#tacticalbrilliance

Hello, @tacticalbrilliance! I noticed your tags and I thought I’d clarify a few things. 

While it’s true that Lafayette did not initially make his marriage or his wife a priority, several factors should be taken into account to understand why. This is not to condone his behavior. I present these facts with the hope that they will shed some light on his motivations, which–in my opinion–were not intentionally harmful.

Lafayette and Adrienne’s marriage was not a union of love, but an arrangement. Adrienne fell in love with Lafayette from a distance before their marriage and had no idea that she was secretly engaged to him. Lafayette’s family and the members of the Noailles household found the marriage agreeable for the financial and noble achievement the union would bring. While Adrienne’s mother worked to foster her daughter’s feelings for Lafayette before the wedding, the Marquis’ guardians treated it as a business transaction. 

Lafayette was 16 and Adrienne was 14 when they married. Both families saw to the arrangement with very little direct input from Lafayette and without Adrienne’s knowledge entirely. Adding to that fact, Adrienne and Lafayette were not allowed to consummate their marriage for over a year per Adrienne’s mother’s wishes. Eventually, Lafayette broke that rule by sneaking into her room late one night when the two knew her mother would be sleeping. By all accounts, both kiddos were pretty happy when that restriction came to an end.

Lafayette saw the world in rose-colored glasses. By that, I mean that he constantly idealized everything in his life and whatever stirred his immediate zeal, he flung himself at headlong. He wasn’t known for his wisdom. Instead, we remember him for his enthusiasm, passion, and optimism. Because of this, when he involved himself with other women, it was by no means at the expense of his wife in his own mind. During his stay in America, he constantly sent Adrienne letters hoping to reaffirm his love for her in the hopes that she might not hate him when he came back to France. He sowed a few wild oats; it’s true. But he did not do it with the intention of hurting Adrienne in any way.

Affairs were not only commonplace in France during Lafayette’s day, they were expected. This does not change our modern perception of promiscuity and does not excuse his behavior. It was, however, extremely common for those raised in the circles of nobility and for couples that came out of arranged marriages to have lovers outside of the home. During his stay in America, there is no evidence to suggest that Lafayette ever engaged with anyone sexually or romantically. In France, there are two known women that he pursued rather openly. Adrienne presumably knew about at least one of them without comment. Again, this does not give the Marquis a free pass. It’s simply a fact. As an aside, the concept of marrying for love really came to a head in the Victorian era long after our favorite Frenchman had passed away. Marriage was practical–and love was learned.

One of Lafayette’s affairs ended in a possible suicide. Diane de Simiane–considered by many to be the most beautiful woman in France–carried on a love affair with the Marquis de Lafayette after he returned from the American War for Independence. Her husband, Charles-Francois de Simiane, is believed to have been a known homosexual. Despite his personal preferences, he often became jealous of the attention his wife received outside of their marital bed and this included Lafayette’s doting. Charles-Francois died in 1787 due to what was deemed an accidental hunting incident, but wagging tongues pointed to Lafayette’s affair with his wife as a possible cause for suicide instead. Speculation continues to this day. Regardless, Lafayette did not believe his actions caused the man to want to take his own life and would not discuss the matter after. His thoughts aside, his relationship with M’me de Simiane did not continue. 

Lafayette grew to love his wife dearly. During the tumultuous time of the French Revolution, Lafayette’s imprisonment in Austria, his exile, and his eventual return to France, the Lafayette family became a tightly knit unit. Adrienne’s sacrificial decision to stay with her husband in what was literally a dungeon strengthened their bond immeasurably. Once they were released, the family and extended family lived together. Lafayette lost his wandering eye. Adrienne wholly claimed his heart. He was away when she fell terminally ill and rushed back home to her immediately. He did not leave her side and was with Adrienne when she passed of lead poisoning on Christmas Eve (her son’s birthday) 1807. His letter to a close friend after her passing is devastating. He speaks of his ‘angelic and incomparable woman’ and goes on for paragraphs about what she meant to him.  “Until this moment you have always found me stronger than the circum- stances of my life: today the circumstances are stronger than I am. I shall never rise above them.”  Her last words to him had been, Je sous toute à vous“ (I am all yours). During his final moments, he kept an image of her in his hands and kissed it before losing consciousness. He was a man who, despite his failings in the past, loved the beloved wife of his youth and she was a devoted woman who loved him since the age of 14 and did anything in her power to protect him, his children, his reputation…everything she could.