#taarq

yk those stupid bachelor auction things where you can bid to go on a date with a man and then the proceeds go to charity? well what if that bit .... human alastor ... x reader ......

How the hell he'd gotten tangled up in Mimzy's latest little scheme to earn a quick buck, Alastor surely couldn't tell you. Her club was fully into the idea though, given how excited half of the young women here screamed the second he hopped up on stage.

"ALRIGHT LADIESSS, and Gents!~ My friend Alastor here will dance with ONE of you lucky folks!! Highest donation to the club gets the privilege!! And he's a REALLY good dancer!!"

Right. So for the past hour and a half, Mimzy has been swindling these drunk idiots into giving up all the cash in their wallets by pulling attractive [also drunk likely] people on stage and hyping up how you can win a dance If you donate the most amount of money.

He is her next victim it seems, and dammit, If he didn't adore this woman he'd have said no. Alas, Alastor can't say no to her, she's a soft spot in his stone heart. So he plays along, waves and does a dramatic sort of showman bow. Hell, he even blows a kiss to this one overly tipsy flapper who giggles so much she nearly passes out.

…Seriously, the things people will throw all their money at, it's a slight ego boost to have so many people fighting for the chance to dance with him. If only they weren't all morons, they'd have realized he'd been dancing with people all night for FREE.

Mimzy picks some random club-goer once her pot is stuffed to the brim with green, pushing them off toward Alastor, before snatching up a random man from the front of the crowd. …He supposes he can respect her hustle, even if she is a blatant con-woman.

"Ah, and I suppose you're our lucky winner, hm?" His eyes flit down, and…oh for fucks sake, it's you.

"I'm going to start thinking you're stalking me, dear." He hisses softly, pulling you out toward the dance floor, he has an obligation to fulfill he supposes. An amused smile lingers on your lips, as he pulls you into time with the music.

"You didn't shove any money into that pot, did you?" He huffs, hand firmly on your waist, leading the steps of the dance.

"I might have pushed the real winner under, maybeee." You grin, offering him a look that implied you didn't care if said stranger ended up trampled, n o one is dancing with him besides you.

"What am I going to do with you, you're a thorn in my side." He hissed lowly, leaning in toward your ear. His hostility simply brought a smile to your face, a challenge, the game played between you.

You lean your head against his chest, enjoying your dance earned not through money, but pure ruthlessness toward your fellow man.

Here ya go.

I've drawn your OC before actually!

speaking of, incase you ever want to you have my full permission to do shit with my characters- fics, art- you are peak silliness and I love feeling like there's a little FawnFic fandom. I think every OC should have a fandom. Thus, I am appointing myself the president of the Cobweb Couture fanclub I fucking love those little goobers

idk what I'm saying man I'm so sleepy but ily spirit you're one of my favorite mooties

WAAA TYYY Here's ur spongstor. You better take him to see his broad way showsss.

I extend the same pers to you If you ever wanna use mine, Not JR/Shit though, cause he's not mine!! Not my kid to give out gotta ask Qiffers if she's okay with that but you are welcome to make use of the silly tailor three cause they're mine (I mean she & I have shared best friend custody but, think of this like the OC stock market, because that's funny, you have been gifted shares of cobweb couture lmao)

I need to do more with the OC blog, I've been on a bit of a dry spell cause I wanna redesign Beau just a touch but that involves drawling seriously and I would rather bite my nails off then draw seriously, I gotta get a new mouse, scroll wheel is burned through on my current one. I've had this one since 2021 and it was FINE until i burned through the wheel, I wish I could just replace the wheel? I need to look that up.

edit: I CAN APPARENTLY? That's going to be a saga, Spirit tries to buy a replacement scroll wheel for their mouse, DIY at 3am because they don't wanna buy a new wireless mouse.

There will be more Wen art, soon...My spring break is over so the amount of shit I'm making will stall just a bit cause I gotta not f a i l sigh.

GO TO BED All of ya'll do not need to be as BAD as I am about sleeping. Go to bed.

Edit-

Oc Yapping:

Shit is qiffers oc and He's mostly portrayed like this

He's a big ass guy with like other mother needle hands, and I have him running the "technical" side of the OC blog ;With express perrmison from oc coparent] cause I thought it was funny he's the admin so you submit all ur questions to him. He's comically big and like just always lurking.

This isn't new but he's Beau's canonically adopted son.

Wen and Alastor play with eachothers hair..... she tries to fix the fuckass bob and he tries to convince her to stop frying her waves....

“...I’m gonna be honest Mista A...I think ya hairs a lost cause, everytime I try to pin it up or cut it just...morphs back into...whatevea this is.”

Alastor shifted on Wen’d bed, no, he’s not answering why he’s sitting on her bed, that’s none of your business.

“Regardless of why you’re talking like you’ve come out of one of Angeldust’s pictures, my hairstyle is perfectly fashionable.” He huffed, reaching out to pinch some of her brightly dyed portions of hair between his claws.

“Awww! Booo! You’re such a party pooper! I’m practicing for our Halloween costumes!!!” Ears flickering when his hand brushed by them, she leaned with his touch.

“On the subject of hair, perhaps I could convince you to cease bleaching that beautiful head of yours so frequently, you’re going to go bald one of these days darling!” Alastor lounged back against the headboard, crossing his legs.

“Nuh uh, not a chance in hell, I’d do pretty much ANYTHING for ya Mr. A, but this?- this stays.” She chirped, gesturing to her dye job proudly.

“I had figured as much, I suppose I’m not entirely unfond of the look, it would be quite odd to see you with a socially acceptable haircut.” Wen narrowed her eyes at that little jab, biting down on his finger when it got close enough to her face.

“Need I remind, you called this head beautiful two seconds ago!” Wen puffed up, tail flickering against his thigh, she’d climbed the length of the bed and settled in his lap.

The two sinners facing eachother, as Wen partly straddled his lap. Resigned pout upon her lips, a leering smirk on his own.

“The funny thing about beauty, my deer.” Alastor winks, he fucking winks. Oh if she wasn’t literally so obsessed and in love with him. She wants to chew his bones right now.

“Is that it lies in the eye of the beholder, and I suppose in all your modern qualities that I find quite odd, you have managed to remain somewhat charming.”

“That is literally the longest most BS way of calling me hot. You could literally just say ‘Wen, you have a nice ass, I like your funky hair, marry me.’.”

Alastor frowned, “Absolutely no strategy to courting with you, is there woman?” He muttered, pulling her hand up to his lips. Knuckles brushing against icy soft skin, before being caressed with his thumb.

“C-coUrting? Woah woah Woah!” Wen’s tail wobbled a mile a minute.

“So easy to stir, as always.” The stag preened, she looks ready to bite.

“Seriously?! You’re so mean to me!”

“You make it so easy~”

“...I like your fuck ass bob...” Wen finally admits, leaning foreword to curl his hair around a finger.

“As I enjoy your ruined, blood-soaked locks.” Alastor purred, a deep static filled rumble resonating with the room.

“Button, you know I’ve come to love even your oddest of quirks, and I am a fairly open minded man, but how could a man possibly find himself with child?” Beau leveled the doe with a look that bellied his utter exasperation after she busted down his door at 3 in the morning.

Wen bit her cheek, how the fuck do you explain mpreg to a man who can barely work a touch screen cash register.

“Okay okay so- have you ever seen the 1994 film Junior- or uh uh Xenomorph??” Wen tries some general outreach, she’s met with Beau’s unchanged expression.

“Is it like Frankenstein’s monster? I’m quite familiar with that!” Beau collected Wen’s empty hot chocolate mug, setting about fixing her another one.

“Mmmm okay so you’re well and truly an mpreg Virgin! Totally and completely uninitiated!” Her palms slammed flat against the counter of Beau’s overhang.

“I suppose...that’s one way of putting it, I’ll say, you’re a sweet lady, but by Satan you’re trying to put the sailors to shame hm?” A refilled mug, topped with whipped cream, mini marshmallows, and shaved peppermint greeted Wen.

Her tail flickered like a motorboat engine, eagerly accepting her second sweet treat of the night. One of the perks of crashing into Beau’s apartment at ungodly hours, free snacks.

“Dank youu-“ She manages to thank him through sips, burning her tongue repeatedly as she attempts to drink. “Pfth- ha- ow ah- pthhhh ow- pth- ow.”

Beau covers his mouth to avoid snickering, not wanting her to think he’s enjoying her suffering. (It is kind of funny, give it five minutes to cool down, it’s not growing legs and walking away!)

“Now about this...Mpreg- I suppose some men can get pregnant since they retain certain organs, however outside that circumstance I’m not seeing how pregnant men are a thing.”

“It’s a genre Antman!! As in like a literary thing. It started well the like Uhm modern version kinda started in the 80’s! But the really fun stuff came about when I was living- because- fuck I can’t really explain mpreg without also explaining the omega verse...” Wen contemplated how to explain the omega verse to a man that gets scared when other men flirt with him because he thinks it’s a trap...

“Ah, I know what omega verse is.” Beau raised a finger, leaning forward against the counter. “That’s the one where it’s based on that outdated theory about wolf pack social hierarchy! Mutton made me take this little quiz to tell me if I was an Alpha, beta, or omega. I’ve dabbled a little bit into the genre, it’s quite odd, but it’s also quite interesting depending on how the author takes it!”

....Beau knows what omega verse is. Which raises the thought that MUTTON knows what omegaverse, which seems so cursed to Wen. The sweet southern ram sinner reminds her a lot of those nice librarians who would let you check out an extra book.

“And uh which one did you get Antman?”

“I got omega, but I feel as though I would more so be a beta if we were going to ponder the little details.”

Wen nearly spits out her hot chocolate. Fuck, keep a serious face, don’t laugh at Beau not understanding those implications.

She doesn’t know what’s better, the fact Beau just accepts it in comparison to when Alastor stabbed her phone with a tentacle after she enlightened him to the world of Alastor/Vox omegaverse on archive of our omen or that he got omega on a shitty hellfeed quiz and just mildly disagrees with his results.

“Oh my Satan, you’re fuckin’ killing me antman, I’m dying, as we speak.” Wen wheezes, putting her head down.

“Oh, please don’t die.” Beau frowns, poking her ears with a clawed finger. “I would be very sad if you passed away dear.”

Wen bristles a little bit, feeling a little too gooey to have good relationships with people this morning. She bats at his hand. “Watch the ears mister, those are my cutest asset!”

“I would argue your personality is your most redeeming asset, but please continue, you’ve yet to enlighten me as to how this male procreation is possible.”

:two hours later (its 5 am, spirit is so sleepy)

“They...through the...what the fuck is wrong with your generation.” Wen nearly sip out the remainder of her drink.

Beau candidly cussing is always a treat, and she’s out done herself. He looks even worse than Mr. A did when she explained what ass baby stories were. The arachnid sinner opens his mouth, closes, opens, and then once again closes it.

“Snrk- your- pfttt your face- oh my jeeez- pffff haaa.” Wen buried her face in her hands, tail flickering with utter delight.

but tonight I will simply ask for emoalastor doodle.... I apologize in advance if my requests ever become annoying

oh my shelf I have a caine plushie. And in the lap of my caine plushie is a glittery Alastor Funko pop.

can you draw.... glittery Alastor squished between caines thighs....

Tried my best, also I baby girifed Caine.