#taboomuke

-/-

You were drawn out of your thoughts when someone walked past the table where you were sitting, bumping it and causing the contents of the wine glass in front of you to ripple up to the edges of their confines before settling back down. You looked down at your phone once more, wishing you could do anything other than stare that the old selfie you took with Calum that you couldn’t ever bring yourself to delete. It was from the first night you’d spent in the apartment you used to share, and even now, after living without him for barely more than a year, it still hurt to remember the times you’d once shared.

You looked up to the dancefloor, where you saw him, dancing with his new girlfriend. Or, at least, it seemed like she was his girlfriend, considering the fact that they’d arrived together and hadn’t left each other’s sides since the reception started.

The wedding was beautiful, Ashton and his new bride looked as if they’d never known happiness like this their whole lives, and you were over-the-moon ecstatic for them, but you couldn’t move your eyes away from Calum the entire ceremony. He looked so good in his tux, and his happiness for his best friend was written all over his face. You’d missed seeing him so happy.

You helplessly watched the way Calum and his girlfriend moved together, the way he held her so protectively as they moved among the crowd of other people having a good time. He said something and she laughed, tossing her head back and making his eyes crinkle fondly. You missed that look on him, missed his jokes, missed the way he’d pretend to be offended when you lied and said you didn’t find him funny.

Taking a deep breath, you stood from the table and made your way to the bathroom, keeping your gaze lowered so as not to attract anyone’s attention as you tried to make your getaway. You just needed a few moments to yourself, just to pull yourself together a bit.

You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw that the bathroom was empty and immediately walked over to the mirrors, scrutinising yourself closely.

“Come on,” you sighed, gripping the edge of the sink. “Pull yourself together.” You clenched your eyes shut and counted to ten before letting out a long, deep breath. “Everything’s fine. Everything’s gonna be fine.” Opening your eyes, you gave yourself one last look in the mirror before deciding to head back out and rejoin the party.

You forewent your seat at the table and headed straight to the open bar, taking a seat at one of the empty stools and ordering a drink. While you waited for it, you tapped your fingers against the bar impatiently, feeling antsy and unsteady.

The bartender brought you your drink and you took the first sip, breathing out a gentle sigh as you set your glass down. You were fine. You were doing just fine.

“You still drink those?”

You felt your gut sink when you heard the familiar voice next to you. You looked to your right to see Calum leaning up against the bar. His expression was mostly neutral, but it didn’t look as if he were unhappy to see you.

“I— what?” You asked, feeling flustered and caught off guard.

He nodded toward the glass in front of you, raising an eyebrow. “You still drink those. I haven’t seen you drink one in… a long time.”

You looked down at the glass in front of you and you were immediately reminded of why he was asking about it.

-/-

“Come on, babe,” Calum laughed giddily, “just take a sip.”

You were in a loud bar. It was dark and it was crowded but you were with Calum, so that was all that mattered. You’d sent him off to get you a drink and he’d gone right away, without asking you what you wanted. When he returned, he shoved the glass into your hands with a big smile.

“This feels oddly like peer pressure,” you joked, taking the glass out of his hand.

“I’m sorry,” he said, pouting slightly. “I didn’t mean to pressure you.”

You leant in and kissed his pouting lips. “At least tell me what it is first?”

He laughed, realising he hadn’t bothered to provide you with that little tidbit of information. “It’s an Old Fashioned.”

“Hm,” you mused, looking down at the amber-coloured drink. “I’ve never had one of these before.” Lifting the glass to your lips, you took a careful sip, wincing when you felt the burn of the alcohol in the back of your throat. You shot an accusing glare st Calum, who chuckled under his breath.

“What’s in this?” You asked him, taking another gentle sip.

“Whiskey,” he said, taking a sip of his own.

“Okay,” you said, taking another sip. Once you got past the initial burn, it really was a pleasant drink.

“‘S good, right?” Calum asked you, raising an eyebrow.

“Maybe,” you replied coyly, shrugging a shoulder.

“Just maybe?” Calum asked, stepping into your space. “Don’t I deserve a little more credit than that?”

“I give credit when it’s earned,” you told him, looking him square in the eye as he continued closer.

“Well then,” he sighed, dropping his free hand down to your hip, “it’s a good thing I’m prepared to put in the work.”

-/-

“Oh,” you said, self-consciously eyeing the glass in front of you. You lifted it to take another sip, but the memories pouring in had your stomach roiling uncomfortably. You couldn’t help but think of all the dates, the parties, late nights spent together passing a bottle of whiskey back and forth. You pushed the glass away, wishing you could do the same to all the thoughts warring in your head. “I guess I do.” You said, feeling idle now that you didn’t have the drink to occupy your hands.

“How are you?” He asked, leaning back against the bar. You turned to look at him and immediately turned back. It had been so long since you’d last spoken to him, and yet, being here with him right next to you, it almost felt like no time had passed at all.

“I’m fine,” you answered, trying to keep things light. “I noticed you brought a plus-one,” you wanted to slap yourself as soon as you realised what you’d said. Calum stiffened before he nodded his head.

“Uh, yeah,” he said, looking down at his shoes. “I did.”

“That’s great,” you told him, sounding fake even to your own ears.

“Do you mean that?” He asked, lifting his eyes to yours. It was the first time you’d really looked at one another since he approached you.

“Of course I do,” you nodded, trying to appear confident.

“Listen, (Y/N), I feel like I should tell you—”

Before Calum could complete his thought, the two of you are interrupted by his girlfriend.

“There you are,” she said as she waltzed over to him and pressed a light kiss to his cheek. She turned to you then, smiling warmly. “Hi, I’m Shannon.”

She extended her hand for a shake, and you went to take it, but before your hands could touch you noticed something: a diamond engagement ring shimmering brightly on her left ring finger.

You felt your stomach drop as you stared blankly at her hand, unable to make yourself move or speak or do anything but gawp at her like a fish out of water.

Eventually your thoughts lined up again and you shook her hand awkwardly. You could feel the metal of her ring against your hand and it made your stomach turn.

“Nice to meet you, Shannon,” you told her politely as you backed away. “I think I saw a friend of mine head outside, so I’m gonna go catch up with her now. Goodbye.” You breathed the words out in a rush before turning on your heel and making a beeline for the exit as you felt tears welling up in your eyes.

When you finally made it outside, you took a deep breath, trying not to cry as air stuttered into your lungs. Calum was engaged. You couldn’t believe it. Although, it wasn’t like he owed you anything, like he was supposed to keep you apprised of any life changes he made, but. You couldn’t help but feel blindsided.

You found a nearby bench and sat on it, trying to calm yourself down. You closed your eyes and raised your face to the sunlight, letting it shine down on you as you felt the first tear roll down your cheek.

God, how could life be so unfair? Barely more than a year ago, that would have been you and Calum: happy, and in love, and together, your whole lives ahead of you. But this is now. The present. Where Calum is engaged, and not to you. You bring your hands up to your face, trying to get a grip on things as your tears start to fall freely.

“(Y/N)?”

At the sound of Calum’s voice, you wiped your tears away, even though you knew it’d be obvious to him that you’d been crying.

“What is it?” You asked him, trying not to sound overly bitter. “I’m sorry, where are my manners? I didn’t even congratulate you.” You spat, turning your gaze away from him as he moved to sit next to you.

“Are you alright?” He asked, looking at you with so much sympathy and pity in his eyes you wanted to scream in his face.

“I’m fine, Calum. Go back to the party,” you said, sighing and making to get up.

“Don’t walk away,” he begged, reaching out to grab your wrist. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” You asked him, incredulous. “Why are you apologising to me? Why are you even out here talking to me right now? You have a fiancee to be dancing with.”

“I still care about you, (Y/N)! And I always will.” He said, holding tight to your arm. “Doesn’t that matter?”

You scoff, feeling yourself starting to cry again. “Did it ever?”

“It does to me,” he said, standing from the bench and letting you go as he stood in your path. “I know this is hard for you, but I’d hope that even a little part of you would be happy for me.”

His words struck you and rung in your ears like a blaring siren. “I’m trying, Calum!” You shouted, wiping at the tears on your cheeks. “I’m trying so hard to be happy but I just don’t understand how one year ago, you were mine. A year ago you were sleeping in my bed, and now I’m living in our apartment alone while you’re apparently planning a wedding.” You looked at Calum and found him staring straight at you, giving you his undivided attention. His earnest stare almost made you want to shrink back, but you needed to get this off of your chest.

“I don’t understand how a year ago, you were in love with me, and now you’re engaged to be fucking married to someone else.”

“(Y/N), I don’t know what to say,” he sighed, he voice sounding as if he were on the verge of tears.

You shrugged helplessly at him, unable to hold onto your anger. No matter how you felt, this was still Calum, one of your best friends, the man you loved. “This sucks, Calum. It sucks and it’s harder for me than I expected, but I’m still happy for you. After everything we’ve been through, good and bad, how could you expect that I would be anything other than happy for you?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed, raking a hand through his curly hair. “Sometimes I think about how we ended things. There’s so much I never said, and—” he stopped himself, taking a deep breath.

“Calum.”

“Yes?” He answered, looking back at you.

“Does she make you happy?” You asked, even though you weren’t sure you wanted to hear the answer.

He stared back at you as if he didn’t know how to answer.

“Just tell the truth, okay? I’ll be alright.”

Calum looked down at his shoes again, before nodding his head. “Yeah, she does.”

You shrugged your shoulders, even though it felt as if your heart was breaking all over again. “Then that’s that, isn’t it?” You asked, trying to sound unaffected. “How could I be upset with you for being happy?”

Calum looked at you, seeming unsure of what he wanted to say next. “I’m sorry, I—”

“Stop apologising. Please,” you begged, sitting back down on the bench, feeling defeated. “Just go back inside.”

“Is that what you want?”

No! You wanted to scream, I didn’t want any of this! “Yeah, Calum,” you lied, “it is.”

“Alright, then,” he let out a gusty sigh as he stood from the bench. “I’ll be seeing you, then?” He asked, turning to look at you once more.

You tried to put on a smile and nodded, even though you knew it wasn’t true. You watched Calum’s back as he walked away, until the tears clouding your vision made it impossible for you to see him anymore. Reaching into your purse, you pulled out your cell phone and quickly pulled up that last photo of you and Calum.

The moment you laid eyes on it you could hear him humming softly in your ear, you could feel the cold hardwood floor beneath your feet; the memory was still so real and vivid, as if it’d happened just last night.