#t:shows

You hear him before you see him. Jack is whistling "Mr. Brightside," one of his favorite songs ever. Comin' out of my cage and I've been doin' just fine, gotta gotta be down because I want it all. He emerges from the sliding doors, his camo backpack slung over one shoulder. His chipper attitude is the one thing you've smiled at since you woke up. 

It means all the more because you know he's tired and ready to go home, but wants to give you a good start to the day shift. You're reminded once again that you have the best husband in the world. 

"Dr. Unstoppable," Jack smiles crookedly, giving you a kiss and a coffee from the break room. "It's decaf, promise. Good morning."

It's a game the two of you play now: at shift change, he gives you a cute nickname and a cup of decaf, which he makes just for you as he does his final charting. Switching to decaf during your first trimester was maybe harder than all of medical school put together. 

"Good morning, sunshine," you say with as much enthusiasm as you can muster.

"You doing okay?" he asks, his voice lowering with concern. "You and baby?"

You instinctively rest your hand on the swell of your belly, now seven months along, rounded under your blissfully loose maternity scrubs. "Just tired, hon. You know how it is."

"Nah. I've never carried someone else around for an entire twelve-hour shift." He steps forward and presses the back of his fingers to your forehead. Satisfied with your temperature, he takes your pulse at your throat. 

"Jack—"

He quietens you with one serious look and lets his hand drop after a few seconds. 

"Little too fast for my liking. Sure you shouldn't come home with me?"

Robby's voice pipes up from somewhere behind you. "Who's going home?"

"No one," you sing before Jack can answer. You turn to see Robby putting away his headphones. "Morning, Robby."

You love working with Robby. Having him as your attending eased the difficulty of switching to an entirely different shift from your husband, and he's a great teacher. Where Jack is the decisive and creative rebel, Robby is the textbook and patient mentor. Getting to learn from both of them is a gift, one that you're eternally grateful for. 

You and Jack worked together for most of your time in the Pitt, first as an intern and then as a resident, even though Gloria threw fits about the HR implications all throughout your relationship. Jack never was a rule follower, and in his mind, you made it all worth it regardless. You got married and stayed on the night shift, never tiring of your firecracker attending physician.

As soon as you found out you were pregnant, Jack kindly but firmly insisted you switch with someone on day shift. Your OB-GYN, who Jack knew and trusted, recommended it, as well as working fewer shifts altogether. So you switched with Collins. And you simply pretend that you never overheard Jack on the phone with Robby, telling him to take care of you or else. 

The change was unexpectedly hard—having to recalibrate your Circadian rhythm for the first time in years, not to mention the bonkers pregnancy hormones. You spend your days off trying not to cling to Jack, forcing yourself to remember that he needs to sleep while the sun is up. But he stays awake as much as he can, and it makes your heart swell.

But the concerned look on his face now, lit up by the morning sun, is making your heart crack a bit. 

"Morning," Robby chimes, taking off his sunglasses. He nods to Jack. The two of them know each other so well that sometimes they don't even bother with words. "How's baby?"

"She was rolling around last night," you say with a groan. "Imagine trying to sleep with a rotisserie chicken in your torso."

Robby throws his head back and laughs. "I don't think I can." Seeing Jack's expression, Robby sobers and pats you on the shoulder in his friendly way. "You sure you're up for it today?"

You very pointedly do not look at Jack. Just last week, the two of you had an argument about you continuing to work full twelves multiple times per week. You love your job as much as Jack loves his, but he is increasingly worried. The hours took a toll on any person, so he could only imagine what it was like doing ER shifts with a first-time pregnancy.

And it kills him that you have to do it without him.

"I'll be okay, promise." You hold up the lunchbox Jack packed for you and finally dare to look at him. "I'll eat and keep my fluids up, Dr. Abbot."

Jack finally allows one side of his mouth to quirk up. You kiss his cheek, basking in the feel of the scruff on his face, and tell him to head home.

"Have a good day. See ya, Robby."

"Bye, Jack. I've got her, buddy."

It's only two o'clock and shit has, as they say, hit the fan.

A city bus crash in the mid-morning brought in a flurry of critical cases, so the trauma bays and chairs were completely full even earlier than normal. The bus collided with a minivan carrying a pregnant woman and her two kids, one of whom had a serious neck injury, and the trauma of it all sent the expecting mother into an early delivery. It was moving too quickly for her to get up to labor and delivery's floor, so the poor woman screamed in a bay while the crash victims sat in the hallways murmuring to one another.

Apparently, the windows completely blew out of one side of the bus, so almost everyone on board needed stitches, which took hours in and of itself. 

One of the better off crash victims, Marina, only needed stitches in her left arm. She lit up like a Christmas tree when she realized you were pregnant and interrogated you the entire time, in the well-meaning way of a young woman who's just gone through something very scary.

"When are you due?"

"December 29. I can't wait."

What does kicking feel like? Like there's an increasingly large fish trapped in a tank that is your stomach. Is this your first pregnancy? Yes. Is the father in the picture? Yes, he actually works here. Really? Oh, how sweet! Is he a doctor? Yes, he's also an ER doctor. Is it the older guy I saw out in the hall? No, that's Dr. Robby. But he's a very good man, too. He looks like it—if I may say so! I think that's the general consensus. Thanks, Dr. Abbot. Take care.

You discharge Marina after you promise her that you'll keep her name in mind as a contender for the baby. While you're showing an intern how to do a clean suture line on a different patient, a psych patient sprints down the hall with a (thankfully empty) bedpan. He spots the three of you in one of the central rooms and hurls it at the intern, who was just putting her tools back on the tray. The corner of the bedpan nails her in the temple, and she crumples to the floor.

"Robby! Mateo!" you shout. "I need a little help here! And for God's sake, somebody sedate Mr. Bryant!"

Once the intern is roused, assessed, and put in the on-call room with some apple juice and a prayer, you finally get to circle back to one of your pediatric cases. It was just a bad asthma attack, and the kid is now stable, waiting on his parents so he can be discharged.

"Hey, Dr. Abbot," he says cheerfully. "I finished my orange juice."

"Good job, sweetie. While we wait for mom and dad, can you repeat back to me what we talked about earlier? About how you're going to remember to keep your inhaler on you all the time?"

Looking accomplished but a little bashful, he begins to recall the tips you went over with him. You try to nod attentively but you feel strange.

The painted animals on the walls start to change colors a bit. They become pastel instead of their normal vibrant colors. When you blink, they don't go back to normal.

Your lungs don't fully expand when you breathe. The edges of your vision are darkening, like someone reaching around and cupping their hands by your eyes. It sounds like a machine somewhere is whining. I need to turn that off.

Your patient nods with finality, expecting you to congratulate him on his sharp memory, but you can't.

The door opens behind you. Distantly, you hear Dana say, "Dr. Abbot, mom and dad are finally here. Time to discharge this sweetie pie."

Thrilled, the kid jumps off the bed and follows Dana out.

When you stand up to leave, your entire field of vision flashes white and your legs buckle. You feel a twinge of fear, and then nothing else at all.

It's Robby's voice you hear first. "Dr. Abbot. Wake up for us, sweetheart!"

You want to open your eyes, to put him at ease, but the light is so unbearably bright. You feel multiple gloved hands: one holding your wrist, one rubbing your sternum vigorously. It hurts, and you finally know what it's like to be on the receiving end of a pain response assessment.

The confusion is almost worse than the headache and lightheadedness. You can feel a gurney beneath you. You're also freezing cold. And it seems like no matter how hard you try, you can't get your damn eyes to open.

Whoever's digging their knuckles into your sternum is doing a good job, because you finally groan and open your eyes a sliver. You hear Princess shout, "She's awake!" and a deep exhale from Robby. 

"Come on, Dr. Abbot," Mateo says. "Open those eyes for us. You're scaring the crap outta me."

You're earnestly trying to comply when Robby flashes his penlight into both your pupils, and you groan again, biting back a few swear words. "Pupils look good," Robby says.

"I—I get that a lot," you try to joke, but your voice sounds far away and reedy.

Robby chuckles, more for your benefit than any real amusement. "Mateo, you get ahold of Jack?"

"Yessir. He's on his way."

At that, you finally get your eyes open all the way, squinting at the seemingly full patient bay. You're surrounded by Princess—holding your wrist and saying something to herself in Tagalog—Robby, Mateo, your sweet little intern, and Dana, who is peeping in without straying too far from central, just in case she's needed. You hear Samira calling from another curtained-off bed, asking about you. 

Tears well in your eyes, unbidden. Of course you passed out on one of the most hectic day shifts in a long time. Robby sees the sheen in your eyes and tells Princess to go help Samira and for Mateo to go get a needle and an ultrasound machine. 

Terror hits you then. You splay your hands over your stomach, your breath coming out in short gasps. 

"Robby," you start to sob, and the tender look on his face makes you cry harder.

The intern shuffles out, pushed on her way by Dana, who gives you a caring smile.

"Shhh. We're gonna check everything out." Robby holds one of your hands. "If you'll let me, I'm gonna do an ultrasound while Mateo does a blood draw for a panel. That ok?"

Swallowing the rest of your sobs as well as you can, you nod, staring up at the ceiling to try to conquer your dizziness. You hear the ultrasound machine's squeaky wheels and Robby warns you about the cold gel, even though he knows you know.

You hate that you're too afraid to even look at the screen.

"There she is," Robby says, and you can hear the smile in his voice. You cover your eyes so he can't see the tears again. "Baby Abbot, happy as a clam. Heartbeat's good." He switches the machine off and wipes your stomach with a tissue while you blow your nose into another one.

"Thank God," you whimper, gripping Robby's forearm, just needing some comfort from another human being. He lets you.

"Where is she?" a familiar voice nearly shouts in central. You hear Dana using her very best customer service tone, the one that could calm even the rudest patient out in chairs.

Jack appears around the curtain, Dana and Mateo close at his heels, and you release a shuddering breath. Jack's jaw is clenched tight and his shoulders are locked.

"Sorry to wake you up, honey," you say weakly, absolutely refusing to cry any more. He rushes over to you and grabs your still-freezing-cold hand.

"Don't apologize," he rasps, biting his lip hard. He tucks a stray hair behind your ear. "You alright?"

You muster up a smile. "'Course I am. I'm Dr. Unstoppable."

Robby gestures to Mateo, who maneuvers around Jack with a needle in his hand. Mateo expertly finds a vein in your arm and takes a sufficient draw before Jack can even ask more questions.

"Baby's alright," Robby says, taking his gloves off and looking seriously at Jack. The former takes an iPad from Princess. "I'm ordering a rapid blood panel. If it's all the same to you, we're gonna put your gurney in the break room. It's quieter and you'll have privacy while you wait."

"And that'll free up this patient bay," you retort without any real venom. You know how it is in the Pitt, and you already feel horrible for inconveniencing all the staff during an already crazy day. "Thank you, Robby. And I'm so sorry."

"None of that," Robby says as he stands up. "My order is in. Now let's get you situated."

Without needing to speak, Jack and Mateo work together to push the gurney out toward the break room. You're certain you blush fiercely with all the staff and patients staring at you, but Jack has one hand on your shoulder, and it grounds you. The two men park you in the corner of the break room, the table moved to one side, and Mateo bows out with one of his sweet smiles. 

I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to—

"Sweetheart," Jack murmurs. The raw worry on his face snaps you in half. "What happened?"

He's met by gut-wrenching sobs that threaten to tear his heart out of his chest and out the window. You're crying so hard that it's difficult for you to catch your breath, and he presses your head into his chest, holding one of your cold hands so tightly he's afraid he might be hurting you.

"Talk to me, angel." He pulls up the bottom of his old army shirt—something he had yanked out of the dresser in a hurry, no doubt—and wipes your face with it, not caring how the fabric will look. You hiccup. 

"I don't know," you finally answer, shakily. "One minute I'm in pedes talking to an asthma case and the next, Robby is trying to fracture my sternum." You're joking, to ease the pain of it all, but Jack only runs a hand down your spine and nods. You look up into his hazel eyes. "Jack, I'm so glad you're here."

He holds your face in his hands and kisses your forehead. "That's right. I'm here." He steps over to take one of the wooden chairs from the table and places it as close to the gurney as he can. "The labs are going to take a couple of hours. I want you to sleep. I'll wake you in a bit to eat."

You frown. "I promise I meant to eat, Jack. Really."

"All the ER staff say that," he hums, but his usual cutthroat sarcasm doesn't have an edge. "I'm going to go find you a pillow and blanket." When he returns, he tucks you in earnestly and kisses you as gently as he can.

Ten minutes later, you're floating on the edge of sleep despite the muffled noise of the ER and the fluorescent lights. Jack has his chin propped on the gurney and is running his fingers through your hair so softly that you almost don't feel it. In the last moments before you drift off, you swear he's talking to himself.

"Gonna be okay, sweetheart. I swear it. My girls are gonna be alright."

After Jack feeds you your lunch and you take another long nap, Robby comes in with an iPad. The sound of the door wakes you, and Jack pulls out a chair for Robby.

"Alright, Dr. Abbot, Dr. Abbot," he says with a smirk, nodding at each of you. "I've got great news and bad news. Which do you want first?"

You say bad news at the exact same time that Jack says great news. You squeeze his hand. 

"I'll respect the lady's wishes. The bad news is you've got rather severe anemia. Not too uncommon in the second and third trimester with the increased blood volume, as I'm sure you both know." He spins the iPad around to show you your chart, ever the teaching doctor, even when he's not trying to be. 

"The great news," he says, looking at Jack specifically, "is that everything else is normal. I even consulted with McClellan from labor and delivery. She agrees with me. Recommends iron supplements, bed rest for a while, and a high-iron diet hereafter."

You and your husband still. Then, Jack seems to deflate, his head coming to rest on your thigh. You watch as his rigid hands curl out of their fists. You smile broadly and stroke your husband's back. "That's it? That's all?"

"That's all. The combined low iron, high stress, little sleep, and moving into the third trimester is what caused the fainting. Hopefully it won't happen again." Robby clutches the tablet to his chest. "And I'm sending you home for at least the rest of the week."

"Robby!"

"Doctor's orders," he shrugs. "Jack, I'm feeling inspired to work a double tonight and let Shen take tomorrow. Will you let me?"

Jack is quiet and you realize that his eyes are glistening with tears. "Thanks, man."

They shake hands, which turns into the one-armed hug you recognize from years of knowing them both. Robby even leans down and squeezes you tight. 

"Thank you so much, Robby. We love you." 

Robby races over to the door. "Don't get sappy. Get outta here." He opens the door and points at you. "Bed rest!"

"I hear you."

Robby waves and disappears. 

"Let's stop by the pharmacy for some iron and then head home," Jack says with finality. He briefly leaves and comes back with your bag from the locker room—he knows your code as well as his own. He throws your floral-pattered tote over his shoulder without a bit of irony, and it makes your heart lurch.

No complaining. No I told you so. No arguing. Just a gentle invitation.

You grin like an idiot as he helps you off the gurney. "I love you, Dr. Abbot."

He kisses the top of your head as he wraps an arm around your shoulders. "And I love you, Dr. Abbot. And our little one. So much."

"I won't tell anyone."

You pass Samira with a smile as she heads off to find something from the vending machine; it is lunchtime, after all, though most of you hardly eat anything across the twelve hour shifts, getting along with lukewarm coffee and stale crackers. 

You worked two doubles this week, meaning you just returned to the day shift today. Your internal clock is off and you miss Michael, miss having the same schedule as him. He jokes that he's too old to work the “godforsaken night shift.” After that quadruple-header you're starting to think that you are, too.

You're walking towards the computer Michael—Dr. Robby—is occupying, and as you get closer you realize your hunch is correct. 

His face is slightly flushed. His brown eyes, usually so soft and kind, are sharp and flashing. You look down to see his lean fingers clutching the poor computer mouse harder than is necessary.

He's horny. And you are the only one in this hectic emergency room who knows it. 

"Afternoon, honey," you say, so low that even Dana, who is laughing with Mateo, likely can't hear. "How are you?"

Michael tries to hide the fact that he's biting the inside of his cheek but fails. He clears his throat and looks steadfastly at the computer monitor. "I'm alright. Thanks for your help on that intubation. Think the kid's gonna be ok?"

The question surprises you. Usually, it's you asking him for probabilities, reassurance, anything to drive home the point that what you two do for a living is worth the effort. The fact that he's asking is another tell for his agitation. "Yeah, I do. I explained to his parents the next steps. Pedes is at the top of their game."

He nods and takes his glasses off. He places them next to the keyboard a touch too forcefully. You know his next move before he does it—he rubs his hands over his eyes and up into his soft, short hair.

The two of you aren't exactly a secret. Dana knew early on with her usual clairvoyance, especially in all things relating to Robby. Jack knows because Robby can't hide a single thing from him. Langdon knows because the three of you were in the trauma bay once, earnestly working on a patient, and Robby accidentally called you "sweetheart" in a tone way too sincere to be a joke. You know Samira and Dr. McKay suspect something. Everyone else thinks the two of you are only teasing, the attending and the senior resident, never anything serious.

But it is. Serious. And you seriously want to make Robby feel good, and wipe this agitation from his handsome face. 

"When's the last time you had a break?" you murmur, putting your iPad back into its charging station and resisting the urge to put your hand on his shoulder. His jacket would feel soft but taut with his shoulder rigid beneath it.

"Stopped for a cup of coffee when I came in this morning," he says. "Talked to Jack for a minute." His pitch goes up on the last syllable, sliding into the tone he uses when he wants to argue. 

"That was four and a half hours ago," you try not to smile. You don't want to encourage this reckless self-sacrifice, even though you both know it's what the ER requires. "We're fully staffed today. All the interns are doing well." You sit in the rolling chair right next to him and pretend that you don't notice him tense as you inch closer. "Take a break, Doctor."

He dares a glance at you out of the corner of his eye and you can see his ears going red. He coughs. "I'm good. I'm good," he says, and moves to get up.

Without thinking, you grab his wrist. It’s just now occurred to you that seeing his need has made your own rise to the fore. You can feel your own heat radiating in your scrubs. "Michael," you breathe.

"Robby!" Samira calls from a trauma bay, her usual singsong voice laced with concern. "Need some help here."

Michael's expression shutters and he becomes Dr. Robby, the teacher, the mentor that the whole department looks to for guidance. Including you. Especially you.

You quickly drop his wrist and he speeds off, finding a pair of gloves before you even exhale. You think about getting up to assist, but if Samira only called for Robby and wasn't yelling, it isn't that serious. 

"Hey, hon," Dana says, suddenly in front of you, leaning over the counter. "Finally recovered from your double-double?"

"For the most part," you answer. You stretch your arms behind your head, wanting to do anything to burn off this newfound energy. "How was your weekend?"

"Oh, it was good. Hubby took me to the Steelers game. Don't like sitting out in the cold but I do like the popcorn. They're good this year, thank Christ." She leans close. "You and Robby do anything special?"

"I haven't really seen him," you huff. "Like ships in the night."

"Forbidden hospital love," she groans mockingly. "Torn apart by understaffing and the demands of the public. It's horrible." Her accent makes you laugh. 

Your smart watch buzzes. Dana turns as Princess asks her something about a chart. 

It's a text from Michael. 

Family bathroom down the hall in 5

You swallow hard, involuntarily, and pull at the v-neck of your scrubs to get some air to your skin. Looking up, you see him across central again, going over a print from radiology with an intern. You hadn't even seen him leave the trauma bay. But that's Dr. Robby for you—never still, always available with a smartass comment and a good idea. 

Maybe dating coworkers isn’t a good idea, especially in a job like this. But God, does he look hot doing his job. And you get to see it every day. 

After checking on your patients one more time—one was just slowly finishing their IV bag and the two others were stable, waiting for an OR—you go to the break room to pull your hair back and drink some water.

You laugh at yourself in the mirror of the staff bathroom, thinking how you're treating bathroom sex with your boss-slash-boyfriend like a pickup basketball game.

"Put me in, coach," you say to your reflection, laughing all over again. 

You practically leap across the hall and into the family bathroom, which is a single room large enough for a wall-mount changing table and wheelchair use. And it has a nice, sturdy lock. 

Two minutes later, you hear the tap-taptap-tap on the door that you know is Michael's signal. You're unaccountably nervous and have to steady your hands on the handle.

"Baby," he moans as soon as he steps inside. The door is locked and his hands are holding your jaw before you can respond. "My baby girl."

He kisses you so hard that you feel his teeth pressing against your lips, deliciously painful, and you have to grip his hoodie to keep from melting to the floor.

When he finally comes up for air, you let out a breath, shaky with delight: he put his glasses back on before he came in.

"You know you're so fucking hot in those," you groan, leaning forward to roll his bottom lip between your teeth. He chases your mouth with his and laughs. 

"What? My New Balances? These Carhartt pants?" His lips travel down to nip at where your pulse is pounding in your throat. It takes a great deal of self-discipline for you not to squeal. 

"You know what I'm talking about," you whine, pulling back a bit so you can really look at him. The way his glasses frame his doe eyes drives you crazy, and he knows it. He smirks.

"Yeah, I do," he says. Warm hands slide up under your scrub top and the white cami you're wearing underneath. His fingers, callused from thousands of incisions, lift your bra and run over your nipples. Your sharp gasp bounces off the tiled walls as he pins you to one of them. "You think I look hot in these, huh? And you want me?"

You have to wet your tongue before you can speak again. "Yes, Dr. Robby," you respond, knowing that title does almost as much to him as the glasses do to you. "I want you so bad."

With a grunt he divests you of both your shirts and your bra in nearly one fell swoop. He leans down so he can lick and bite each breast while his thumbs stroke your sides. His movements and the coolness of the bathroom make you shiver.

"You cold, baby?"

"N-no," you stutter. Seeing him, still fully clothed, in the mirror behind him as he worships your naked torso makes you shake again. He chuckles and shakes his head.

"You're such a bad liar. Good thing poker's not your game."

"What is my game, Dr. Robby?" You moan against your will as one of his big hands starts to paw over the seam of your scrubs where your legs meet. 

"Driving me up the wall," he says, forcing your thighs apart just a bit. Your boss, the hottest man in this hospital, gets down on one knee and presses a kiss to your stomach. "Doing doubles with Jack while I have to sleep in our bed alone."

"They n-needed me," you whisper. You clamp your hand over your mouth as he slowly drags your waistband down along with your lacy panties. He whistles low—he knows you wore them just for him. 

"No," he says sternly. "I do."

He kisses the exposed skin, right in front of the crease where your pretty pussy starts, and you say Michael in a way that makes his eyes flutter. He surges forward to lick a strip from the front back to your entrance, and you could cry from the sensation.

Michael's long nose parts your folds in a way that is completely obscene, and your whole body flushes at the sounds he's making. He's apparently forgotten that you're both just down the hall from the central hub of his department. 

"Been waiting for this," he says, and before you can reply, he sucks hard on your clit. You have to bite your fist, ignoring your doctor brain telling you that you’ll break the skin.

Michael hooks one of your knees over his shoulder and alternates sucking and swirling his tongue. You steady yourself with your hand in his hair, trying not to think about how he runs his own hands through it when he's frustrated. 

You alternate watching his gorgeous face venerating your cunt and gazing at the reflection of the two of you in the mirror. It's like a painting: your leg dangling over his back and your entire body flush and glistening with sweat already. 

"Looking at yourself, pretty girl?" He pauses to kiss your thigh and look up into your eyes. You reach down to rub your thumb over his cheek and he puts it in his mouth. 

"You're incredible," you gasp, seemingly unable to catch your breath in the small space.

He lets your thumb go with a pop and hooks both his hands around your thighs. "Put your other leg down and cum for me."

You place both feet on the floor and let him spread you wider. He suddenly curls two fingers into you and flattens his tongue on your clit. The wet sounds you’re emitting have your skin burning all over, and Michael knows it. You swear you can see him smiling into you.

"I'm so close, Dr. Robby," you pant, and he groans into your pussy at his own title. His long, practiced fingers; his beard rasping over your thighs and clit; the way his eyes look up at you earnestly through those damn glasses—it's all too much.

"Fuck, Michael!" you nearly shout as the wave crashes over you. The telltale thrill runs over your scalp and you see splashes of color behind your eyelids as Michael guides you through your orgasm, slowing his fingers and giving languid licks. He puts his digits in his mouth and sucks them clean, never breaking eye contact. "Michael, honey. Oh..."

"You taste so good, angel." He stands and kisses you softly. You can taste yourself, and you roll your tongue over his, just the way he likes it. He tucks his arms behind you to help you steady yourself while he kisses you like it’s his last day on Earth.

As you run your hands up to his shoulders, you remember that he's still fully clothed. You look down and can see the hard outline of his cock.

"Will you let me suck you off, Dr. Robby?" You take his arms and spin him so that his back is to the wall. He watches you intently as you fold your discarded scrubs, making a pad for your knees instead of the hard gray tile. You can practically hear Michael smirk. 

"I knew that ponytail had a purpose," he hums, not moving. He expects you to undress him—he knows you too well.

"Shut up," you laugh, still a little woozy from your orgasm. You unzip his jacket and put it on yourself, wanting both the warmth and his divine smell. Michael's eyes drift as the two sides of the zipper rest over the swells of your breasts, and he licks his lips like an animal. 

It’s your turn to kneel. You're surprisingly impatient as you clutch at his zipper, needing to taste him and not caring much about the rest of his clothes. His dick is thick and the perfect length—you don't think you'll ever get tired of marveling at it. When you finally release it from those stupid Carhartt pants, you kiss his leaking tip with devotion. Michael hisses. 

"You tease." He grinds his teeth. He runs his hand over your hair, not quite willing to mess your sleek ponytail up just yet. You circle your lips around the head and hum in smug agreement; he groans.

You trace a long line from the base to the tip with your tongue. "This is what you needed, isn't it, honey?" You make a fist and pump him once, twice, three times. "I knew as soon as I came back from the OR. Knew that Dr. Robby needed his dick sucked."

"Well, well, aren't you the observant one?" He settles his palm under your chin as you take him back in your mouth, fully this time. "Can't believe everyone can't tell how bad I need you, baby. Don't you ever ditch me for Jack Abbot again."

You hollow your cheeks and bob your head a few times, wondering whether to dignify his jealousy with a response. You decide to use it to your advantage. "But I like the night shift. Especially Jack. He's smart and funny and—"

Michael presses his fingers inward, forcing your jaw open, and shoves his cock in with a grunt. You expected this, but your eyes still water a bit. You grasp the base of his thickness as well as you can and are anticipating his question before he asks.

"Will you let me fuck your throat, baby?"

You tap the outside of his thigh twice. Yes.

That's all the permission he needs.

He buries one hand into your roots and the other grasps your ponytail firmly. He begins to insistently rock his hips in time with your little whimpers and he can feel your nails digging crescent moons into his thighs.

For Michael, it's not about speed, or making you gag. He's mostly gentle. It's about your hot, wet tongue, and getting to see his big dick all the way in your pretty little mouth. It's about getting to tell you how good you're taking him and feeling you hum with pleasure. It’s about you taking care of him in a way that no one else can.

"Your mouth is perfect," he says, more to himself than to you. "You're perfect."

You reach up to cradle his balls and he nearly chokes. His thrusts become erratic and you can feel spit and precum running down your chin, onto your neck. 

"Such a mess for me," he growls, yanking your hair back to look you in the eye—through those glasses, of course. "Only I get to see you like this, yeah?" 

You nod as well as you can. Your lips touch the base of him a few more times before you feel him start to twitch. You push yourself off of him and continue pumping him with one tight fist.

“Cum in my mouth, Dr. Robby,” you say, trying to catch your breath. “I wanna taste you.”

His face contorts with the nearly unbearable pleasure of it all. You put your mouth on his tip and suck hard, with your hands rubbing him gently at the base.

Holy shit. You want him to watch his dick pump cum into your mouth. He tries to think of something clever to say, but it seems that he’s completely lost the ability to speak as he watches you close your eyes, savoring the taste of him. 

With a lot of effort, he’s able to whimper, “Baby, I’m gonna cum.”

You look at him through your darling lashes and he is utterly undone. He mumbles a string of obscenities and resists the urge to buck his hips so that he can still watch his own cock as he cums down your throat. “Take it all, sweetheart. You’re doing so good.”

He stares, mesmerized, as you swallow every last drop, still running your thumb down the underside of his length. When you finally come up for air, Michael is seeing stars, and his exhausted expression makes you grin with pride. You notice his hair is still spiky from where you grabbed it earlier. 

You put Michael’s pants back in order while he takes several deep breaths, all the while looking at you like you hung the moon.

Just as you’re about to kiss him again, his work cell phone rings, causing the two of you to leap apart. It’s then that you realize you’re still totally naked except for your tennis shoes and Michael’s jacket. Before you can pick up your scrubs, Michael is hugging you to him, your bare skin pressed against his warm clothes.

“Dr. Robby?” It’s Dana’s voice on the line. 

“Yes ma’am?” He’s rubbing circles over your spine, under the jacket. You remember that you promised to teach one of the students how to do a spinal tap this afternoon and sigh.

“Where the hell are you? It’s bedlam out here. We need ya.”

He presses a soft, quiet kiss to your cheekbone and sighs far enough away from the phone that his incredible charge nurse can’t hear. “Be right there.”

“Mm-hmm,” Dana hums. Darkly. Knowingly. And then she hangs up.

“Thank you for that, sweetheart,” he says, kissing your plump lips one last time. He reaches into the pocket of his jacket and pulls out a travel-sized mouthwash bottle. He takes a shot of his own then hands it to you.

“Always the prepared one,” you cackle, and he winks, swishing for a minute before he spits it out in the sink. You give him back his jacket and take a shot of the blue liquid.

“We will finish this at home.” He zips his jacket up halfway and hands you your scrubs. “Back to work, Doctor.”

“Mom would never do that to Dad,” Nate huffs. “She wouldn’t.” Maybe he’s trying to convince himself more than his little brother. He’s not even sure that he believes in Santa anymore. But he certainly doesn’t believe someone as cool as Santa would do something like that.

Noah is talking a mile a minute, the way his dad does sometimes. “I know I wasn’t supposed to go downstairs but I just wanted some water and I didn’t wanna wake up Mommy. I thought I heard somebody talking in the living room so I had to stick my head in on the way to the kitchen.” Noah’s chin starts to wobble. “And there he was!”

“Did you get a good look at him?” Nate asks, trying to head off the five-year-old’s tears.

“His back was turned toward me but he had a red shirt on. And the hat!” He wails in response, and Nate shushes him harshly.

“Go to sleep. I’m sure they weren’t actually kissing,” Nate whispers.

“Can I stay with you?” The question is an afterthought. Noah’s already tucked up under the covers and his little slippers fell to the floor when he climbed in.

Nate sighs. “Fine. You baby.”

The little boy with the auburn-tinted curls ignores this slight and is fast asleep within minutes. Nate stares at the ceiling for a while, watching the headlights from cars dance across the plaster, and thinks.

Downstairs, Jack has you pinned to the couch, and his stubble is especially scratchy where he let it grow out. It’s bitterly cold outside and he told you he wanted to really lean into the whole Santa thing, especially now that his curls are fully gray. He’s tracing his lips across the side of your neck and pressing his knee up between your legs.

The two of you just stuffed the boys’ stockings with candy and trading cards and everything else boys their age could want. (Jack has always said you spoil them, but he’s in charge of the stockings, and that’s when the truth comes out.) You added the few presents that are from Santa specifically and were about to make your retreat.

Then Jack had tempted you onto the couch.

“Jack, we need to go back to bed,” you hiss, but he bites lightly at your pulse point, and you gasp. “You’re so evil.”

“But I’m Santa and this is how I’m choosing to enjoy Christmas,” he hums, coming up to bite your earlobe. Heathen. 

“You stole the hat from the holiday party bin at the hospital and you’re wearing a red shirt and gray sweatpants.”

Jack chuckles into your collarbone and wraps his arms around your back so he can squeeze you to him. His casual strength will never cease to surprise you, you don’t think. “You love me in gray sweatpants.”

“You’re going to wake up the boys,” you giggle.

“They’ll think I’m Santa Claus. Let me show you what a good girl you’ve been this year.”

You hear a rustle in the direction of the staircase in the hall. It’s the sound that the string of garland makes when it scratches against the wood. With your heart in your throat, you push Jack back, and he lets out a little frustrated grunt. When you can finally see beyond your husband’s shoulder, you realize with horror that staring back at you is Nate, in the doorway to the living room.

Jack, his hair a little wild, finally turns and sees his older son standing there.

“Hey, baby,” you say cautiously.

He’s grown so much that his Spider-Man pajamas are a tad too short for his legs. He’s in the middle of a spurt at nine years old and is going to have the build of his dad. Right now, his wide eyes remind you so much of Jack’s that your heart twists.

“Mom?” He’s looking between the two of you curiously. He takes one step into the room, his plush Spider-Man slippers sliding across the hardwood. You can practically see the pieces fall together in his head

“What is it, baby?” You hold open your arms and your not-so-little boy runs around the couch, dodging Jack’s wheelchair, and up into your lap. He burrows his head into your shoulder and you and Jack share a very serious look.

“Santa doesn’t exist, does he?”

His voice is so small against your shirt that you almost don’t hear him. But you do. And it makes you realize how much your baby boy has grown up. Jack looks ready to make up some excuse, but you cut in.

“No, sweetheart. I knew you were going to figure it out pretty soon.” You brush some of his curls back and kiss him on the temple. “You’re so smart.”

“Jackson and I were talking about it at school and it just didn’t make any sense,” he says, perking up with new enthusiasm. “All the houses in the world in one night? And now Noah thinks you were kissing Santa instead of Dad.” 

You raise your eyebrows. “Huh?”

“He came down to get some water and saw you.” Nate eyes the hat still on Jack’s head and giggles. “He thinks Dad was Santa.”

Luckily both you and Jack are very practiced in the parental art of not meeting each other’s eyes when the kids say something hilarious, because otherwise, you would be howling with laughter. Jack takes Nate from your arms and tickles him.

“I am Santa. I have been all along!”

“That’s true,” you hum, while you look between your husband and your son, remembering when he was a toddler and never wanted to leave Jack’s hold. “We’ll break the news to him after Christmas is over so he doesn’t think I’m being mean to Dad. You could never keep a secret from him, Nate.”

Nate squints at you but his ears are turning pink—he knows you’re right. He dotes on his little brother and the Santa secret would eat him up inside.

After some hot chocolate (following a good ten minutes of pleading), Nate finally calms down enough to fall asleep, and you tuck him in some blankets on the couch. Jack hops from the cushions and into his wheelchair. You follow him down the hall and help him into bed, even though he insists he doesn’t need you to pull the covers back. It’s not about needing the help, you tell him.

“Merry Christmas, Santa Claus,” you whisper once the two of you are snuggled in. “I love you.”

“Can I get an additional gift this year? I’ve been so good.” He returns to nipping at the supple skin under your ear.

You roll your eyes, even though in the dark he can’t see it, and scoff. “Fine, fine.”

When you’re at home, in the bed you share, talking him through it and telling him how much you need him. Your hands are so perfect, made just for his body, it seems. It’s just the two of you and the comfort of the space you belong in together, and yet you can still see the red going down his neck and into his delightfully freckled shoulders. You press kisses to his heated skin and he pants with love for the one and only person who undoes him like this. You lean in to whisper to him that he looks so handsome when he’s turning pink.

But most torturous of all is when he’s in the Pitt, trying earnestly to work—and seemingly the only person doing so—while all of his interns and residents and nurses and even some of the EMTs rally together to harass him. Robby’s in a good mood, he must have gotten some last night. Dr. Robby must be going out with lover girl later, that’s why he’s rushing us at handoffs. Robby must have more to him than we thought for such a good catch, huh? Before he throws down a clipboard and shatters it into a million pieces, he has to flee to the breakroom and call you.

You’ll never forget him, I assure you, Michael had said to you ages ago. No kidding.

When the Penguins play, you leave Michael behind and go on your “play dates with Jack,” as Michael teasingly calls them. Michael’s not really jealous; he knows you both too well. You always come back home in a couple of hours, slightly drunk and jaw hurting from talking and laughing. You know that even though Michael ribs you both about it, it means the world to him that you get along.

You and Jack never go to the actual games—just the sports bar. Jack’s complained before that he could get you both good seats to just be at the rink itself, but you countered by saying you won’t let him pay that much money for you both just to watch hockey. The TV at the bar is so large that you practically feel like you’re on the ice yourself. He scoffed and parried by saying that Robby could buy your ticket. You struck back by saying that you wouldn’t let Michael pay that much money for hockey either. 

So Jack compromises by taking you to the bar and buying all the drinks. The few times you've gotten out your debit card, he’s swatted your hand away. “Sugar, you’re a government employee. That salary is public information. And I’m reliably informed that I should be paying.”

Tonight, you’re tipsy as you watch the final period—the Penguins are up by four against the Flyers—but Jack now stares at you across the short distance of the small, sticky vinyl table, suddenly stone cold sober. “I’m serious,” he hisses, even as you set down your empty can and cross your arms. 

“And so am I!” you laugh, just drunk enough to not get agitated. “We just had our third anniversary in the fall. So technically, we’re looking at three and a half years. I’ve made it very clear that I want to get married. It’s time to take matters into my own hands.”

“But you can’t,” he whines in that desperate voice he uses for special occasions. You’ve only heard it a handful of times, usually when Jack is exhausted and wants someone to cover a twelve-hour shift for him. It surprises you that he’s wielding it now.

“You’re being annoying,” you suck your teeth without any real aggression. “You guys are just old-fashioned. Women do sometimes propose to men, you know.”

“Give me one example from people you actually know.” His hazel eyes narrow.

You open and close your mouth several times. It’s not often that you’re actually speechless. Like an idiot, you think of Adam, who is a gay man. Not the right category for this. Your direct supervisor proposed to her wife. Damn, also not a relevant example. The rest of your married friends had traditional engagements: big diamonds, dazzling locations, nice pictures to post as a carousel on Instagram. If you tried to explain that last part to Jack, his eyes would probably glaze over.

“Look,” you persist, changing the subject. “We live in a very different world, even compared to ten years ago. If I want to marry Michael, I should be able to take him out on a date and ask him. Right?” Your confidence begins to crack. This had seemed like such a good idea when you thought of it two weeks ago, and you drummed up the courage to confide in Jack about halfway through your second beer.

“No,” Jack drawls, stretching out the vowel.

“Do you think he’d say no?” Tears spring into your eyes unbidden. Jack sighs and puts his hand overtop of yours where it rests on the table. His gaze is softer now.

“It’s not that, silly. It’s the principle of the matter.”

“Fuck the principle!”

“Fuck the principle!” he mimics you, his voice artificially high. You kick him under the table and he grunts even though you only manage to nail his prosthesis; it hurts you more than it hurts him. “Robby would hate to miss out on the opportunity to propose to you. The… convention of it has meaning. Whether you want to admit it or not.” He squeezes your hand to take the sting out of his point.

The bar explodes with sound as the Penguins score another goal, and the two of you table this argument while you high-five strangers—and the bartender, who gives you both another beer, this time on the house. You thank him and crack it open. The hockey game is morphing into a blowout, and it’s a Saturday night. No point in turning down a freebie.

When things quieten a bit, you ask, “Then why hasn’t he asked yet?”

Jack looks a bit stricken. “I dunno. God knows he’s not getting any younger. If I was him I would’ve already snatched you up.” You know he’s joking, but you still kick him again.

“Sleaze!”

“Prude.”

“You would be unbelievably lucky.” You wink and then sigh. “You really think I shouldn’t do it?”

“Sweetheart, it’s your relationship, not mine. I’m just guessing what Robby would want.”

“Yes, as his best friend of many years. Even though you refuse to call each other that.”

He shrugs humbly, his eyes still a little mischievous. “Yeah.”

You let the conversation move on even though it continues to gnaw at you. Jack keeps giving you sideways looks, but you just smile and nudge his elbow, trying to prove you’re still having fun. The game finally ends and all of the loyal fans in the bar whoop and holler their triumph.

“Let’s call an Uber,” Jack says, looping your arm with his so he doesn’t lose you in the pressing crowd. He points down at his prosthesis and adds, “Don’t know if my leg is up to the walk to your love shack out in the ‘burbs.” The suburbs, to him, being the Upper Hill district where you and Michael share a walk-up.

You nod, not particularly interested in a long, drunken stroll through the slightly chilly April night.

The Uber driver is blissfully non-conversant, and Jack drums his fingers on his knees to the beat of the classic rock playing through the slightly staticky speakers. You worry your lip with your teeth and press your temple to the cold window.

Jack’s position on all this has rattled you.

Michael means the absolute world to you. He’s not the first person you’ve ever dated, but he’s certainly the first one you are confident you would want to marry. He’s caring and intelligent and funny without being mean. He supports your career and never looks down on you for who your clients are or the mere fact that you’re not a doctor. (Not everyone at PTMC is so magnanimous—something you’re aware of from attending three holiday parties in a row. Some of the surgeons still look at you like gum on the bottom of their shoes.)

He still lets you try all the beers he orders first so that you get the foam. He lets you take bites from his food so you never regret not ordering something from the menu. And even after all this time, he makes space for you in his chaotic life, making plans and assuring you that it’s a date.

The two of you have talked about getting married before. His parents’ relationship still makes him a little skittish regarding forevers. But in your defense, he was the first one to bring it up.

It was your first anniversary, and the two of you were back at Sienna Mercato, this time sitting up on the beer garden level. Michael had been tipsy and you made a joke you don’t even remember—something self-deprecating about public defender pay, probably. What you do remember is his answer.

“Yeah, well, you won’t worry about that at all when you’re my wife,” he grinned, his cheeks slightly flushed from the beer and the cold of October. Before you could think of what to say, he had taken another sip and moved on to some other topic. 

Since then, you’ve talked about what you both want out of life. Kids, probably. A house. No real interest in moving out into the suburbs—the heart of Pittsburgh is home. You both would love a dog, but neither of you are home enough. And you both want to get married, though you certainly talk about it more than he does.

You instinctively know he wouldn’t want a big wedding. He would be delighted with an elopement and a honeymoon up in some cabin in Maine. But you also know that he loves you and wants what you want. 

You want a meaningful celebration, no matter the number of people. Your family and coworkers and friends mingling with all of his. It would be about the two of you and your lives thus far, not about the decorations or the venue or your dress or the rings. You would make it so personal that Michael would love it—and a private Pinterest board exists to make that happen.

You look over at Jack in the back seat with you. He’s shooting side glances at you while staunchly pretending that he’s not, which is as endearing as it is irritating. Jack is right: Michael isn’t getting any younger, and frankly neither are you, which is part of the reason you’re anxious. Because what on earth could he be waiting for?

One of the few big fights you’ve had in your relationship was sparked by Michael’s deep-seated fear that he will ruin your life. His age, his struggles with his mental health, his personality. In his worst moments, it all bubbles up, and you have to convince him you love him just as he is. And that you want to stay with him for as long as he’ll have you.

Which is why you’re tempted to do things yourself. Because you’re a go-getter—it’s what makes you a good lawyer. And you’re nervous that Michael’s anxiety might stall him forever.

“Hey, buttercup.” Jack’s shaking your shoulder. You swivel your head, zoning back into reality. “Home.”

Jack always takes you home first, whether you’re walking or driving, just to make sure you’re safe. You unbuckle your seatbelt and hug him. You usually don’t, but this time you say, “Love you, buddy.”

He blinks, and even just in the glow of the streetlamps outside, you can see his surprise. “Love you too, LJ.” His goofy shortening of Lady Justice. “Tell the old man I said hello.”

The night is cold, but you don’t feel it much as you jog into your building and up the stairs. You put your key into the deadbolt as quietly as you can and push open the door, allowing a triangle of light from the hall to cast itself across the living room.

With the combination of your and Michael’s home libraries, the room always looks like a scholarly bomb went off: law and medical journals; novels; thick biographies; Michael’s various and sundry pairs of reading glasses. Tonight is no different. 

It’s clear that he tried to wait up for you. The dim lamp on the side table is on. He’s lying on the couch, an open book spread across his chest, and he’s snoring mildly. His glasses are discarded on the coffee table, teetering on the edge as though he barely remembered to take them off. 

You feel warm all over. He’s in black sweatpants and a gray hoodie that’s probably twenty years old, but you don’t care. You love to look at him. Sometimes it’s physically painful how much you love him, and with a pang, you wonder if he aches when he looks at you. Because that’s how you feel most of the time, even when you’re arguing. Like you’re back at the Allegheny Coffee & Tea Exchange seeing him for the first—and then second—time. 

You set your bag down and step out of your sneakers as the door closes, shutting out the light from the hall. Then you perch on the very edge of the sofa, placing your hand on his tummy, and just feel him breathe for a couple of minutes. In, out, in, out. That rhythm you know so well from many nights with your ear to his chest. At last, you murmur, “Michael, wake up.”

He groans but doesn’t open his eyes. You repeat yourself and he says, “Baby?”

“Come to bed. Your back will hurt.”

He peeks one eye open and grins tiredly. “You calling me old?”

“I’m telling you I love you.” His nose is cold when you lean down to kiss it. “And I don’t want to hear you complaining tomorrow.”

“Alright, alright.” He sits up and puts his arms around your waist. He kisses you softly and pulls a face afterward. “You taste like beer.”

“You’re just jealous.” 

“Yeah. I’d still give you my foam, though.” He smiles weakly—the low light from the lamp enhances his smile lines. You lean forward to kiss him there, just to the side of his mouth, which makes him grin wider. “You have fun?”

You pull him up to standing. “Yeah. Penguins won.”

He tosses his book somewhere on the coffee table and follows you to your bedroom. While you get ready for bed, he snuggles under the covers and is already on the verge of sleep when you climb in with him, right into his arms.

He mumbles, “I love you so much. Even though you go on dates with my best friend.”

Before you can retort, he’s out cold.

Brother, we got a situation.

Michael lifts an eyebrow at the text. He reacts to the message with a question mark while Jack’s typing bubble is still going.

Jack adds, Operation Cosmo might be a bust.

His heart stops. Operation Cosmo might be a bust?

His hands are nearly shaking as he types his reply. She’s in the shower. Call me now.

His phone lights up with a picture of him and Jack, wrapped up in winter gear, at a snowy Steelers game. Michael answers on the first ring. “Jack,” he says, surprised at the panic in his own voice.

“Hey, man,” Jack’s voice is its normal gruff timbre. “I got some insider info.”

Michael’s legs suddenly feel numb. Are you planning on breaking up with him? Did you find something out about his plans? Who could have possibly told you? Did Jack let something slip while the two of you were at the bar last night? He’s going to kill Jack Abbot—

“Sugar bear told me last night that she wants to propose to you.”

Michael’s hand pauses midway through being frantically shoved through his hair. That sentence is so off-script that he can only reply, “Huh?”

“We were at the bar and she said, ‘It’s time to take matters into my own hands.’”

Michael would laugh if he wasn’t so shaken. “Was she drunk?”

“Not drunk enough. She was being serious. She said you’ve been together long enough and she wants to marry you, so she might as well be the one to ask.” Jack sounds like he’s trying not to chuckle.

The sweetness of the sentiment calms Michael quite a bit, even as he sinks to sit on the floor, his back sliding down the living room wall. “She’s so—so—”

“Infuriating? Silly?” Jack prods.

“Perfect,” Michael says breathlessly. His cheeks are starting to ache from smiling. “Of course my little firecracker would try something like that.”

“Focus, Robby,” Jack spits back. “We gotta save the plan. Any way we can move it up?”

Operation Cosmo is a top-secret operation thus far privy only to Michael and Jack, which includes Michael proposing to you two weekends from now in Schenley Park with a party at the Exchange in the evening. That’s when the flora at Schenley Park will be at its peak, and he’s had the Exchange booked for two months. And you, his beautiful, confident, hopeless romantic girlfriend, might just ruin it by accident.

Michael holds the phone away from his ear for a second to make sure that the shower is still running. He can hear the pipes humming and breathes a sigh of relief. “Can’t move it up. That’s the only night enough baristas were available to keep the Exchange open into the evening.”

“What if we ditch the Exchange?”

“The Exchange is what makes it special to us. And the photographer for the park is booked already. He owes me a favor.”

Jack huffs. “Shit.”

“We just need to stall,” Michael says with more confidence than he feels.

“For two weeks? You know her. She’ll have everything to go for her proposal a week from now.”

“I guess it’s a risk we’ll have to take.” He hears the water shut off and rubs his jaw. “Thanks for the intel.”

“Good luck, man.”

Adam stares at you across your desk with his eyebrows nearly touching his hairline. “You are a piece of work.”

“You love me,” you tsk at your favorite coworker. It’s Friday, the work day is over, and the two of you are chatting in your office with the door closed, just in case any nosy stragglers are about. Your desktop monitor is still glaring the image of an abandoned Word document.

Adam just listened to your full spiel on why you’re going to propose to Michael. And he is not looking terribly impressed.

You fiddle nervously with the ring on your desk, which Adam has just set back down, having taken it from you to examine. It’s a midsize silver band with a stripe of dark blue in the middle, because Michael adores the color blue. Half of his closet is just varying shades of it.

You had ordered a cheap ring sizer off the Internet and measured Michael’s finger while he slept. Which was easy, since nowadays he sleeps like he’s in a coma.

You spent your lunch break today picking the ring up. A week ago, at the jewelry store, you presented your dilemma to the jeweler your supervisor recommended—she had used them for her wedding—and asked him to help you choose an engagement ring for your boyfriend. Thankfully, without much judgment, he had done just as you asked, and you were very pleased with the result.

“He can wear it on his left hand for now and switch it to his right when he gets his wedding band,” the jeweler had said encouragingly.

If we get to that stage, you thought darkly. But externally you thanked him and took the little gray box back to work with you.

“And when precisely are you going to pull this little stunt?” Adam pries.

“Michael and I are going to Schenley Park tomorrow. We haven’t been in ages, the weather is going to be beautiful, and he asked me to go, so hopefully he’s none the wiser. I figure it’ll be perfect.” You grin, pleased with yourself. 

“It’s a nice ring,” Adam says placatingly. “But are you sure about this?”

You fist your hands in your hair and groan. “You and Jack are driving me nuts!”

“You just want me to agree because none of your girlfriends are supporting this move.”

You drop your arms onto your desk, stunned. “How did you know that?”

“I’m not an idiot. You forget that I taught you how to be a lawyer.”

You sputter for just a second before snapping, “And I’m the one who taught you how to be cool.”

He smirks and rolls his eyes. “Alright, nevermind. Who am I to judge?”

“You harshly judge everyone every single day of your life.”

Adam shrugs. “Yet nobody listens to good advice.” He pauses for a moment before saying, slightly quieter, “I just wonder if you’re doing this because you want to or because you’re scared.”

You lean back in your chair and consider which of your desk items you’d like to throw at him, but all of them are too heavy to launch at a friend. Even an annoying one. “I don’t know what you mean,” you deflect.

“Yes, you do,” Adam retorts, but not meanly, while standing up. “Hubby made dinner. I gotta go.” He leans over your desk to ruffle your hair, even as you try to shy away. 

“Have a good weekend, Ad.” You stick your tongue out and use the nickname he pretends to hate.

His eyes narrow queerly. “You, too.”

Adam disappears down the hall and leaves you to the quiet of your office, completely silent save the hum of the fluorescent lights. You roll the cold metal of the ring between your fingers.

You hate when Adam makes good points.

It’s not always clear whether you do things out of desire or because you want to preempt fear. In your career, bold moves tend to pay off. Ever since law school, that can-do attitude has served you well. It’s a difficult attitude to alter.

After a few minutes, you flatten your hand on your desk, with the ring trapped underneath. It’s pressing so hard into your palm that it’ll leave a circle of red. You stare at the wall, where Isabelle Jameson’s crude drawing of a rainbow is still proudly displayed, among your diplomas and certificates in their frames.

“I wonder,” you say to no one.

Michael jumps when he sees Adam’s contact flash across the screen. He’s in the kitchen, making you both homemade lasagna, and nearly drops his phone onto the tile in his rush to answer. 

“Is everything okay?” he shouts instead of hello. 

Adam has only called him one other time: a year ago, when you were sick as a dog at work and stubbornly refused to go home. Adam had ignored your protests and called in the big guns—also known as your extremely qualified emergency medicine doctor boyfriend. 

They almost never text, either. Michael texted Adam two weeks ago to invite him to your surprise engagement party at the Exchange, but the history before that is sparse. Other than random medical questions (“How many steps could a victim take after they were stabbed in the femoral artery?” being a notable example), they only ever really talk about you.

Michael likes Adam, and Adam likes him, but the overlap in their interests pretty much begins and ends with the woman who keeps them both on their toes.

“Hey, Doc,” Adam says in his smooth baritone. “She’s fine. She’s working overtime. I’m calling because she’s ruining your important plans tomorrow.”

Jesus Christ. Can people stop calling me out of the blue? Michael takes a sharp breath. “How so?” But he feels like he already knows.

“She’s got a ring and she’s going to propose to you at the park.” He hears Adam sigh with a depth of exasperation that only you seem to be able to provoke. “I tried to talk her down but you know her.”

Michael pops open the oven door to check on his dish. At least the lasagna is turning out better than Operation Cosmo. “She got me a ring?” For some reason, that’s all he can focus on. He feels himself smiling.

“It’s a cool one. But nevertheless,” Adam continues in his very best lawyerly voice. “What are you going to do?”

Michael has been thinking that himself. You’ve been acting strange for a while, but due to Jack’s swift intervention, he knows exactly why. It’s endearing in a way he can’t explain. And though he would never say so, thank God for Jack, because had you been acting like this right before his planned proposal with no explanation, he would’ve made himself sick with worry.

“Jack Abbot already told me about her diabolical plan,” Michael says with a small laugh. “But now I know that she’s doing it tomorrow. I suspected. I guess I’ll just try to beat her to the punch.”

Adam is silent for a few seconds. “The two of you deserve each other.” Michael knows Adam means it kindly, but hearing his tired voice makes Michael laugh loudly. That is, until he hears what sounds like the sliding of the deadbolt. 

“Gotta go,” Michael says quickly. “Thanks, man.”

“Mhm,” Adam responds in a tone of dull disapproval.

He hangs up just before you walk into the kitchen, heels discarded near the front door. You look sleepy, but he’s so glad to see you, and he can tell you’re pleased that he’s cooking. It makes him want to kiss you silly. He never viewed himself as terribly domestic before you got together, but you changed him. You changed a lot of things.

“Hey, baby,” you say in the soft voice that you know makes him want to drop to his knees and promise you anything. His whole future. The entire world.

But for now, he’ll just make sure you eat dinner. 

The two of you sit at the kitchen table (he used to not have one—you insisted on one when you moved in together) and tell each other about your days. He’s still astonished that he had no fatalities in the ER on a Friday, and the way you listen to him so earnestly makes his heart soar. You literally clap your hands when he reports that there were no deaths.

He loves you. He loves you like crazy.

You tell him about the probation revocation docket, and the drug treatment specialty court docket, and the way your eyes light up when you talk about your clients almost makes him want to cry. Because he wants so badly to have this, dinner and conversation with you, every night, ad infinitem. 

And he’s almost shaking with excitement because he knows you want it too. 

“Who were you on the phone with?” you ask mildly. He nearly drops his fork. He can’t honestly answer, because you will know for sure something’s suspicious. 

“Jack.” He doesn't know how to add to that statement.

“That’s weird. I thought he was working tonight.”

“He is,” Michael answers swiftly. “He just had a question about a chart.” Nice save. As a matter of fact, Jack is working tonight so he can be off tomorrow for your engagement party.

Before you can ask any more questions, Michael can’t stop himself from asking, “Excited for our day out tomorrow?”

You look down at your plate and push the sauce around uselessly. He can’t get enough of your expression, only because he knows why your brows are slightly furrowed. It’s painfully cute. “Yes. You know I love it there.”

“Yes I do,” he smirks. He stands up and takes both your plates to the kitchen. “And I love going there with you.” You’re quiet, and he wonders if he’s torturing you on purpose. But he can’t help himself. 

He hears you walk to the living room and open your briefcase. You usually switch over to a smaller bag for the weekends. The jingle of your keys tells him you’re moving items—keys, wallet, chapstick, lipstick, as well as every other thing a person could possibly need—from one to the other. 

After starting the dishwasher, he innocently sneaks into the living room and says your name. You seem to leap about a foot in the air before you zip your bag firmly closed. Interesting.

“Michael!” You yell, frowning. He holds his hands up casually. “You scared me.”

“I was just gonna ask if you wanna watch a movie,” he grins, tilting his head to the side and looking pointedly at your bag, which prompts you to shove it in the entryway closet. Where you never put it. Until now.

“Sure,” you say, and he watches with amusement while you school your expression.

He winks. “Get into something more comfortable and meet me back here in five.”

“You are such a freak.”

You had obsessively checked the weather the entire week. Differing reports every day: partly cloudy, for sure going to rain, for sure not going to rain. This morning, they’ve settled on a 50% chance of rain. How humanity can put people on the moon and still not accurately predict the weather is a conundrum for people smarter than you.

The two of you went to bed early, since you knew Michael was exhausted and you wanted him to be well-rested and happy for today. He had fallen asleep within minutes and you had lain awake for at least an hour, just tracing the planes of his face with your gaze, under the moonlight and streetlight from the window. 

He got up before you and you heard him making himself coffee and an omelette while listening to NPR. After a while, he came into the bedroom to ask if you wanted anything, but you were too nervous to eat. Instead, you put on a lightweight and flattering spring dress and wrestled with your hair. 

When you walk out into the living room, Michael is on the couch in his nicest pair of darkwash jeans and a white dress shirt, and is putting on light brown oxfords. He grabs an umbrella from the hall closet and hands you your purse.

You grab your bag from him by rote, suddenly remembering what is inside it: a little gray box that feels like it has your own beating heart sitting inside.

Michael pulls you out of your thoughts by opening the front door. “Let’s go, sweetheart.” He’s swinging the keys to his bimmer around his pointer finger.

You nod and take his offered hand, feeling steady for the first time since you woke up.

Michael takes you to the Phipps Conservatory first, with its massive Victorian greenhouse sprung up from the parkland. You remember going with Michael at Christmastime during your first year together, when it was strung with holiday lights and poinsettias were so abundant that you had to be careful not to step on one. Now, in April, all the colors are vibrant and the flowers are so fragrant that the smell clings to your clothing long after you’ve left.

You’re much more interested in plants than Michael is, but he’s still fascinated by the science of gardening and stubbornly stops to read every single sign. He attempts all the Latin names just to make you laugh.

Then you walk across the park, passing by Panther Hollow Lake, where kids are flying kites, and the ice skating rink on the way to the overlook. At the right angle, the overlook’s horizon is lined with the best cityscape in all of Pittsburgh, with downtown’s buildings looming in the distance. The grass underfoot is a stunning green and the park is unusually empty.

The entire walk, Michael talks to you about everything and nothing. The new residents in the Pitt, his old residents who have moved on to bigger and better things, whether the Steelers will be any better next season. You try to listen attentively, but all you can seem to think about is how you’re going to ask him to marry you. It seems more impossible with each step.

Would it be stupid for you to get down on one knee? Will he be offended if you don’t? You don’t want to get your dress dirty. I know this is really weird, but will you marry me? Will he be embarrassed that this is in public? You’re cresting the hill now. The cloud cover suddenly seems much more intense up here. 

He’s holding your left hand. The hill is steeper than it looks, so he’s been subtly pulling you, which you’re grateful for. You’re out of breath from nerves more so than the climb. 

When you’re both finally at the top, which is a charming expanse of grass and sparse trees with downtown in the deep background, you squeeze Michael’s hand. He stops walking.

“Michael,” you breathe. He turns and steps so that he’s facing you and blocking some of the wind, which is steadily picking up. “It’s beautiful,” is all you can think to say. 

“Yeah, it is,” he says, not taking his eyes off your face for a single moment.

“You know I love you, right?” You ask stupidly. You’re so quiet that with the wind and the birds chirping he has to lean in to hear.

“‘Course I do,” he says, tugging away a hair that is blowing in your face.

You take both of his hands, mainly so that you remain steady on your feet. “Good. Because I do. I can’t tell you how much I do. You are so… you, Michael.” He cracks a smile at that. “And I know you’ve dated women who are so smart and pretty and I don’t know if I’m enough for you to spend the rest of your life with, but I want to be.” You’re babbling now, and humiliatingly, you already feel yourself falling apart.

It’s starting to mist rain. At least you’ll have an excuse for the water on your face.

“Sweetheart, I need you to take a breath,” he says in his perfectly crafted calming voice. You can only imagine how many agitated or grieving patients and family members have been on the receiving end of it. Luckily, it works very well on you. With some effort, you take in a shaky breath, as long as you can stand to inhale.

Michael nods encouragingly as you do and swipes his thumbs under your eyes. “I love you. You and no one else, honey. My little Lady Justice.” He chuckles. If you could see through your own tears you might be able to recognize the shine in his own eyes. He takes both your hands in his—those ridiculously warm hands that always seek out your own—and lowers himself down on one knee. “Which is why I want nothing more than for you to marry me.”

You freeze. He’s reaching into his pocket, and the box is a dark purple velvet. He finally lets go of your hands so that he can pop it open. The sunlight makes the gorgeous ring’s stone glimmer.

“Michael,” you sigh, like you might just faint. Do people actually still swoon in the twenty-first century? That would be a question for a doctor. And your favorite doctor in the world is looking up at you with so much mingled hope and anxiety in his eyes. You can only say, “Yes! Yes! Of course I will.”

He smiles bigger than maybe you’ve ever seen, other than when you agreed to move in together. He kisses the back of your left hand, his lips ghosting over your knuckles, before he plucks the ring out of its box. He slides it on your finger, and to you, it looks like it’s always been there.

“Stand up and kiss me!” You’re jumping up and down now, and an elderly couple is clapping from a bench down the hill, though they’re quickly retreating to an awning nearby. The rain is beginning in earnest.

Beaming, he stands up and puts his big palms on the underside of your jaw. He kisses you with an earnestness that can only mean I plan on doing this forever. Raindrops pelt you both, but all you can feel is his mouth and the calluses on his fingers.

You finally lean back from him, since you’re getting dizzy, but his hands are still holding your face. He looks a little amused at your expression. You reach up to take his left hand, and you dig through your bag with the other, trying hard not to let water get in.

Trembling, you finally get the little gray box to open. Michael has the audacity to laugh and say, “You are so… you.” He copies the silly thing you blurted as he stares admiringly at the band of silver, which seems so reflective even in the rain. He lets you splay out his left hand and slide the ring over his knuckle. You hear him sigh when you press your lips to the metal, eyes closed, not believing your own luck.

Lightning flashes in another part of the field and he pulls you to him, pointing to the small shelter down the other side of the hill. When the clap of thunder follows not long after, and while helping you down the wet grass, he yells over the noise, “I’m happy and all, but you tried to steal my thunder!”

You wipe streams of water off your face, not sure what is rain and what is tears of joy. “Nope! I planned that follow-up all along!”

“You did not!” He shakes his head, water droplets falling from his hair, but you can see that he can’t stop smiling as you run down together.

A man with a camera bag, who you don’t recognize but apparently Michael does, is racing up behind you. Michael turns to talk to this newcomer. “Jamil, she tried to steal my thunder!”

“Yeah, she did,” the guy says as the three of you finally make it to the dry shelter. He looks to be a little younger than Michael and holds his hand out for you to shake. “I’m Jamil. Dr. Robby delivered my youngest daughter in the ER and I told him he could call in a favor any time. Congratulations!”

You shake his hand in mild disbelief. “Thank you.” As he begins to carefully take his camera out of its case, you realize what he’s here for. He pivots himself so that you and Michael can see the viewfinder and its screen. Then, he taps a button, and up comes a picture of you pressing a kiss to Michael’s finger, rain falling all around you.

“I think this is the best one,” Jamil says proudly.

It takes your breath away. “I agree,” is all you can say, though you haven’t even seen the other pictures, and Michael is rubbing your back. He knows you so well.

“Thanks, Jamil,” your fiancé says, clapping him on the back. While you wait for the rain to ease up, Jamil tells you all about his three kids, and how Michael found out he was a photographer six months ago while Jamil stood anxiously in the patient bay.

“You know, my two other kids were born upstairs in L and D,” he says offhandedly, “but I don’t think we could have had a better experience than with Dr. Robby.”

You kiss Michael’s cheek. He’s blushing. “I can believe that.”

The Exchange is full of flowers and people. Michael had to spill about the party, because he needed a reason for you to go home and get ready all over again after you were both drenched to the skin.

It seems like everyone who has ever worked with Michael is there. The nurses are captaining the distribution of alcohol, because the Exchange still does not have a liquor license, no matter how many times Michael insists on reserving them for private events. Princess is playing nineties R&B through the speakers and swaying like a real DJ. 

Mel even runs in mid-shift from her placement at UPMC, which is where she ended up after the Pitt with a very good recommendation from her attending, the one and only Dr. Robby. She hugs you and Michael, and you notice he’s looking down at her with unmitigated pride. 

Adam wrangled all your friends and coworkers, and you notice more than one of them flirting with the doctors. Adam’s husband gives you a ridiculously large bouquet, though you’re not surprised at all, and compliments you on your choice of Michael’s ring. “I told Adam to just let you do it. Girl power and all that.” Since everything turned out well, Michael is able to genuinely laugh.

After Michael is pulled into some other conversation, Jack kisses both your cheeks and withstands the dressing down you give him.

“So when we were at the bar, you knew he was going to propose to me?”

“Yep. I tried to stop you, if you’ll recall.”

You attempt to think of something to say to express your frustration, but it fizzles out as quickly as it bubbled up. You’re so deliriously happy that you would probably put up with anything today. So instead, you shrug and hug him. “Thank you for being such a good friend to us.”

Jack is completely still for just a second before he squeezes your shoulders and replies, “And thank you for being exactly what he needs.”

Samira gives you a crushing hug and seems even more excited than you are. Trinity says something snarky about how marriage is a scam, but she’s smiling as she does. Dana tells you that she always knew this would happen. But of course she did. She pulls you in close and says, “We are all so happy for you, honey. Really.”

When she lets you go, you have to turn away sharply, lest you cry in the middle of your own party. Alone, you look out on the sea of people. You watch all these characters who collectively make up your and Michael’s lives, and do your best to soak it all in. Who knows what you would give to have a photographic memory, just for this moment, when you’re surrounded with delight like images in a zoetrope. 

You can’t see Michael, but you do see Jack climbing up to the bar with assistance from a barista—prosthesis be damned. His natural air of authority makes everyone quieten.

“Let’s hope I haven’t sampled enough of the punch to fall off this thing.” Everyone chuckles or jeers. “I know Princess wants to play some other raunchy song, so I’ll keep this brief. Michael Robinavitch is one of the best doctors in this city. Lady Justice down here—” pointing at you, “is the best public defender. Apologies to all competing present company.” Laughter and shouting again. “And yet they’re two of the kindest and best people I know. Would give you the shirt off their back if you asked for it. And somehow they found each other in this crazy world of ours. So I propose a toast.” The barista hands him up a glass, and he holds it up to the ceiling. 

You don’t have a drink anymore, but you do press your hands to your chest, where you can feel your own heart beating madly. Michael presses himself to your side, having made his way through the crowd to find you—his other half.

Jack shouts, “To Dr. and the future Mrs. Robinavitch! Mazel tov!”

“Mazel tov!” Everyone choruses.

You turn and kiss your fiancé for the benefit of everyone watching, but mainly because you want to. It’s occurring to you that you get to do it forever, for any reason at all. 

Even though your eyes are closed, you can tell cameras are flashing and videos are being taken. People are chanting, “Dip! Dip! Dip!” Michael bends you back so that you’re nearly parallel to the floor, and the ruckus reaches a new volume. You can’t help but smile into his mouth.

“Can’t wait to make you mine,” he purrs into your ear as he pulls you upright.

Jack's skin is still slightly damp from his shower; his cold nose raises goosebumps all over your skin. You can smell his cedar-scented body wash.

"No," you groan, trying to roll away from him. He gently cages your arms in so you can't fully escape. "No, I'm not, Dr. Abbot."

He hums and continues to kiss your neck, just from a slightly different angle, since you've buried your face into his pillow. Big mistake: it smells like his shampoo. "Then it would be sort of immoral to do what I want to do, wouldn't it?"

You swallow. His rough, deep voice is usually the thing that gets you. You feel his fingers brushing aside your hair so he can leave a love bite at the top of your spine. "Yes, it would. I take it you had a good shift?"

"Beautifully quiet," he says, right into your ear, and you involuntarily grind your hips up into his. He takes a sharp breath in. "Still asleep?"

"Mmhmm. Been talking in my sleep this entire time."

"A pity." He draws back the covers to reveal one of the lacy, short chemises you typically wear to bed during the summer. You hiss at the cool morning air, but the sensation is quickly replaced by Jack running his hand beneath the silk to the swell of your ass. He whistles. "No panties, baby?"

His gravelly voice saying that word makes you purr, even as you remain committed to hiding your face in the pillow. "It was hot last night."

"Sure." You feel him flip up the hem of your chemise. His palm cups your pussy while he he leans over you, making sure he's speaking into your ear. You moan as his middle finger presses onto your clit. You can practically hear his smirk of satisfaction. "You gonna let me fuck you like this, baby?"

You're already panting, not knowing whether to punish him for waking you up on one of your few days off, or insisting that he fuck you raw.

His finger begins a slow drag, up and down, between your folds. It doesn't take long for you to decide on the latter. 

"Yes, Jack." 

He lifts you up slightly by the hair so he can kiss you on the mouth, and the pull at your scalp makes you moan onto his tongue. After he's kissed you for so long you feel dizzy, you hear his sweatpants, boxers, and prosthesis hit the floor. Jack's long fingers stretch you rough and fast.

"You ready, sweetheart?"

You pant. "Uh-huh."

He growls and surges into you, not stopping until he's pressed in to the hilt. It rips a gasp from you, and you whine into the pillow, much to Jack's delight. You'll never quite get used to just how perfectly he fills you up.

The worst part of it: he knows. "Your tight little cunt fits me just right, baby," he says, thrusting hard and fast. You recognize this: he's desperate, ready to go to sleep after a long twelve, but he needs to fill you up first. He's probably been thinking about it for half the night.

"It's all yours, Jack," you say over your shoulder. One of his hands is at the back of your neck, holding you steady, while the other has your hips pinned.

The feeling of his thrusts, so deep and fast so soon, is damn near making you drool. Part of you wants to watch him out of the corner of your eye, but his rough hand keeps your cheek pressed down into the pillow.

After several more exquisitely deep pushes and pulls, he lies down on top of you so that his body is flush with yours. He's told you before that his left leg gets tired, since he only has one foot to balance. He seemed embarrassed when he first admitted that to you, but this angle is pure bliss. 

"Jack, honey, you feel so good," you cry, and he bites your earlobe in response. "I love when you fuck me like this."

"Like what, baby? Tell me."

"Your whole body over mine. Your cock stretching me out with"—you gasp as his tip hits your g-spot—"no mercy. It's perfect."

He bites your shoulder and reaches under you to roll your nipple between his fingers, causing stars to come into your vision. 

"I'm close," he exhales, and you reach up to hold onto his bicep, certain you're leaving red scratches in your wake. You just need something to grasp.

"C-cum inside me, Jack. Fill me up," you sob, feeling your own orgasm cresting so powerfully. 

"I will, baby. Cum for me now."

It doesn't take much more than his raspy command to make you come unglued. You practically scream into the pillow as your walls flutter around him, feeling so unbelievably full that tears stream down your face. 

Jack thrusts as deep as he possibly can until he suddenly stills. You feel his warmth spreading into you—an intoxicating sensation that makes your toes curl. His chest, sticky with sweat, presses against your back as he tries to catch his breath. Jack alternates between moaning desperately and praising you as he empties himself, overcome with the feeling of your wet heat around him.

He's reluctant to pull out, and you don't move. In fact, he rolls his hips one last time, just to make you mewl.

"That was wonderful, baby. Exactly what I needed," he breathes into your ear, giving you a sweet kiss on your cheekbone.

“N-no. All good. Well, except…” You gesture vaguely at your torso.

“Hold on.” Since his cup is now basically empty, he drops it on the sidewalk and runs inside, while you stand dumbly among the passersby. 

There are tears coming into your eyes against your will. Why is being the victim in a bad situation always so humiliating? Surely there’s some sort of psychological explanation—

“Here we go.” He thrusts about a hundred coffee shop napkins into your sprawled hands. “I’m so sorry.” He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket, too gentlemanlike to help clean up the giant stain that has started to cool over your breasts. Through the tears stinging the back of your eyes, you can read in yellow letters over his heart: Beers of the Burgh.

“Um,” is all you can say as you helplessly dab at your button down and blazer with the coarse, mostly useless squares he’s given you. He’s running his hands through his hair and looking up the street like someone might swoop in to make everything better.

“Please let me pay to get those dry cleaned,” he says finally, taking the sodden napkins from you and stuffing them in his empty coffee container.

“I’m sorry about your coffee,” you say weakly, deciding you’re going to be late for arraignments, capitulating to the hand you’ve been dealt this morning. It’s overcast and chilly and the magistrate judge is going to be livid.

He did spill his drink all over you like a drunk freshman at a dive bar, but he has a puppydog look about him that makes you reluctant to stop talking to him. You almost don’t want to walk away and put this shitty morning with the little coffee shop disaster behind you. Because he’d still be standing there, hands in his pockets with his jacket sleeves pushed up, those dark brows slanted with concern and embarrassment. He looks to be middle-aged, but his voice is smooth and kind.

“I’m much more sorry about your clothes,” he nearly laughs. He pulls his cell phone out of his pants pocket—you notice they’re slouchy Carhartts. He taps a few times on his screen and flips it around to show you a QR code. “Add me and request the total of the dry cleaning cost—and add whatever your next cup of coffee costs ya. Again, I’m so sorry. Please let me make it right.”

You scan it and add him, @robbyrobin1, feeling like a robot that was never programmed to speak. 

“You’re forgiven, I promise,” you say at last, knowing you also need to take a rideshare home to change before you go to court, though you don’t enlighten him of that. You don’t know why. You don’t even know his name, and he ruined a perfectly normal morning. But you just can’t make him feel worse.

“Thanks. I hope you have a better day than what I’ve started you off with,” he smirks self-deprecatingly, tugging on the strap of his satchel. He nods and heads off down the slope of the sidewalk. For some reason, you watch him until he rounds the corner of a building and is gone.

You text your coworker Adam that you’ll be late for court while you let one frustrated tear fall. It’s swiped away before anyone else can see it. Your ride comes and you head home, thinking of those incredible brown eyes. Which you would never see again. 

Gone, melted into the hundreds of thousands of people in Pittsburgh. Just like you.

“Good morning, counsel. I see you’ve decided to grace us with your presence,” Judge Moran snips.

You sigh. This gray suit from Kohl’s, which has to be at least six years old now, will have to do for this morning’s Magisterial District Court docket. For which you are thirty-five minutes late.

“Thank you for your patience, your honor,” you say with more confidence than you feel. Sorry, Judge, I was busy racing home to change out of my newest suit because an older man who, I am realizing in retrospect, I found quite attractive, covered me with an entire day’s worth of caffeine. Who gets black coffee from a coffee shop anyway? Really, shouldn’t you just—

“I tried to drag my arraignments out for you, but she’s in a mood this morning,” Adam, another public defender who also covers felonies, whispers in your ear. His steady voice breaks through your incoming internal meltdown. “Hang in there.” He stuffs his files in his bag and gestures for a bailiff to take one of his clients back to the holding cells so they can talk.

You dump your files on the podium and take a deep breath. You scan the jury box, which is currently filled with red-jumpsuit-clad and shackled incarcerated people. You’re trying to match names to the faces you looked up last night on the jail website. 

Two thefts by unlawful taking. Seven drug possessions involving fentanyl, two of them with assault charges as well, and you realize from reading the short citations that they might be co-defendants. Your office paralegal should have caught that. This day is shaping up to be a real shitshow after all.

The incarcerated defendants begin muttering amongst themselves as your silence stretches. “I can’t believe I’ve got a fuckin’ public pretender,” one of Adam’s clients says loud enough to get escorted back to the holding cells by the bailiff. 

Some of his neighbors snicker, but most of them are looking at their feet, defeated.

You get to the bottom of your stack and realize there’s a file with a name you don’t recognize: Quade Jameson. You flip through it, wondering if Adam accidentally left it, but sure enough, your name is on the upper left-hand corner of the file’s inside. It must have been a late assignment within your office and shoved into your stack before you went home for the day yesterday. Not surprising but still maddening.

There are only three sheets of paper on the inside: the short police citation, a criminal history printout from pretrial services, and the application for a public defender. Mr. Jameson makes less than forty grand per year, so you go ahead and write on the lined sheet stapled inside both the date and “preliminary arraignment.”

You quickly flip to the citation, sensing Judge Moran burning holes into the side of your head with her gaze as she waits for you to begin calling cases, and squint at the text. 

COUNT 1: MURDER (1ST DEG.) (F)

COUNT 2: TAMPERING WITH PHYSICAL EVIDENCE (M)

“Damn, are you kidding?” you whisper, tilting your chin away from the hot microphone. A late assignment on a murder? You take a cursory look at the prosecutor, Nathaniel, who is obviously looking at fantasy football stats on his phone. You then scan the jury box, and through the process of elimination, set your eyes on who you think might be the one. “Mr. Quade Jameson?” you call.

He’s maybe a year or two younger than you and has mid-length dreads not yet bedraggled by a stay at the jail. His eyes are round and frightened, with just a touch of anger, which you have come to recognize very well. He lifts one hand as well as he can in the cuffs, and you step over to squat beside him, telling him your name. “I’m a public defender. Today you’re being informed of your rights and bail will be set, as well as a preliminary hearing, probably later this week.”

“Ma’am, I didn’t do nothing, I swear. Please get me out of here. Please!” he whispers a little too loudly. You place your hand on his upper arm and nod as the bailiff glares at you both.

“I understand you’re frustrated. I’ll meet with you after court today, okay?” You hand him a business card. “How long have you lived in Pittsburgh?”

“My whole life. Live with my momma and my baby girl. She’s four. Momma was gonna come to court but she can’t find anyone to watch Isabelle.”

“Can your mom post any sort of bail? Pay for an ankle monitor?”

He shakes his head and chews the inside of his cheek.

“I’m going to do my best, Mr. Jameson, but your charge is very serious. Step up to the podium with me, please.”

He nods as he stuffs your card in the one pocket on his jumpsuit.

“Your honor, may we begin by calling the case of Commonwealth versus Quade Jameson?”

“You may,” Judge Moran says through gritted teeth, as you walk forward, and your client shuffles in his leg shackles. “Mr. Jameson, did you hear the rights I read to everyone earlier?”

“Yes ma’am—” You elbow him softly, hidden behind the podium. “Yes, your honor.”

“After reviewing the economic information from pretrial services, I am appointing the Allegheny County Public Defender’s Office. Counsel, will you be representing Mr. Jameson?”

“I will.” You flip back to the criminal history report. Low pretrial risk scores for failing to appear and criminal activity: a small beam of hope. Not that it matters much to Judge Moran. “Your honor, if I may be heard on the matter of bail?”

“You may,” she responds, not looking up from playing sudoku on her phone. 

You swallow your frustration and try not to roll your eyes. “Mr. Jameson is a lifelong resident of Pittsburgh. He lives with his mom and his young daughter.” You lean over to Quade and whisper, Are you employed? He nods vigorously. “He has a job as well, but like many people in our community, he cannot possibly post any significant cash bail. He understands that this case is serious and that he must reappear in court. I would ask that he be considered for the electronic monitoring grant from the county.”

Nathaniel scratches the inside of his ear and replies around a yawn, “A very high cash bond would be appropriate considering he is alleged to have killed someone. Unprovoked. With a firearm.”

Quade takes in a sharp breath and you shush him gently. “Don’t let him rile you up.”

“I’m inclined to agree with the Commonwealth. One hundred thousand dollars, full cash. The Court sets this matter for a preliminary hearing this Friday. I order that the Pittsburgh Police Department be notified.”

You take in a breath, hold it for three seconds, and then turn to face Quade, who is grinding his teeth. “I will come see you as soon as I can to talk about all this. Promise.”

He shrugs and shuffles back to his seat, his head dropped low between his shoulder blades.

At the end of the long docket, you text your boss. Late assignment on a murder case? Really?

He responds brutally: Super late add to the docket. All yours from here on out.

You stagger down the steps of the courthouse to head to the office. The bailiffs taking a smoke break look at you with barely concealed pity. The wind hits you and you can somehow still smell the coffee on your skin. 

When you went home earlier to change, you should have just crawled under the covers and never come out.

Michael cannot stop thinking about it, even thirteen hours later.

The blood all over the gurney, the blank look in the patient’s eyes, the coldness of the young man’s forearms. The way the gold chain around his neck turned a sickly orange with bloodstains. 

It had happened toward the end of an otherwise bearable shift. Damion Yates, twenty-six-year-old male, gunshot wound to left chest, brought in by the EMTs who said he was in and out of consciousness. Robby stepped up to the gurney, McKay close to his side, since they both happened to be standing by the ambulance bay when the patient was wheeled in.

“Trauma Two,” Michael said authoritatively, pulling on a pair of gloves. “Mohan! Over here, please.”

As the nurses were opening the doors to Two, Damion’s eyes suddenly shot open, and Michael leaned in close. Damion coughed up some blood and growled, “Th-that bastard. Thinks he’s bad. But I seen him in that red shirt from a mile away. Following…” And his eyes closed.

“Stay with us, Damion,” Michael yelled, pointlessly.

An hour and a half of coding. Compressions, transfusions, frantic brainstorming from the doctors, all at a loss against the destruction of a single bullet. The fluorescent lights glared so fiercely on the face of Michael’s watch that he had to tilt his wrist to see the hands. “Time of death: 6:58 PM.”

They each stared at one another: Mohan, McKay, Mateo, Princess, each one eventually looking toward their leader, Dr. Robby, who stood like a beacon at the foot of the bed.

“A moment of silence for Damion,” he murmured, folding his hands, which were shaking slightly. “A human being gone too soon.”

They all looked down at the bed, where the still form of a young man did not breathe, did not move, did not feel. A life that was snuffed out like a candle.

You would be forgiven for thinking that in an urban center, Michael would get used to gunshot deaths. But he never did. How a single piece of metal could easily take away someone’s sibling, someone’s parent, someone’s child, someone’s spouse. It was completely absurd, and yet they faced it every single week. Usually every day.

And then they all left the room. But Damion, even if only in spirit, went with them.

After debriefing Jack, who would have to deal with the morgue staff and the family when they arrived, Michael went home and slept fitfully on his couch—his bed seemed too good for him—all the while seeing that young man burned behind his eyelids. He tried to cry and couldn’t.

The next morning, he decided that it was a new day, and that he would support the coffee shop down the street from the hospital and get a muffin and the largest black coffee they would give him.

And then he poured it all over a woman, who looked up at him with so much shock and confusion that the first words out of his mouth were Oh, fuck. Of course. Smooth, Dr. Robby.

She looked really nice, with her faux leather tote and red lipstick. And he had ruined it all—probably her entire day, if not her entire week.

She had been embarrassed, but not particularly angry, and he could not have been more grateful. He couldn’t handle a fistfight with a stranger before a twelve-hour day shift, even if he deserved it. Not after yesterday. Damion Yates, twenty-six. He remembered being that age; he had a nostalgia Damion would never have.

He heads back to the Pitt with no coffee and a head swimming with the image of that dead young man, now joined by the timbre of your voice. I’m sorry about your coffee. You sounded so soft and sincere. Who the hell sounded like that after they got a chest full of someone else’s order?

Before he knows it, he’s stepping into the Pitt, which is buzzing with activity at shift change. “Good morning, hon,” Dana calls to him, staring at him quizzically over her metal-rimmed glasses. “No coffee today?”

“Long story,” Michael groans, already looking at the board. Dana is silent for a long while, so he looks down at her again. “What is it?”

“Tilt your chin back up,” she says seriously, one side of her mouth pulling into a half-smile. Michael complies with some confusion before his charge nurse steps toward him and wipes at the bottom of his throat. “Michael Robinavitch!”

“What?” he snaps, jerking his head away.

Dana’s voice drops a dangerous octave, but with a trace of delighted mischief, she whispers, “Why did you come into the hospital with lipstick all over you?”

Heat creeps up Michael’s neck and over his ears against his will. “Excuse me?” Dana holds up her thumb, smeared with a cool red shade, and Michael stares, completely dumbfounded. “The hell is that?”

“Lipstick! Don’t act stupid!” Dana starts laughing maniacally. “The good doctor is getting some before work, hm?”

“I am not,” Michael snaps, rubbing his own jaw vigorously. “I don’t know—oh.” His expression falters with realization. “It’s not what you think.”

“I’m sure it’s not.” Dana looks ready to continue, but she’s cut off by Jack, who is heading toward them from the locker room with a brooding look on his face.

“Morning, Robby,” he says around a yawn. “Bad night. Damion Yates’ mom came in. I gave her your note. They took him over to the morgue not long after. I think the cops would like to get a statement from you, too. Detective What’s-His-Face said he’d be back around noon. He’s picking up where patrol left off.”

“Great,” Michael sighs, not wanting to relive a single moment of that experience. “How’s the mom?”

“Devastated.” Jack frowns. “She told me to pass on her thanks, though. I told her I was sure Damion had been in the best hands.”

I hope so. Michael worries his bottom lip with his teeth to keep his emotions under control. “Thanks, Jack. See you later.”

“You did your best, Robby,” Dana says, quietly, seriously. Michael only passes his hand over his short beard and sighs. 

“And yet a young man is still in a drawer in the morgue,” he replies so softly that Dana almost doesn’t hear. But she does, and it breaks her heart.

The Allegheny County Jail is by design a dehumanizing place, and by neglect a disgusting one. But you spend so much time there that even its heavy booking room door with the peeling paint feels comfortingly familiar. You sign in under the not-so-watchful eyes of three bored jailers, two of whom are arguing about politics, and one who is clearly on the verge of a nap.

You bang on the door to the central surveillance room and the deputy lets you in. “Got any law boxes open for me, Ritchie?”

The man, who is pushing seventy and slowly finishing a bag of gummy bears, hums. “I’ll get ya one, hon. Go to number four.”

Thirty minutes later, you’re finally in the same room with Quade Jameson. His face brightens somewhat as one of the jailers opens the door and he recognizes you.

“You want me to uncuff him?” The jailer asks.

“Please. Mr. Jameson and I are cool. Aren’t we?”

Quade nods enthusiastically, while the bored deputy languidly unlocks the cuffs and disappears down the hall. All that remains is you, your client, and a fully metal picnic table.

“Good to see you again,” you continue. “Would you prefer that I call you Quade or Mr. Jameson?”

“Mr. Jameson was my old man.”

“Quade it is,” you smile slightly. “Quade, can you tell me how you’re feeling?”

His expression sours. “How I’m feeling? Dead tired. You can’t sleep in here with the lights and the screaming. Everything echoes. And I shouldn’t be in here.”

You nod slowly. “I know it’s a terrible situation. Could you please tell me what happened on Monday night that got you in this mess?”

Quade grips his head between his hands and laughs bitterly. “I had a gun at the wrong place at the wrong time. And now I’m in here.”

“Can you tell me more, please? And if it looks like I’m not listening, I’m just taking notes.”

“I’m a janitor at the tire factory way down at the other end of East North Street. I clocked out, said hi to the night janitor, took my stuff from my locker, and was walking home. Because of the time of year, you know, the sun was trying to go down already, and the sunset was pretty. I remember that so well for some reason.” He stares at the wall for a few moments. “I’m walking up that hill—you know the one, it’s a damn killer—sorry for cussing—and I hear this loud bang behind me, and this super loud whizz, going right past my head. You can’t grow up in the Burgh without learning to recognize that sound. I was right next to that huge parking garage they’re gonna demolish, the side with nothing but solid wall. I figure someone’s trying to kill me, so I reach into my pocket and grab my Ruger. I don’t walk anywhere without a gun around here.”

You scribble notes furiously. “What did you do after you grabbed your gun?”

“I crouched down. I figured they would fire again, and there was nowhere for me to hide. When they didn’t fire again and I finally raised my head up, I looked behind me, and some guy was running back down the hill.”

“What’d he look like?”

Quade huffs. “Didn’t get a good look. He was running fast. White guy. Red shirt, white shoes: might’ve been Jordans. Dunno.”

“Did you go after him?”

“I was going to, but it’s like my legs wouldn’t work.” He hangs his head, reminiscent of his arraignment. “I should have hauled ass and caught him. Too late now.”

“What did you do next?”

“I looked up the hill and there was this guy laid out in the middle of the sidewalk. His shirt was white so I could see that there was blood, even from that far away. It was rough,” he trails off, running a hand over his face.

“Was there anyone else on the street?”

“Way up at the top of the hill, some older white man called 911. I dunno how much he actually saw of the shooting—I just saw him dial on his phone. When he saw me looking at him, he went and jumped in his car, parked on the street.”

You swallow, fearing what you believe to be the next piece of the puzzle. “What happened then?”

“I went over to the guy on the ground to see if I could maybe help him, but his eyes were closed. And my legs still weren’t really working right. Or my head.” Quade’s chin trembles. “Then I hear those police cars shrieking, and the ambulance. My hand’s still on the gun in my pocket. I don’t know why, but I yanked it outta my pocket and threw it in this line of bushes next to the garage. I was just scared for them to find one on me, I guess.”

“But you’re not a convicted felon, are you?” You try to recall his criminal history report.

“Nope,” he says flatly. “Just Black.”

That cuts you to the quick. “I hear you, Quade.” You clear your throat. “You’re standing over the man and you hear sirens. What then?”

“Police cars pull up. Cops start screaming at me to get on the ground. Guy up the street gets out of his car and points at me, starts yelling, ‘That’s him. That’s the shooter. And I just saw him throw his gun over there.’”

Detective What’s-His-Face, as Abbot so ably described him, is in fact Detective Asher from the Pittsburgh Police Department, and Michael instantly dislikes him. Working in the emergency department gave him a lot of exposure to law enforcement and other emergency responders, and Asher was a prime example of the dregs. Despite being a detective and therefore not on-duty in the traditional sense, Asher wore a bulletproof vest and apparently always stood with his thumbs hooked into it at his pecs. 

He writes halfhearted notes on a mini notepad while he asks Michael, who is trying to get back to his patients, surface-level questions. And making stupid small talk.

“Doctor…”

“Robby,” Michael reminds him for the third time.

“Dr. Robby, is it your medical opinion that the victim died from a gunshot wound?”

“The forensic pathologist will give you a full conclusion, but from my observations during treatment, that was the chief trauma.”

“Could it have been self-inflicted?”

“I’m not qualified to answer that.”

Detective Asher sniffs. “Did he say anything to you?”

“He was mostly nonresponsive throughout his treatment. He did say at one point that someone had been following him.”

Detective Asher smirks. “Those are all my questions, Doc.”

Thank Christ, Michael thinks. “I’m sure anything else can be answered by the forensic pathologist, later on. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” Michael does a round of his patients, and is finally able to discharge two of them. He keeps checking his phone, which he almost never does during a shift, and Dana notices.

“Waiting on a text?”

“Hm? No,” he mutters, sliding it back into his pocket.

Michael realizes later what it was that kept him checking his lockscreen like a fifteen-year-old waiting on a text back. He was anticipating a notification from his coffee shop victim. He felt so guilty that you could have requested any amount of money and he probably would have given it. But it was five hours later and you hadn’t asked for anything.

He hides in the breakroom and clicks on the profile picture from where you added him. It’s a picture of you in sunglasses, skin glowing, a big smile on your face. She’s pretty, he thinks, though he knows that already from this morning. And you’re wearing red lipstick in the picture, too. He smiles to himself.

He thinks about sending you fifty bucks unprompted, but knows that would be weird, so he goes back to central and tries to forget it. Unsuccessfully. 

“All rise,” the bailiff bellows. “Court is now in session.”

Per usual on preliminary hearing days, you feel frantic, trying to read police narratives given to you by the prosecutor just this morning (of course) and trying to talk to the clients who aren’t in custody and don’t have phones for you to call beforehand (classic).

Detective Asher sits smugly in a chair against the wall, just behind the prosecutors’ table, watching you run around and whisper to clients. Most of it, at this stage, is honestly futile. A defense attorney is lucky to get a case dismissed at the preliminary hearing stage a couple times in an entire year. But it’s always worth the effort. Or at least you tell yourself so.

You’ve cross-examined Detective Asher before. He mainly investigates homicides, hence why he’s here today, digging dirt out from under his fingernails with a pocketknife. He’s maybe fifty with graying hair and a sleazy smile. And he despises you.

Asher was the lead detective on your first murder trial, which ended with a verdict of voluntary manslaughter and a minimum sentence. Your client still went to prison, and yet Asher hated you from that day on, taking it personally that you put on a zealous defense—an occupational hazard.

The preliminary hearing is about what you expect. Asher is the sole witness and takes the stand to testify about the scene, the caller, the firearm, and makes a big deal about Mr. Jameson asserting his right to remain silent after his arrest. He also testifies to the bullet and its casing matching a nine millimeter, which is the caliber of Quade’s Ruger. Asher cuts his eyes at you every few seconds just to make sure you remember he hates you.

“Detective,” you begin your questioning in that confident voice that you know will drive him up the wall. “Were there any eyewitnesses to this shooting?”

“The gentleman I was describing earlier.”

“He called the police, yes, and claims he saw my client throw a firearm. I asked if there were any eyewitnesses to the shooting itself.”

Asher cracks his knuckles and stares at the space over your head. “I’m not aware of any at this time.”

“Have you requested any security footage from any nearby buildings or city traffic cameras?”

“Not at this time.”

You could throw the podium at him if you really tried, you think, even though it is solid wood. “Don’t you think that might be important?”

“Your honor, this is a preliminary hearing, not a trial,” Nathaniel interrupts, knowing just what to say to make your blood boil.

“I agree with the Commonwealth. Wrap it up, counsel.”

You look around the room for a moment and are struck by how little everyone cares. Nathaniel resumes playing Candy Crush after interrupting you, and Detective Asher is staring down at his hands. Judge Moran is checking her email on the huge monitor up on the bench. Quade looks at you like you’re a life raft in the middle of a vast sea. You finish your questions and argue that there isn’t probable cause to refer this case to the Court of Common Pleas for the filing of a criminal information, but you know at this point, there definitely is enough evidence for that low bar. You press Quade’s hand, promising you’ll call his mom, and leave the courthouse. On the sidewalk, you dial the number of your office’s lead investigator.

“Would you mind meeting with me on Monday afternoon to get the ball rolling on the Jameson case? There’s more to this than meets the eye.” You pause. “I trust my guy.”

It’s Sunday and you’re headed toward Allegheny Coffee & Tea Exchange, which just so happens to be the site of The Incident That You Can’t Stop Thinking About. As a regular, you know that it’ll be unbelievably busy, so you ordered your caramel macchiato ahead. You also have a third of a novel left, which you have big plans to finish reading on a blanket in the park, enjoying the late autumn sunshine.

“Here she comes! Our very favorite customer!” It’s the cheerful tone of your favorite barista, who always works on Sundays.

“Certainly your most loyal one,” you laugh. “Thanks so much.”

You’re taking your drink from her hand when you see him.

You don’t know how you recognize him so quickly; it’s been six days, after all, and the shop is full. But the line of people parts a bit and you spot him, sitting at a round table by himself, a laptop open in front of him.

When you finally find his eyes, he’s already looking at you. Before you realize what you’re doing, you’re walking toward him, and he’s standing up from his chair. His zip-up jacket and Carhartts have been replaced by a pair of dark-wash jeans and a moss green sweater, but you notice his sleeves are still pushed up his forearms, revealing dark dustings of hair and a simple watch. He’s wearing glasses—though he wasn’t when you ran into him on Monday, or you would definitely remember—but he takes them off as he stands. A pity.

“Hello there,” you grin easily. Your heart gives a distinct thump that you decide not to examine too closely. You introduce yourself, because if you’re going to keep running into each other at the Exchange—hopefully not literally, from now on—you really ought to know each other’s names. 

His smile mirrors yours. “I’m Michael. The guy who never got the pleasure of picking up your dry cleaning tab.” He tilts his chin down so he can look up at you through his lashes. His arms are crossed, and you have to intentionally not look at his forearms. “Why is that?”

“Still haven’t been by the cleaners,” you say with a sigh. “I’ve been a little busy.”

He cocks his head at that before gesturing casually at the other chair at his table. You sink into it, and he sits, closing his laptop and leaning forward to listen among the din of the shop.

“I’m a public defender. My time is not my own, unfortunately. Hopefully I’ll drop it off tomorrow, but the stain might be a lost cause. I kind of forgot about it after the week I’ve had.” You run a finger around the lid of your cup.

“You have to get the jump on stains or you’re screwed,” he says confidently. When you raise your brows, he adds, “I work in a hospital.”

“Ah.” You look down and see that his in-house mug has black coffee in it. 

He chuckles self-deprecatingly, knowing what you’re thinking just from the look on your face. “It’s just easier. I got used to drinking it during school and never looked back. How about you?”

“Caramel macchiato. I’m a softie. Like it hot and sweet,” you wink wickedly.

He leans back in his chair and laughs, which you’re grateful for, because his attentive gaze is putting you on the verge of stuttering. “So, public defender, huh? When are you going to go to law school to become a real lawyer?”

Your smile drops and you prepare to enter a tirade, but just as the words are about to whip off your tongue, you watch his expression change. His eyes are crinkling at the corners, and he’s trying to suppress a smile.

“You jerk!” You huff, hitting him gently on the arm. “I was about to give you a whole lecture.”

“I could tell.” He chuckles warmly. “Your look just then is in the dictionary under ‘thunderous.’ I bet you hear crap like that every day.”

Your barista friend cuts through your banter. “Dr. Robby, here’s an orange bar, on the house. I know you like them and this batch will be a bust after today.” She hands him a wrapped square and then gives you one, too. “And one for Lady Justice.”

He thanks her with that devastating small smile, and you notice he won’t look you in the eye. “Doctor?”

“Michael Robinavitch, physician, at your service,” he says quietly, watching his own hands unwrap the tiny cake. He bites off half and chews it before he continues. “I work in an emergency department.”

An emergency department? It isn’t often that you meet people with crazier jobs than you. You sit back and try to imagine him in a lab coat. It occurs to you that the black shirt he was wearing underneath his jacket when you first met him might have been scrubs. Wow. “That’s amazing. And you even have a hip name. Dr. Robby,” you giggle, and he cracks a smile.

“It’s easier for people to say,” he muses. You love his name—Michael Robinavitch, Michael Robinavitch, Michael Robinavitch, you repeat in your own head—but since you work with the public, you get it. The path of least resistance.

“Well, Dr. Robby, please accept my orange bar,” you say reverently, sliding it across the table. “I’m trying to cut back on sugar. Partial success thus far. We’re not counting the macchiato.”

“Don’t start calling me that,” he groans, half-serious, but accepts your offering. “Are you trying to keep the doctor away?” His eyes twinkle.

“Nope,” you respond. “Trying to keep him around.”

Michael goes quiet, and your stomach drops with the thought that that was too forward. He’s swiping his laptop into his satchel and is downing the last of his coffee. Dammit. Why did I have to make it weird? I was just making a new friend who’s not a lawyer and I had to go and—

“Would you like to go for a walk?” he asks, delicately placing your orange bar in his bag. 

You’re nodding before you even stop to think about it.

The two of you stroll by the river, since it’s nearby and it’s a gorgeous afternoon, with the sunlight shimmering on the water. Your book sits forgotten in your bag, while Michael has put on sunglasses that suit him very well.

“So, you work in the emergency department?” you say dumbly, trying not to stare at him.

“Yeah, I’m an attending physician.”

“Can you break that down for a mere lawyer?”

Michael’s laugh is rich and short. You can’t get enough of it. He bends over to pick up two pebbles, one for each of you to skip across the water, and he scores six skips before he answers. “It means the buck stops with me. I assume you can supervise law students when you have a bar license?” You nod, hoping your mere three skips isn’t too embarrassing. “I’m not the only attending in the department, but I’m on day shift. Day shift tends to get the worst of it. Anyway, attendings are fully board certified, and we’re ultimately responsible for the actions of the residents and interns.”

You whistle. “No pressure.”

He tilts his head with a modest smile. “No kidding.”

“Do people look down on you for specializing in emergency medicine?” you ask before you realize that might be too personal. 

Michael raises his eyebrows, but with more appreciation than surprise. “Yes, actually. A lot of the other specialties think we’re lazy, stupid, or both.”

You try to imagine how anyone could describe the man before you as either of those things, but then you give up. “Been there.”

“I’m sure. Because we’re the jack-of-all-trades of medicine, other doctors assume we’re shallow and live to pawn work off to the other departments. Most hospitals have an unspoken pecking order with surgeons on the top. Emergency medicine is always overlooked and underfunded.”

“Why did you choose the ER—sorry, the ED—then?”

“Why did you choose public defense?”

“I asked you first, Dr. Robby.” You stick your tongue out.

He lets you win. “I didn’t, sweetheart. It chose me.”

The way he so easily calls you that makes you blush, but he either doesn’t notice or pretends not to. And you feel the sentiment so profoundly—the sense of a calling, a destiny you can’t get away from, no matter how hard it is. 

“You seem very well suited to it,” you say, not able to look directly at him while you do so.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should. I mean it.”

He smiles, and the way it lights up his eyes makes your stomach flip. “Thank you. I mean it.”

Before you can think of what to say, his phone rings. He apologizes and answers. “Dana.” You throw another rock and get five skips in, hoping that Dana is his maiden aunt or something. He’s quiet for about a minute. “Yeah, I guess I’ll head over. Don’t wake up Jack. It’s all good.” 

He shoves his phone back in his pocket and lets out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m on call this weekend. One of the other attendings is either genuinely sick or wants to go home to watch football.” He smirks wryly. “I’ve gotta go.” 

You try to look cheerful, even though the thought of retreating to the park by yourself with your book now sounds boring, and say, “Don’t worry. I totally understand.”

He nods once and fidgets with the strap of his bag. “Thanks. This has been really nice.”

It’s been wonderful. “Yeah, it has. It was lovely meeting you. Without disaster this time.”

Michael looks down, the tips of his ears pink, and rubs the back of his neck. “Don’t forget about the dry cleaning. Or whatever else it takes. Please.”

“I won’t.” Although he doesn’t move, he also doesn’t say anything else, and you turn in the direction of the park. “I guess I’ll be seeing you.”

You take two slow steps before you hear his voice. “Could—I mean, would you be okay with giving me your number?”

When you look back, he looks sheepish and so sweet that you nearly laugh at him, but you catch yourself. “I would really like that.”

Your office investigator is struggling to keep up with the list you rattle off: measurements of the street and the sidewalk, nearby businesses and the status of their CCTVs, whether their employees saw anyone suspicious walking around that evening, the parking garage and its CCTV, Flock traffic cameras, going door-to-door at nearby apartments. Even though he’s not saying so, you know just from his look that he thinks it’s excessive for this early on in a case.

“He won’t even be arraigned in Common Pleas for a month or two,” he grumbles at last, though he knows better than to cross you, so he keeps writing notes. “You sure you wanna put this much effort in? He might change his mind and plea out as soon as he gets upstairs. You’ve got a lot going on.”

You stretch your arms behind your head and let out a breath. “True. But I’m trying to get Nathaniel not to file an information, so we need to work fast. If we let this get to Common Pleas, it’ll take forever, and there’s no way that judge is going to lower his bond once we get there.” You rub your forehead. “I saw a line about it in the paper this morning. PPD is requesting information from the public. Crappy area if I’m recalling correctly, though. More an alleyway than a road.”

“Yeah,” he groans. “Alright. I’ll look into the CCTV stuff. You should start getting discovery from the DA this week, right? I’ll find out who the vic interacted with at Pittsburgh Trauma and see if you can depose ‘em. I’ll bring you the subpoenas to sign as soon as I do.”

“Thanks. Knew I could count on you.” He stands to leave, glancing around your desk, covered in piles and piles of paper. “Don’t worry about me. We’ve got this.” 

He nods at you with understanding and heads out. As he does, your phone buzzes.

You drop off that suit this morning?

It’s Michael. Your heart jumps. You type: Yes. You gave me the motivation to go over there before work. Well done.

Good deal. What do I owe you?

You drum your fingers on one of the few cleared-off spots on your desk and chew on the inside of your cheek. You slowly write, How about you take me out to dinner instead? You hit send before you can chicken out.

His typing bubble appears and disappears over and over again. Your breath catches as you pretend not to care whether or not he’ll say yes. You pull up the court docket on your computer and pretend to be able to read the names until you hear your phone buzz again.

Let’s do it. Friday? I can pick you up at work if you like. I get off at 7, but trust me, you want me to go home beforehand.

You jump out of your chair and dance badly around the room to the song playing on shuffle on your computer. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

“Something exciting, I take it?”

Adam has stuck his head through your office door. You let out a short scream and nearly drop your phone. “Adam, you scared the shit out of me!”

He laughs and arches one brow. “You’re never this happy on a Monday morning. What’s up?” He conspiratorially closes your office door.

You collapse into your rolling chair and slide your phone over to him. He sits in the spot your investigator vacated and puts on his reading glasses, humming with interest after scanning the short texts. “Who’s Michael?”

“Guy who dumped coffee all over me last week before Moran’s arraignments. Saw him again at the Exchange yesterday and we went for a walk by the river.”

“A date?” Adam, who lives for romance and intrigue despite being at least forty and happily married himself, clicks his tongue. 

“Not sure. That’s when he asked for my number.”

Adam pumps his fist and slides your phone back toward you. “And he’s offering to pick you up at work so you can stay late if you need and you don’t have to give him your apartment address. I like this guy already. We can forgive the clumsiness if he’s attractive.”

You blush and throw a stack of sticky notes at him. He catches them easily. “He is. Older than me but he’s got that earnest look about him that you know is my ultimate weakness.”

“Woof. You’re a goner.” You both laugh and then Adam looks down at your desk and says, “Working on the Jameson stuff?”

“You can call me naive if you like, but I went to talk to our guy last week, and something’s up. I think he really was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Adam, ever the good mentor, nods slowly. “Alright. Trust your gut. But don’t forget you’re covering that suppression hearing for me on Friday morning.” Adam and his husband are going on vacation, and he of course tricked you into taking some of his hearings.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Can’t wait to get the email with the order denying your motion.”

“That’s the spirit, counsel.”

With Adam’s approval, you write to Michael, Sounds perfect. 8?

He responds almost immediately: Black BMW. I’ll be there.

The week practically dissolves in a flurry of pretrial conferences, changes of plea, arguing with felony prosecutors (at different voice levels, depending on how ridiculous they’re being), and emails. Your investigator spends three days just talking to business owners near the alleyway, interviewing cashiers and cleaners, all of whom say they don’t remember seeing anything relevant before they heard the gunshot.

He also talks to the city’s interior department on Thursday. One of their clerks informs you that the parking garage hasn’t been equipped with CCTV for months, since it’s now vacant and slated for destruction. You’re not surprised, but you still sigh when your investigator forwards you the email. 

You finally get something of a breakthrough on Friday morning. One of the gas stations has low-quality security footage, but it’s around the corner from the parking garage, and they keep their footage for up to sixty days per company policy. They’re even nice enough not to insist on a subpoena and promise to send you the footage once they contact their headquarters, which holds all of the files. You text Adam with the good news, and his text congratulating you is filled with typos; you’re sure he’s drunk on the beach.

It’s seven-thirty on Friday evening and you’re still frantically typing away at your computer, trying to finish a motion to compel so you can file it first thing Monday morning. You steal glances at your phone every few minutes, convinced Michael is going to beg off at the last minute, but as the time ticks by, he doesn’t.

Your office hallway is empty: usually only Adam works late with you, and he’s elsewhere, no doubt drinking out of a coconut, while you nervously pace to the bathroom. You look at yourself in the mirror and smooth your hair with the tiny brush you keep in your purse before swiping on red lipstick. You don’t always wear it, but you’ve had it on both times you’ve seen him, so it’s becoming a good luck charm. Your knee-length black dress is professional but form-fitting, and you hope it’s good enough for wherever Michael is taking you.

I’m out front.

You close your office door, trying not to think about all the files still sitting there, and square your shoulders like you’re walking into court. While you try not to race out the front door, you see Michael’s bimmer parked on the street, and he’s leaning against the hood on the passenger side, hands in pockets. He’s wearing a white button down and black slacks, with his sleeves rolled up, of course.

“Hey,” he says smoothly, opening your door for you. “Good to see you.”

“You too,” you beam, and he takes your hand so he can help you lower yourself into the passenger seat. “Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” He shuts your door and walks around to the driver’s side, getting in, and it gives you a whiff of his woodsy cologne. 

“Hospital cafeteria?” 

He pulls onto the street and barks a laugh. “I said a surprise, not a punishment.” Robert Bradley’s Blackwater Surprise is playing low through his speakers. “How was your week?”

“Not as wild as yours, I’m sure.”

He looks over at you while you wait at a stoplight. “Try me.”

“Let’s see. I had—twenty-six?—changes of plea lined up this week, and only two fell through, thank God. One of the ones who changed his mind tried to choke me out with his handcuffs, and when the bailiffs tackled him, they broke his wrist. So now he hates me even more than previously. Wants my boss to give him a different public pretender.” You watch Michael’s jaw clench. “I’ve been working with my investigator to hopefully get a murder case dismissed before it actually gets to felony court. This morning, I covered a suppression hearing in front of a judge who I don’t think has granted a motion like that in the fifteen years he’s been on the bench.”

Michael taps his thumbs on the wheel and whistles. “You might have me beat.”

You shake your head. “Let’s hear it, Dr. Robby.”

He shrugs, and that little piece of humility endears you to him. “Three twelves this week: Monday, Wednesday, and today. I’ve had four gunshot wounds—all survivors, amazingly—and a handful of heart attacks. A bad overdose on Monday afternoon—forty years old and dead. Two kids came in this morning with beans stuck way up in their noses. Two lineman electrocutions on Wednesday.” He tilts his head. “I’m forgetting some stuff. Sorry, that was dark.”

You touch his hand lightly where it rests on the gear shift and you’re surprised by how warm his skin is. “I asked. You’ve definitely won out.”

He chuckles. “Okay, maybe we’re tied. But I like hearing about what you do. It’s not so different.”

You give him a small smile, which you hope he can see under the passing streetlights, and duck your head. “I agree.”

“Ah, here we are,” Michael sings. You recognize the facade: Sienna Mercato, a three-story Italian restaurant, its peaked glass dome twinkling with the downtown city lights. He flawlessly parallel parks on the street, and you hate how attractive you find it to be. “Hope you like Italian.” He reaches over and unbuckles your seatbelt for you. His hands are still so warm.

“Who doesn’t?” You grin and let him jog around to help you out of the car. 

You sit on the second floor, with its firestone pizza and charcuterie options, despite the fact that you offered the rooftop beer garden, remembering his Beers of the Burgh jacket. He shakes his head at the hostess and looks at your dress. “You’d get cold.” His attention makes you shiver all on its own.

At the table, he lets you have the side with the booth, and he takes the wood chair. He insists you try the thin crust, and agrees to share when the waiter comes back over. He orders a beer but promises just one.

“But I do know a good attorney, just in case,” he quips. When they bring him his glass, he lets you take the foam. The way he stares at your imprint of lipstick on the glass makes you tingle. “Good, right?”

“Mhm.” For a moment you think he might put his mouth where yours just was, but he spins the glass ninety degrees and takes a sip. You watch his long fingers smear the condensation on the glass. You ask, “Are you a connoisseur?”

“Jack and I fancy ourselves as such.”

“Jack?”

“Another attending, usually does night shift. He’s a grouch but you get used to him. Smart as a whip, too. I think we’ve drunk our way down every street in the Hill District.”

You laugh, and the way Michael mirrors your smile makes you lean toward him. “Good camaraderie at the hospital, I take it?” 

“I’d like to think so. You?”

“I’m good friends with my coworker Adam, but the turnover around us is hard. We both came in during the height of the pandemic, with telephonic court and all its delays and frustration.” Something in Michael’s gaze shutters, but only for a second. “We pretty much only do felonies now, so it’s a special kind of bond. Adam is on vacation in the Bahamas right now. Bastard.”

Michael laughs and runs his tongue over his bottom lip, sliding his glass back to you. “You like the beach?”

“Not especially. It’s the principle of the matter,” you huff and take another pull before passing it back. Your hand brushes his. It feels electric. “How long have you been a doctor?”

“Too damn long,” he drawls, leaning his chin on his upturned hand. Your eyes trace the small paths of gray in his beard. There’s a gold chain resting under his collar that you haven’t noticed before. “Don’t get me wrong. I love it. Saving lives, training new doctors and med students, helping people during their worst days. But it’s hard.” He’s looking down at the wood grain of the table.

“Were you working during COVID?” 

It takes him a few beats to look back up at you. “Yeah. Yeah, I was.”

Wanting to comfort him and not knowing how, you gently close your fingers around his left hand, just above his watch. “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been.”

He looks down at your hand, his eyes glazing over a bit. “Thanks. I lost someone important to me. But so many people did.” He puts on a small smile and looks up at you, his brown eyes shiny. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” You slide your arm back to yourself and swear you see his fingers splay, like he doesn’t want you to let go. “I interned in a defense clinic during law school. It bothered me that I was so affected by the cases; as a woman, I wanted to look tough, even though it didn’t feel natural. My supervising professor took me to the side after court once and demanded that I cry.” You smile sadly at the memory. “I sobbed into her shoulder in the hall. I was so tired. She told me that tears are always worth the time, and I decided to believe her.”

Michael smiles, his crow’s feet curving, and nods. “Good advice.”

The two of you are interrupted by your pizza, and you laugh at the groan Michael emits as he looks at it. He lets you take the first slice and watches with interest as you bite. “What’s the verdict?”

“Amazing.” 

He winks. “Just what I wanted to hear.”

Michael keeps his promise to stick to one beer—and, in fairness, he had probably let you drink a good third of it, on top of the glass of wine you had—and offers to drive you home after the two of you demolish the pizza. You think of Adam, who would say, He’s giving you an out in case you want to Uber home. Another mark in the gentleman column.

He notices you’re cold and gives you a cardigan from the back seat of his car. You drape it over yourself and pretend you’re not taking in the traces of his smell from the fabric as he drives you to your walk-up. Luckily, there’s a spot open on the street right in front of your stoop; a neighbor must be gone to enjoy the Friday night in the Burgh.

Of course, Michael opens your door again, but when he helps you out, he doesn’t let go of your palm. You can see the intensity of his gaze under the yellow streetlamp as he closes the car door with his other hand. Both of you climb the stairs, pausing in front of the large wooden doors, where the intercom waits for you to buzz in.

“Thanks so much for dinner and the ride,” you say. You squeeze his hand before you let it drop. “I really enjoyed it.”

“You’re more than welcome. Glad you liked it.” He seems so large in the alcove, with your back to the door, and your heart thrums. 

“Goodnight,” you murmur, even though you haven’t even pressed the intercom button.

“Goodnight.” Neither of you move. You look at the intercom box out of the corner of your eye, worried about the stretch of silence, but also not wanting this night to be over.

“Michael?” you say, catching his dark eyes, and your voice sounds so loud in the still night. He hums, one of his brows arching. “Can I kiss you?”

He puts one hand on your left cheek, and you can feel calluses on his fingers, rough over your own soft skin. His gentle laugh fans over your cheeks. “Not if I kiss you first.”

Never one to be beaten so easily, you lean up with a hand to his chest, and press your mouth to his. It’s tentative at first—you can’t remember the last time you kissed someone—but Michael takes a half-step toward you and, oh, he is good. When you feel his tongue run over the seam of your mouth, you moan just slightly, and he presses his advantage by backing you against the door. He’s even holding the back of your head so you don’t bang it against the wood.

He tastes like the cranberry beer he ordered, and you think vaguely that right now, you would do anything he asked. His hair is surprisingly soft as you run your fingers through it, pulling slightly, and Michael moans. You would drop to the ground if he wasn’t holding you so tightly.

In your fervor, your shoulder hits the intercom box, and you hear the speaker crackle to life. Your doorman’s voice pipes up. “That you, number six? Working late again?”

Michael releases you and tries not to laugh, so he hides his face in your neck. You have to take a second to catch your breath. “Yep, it’s me!” The click of the door’s latch brings you back to reality, and Michael holds it open for you.

“Meet me at the Exchange on Sunday?” he asks, his voice full of something like possibility. “Eleven?”

“It’s a date,” you answer, still panting a bit. 

“Yeah,” Michael is certain. “It is.”

Standing alone in the stairwell, you text Adam: Amazing kisser. He responds while you’re climbing the flights: Hell yeah.

It’s hard for you to focus when you return to work. Adam’s still not back, and you can’t get a certain Michael Robinavitch out of your head. You spent nearly the entirety of Sunday with him, not to mention most of Saturday just thinking about him: he was so alluring, and smart, and funny, without being too full of himself. 

The two of you had walked the opposite way up the river on Sunday, and coffee had turned into lunch, and lunch had turned into beer and pretzels. You talked about everything and nothing: where you grew up, stories from your college and professional school years, your opinions on cats versus dogs. (You forgave Michael for not taking a stiff position on the latter.) He ended up walking you home from the bar a little after sunset, a little unsteady on his feet, and before you put him into an Uber, he stole another kiss. 

When you debriefed Adam over the phone Sunday night, he confidently said, “You’re so screwed.”

But work stops for no man—or any slightly lovesick attorney, even as Michael texts you Monday morning, Have a good week, Lady Justice. That afternoon, you plea out on a terrible trial that was supposed to start next week and have a meeting with your investigator, who now has an external drive of security footage from the gas station. He leaves it on your desk for you to watch, but you have court nearly constantly from Monday to Thursday, and you feel like you’re drowning—even more so than usual. On Thursday afternoon, he brings you a subpoena to sign. You’re emailing a prosecutor about something unrelated and keep typing as he talks to you.

“The attending at PTMC,” he explains, handing you a pen. “I talked to him yesterday: he worked on the victim for the Jameson case. I cleared it with general counsel at the hospital. She didn’t give me too much grief since it’s just a deposition, but she’s insisting on accompanying the doc. First round of depos is set next week.”

“Excellent!” you chime, clicking the pen. Your eyes skim the paper, and you’re about to skip down to your empty signature line, but you freeze.

Personal Appearance Subpoena

To: Michael Robinavtich, M.D.

“This is the doctor who treated Damion Yates?” you exclaim, and your investigator peers at you strangely.

“Yes. Seems like a nice enough guy. Do you know him?”

You stare back down at the paper, as though looking at it for long enough will cause the words to change. Collecting yourself, you print and sign your name at the bottom quickly, and hand it back. “A little. You’re right. Nice guy.”

The investigator shrugs. “I’ll hand-serve it on him and the general counsel tomorrow. Charge nurse said he’s working then. Don’t forget about the surveillance video.” He closes the door behind him.

Michael Robinavitch, M.D. All of a sudden, you feel nauseous. Of course it had to be him. Of course Damion Yates had to be taken to that hospital at the end of the day shift that Michael was working. You hold your head in your hands and whisper to the surface of your desk, “Just my luck.”

Michael had never said anything to indicate that he looked down on you for being a defense attorney. In fact, he praised you for it, and laughed at your jokes at the Commonwealth’s expense. But this is different. You represent someone that the state believes killed his patient. And you’re going to have to ask him about it, in detail, with him under oath. In front of Nathaniel, a court reporter, and PTMC’s lawyer. Just my fucking luck.

You’re at a loss for what to do. Tomorrow, Michael will probably see your name at the bottom of the subpoena, and even if he doesn’t, general counsel will prepare him before he comes to be deposed at your office. You think you would rather die than say to him, Hey, next week, I’m going to direct examine you at my office about a really traumatic event that you tried to help with, but ultimately failed, because the young man whose blood probably got all over you had a disastrous gun shot through his heart. Pretty much everybody but me thinks my client fired that bullet. Is that going to make things weird between us?

But that’s exactly what you have to do. He’s been fairly quiet this week—you probably would be too if you worked multiple twelves in an emergency room—but there’s a smattering of texts, mostly each of you saying good morning and good night. You press the text box and sigh.

Hey. Can I see you today?

He responds much faster than you’re expecting. Sure. I’m off today. When?

Meet me at the Exchange at 6:30.

It’s a date, sweetheart.

You drop your head onto your folded arms, feeling defeated. He may just change his mind about that, you think.

The hours drag, but the work day finally passes, and the Exchange is packed with college students and night shifters when you finally make it over there, not really feeling your limbs. Michael is at his usual table, which you’re impressed he was able to snag, wearing a Steelers pullover and a wide smile. He has two to-go cups, and you raise your brow at him.

“Caramel macchiato and a black coffee,” he explains, and you would kiss his cheek if you weren’t in public. Because he is assuredly not your boyfriend and you met a little over two weeks ago, you remind yourself. Even though he knows your favorite songs and how to kiss you to make you weak at the knees. He hands your cup up to you from the table, ostensibly just so he can touch your fingers.

You had planned to ask him to walk outside with you, but the wind is biting, and you feel so safe at this table, his table. His hospital badge is peeking out of his bag, forgotten on the floor, and it reminds you why you’re here. His face in a small square, then: MICHAEL ROBINAVITCH, MD. EMERGENCY MEDICINE. DOCTOR.

“Enjoying your day off?” you ask, and you have to fight to put a smile on your face.

“Much more so now,” he flirts, and watches you take your first sip. “I slept in then went to the gym. Edited a journal article for a while.” He does look especially well-rested, and you resist the urge to picture him on any gym equipment. Because he is not your boyfriend.

“The one you’re co-authoring?” you ask, and he smiles warmly, clearly impressed that you remember.

“That’s the one. You’re a steel trap. How was work?”

“Not too bad,” you try to say nonchalantly, but it doesn’t work. “About that...”

Michael is looking over your shoulder, which is strange considering his usual attentiveness, and he stares for so long that you pivot your own head. A man with black scrubs, short graying curls, and coarse stubble on his jaw is holding his hand up at Michael.

“Well, if it isn’t Dr. Robby,” the man says, clapping Michael on the shoulder when he finally pushes through the crowd to get to you both. 

Michael smiles lopsidedly and looks between you both. He says your name and then, “This is the one and only Dr. Jack Abbot.”

Your mouth drops open in a smile of disbelief, and you hold out your hand. He takes it to shake, and his hands are even rougher than Michael’s, you notice. “Dr. Abbot. It’s my pleasure.”

“No, no, I’m sure it’s mine. And you had better call me Jack before you make me feel old,” he says smoothly, and you wonder at Michael describing him as grouchy. “Robby, do you normally take pretty young ladies here on Thursday nights? If so then I’ve been missing out.”

You blush fiercely and Michael crosses his arms, but you can tell he’s used to this kind of ribbing. “Just this one, and you are adamantly not invited.”

“Rude.” He shakes off the comment and turns to you. “How’d he trick you into this?”

“By dumping one of those—” you point to Michael’s cup, “all over me. He’s a real charmer.”

Michael runs a hand through his hair while Jack laughs loudly. One of the baristas calls out an order and Jack tilts his head toward the counter. “That’s mine. I’m heading into the Pitt. See ya, brother.” He and Robby shake hands. “And I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around,” he says to you, and even with all his charm and bluster, you think he really means it.

Both you and Michael watch him pick up his coffee and leave, like a comet you can’t look away from. “Nice to put a face to a name,” you laugh, feeling strangely light.

“You’ll never forget him, I assure you,” Michael grunts, which makes you laugh again. “He’s only in a good mood because you’re here.”

“Well, I’m glad,” you hum. 

“Anyway. What were you saying, sweetheart?”

You nearly short-circuit. He needs to stop calling you that if he wants you to remember how to speak English. “Um. I wanted to see you but I also need to tell you something.”

His expression darkens a bit. “Go on?”

You look around. “I think it’s better if we talk about it outside.” When he frowns, you add, “It’s not horrible, I promise. I just want to be able to hear you clearly.”

“Be my guest,” he says, picking up his bag.

He walks you over to the small park abutting the river, making sure he’s on the side with traffic as you go down the sidewalk. You sit on a cold metal bench, and he pulls a jacket from his bag. It’s his Beers of the Burgh one. “Did you bring this just for me?” you ask, your heart aching.

“Every man must have his secrets,” he says, and you swear you can see the moon reflecting in his eyes while you put your arms through the sleeves. “Alright, shoot.”

You take a deep breath, pulling in as much of the cold night air as you can stand. “I represent a young man named Quade Jameson.” Michael nods but clearly doesn’t recognize the name. “He’s accused of shooting another young man named Damion Yates.”

Michael squints, as though he’s trying hard to recall something, and pivots his body toward yours so that he’s staring directly at you. You can tell he wants to say something, but stops himself.

“I already know you treated Damion when he came into the emergency department. You talked to my investigator yesterday.” Michael flinches. “I didn’t know that you were involved when I asked you out for dinner, I promise.”

He sighs and puts his arm behind your shoulders. “Okay. Why are you telling me this?”

“Because tomorrow, you’re going to be served a subpoena for a deposition taking place next week.”

“And you’re going to be the one asking me questions.”

You bite your lower lip so hard that you’re surprised you don’t taste blood. “Right.”

Michael hangs his head and you can see him rubbing his forehead with one hand. When he doesn’t say anything, you turn toward him and mumble, “Michael, I’m sorry. I never wanted our professional lives to mix.”

“Luck of the draw,” he groans, finally lifting his head to look you in the eye. He’s surprised, but he’s not angry. “It’s okay. We’re okay.”

Tears come into your eyes at his soft tone, and you look out at the water, hoping he can’t see. It’s surprising how affected you feel—the relief washing over you. And he said we. You try to steady your voice as you say, “We can’t talk about what you’re going to testify to. But thank you so much. I’m so happy you’re not upset.”

He shrugs good-naturedly. “You’re just doing your job.”

You turn back toward him and put your hand on his jaw, feeling the softness of his beard, and he leans into your palm. “And you were just doing yours. As well as you possibly could, I’m sure.”

“One of the many I couldn’t save.”

“But you tried,” you whisper, just inches from his lips now. “I know you did.”

Despite everything, he kisses you, tucking you to him against the coldness of the evening. A line of bicyclists whizzes by right behind you, yet neither of you look up.

“When’s the deposition?” he asks, after you finally come up for air and put your head on his shoulder.

“Week from today.”

“My day off,” he scoffs, but his hand is resting on the top of your head. “It’s a date. Let me walk you home. You’re exhausted.”

“Will I see you this weekend?” you ask as he pulls you up from the bench.

“If I’m lucky,” he answers, and tucks your arm through his. When you get home, he doesn’t take back the jacket.

Michael can’t stop thinking about you, and Dana is noticing, which is making it worse. Jack told Dana; Dana told Princess and Mohan; they told Mateo, who told seemingly everyone on planet earth. Thank God no one actually knows who you are, because now, every time Michael smiles or says a kind word, someone whispers it’s because he’s getting some. Which he isn’t, even. Yet.

Monday is pure insanity. He puts his bag in his locker, where the folded subpoena sits, before Jack comes up behind him to grill him on what Michael and the pretty young thing are, how long they’ve been not-dating, and why he was not properly notified. Michael is cagey, and the stonewalling only makes Jack more motivated.

“And she’s an attorney?” Jack whistles, yanking his stuff out of his own locker. “Your kids’ll be smart.”

“Lay off, Abbot,” Michael growls, feeling sort of naked without his jacket, which you still have. 

Jack holds his hands up in surrender and turns to leave. “You are so screwed, Robby.”

Three drowning victims from a car that went over the side of the bridge. Two of them make it, one of them doesn’t. A broken nose and a stab wound, with the combatants separated by nothing but a curtain and the iron wills of the interns. A third-degree burn victim. They all start to blur together. It’s really Michael’s fault, because he stayed up late last night staring at the ceiling and thinking of his little public defender. The fact that he’s even thinking his in the context of you is a major problem.

You don’t really text him over the next three days, and he chooses to not think about that too much. Each day, he texts you good morning when he gets up at the cursed hour of five to go to the gym. You answer an hour later with a gif that makes him smile. He imagines you’re probably too busy to think up clever things to text him while he’s getting bled and puked on, but God, he wishes you would.

Thursday arrives despite him tossing and turning all night. He can’t decide what to wear, and it’s bothering him more than it should. Scrubs would be stupid: he’s not working, and the deposition’s at your office, not the hospital. Button-up and slacks it is. Tie or no tie? Tie says I’m taking this seriously; tie it is. Blazer or no blazer? Blazer says I’m taking this too seriously, like I have something to prove; no blazer it is.

He met with PTMC general counsel yesterday at Gloria’s behest and she reminded him to protect the hospital, but to tell the truth. He wondered vaguely what she would say if he asked, And if those things come into conflict? But he didn’t.

“I know the lawyer who issued your subpoena,” Ms. Wilder says toward the end of their conversation. “She might try to slip you up. Don’t let her.”

Michael swallows. I think I already have.

The front desk receptionist at the Allegheny Public Defender leads them through the labyrinthine County Office Building until they reach a midsize conference room, where a woman sits at a long table with a laptop and what looks to be a desktop microphone. The receptionist hands Michael and Ms. Wilder a mini water bottle each and assures them that things will start soon. Ms. Wilder greets the woman, who turns out to be a court clerk, by name.

After some vapid small talk, he hears three sets of footsteps, one clearly a pair of heels. His ears perk up, and he tries to not look too interested when you enter the room. You’re wearing a dark brown suit with a turtleneck underneath—no lipstick today. He forces himself to look at the older guy coming in behind you, who’s shorter than you and already looks disinterested. After him, a man dressed in more casual clothes comes in, and takes a seat in the corner.

“Dr. Robinavitch. Ms. Wilder. And madam clerk! Good to see you,” you greet everyone at the table, and your singsong tone eases his nerves. You set down a legal pad and a pen in the place across from him.

“He goes by Dr. Robby,” Ms. Wilder says for him, as though he’s a child, as you lean over to shake their hands. His hand is noticeably warmer than yours, per usual, and he can’t meet your eye while he thinks about it or he might blush.

“Dr. Robby, this is Nathaniel Groff, the District Attorney.” Michael and the DA shake hands, but the DA doesn’t say anything, and Michael tries not to bristle. “Looks like we’ve got everyone present.” He wonders who the man in the corner is, and where your client is, but doesn’t mention it. Instead, he watches you take a seat and tugs slightly at his collar.

“Ready?” the clerk asks, and both you and the DA nod. “We are on the record in the case of Commonwealth versus Quade Jameson. Mr. Jameson is represented solely by counsel as he is in state custody. Also present is District Attorney Nathaniel Groff, as well as Karen Wilder, general counsel for Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center.” The clerk glances at you, and Michael feels his palms start to sweat. “Counsel, you may begin when you’re ready.”

“Thank you.” You look at him, the color of your eyes so pronounced in the light from the window, and his mouth goes dry. “Could you please state your name for the record?”

“Dr. Michael Robinavitch, but everyone calls me Dr. Robby.” It’s strange to talk to you in this sterile way.

“Dr. Robby, where are you employed?”

“Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center. I’m an attending physician in the emergency department.”

“How long have you been a doctor?”

“Over twenty years. I did my residency at Big Charity in New Orleans, specializing in emergency medicine, and I’ve never practiced any other specialty.” He tries not to be smug about the genuine interest in your expression.

“In your professional capacity, have you had reason to come into contact with a man named Damion Yates?”

“Yes.” He looks at Ms. Wilder and then away. She had explained to him that the judge had issued a supplemental order for him to testify despite the doctor-patient privilege, because of the patient’s death and the high relevance to the pending criminal case. “I treated him in the ED at PTMC.”

“Did he, unfortunately, die while under your care at the hospital?”

“Yes, Mr. Yates was pronounced dead after a significant period of coding by myself and my team.”

You smile very slightly at him. “Can you explain for the record what ‘coding’ is?”

He relaxes a bit. “Basically, it means we’re pushing all our resources for a patient according to their needs, and it notifies all relevant staff of the emergency. The code means we give them all possible medical intervention to try to save them.”

“What was your involvement in Mr. Yates’ treatment?”

“As the attending, I supervise major trauma intakes, and I happened to be standing near the door to the ambulance bay when his gurney came in. My staff and I took him to Trauma Two.” When you raise your brows, he explains, “It’s a special room for major wounds or conditions that we think will require a lot of equipment.”

“Why did you direct him there?”

“He presented with a single gunshot wound to the left chest and was mostly unresponsive.”

You stop taking notes and look up, your head tilted to one side. “What do you mean when you say ‘mostly unresponsive’?”

“Some patients go in and out of consciousness, especially when there’s significant blood loss, because the brain is not getting enough blood volume to maintain consciousness.” Michael shifts, remembering Damion’s face, the pain and desperation in his voice. “I remember Mr. Yates occasionally waking up and speaking to us.”

“What did he say?”

“This is gonna be hearsay,” the DA mumbles, and you glare over at him before continuing.

“Dr. Robby, let’s back up. When Mr. Yates was wheeled into your department, how would you describe his wound?”

“It was… catastrophic. The bullet went through his heart, and he had experienced significant blood loss before he arrived.”

“When Mr. Yates spoke to you, did he seem like he thought he was going to get better?”

Michael grits his teeth. “No. I think—he knew.” The DA crosses his arms and leans back as you nod gently at Michael.

“Okay. Do you remember anything he said to you?”

“His most lucid moment was not long after he came in. I was leaning over his gurney and he said that someone had been following him.”

“Did he say anything about what that person looked like?”

Michael had spent the night before digging through his own memory, so he answers somewhat easily. The way you framed the question makes him remember something he hadn’t told Detective Asher. “He said that he was wearing a red shirt. I remember that clearly.” You write something down in big, bold letters and circle it.

“Did he say anything else relevant to his cause of death?”

“No. He sometimes muttered a name, and I found out later it was his mom’s. Yolanda.” Michael clears his throat and blinks hard.

Your expression softens. “Is there anything else you would want to say about your treatment of Mr. Yates?”

“Only that I’m very sorry I couldn’t be of more help.”

Silence settles. He watches you gesture to the DA, who says he doesn’t have any questions of his own, and Michael exhales. It’s over.

You somehow know Michael’s going to come into your office before he does. You hear him thanking your receptionist down the hall and making his excuses to Ms. Wilder, who you first met at a networking reception six months ago. (Adam’s bright idea, not yours.) But then you hear his oxfords padding down the hall. You put your legal pad back in your portfolio, kick your heels off, and pull your legs up into your chair.

He appears in your doorway, looking unsure whether you’ll invite him in. He looks so handsome. And the best part is, he has no idea. He’s not quite a silver fox yet, but he’s starting to have the bearing of one. His dark red tie makes his eyes look the exact shade of milk chocolate. 

“Knock, knock,” he says quietly, leaning against the doorframe. 

“Come on in, Dr. Robby,” you say, winking. He appears to relax. “Have a seat. Welcome to my lair.”

He closes the door—hm—and pulls his tie off with two concerted pulls while he sits down. You swallow. He notices and smirks—jerk.

“Did I say anything particularly interesting?”

You shake your head. “You know I can’t tell you.” You lean forward across your desk, and he matches you automatically. “You did a good job. Was that your first time?”

“Nope. My first criminal one, though.” He puts his elbows on your desk so that he’s even closer to you; all the oxygen seems to have fled from the room. “It’s fun watching you do your job. You’re so…” Sexy? Definitely capable enough to be a candidate for the enviable position of a doctor’s younger girlfriend? “Confident.”

You smile and lean back a bit so you can think. “I do my best.”

“Why wasn’t your client there?”

You look at your knees, which are tucked up near your chin. “He doesn’t have a constitutional right to be at a deposition, and if I insisted on him being there, we would have had to do it at the jail. A place I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.” You shrug. “And I wondered if it might be painful for you to see him.” Michael’s eyes soften, and you have to busy yourself with organizing your desk. “He’s not a bad guy.”

“I’m sure,” he hums, so magnanimously that your hands still. “I have to work a twelve tomorrow. I wanted to ask if you’d like to come over to my place and watch a movie after. I make a mean chicken alfredo.”

“I dunno. Might need a subpoena,” you joke. “I would love that, Michael. It’s a date.”

He stands up, loosely holding his tie at his side, and leans down to kiss your cheek. “Good deal. I’ll text you the address. Have a good day, sweetheart.”

You’re burning up in your turtleneck, and you decide that after he leaves you’re going to prop open your tiny, grimy window. “You too.”

Michael opens the door, looks both ways as though he’s sneaking out—which you suppose he is—and then he’s gone. And you feel profoundly lonely all of a sudden.

With some effort, you turn your attention back to the notes you took during the deposition, opening your portfolio to look at your handwriting. RED SHIRT is circled three times. Above it, slightly smaller, is FOLLOWING. You turn to your computer and click on the huge file on the external hard drive. After a few seconds, the surveillance video pops up, and you drag the seek button around until you find two minutes prior to the approximate time of the shooting. Your eyes burn from having watched two hours of this video yesterday. 

You see him again. This clip haunted your thoughts last night. Strutting on the sidewalk past the gas pumps, one hand in one pocket of his baggy shorts. You pause the video. White guy. White Jordans. Red shirt.

You text your investigator a picture of the still. He’s probably already left the building, as you also should. But you’re burning with energy. We absolutely have to find this guy.

Michael doesn’t know why, but the next morning at shift change, he gets there early and tells Jack everything. About The Incident, seeing you at the Exchange again, all the dates, all the texts. The deposition. Having you over for dinner tonight. Everything.

“Shit, dude,” Jack says with as much seriousness as he’s ever said anything, Michael thinks. “That’s a lot.”

“Yeah.” Michael opens his locker. He puts his bag in and covers his eyes with his hands, pressing so hard that he sees blues and purples. “Am I completely fucked?” Jack’s silence is answer enough. “Fuck.”

“What’s the problem?” Jack snickers. Michael wants to punch him. “She’s smart, she’s cute, she’s funny, she’s nice, she’s employed. She apparently likes you, God help her.”

Michael drops onto the hard wood bench and tries to put his hands into his pockets before he remembers that he still doesn’t have his jacket. “She’s too young for me.”

Jack shrugs. “She’s young, but I don’t think she’s too young. Not her fault you’re old.”

“Shut up.” Michael puts his face in his hands. “I just—am I ready for this?”

“You’re fifty, dumbass. I certainly hope you would be.” Jack sits down next to him. “I know what’s wrong with you.”

“Of course you do.”

“You don’t think you deserve to be happy. But you do.” Jack nudges his friend’s shoulder with his own. “Embrace it. Don’t sabotage a good thing. And trust me, she looks like a good thing.”

Michael shoves him at his last sentence. “Shut up, Abbot.” Before Jack leaves, Michael calls, “Thanks, buddy.”

“You’re welcome, Robby.”

The day is fine—surprisingly calm for a Friday, in fact. Two falls from a nursing home, one of them caused by the other. A blown-off finger from a firecracker. Critically dehydrated hiker. Michael tries to pay attention to his residents and patients and not think too much about how he’s going to make his famous alfredo: will he stick with the recipe this time or freestyle? What will you wear to his apartment? What are you doing at work right now?

Do you think about him as much as he thinks about you?

He knows he’s in too deep when he shuts himself in the break room late in the afternoon and texts you. Can’t wait to see you later. He sits at the table with his leg bouncing until you respond, ten minutes later.

It’s a picture of your smiling face, with what looks to be the side of the courthouse in the background. Docket’s over. Just a couple more hours.

He’s trying to think of something funny and alluring to say when McKay throws the door open. “Robby? We got a critical COVID case coming in.” He nearly drops his phone in his hurry to lock the screen.

“Alright, you, me, and Princess. N95, goggles, and gowns. Is Trauma One open now?”

“Yeah. James Eddings, seventy-one. Son hadn’t heard from him in a couple days and went over to find him on the floor. Breathing’s really bad. Ambulance is pulling up. We’ll have to intubate.”

“He vaccinated?”

“The EMTs radioed en route so I went ahead and looked. His history doesn’t say anything about it.”

Michael’s stomach drops as he follows McKay out to get their PPE. “Princess, with us,” he says to her, and she instantly obeys. “I want everyone to clear out of central while we wheel in Mr. Eddings,” Michael yells, being intentionally vague so no one panics. “Take the few hallway patients into bays for just a couple minutes.”

Everyone who was standing around is now moving, pushing beds and wheelchairs, while Michael, McKay, and Princess suit up in the general supply room. Michael ignores the shaking in his hands while he tries to tie his gown. “We got this, ladies,” he says as confidently as he can.

Everything afterward moves in a blur. Trauma One is sealed off, and they move fast to assess the damage. Heart rate too high, blood oxygen too low, skin pale and so clammy that it almost sticks to their gloves. They intubate, and the beeping is so loud in Michael’s ears, as is his own breathing behind his respirator.

“Robby,” McKay says twice before he looks up at her. “This is multi-organ failure.”

“Now that he’s intubated, let’s hand him off to the ICU.” He blinks, feeling like he’s moving in slow motion. “They can assess for primary respiratory failure and then do the sequential organ failure assessment if needed. We’ve done all we’re equipped to do down here. The two of you take him upstairs, and I’ll supervise the scrubbing of this room.”

“Got it,” McKay says, with a little too much concern behind her goggles as she and Princess wrangle all the equipment and begin moving the bed. Michael opens the door for them, out to central, which is thankfully still empty except for Dana, who is wearing a mask. 

“Dana, need a full clean on this room,” Michael says through the door, hating the shaking in his voice. “Let our guys finish in here and then central can go back to normal.” He clears his throat and yanks off the gown and gloves so he can throw them away. When he takes a step toward the bin, his legs feel weak. Not here. Please, not here.

He steps out and pulls off his respirator, throwing it in the trash can, as two of the janitors approach Trauma One. He nods to them while he washes his hands, schooling his face, then stalks off to the single-occupant bathroom.

The door bursts open when Michael hits it with his shoulder. He intends to step over to the sink and splash some water on his face, but his heart is slamming against his ribs, and his vision starts to gray. He locks the door and drops to the floor harder than he means to. 

Why this? Why today? The ringing in his ears blocks out all other sound. Dr. Adamson. The tubes, the way his own breath fogged up the plastic of his PPE. He’s breathing hard now, and grinding his jaw so hard he fears he might break his teeth. The animals on the walls of pedes, the way residents, nurses, everybody kept coming up to ask him what to do, what to do. He can’t get enough air in his lungs. I miss you. I miss you. I’m sorry. Forgive me.

You knock on the door for the third time, harder now, wondering if you have the wrong place. But the small mailbox next to the door definitely says M.R., and you’re starting to get worried.

Maybe he changed his mind. Or forgot. Even though he just texted you about this three hours ago. “Michael?” You say tentatively. Louder, “Michael?”

You don’t hear a response, or even any movement. You look down at your phone and press his number. Five rings, no answer, no ringtone from behind the door. Maybe he’s stuck at work? But surely he would have texted you.

A sickening feeling tells you that this has all been an elaborate prank, and that the guys from Punk’d are about to throw open the door and shove cameras in your face. Your hand is pressed flat against the door. You don’t want his one neighbor across the hall to think you’re stalking him, but you don’t really know what else to do. At least you shared your location with Adam before coming over, in case this is actually the place you get murdered.

Being a public defender could make you really twisted. 

You try the doorknob, and surprisingly, it turns. “Michael, it’s me,” you say as you squeeze the metal. “I’m coming in, okay?”

The space you step into is obviously large, but dim. A skylight lets in a weak moonbeam and nothing more. You can make out the shape of a wide couch and you nearly trip over a pair of sneakers. You turn your phone flashlight on. “Michael, are you here?” Nothing.

You navigate past the kitchen and down a hall, and all the doors are shut. One is a bathroom and another is a tidy home office filled with books and academic journals. You reach the last door and your chest constricts. You switch your flashlight to its dimmest setting before opening the door, keeping the light at your feet.

There’s a large bed, covered in navy blue bedding, with a shape balled up in the middle. You tiptoe over to his bedside lamp and flick it on, thankful to see that his back is rising and falling on his breaths: you can tell because he’s shirtless. His scrub top is gone and his shoes are by the front door, but other than that, it looks like he came home and collapsed, still wearing his pants and socks. His phone is on the nightstand; you tap the screen to see a picture of Michael and a teenage boy you don’t recognize, along with ☾ Do Not Disturb at the bottom. How do you go about this without startling him?

“Michael, wake up for me,” you shake his shoulder as gently as you can considering how nervous you are. His skin is soft and warm. He groans softly. “Please wake up.” His bleary eyes blink open slowly, slowly, underscored by dark circles that look almost purple. “Are you okay?”

He shoots upright and looks like he might bolt out of the room. “I— Why—” He realizes he doesn’t have a shirt on and folds his arms around his middle. All of a sudden, his face crumples. “Oh, shit.”

“Michael, honey, are you sick? What can I do for you?”

“Sick in the head, maybe,” he says, and the lamp enhances the shadows on his face. He sighs. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

You lower yourself on the mattress next to him, careful not to touch him, just in case he doesn’t want it. “Talk to me.” He takes in a shaky breath. A minute passes with no answer. “Please, Michael, talk to me. I won’t judge you.”

He lifts his head without looking at you. “I had a mentor. An attending named Montgomery Adamson.” Michael sniffs. “Best man I ever knew. He got COVID during the pandemic. We put him on extracorporeal membrane oxygenation for seventeen days, but we had to let him go. I watched him die.” His lip starts to tremble and he can’t go on.

“And why are you overcome by that memory today?” you ask as softly as you can.

“Man came in today with COVID and likely multi-organ failure. It took me back to that day like I’ve never experienced before. I—I had a panic attack.” You can see tears on his face now. “My charge nurse sent me home. I got here and apparently crashed.”

“Is it okay if I hold your hands?” He nods. You kneel in front of him, taking both of his hands, and look up into his face. “You’re okay. I’m here with you.”

“I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I forgot about you,” he starts to sob. 

“Shh, Michael, you have nothing to apologize for.” You stand so you can hold his head to your middle while he cries. His hair is soft when you run your hand over it, over and over. “You’re okay, sweetheart. Let it out. Tears are always worth the time.”

He weakly grips the back of your jeans as he presses his face into your stomach and weeps. Drops fall down your own face just from watching him. Has he been carrying all this, alone, for years? You have no idea how long you stand there: at least ten minutes, alternatively comforting him and crying with him. His breath finally goes even and you hand him the tissue box from his own nightstand. He wipes his face while you sit, cuddled close to his side like that night on the park bench, except now you can feel the warmth of his skin without a barrier.

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” you say into his shoulder before pressing a kiss there. “Will you let me stay? Do you feel up to that?”

He looks conflicted and embarrassed. “You really want to stay after that?”

You purse your lips. “Yes. If you’ll allow me.”

He shakes his head and gives you the tiniest smile. “Be my guest, then.”

You hold his face in your hands. “Take a shower. Then, you have an appointment with Chinese takeout and You’ve Got Mail.” When you kiss his cheek, you swear you can taste the tears there, and your heart cracks.

His closet is a treasure trove of options, which he offers up when he sees how damp he’s made the front of your shirt. “I’m always messing up your shirts.” He’s got hoodies from medical school, quarter zips from St. Jude, and the Steelers pullover that you’ve seen before. You opt for the latter and head out to the living room to sit and order the food.

What strikes you most is that it smells like him everywhere, and that books are on basically every available service. The entertainment center, the kitchen table, the narrow bar, and even the small table in his entryway have books and medical journals sprawled over them. Stray pairs of glasses sit on some of them. 

The food arrives and you cue up the best romcom ever made. Michael pads out into the living room, his hair damp, wearing a white tee and red flannel pajama pants. Seeing him look so domestic puts your heart in your throat.

“Settle in,” you say, lifting the plush blanket over your lap, hoping he understands your request. He sidles up to you and accepts a small container of fried rice, which he picks at lethargically—but he does his best, knowing you’re watching him. 

By the time Meg Ryan is sick in her apartment, your head is on Michael’s lap, and you have a second blanket. He pretends that you’re not lying when you tell him you’re not falling asleep.

“I love this movie,” you mumble. His arm is so comforting where it rests across your middle.

“I saw it in the theater. Were you even born then?” he whispers.

“Shut up.” You yawn. Tom Hanks is pausing in the middle of the park’s path: your eyes aren’t even open, you can just tell from the swell of the music. Somewhere over the rainbow. You think you hear Michael say, “Thank you for being here with me.”

Is this what being with Michael forever would be like? Warmth, comfort, honesty? You’re desperate for it. Thankfully you’re pulled into sleep before you can say something stupid.

You wake up with a square pillow under your head and a text from Adam. You sly fox. You stayed over. Your legs are sore from you sleeping in your blue jeans. 

It takes a second to remember where you are, but staring up at the skylight, you put the pieces together. Michael lifting your head up to put the pillow under it and his lips ghosting over your temple. You remember very well.

You stagger to the bathroom and run your hand over your hair, though it doesn’t do much good, and swish some mouthwash. That’ll have to do. 

Michael is in the kitchen when you come back out, and he hands you a glass of water. He’s already fully dressed in his jeans and a plaid flannel. “Morning, sweetheart.”

You chug half the glass and set it down so you can hug him. “Morning. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he chuckles, and kisses the top of your head. “Let me drive you home.” 

You don’t hear from Michael for the rest of the weekend, though you don’t expect to. When he dropped you off at your apartment on Saturday, you made him promise to set up a therapy appointment, and he sheepishly agreed to look into it. He hugged you and drove away.

You meet up with Adam at the Exchange on Sunday, and he grills you about everything he missed while on vacation. You spend hours talking, and you’re equally excited and nervous at the thought that Michael might walk in. But he doesn’t.

Work becomes more bearable with Adam back on deck. You spend all of Monday doing arraignments and preliminary hearings and trying not to think about Michael—about how he’s doing, whether he misses you, whether he regrets any of it. Whether he regrets showing you everything. Adam keeps looking at you with concern during the docket, but you avoid meeting his eyes, no matter how hard he tries.

The next afternoon, your investigator runs into your office, scaring the hell out of you. Before you can hide under your desk, he shoves the external hard drive at you, which he had taken back from you. “It’s footage from a Flock camera, and then one corner of a city parking lot.” It’s not normal for him to insist you watch something immediately, but this time he does.

He clicks on the parking lot video first. “I got this after interviewing a doorman at a nearby walkup who swore he saw the guy. A different doorman than I talked to the first time. It’s hard to see, but here, this guy gets out of this black truck—” he points, “and approaches the sidewalk that runs along East North Street.” You see flashes of red and white as the man gets closer to the camera, though he keeps his head down. “This lot is about a mile and a half from where our shooting happened.”

The man gets closer and closer before turning to walk parallel to the camera. Even with the grainy footage, it’s your alternative perpetrator. “And the Flock camera?”

“It captured his plate before he turned into the lot. I bet he thought he was in the clear because this lot isn’t well-lit, and it’s next to a car junking place, not any buildings.” He clicks the other file. “I had to fight with the City to get this, but here we go.” It’s a surprisingly well-lit clip of cars traveling down a one-way, and you see the black truck go by. He slows the video until it’s nearly still. 

PENNSYLVANIA BBR9233 LET FREEDOM RING

“And there he goes,” you gasp. “Can you—”

“Called PPD an hour ago. Told them they could either run this plate for me or deal with the consequences after making me jump through the hoops of a subpoena for Driver and Vehicle Services.” He breaks into a satisfied smile. “Car’s registered to one Trevor Mayes.”

“I would say we need to talk to Mr. Mayes,” you say, nearly so excited you can’t breathe.

“Luckily for you, you have all the access in the world to Mr. Mayes.”

“Oh? How so?”

“He got booked at the jail on drug trafficking charges thirty minutes ago.” Your mouth hangs open. “PPD couldn’t figure out why I happened to be calling about someone who was actively getting arrested. Imagine my surprise.”

“I bet they found a nine millimeter handgun in his truck,” you scoff. “Amazing work. I’m so proud. I need to go tell the boss that we all need to be conflicted out of Mr. Mayes’ upcoming arraignment. And I’ll brag about you exceedingly.”

On your way down the hall, you shoot a text to Nathaniel, which you almost never do. Need to talk to you urgently. Be in your office in fifteen minutes.

Your boss congratulates you and promises to give your investigator a shoutout at the next staff meeting. You thank him and run out. Luckily, the prosecutor’s office is in the same building, and you rush over with your laptop, the file, your portfolio with your legal pad inside, and the hard drive. The DA receptionist eyes your agitation with suspicion while he leads you down the hall. 

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite public defender,” Nathaniel says sarcastically, but without too much bite. Thank God he’s not in a bad mood, you think. “What’s so important?”

You plop into the armchair across with him and try not to get annoyed at how clean his desk is. “Nate, I know you and I don’t always see eye to eye—” understatement of the century, “but I really need you to hear me out on this. It could save us both a lot of grief.” You flip open Quade’s file and find your first sheet of jail notes. “When I first talked to Quade Jameson, I knew something was amiss. Believe it or not, I was right.”

You spend half an hour just laying out everything you’ve found: the videos, your investigator’s notes, even the timeline you made last night, which had holes that the new videos filled. “Through no fault of your own, you’ve got the wrong guy.” It takes a lot of self-control to say that, but you’d do anything for Quade. And his mom. And his daughter. “And you have the chance to do the right thing by letting him go. You’ve already got the real perpetrator in your custody.” 

Nathaniel sits back in his big, comfortable leather office chair and puts his hands behind his head. “Your guy was found on the street with a firearm of the same caliber as the bullet found in my shooting victim. Your guy threw said gun into the bushes. Said gun did not have a full clip. Your guy refused to talk to my detective.”

You feel your control slipping. The leather of the chair squeaks as you dig your fingers into it. My client, Mr. Groff, is a young Black man who got scared. But you can’t imagine that, can you? You think unaccountably of Michael. Clever, levelheaded Michael.

“I hear you, Nate,” you say, with as much feigned sincerity as if you were saying I could punch you in the face right now. “Just do me one favor. Who arrested Trevor Mayes?”

“Officer Dailey.” He knows because he took the call for the application for a search warrant, you’re sure of it. “Why?”

“I imagine they’re done searching his truck and have towed it. Can you call Officer Dailey and ask her if she found a nine millimeter?”

Nate sniffs. “To what end?”

“Please.”

He huffs and picks up his work cell to dial. It rings twice. “Dailey? Question for you,” he drawls, as if this minor conversation is taking all his effort. “Did you all find a nine millimeter in Trevor Mayes’ truck?” You hear her muffled voice. His face drops. “How many cartridges?” It drops further. He listens for much longer than it would take to answer that simple question. “Thanks.”

Both of you sit in silence, the unstoppable force and the immovable object. You squint at him.

“Officer Dailey says Mr. Mayes started talking about the shooting when they pulled him over,” he says at last. Your heart pounds. “It was pre-Miranda rights, but it was unprompted.”

You try not to let your exhilaration show and decide to use a different tack. “Your kids play little league soccer. You want to be watching them on the weekends, freezing your ass off on the sidelines, not fighting with me on this as it goes on.” You lean forward. “And an innocent man is sitting in that jail while his family calls my office to ask how to get on food stamps.”

Nathaniel’s jaw juts out. You prepare for the worst. “What do I get?”

“The satisfaction of a job well done,” you say, and he rolls his eyes. “Just don’t file the information, and do an agreed order with me to release Mr. Jameson. You can always re-arrest him and file the information if I’m wrong. But I’m not, not on this one.”

He stares down at his hands, flat against the desk, for a long time. You can hear his breaths. Without looking up, he says, “You write and file the order. I’ll email Judge with my reasons and copy you, just so she doesn’t storm over here.”

You stand, holding out your hand. “Thank you.” For the first time in a long time, Nathaniel Groff shakes it.

Thursday arrives in all its splendor. The bond modification was signed yesterday, and the District Attorney’s Office made their announcement this morning. Adam sends you a link to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette website: DA Groff Decides Not to Pursue Murder Charge, Says Alternative Suspect Being Investigated. Adam’s text underneath says, Good job, counsel. Drinks on me this weekend.

You stare at the drawing on your desk. It was done by Quade’s daughter Isabelle, who came to sit in your office while her grandmother went to pick up her dad at the jail. She drew crude hearts and a rainbow that didn’t really have a curve. She also scrawled four stick people, their only differences being your heights, and pointed to each. “Daddy, me, Grammy, you.”

Quade looks much better when he’s not wearing a bright red jumpsuit. He’s wearing jeans and a hoodie his mom brought to the jail for him, and you can smell laundry detergent when he hugs you. He and his mom thank you over and over while Isabelle continues to color.

“You’re welcome, and I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through,” you say, trying to force the wobble out of your voice.

“You believed me,” Quade responds. “That’s all I needed.”

The relief on his face, the tears on his mother’s, the butterfly clips in his daughter’s hair. You bottle it all up to store in your heart for all the days when it feels like all you do is lose. You also think of Damion Yates, and the doctor who was unable to save him. Death, loss, confusion, anger. Mistakes.

You had called the tire factory that morning and assured them that Quade would return the next day, and told them in no uncertain terms that they ought to rehire him. You talked to Quade’s direct supervisor and then his boss with as much conviction as when you talked to Nathaniel. They listened.

Finally, after several achingly long weeks, Quade and his little family go home. You close your door, lay your head on your folded arms, and cry tears of profound relief, as loudly as you want to.

Your receptionist knocks on your door a little before the office closes. You’re writing a suppression motion and don’t look up when you call out that she can come in, assuming she’s going to tell you about an upcoming appointment and then leave. Something that sounds like thick glass thunks down onto your desk, and she stands there until you turn.

It’s a vase of orange and yellow peonies with a small card sticking out on a pronged stick.

Congratulations, sweetheart. Am I allowed to say that, as a witness? Guy at the flower shop says these symbolize good luck and prosperity. I can’t tell if he’s making it up. Exchange at 6:15, if you’ll have me. -M.

You text him as your receptionist retreats with a knowing look. Thank you. It’s a date.

The Exchange is a moderate walk from your apartment, and you notice it’s not terribly busy as you head down the road. You can see that the standing chalkboard, which usually has cute menu drawings, instead says Closed for private event.

You stop in your tracks and look down at your phone. You’re running a few minutes late. Surely Michael would have told you if he walked here and it was closed. As you near the door, your favorite barista pops her head out. She beams and waves you over. 

You glance behind you, like she must be gesturing to someone else, but there’s no one there. She exaggeratedly rolls her eyes and pulls you in by the arm.

“Surprise!” A chorus of voices sings, and you nearly jump as party poppers go off from two baristas standing on the bar. They’re surrounded on the counter by pastries and bowls of punch.

Your eyes adjust to the dimness of the shop slowly. You see Adam, your investigator, your boss, your receptionist, and a smattering of your fellow public defenders. Then there are several people you don’t recognize, some of them with scrubs on. Finally, you see Michael in the center of it all, with Jack at his side.

Michael’s wearing a blazer and that dark red tie. You press your hands over your heart.

“Everybody cheer for Lady Justice!” The barista shouts from over your shoulder, and the applause and cheering is raucous, even though there are probably only thirty people here.

Michael sees that you’re overwhelmed and steps up to take your hands while everyone else falls into their own conversations, mostly laughing at the shock on your face. “I got your receptionist’s number last week. Congratulations again.”

You swallow hard to tamp down the tears. “Thank you. This means so much to me.” You laugh. “Public defenders never get feted like this. Adam will get jealous.” 

“Already am, my girl,” Adam chimes in, coming up from behind Michael to give you a quick hug. “Proud, but not surprised.”

One of the baristas climbs down from the bar and plugs their phone in behind the counter. “Let’s get this party started!”

All the tables are pushed up against the walls so people can dance. You quickly learn that the punch is spiked, and you pretend not to know that the Exchange doesn’t have a liquor permit. Michael takes you around to meet his coworkers, all of whom look at you so intensely that they must be planning to paint you from memory. You try to catch all of the names: Princess, Cassie, Mateo, Samira, and others whose names and positions go in one ear and out the other.

Jack laughs at their interest in you when you get around to him. “Don’t worry. They’re all wondering who they owe their gratitude to.”

“Oh?”

“This one’s been in too good of a mood for too long. It’s all starting to make sense to them.” He points at Michael, who is distracted, and Jack uses the opportunity to offer you his hand. “A dance?”

The song is slow, but he keeps a respectful distance, and positions himself so that you can keep an eye on Michael. He continues, “Robby is a good guy.”

“I know,” you smile, trying to look at Jack as often as you look back at his friend.

“Our job is insane,” Jack murmurs. “I hope you understand. He’s worth the risk.”

You squeeze Jack’s hand and look seriously at him before you repeat, “I know.”

The song ends and he bows to you dramatically. “I must take my leave of Lady Justice to go to the Pitt.” He squeezes your shoulder before picking up his bag from the corner. “See you.”

“Thanks for coming. Have a good shift.”

“No such thing,” he winks, and he’s gone, weaving through the dancers to go save some lives.

You can tell it’s Michael touching your elbow just from the feel of his palm. “Hey,” he says into your ear, and a thrill runs down your spine.

“Hey.” You turn and put your arms around his neck while his own hands slide down to your waist. “Thank you again for all this. I feel so happy.” You press your face into his shoulder and let him lift your hand as another achingly slow song comes on over the speakers.

“Me too,” you hear him mumble into your hair. “I hope Mr. Jameson is doing okay.”

“His life is forever changed, but he’ll rally. People usually do, with time.” You choke up. “His faith in me meant a lot.”

Michael runs his hand across your back in quiet comfort. His voice is low, just for you. “I met with my department’s social worker. She gave me a list of therapists.”

You smile into his shirt, and you hope he can feel it. “Very good. We’ll set up an appointment soon.” You love saying we.

He says your name, and you look up to meet his gaze, which is soft. Those damn puppydog eyes. “You mean a lot to me. Thank you for putting me back together the other night.”

You kiss the tip of his nose, not caring who sees. “I want to help. Because you mean a lot to me, too.”

The chaos of your living room—books, papers, empty mugs, blankets, and pens everywhere—affects you much less when Michael is kissing you with abandon. He backs you through your door and doesn’t even stop for you to take your shoes off, so you have to toe out of them blindly. He presses his leg up between your thighs, pinning you to the door, and you gasp with pleasure.

“You sure about this, sweetheart?” he groans into your neck, his hand gripping your ass so that he can grind you down onto his knee.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure of anything in my life,” you laugh, and he captures the sound with his mouth. He tastes like punch, which the two of you polished off, as you were the last people to leave the Exchange other than the baristas. It reminds you of the first time you kissed him, and that craft cranberry beer you shared. Both of you are tipsy and kept running into each other on the walk to your place.

Michael drops his blazer on your couch and you seize the chance to run to your bedroom before he can ravish you in your disastrous living room. You hear him following down the hall, and his gaze darkens when he rounds the corner to see you already in your bra. He steps to you and plays with the waistband to your slacks while you tug at his tie.

“You look amazing in a tie,” you admit, leaning up to nip at where your hands are revealing the skin beneath his shirt as fast as you can. “I need you to wear one every day.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He hooks his thumbs into your waistband and pulls, taking your underwear along. You gasp at the rush of cold air. To get your revenge, you undo his belt buckle and pull so hard that one of the ends hits you in the thigh. Done with teasing, Michael strips, and watches with relish as you look down. You nearly gasp.

He is thick. But he’s back on you almost instantly, unhooking your bra so he can kiss at the swells of skin, soft at first, and then biting. “Will you let me fuck you good, sweetheart?” he asks into your chest, and you tremble with anticipation. His beard is scratching you deliciously.

“Please, Michael, I know you’ll take care of me.” He growls at that and lifts you up onto your bed alongside him. He slides so that his legs are hooked over the end.

“Sit on my face, baby.”

At first, you’re sure you don’t hear him correctly. There’s no way. Is he that wasted? But then he’s gripping your thigh hard, trying to pull you over. Seeing your expression, he smirks. “Come on. Let me taste you.”

You’re certain you’ve never been so wet in your entire life. You crawl over and nestle your knees around his head, and you nearly jump when he instantly leans up to press a kiss to your clit. His fingers draw circles on the back of your thighs. “Pretty girl,” he says, and his breath fanning over your skin makes you cry out.

He alternates between assaulting your clit and sticking his tongue into your entrance as far as it will go, and uses his fingers wherever his tongue is not. You’re practically melting, and you have to grip his hair to keep yourself lifted up.

“Michael, I’m s-so close,” you whimper.

He pauses only to say, “Cum on my face.”

Your orgasm explodes, and Michael doesn’t let up; your whining and pleas only motivate him. When you start begging and squirming, he tortures you with his mouth a little while longer, but then he runs his tongue over his lips and lets you roll off of him. Your head hits your pillow and you pant, your legs turned to jelly.

When you can finally open your eyes, he’s rolling a condom over himself, and despite the shaking in your thighs, you rally. “I need you to fuck me, baby,” you simper. He leans down so you can hook your arms around his shoulders.

He runs his tip through your folds, and you could cry with the sensation. “Tell me if I hurt you,” he says into your ear before sinking into the gates of heaven. 

Your mouth falls open at the sheer width of him. Your nails claw at his back, and you’re sure it’ll leave marks, but he only moans in that deliciously whiny voice of his and whispers praises into your collarbone. The stretch makes tears form at the corners of your eyes all over again. Michael kisses them away.

He drags himself in and out of your intoxicating heat, and it’s embarrassingly soon that you start seeing stars again. He lifts your knees so that he can thrust at an angle, all the while telling you how perfect you feel, how perfect you are. Your heart is hammering where his lips and tongue trace over your chest. “Michael, I’m gonna cum again. Baby.”

You feel him nodding into your neck and give yourself up to it. You’re shocked at your own voice, echoing with pleasure, but Michael says, “That’s right. Let me hear you.” He slams his hips into yours until you’re sure you’ve lost the ability to think. “I’m so close.”

“Cum for me, Michael. I want to feel you,” you practically sob, and soon, he’s losing his steady rhythm. He says your name with bare adoration as he stills. He collapses on top of you, and you run your hand through the back of his hair. 

Both of you clean up, and he holds you close under your covers, keeping out the October chill. You trace figure eights through the hair on his chest. After a while, you can sense he wants to say something.

“Hit me with it, Dr. Robby.”

“Please put me out of my misery.” He grabs your hand and kisses your fingers. 

“I’m not sure what you mean,” you shrug. But you definitely do.

“Would you be exclusive with me? Please?” He presses your hand, caged between his, to his chest.