his forehead which is basically the sign of kenjaku possessing his body, which also means that just like how this kenjaku now has the capability of consuming cursed spirits of geto in him, he also had the blood manipulation technique in him from kamo clan head.

fellow wenebebe!! :D 

HAHAHAH welp ya know the fact that he’s beefy and got buns of steel, combined with his cheesiness, essentially HE is the hamburger 🧐

although my mother didn`t get to have the chance to grow up with her after her 6th year, and although i never got to see my grandmother (whom i call dida in bengali), i miss her from time to time. it`s kind of strange because i never saw her, never felt her touch. all we have is a framed pencil sketch picture of her but i love her very dearly. i feel like if she was alive, things wouldn`t have turned out to be what it turned out in both me & my mother`s lives. 

whenever i look at her picture, i sort of tear up. i really don`t know why. currently i really don`t have grandparents with whom i`m close to. i don`t have any relationship with my father`s side of family although my paternal grandpa died almost 47 years ago too but i don`t feel anything towards him. my maternal grandpa is very old & he doesn`t really love me as much as he loves my cousin sister from my aunt. so basically i have no luck with my grandparents.

but i know, somehow that my dida is always with me. even though i never got to be held by her. even though i never got to eat delicious food by her, never got to hear my name being called by her, i know she`s there with me. she`s always looking after me, taking care of me, making sure i never bow down to any hurdles on my road to life. i`ve heard only good stuff about her, i heard she was very skilled in what she did. 

i really...i really wish she was still here with me though, physically so that i could say that at least i`ve someone other than my mother with whom i can share some words. now and then i do think that when my mother will finally pass away, i`ll literally have no one blood related. i`ll finally be truly alone.

funny how i`m always craving for solitude, maybe universe is making me ready enough to face the solitude i`ll get to live with.

but this is not about me. this is about my dida. so dida, i hope you know that i`m not angry with you that you never stayed behind for me to even come into this world. but i know you`re at a better place. i know you`re always looking over me. i will wait for the day when i`ll finally get to meet you, someday, i promise i`ll meet you because i miss you a lot & i love you a lot too.

i know not a single of my cousin remembers you, they think our step grandma is their actual grandma but don`t worry, i`ll always keep you with me. you`ll always be my go to person. i`ll always share my flaws & all my pretty with you because i know you understand so well. you`re always so patient with me, you never scold me, you`re always smiling at me, giving me comfort through some unknown source. i don`t deserve you, dida but i love you very much. 

thank you for much for being my dida :) i miss you ardently & i love you from the bottom of my heart, okay? you`ll always stay with me, right? even if the whole world is against me, you`ll stay with me right?

love you,